Bullying

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Alexander Martin:

I bring this up because I have found that bullying while present is difficult to immediately recognize in bdsm. In short, if someone is trying to pressure you or trick you into something you genuinely don’t want to do. That’s bullying.

- Know your critical kinks: I’ve had submissives who have told me “you’re not a true alpha!” I remember in once instance I was told this because I would not piss on him. His position was that because I wouldn’t piss on him and humiliate him in that fashion I am less of an alpha. This is bullying and it’s not just wrong for trying to manipulate me into doing what he wants me to do, it’s wrong because he is missing an important fundamental concept. Namely, that if you have a kink that important that it needs to be done for you to have a good time you should immediately discount anyone who won’t do it. Doesn’t matter how hot they are or how good a match you think you otherwise are. Discount them. Move on.

- Trolls: The other side of being told I’m not “a true alpha” comes from other alphas. Men who contact me for no reason beyond a need to insult me for being different. When it comes to trolls, do whatever helps you feel best/safest. I’ve tried a variety of approaches and can’t find any that are clearly better than one another. If you are a dominant, there is absolutely no reason to insult the competition.

- No one is the “judge” of kink: The kink world is vast. More vast than you or I truly know. Try not to judge others harshly or publicly. When it comes to other people, you merely need to know: “Do I want to play with him?” If the answer is no then not another thought need be spent and he need never know unless he asks you and you must politely decline.

- Karma is a bitch: Ultimately, bad behavior will bite you in the ass. You never know who is friends or partnered and going out of your way to irritate someone else will eventually result in you creating a larger problem for yourself. There is no plainer way to put it than: “Actions have consequences.”