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daddysdlg:
If you’ve been following my blog for a little while, then you’ve surely seen my posts about Sub-drop and how important it is for both doms and subs to understand how it can negatively impact a sub after a play session.
I’ve had several followers ask me if “Dom Drop” exists - and I want to cover that important topic for you guys. So, let’s take a look at the converse experience of a Dom - and understand the psychology and physiology of how they may similarly experience a “drop” after a session!
*Note: I’ll use the male pronoun for Dom here (out of habit) because this is a DD/LG blog and I’m thinking of my DD - but you can certainly apply any pronoun that fits your situation*
The BDSM experience is intense for all players involved; kinks may involve inherent risk or create purposeful sensations that lead to a rush of adrenaline in both the Dom and sub involved in a scene. It is the surge and rapid decline in a variety of hormones (dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin, etc) that create the emotional high of “sub-space” and the resulting low of a “sub-drop.”
It’s important to understand that Doms experience these hormonal rushes as well, and can, therefore, be left with a residual drop after a session. Further, it’s critical to acknowledge the psychological factors at play for a Dom, which can compound the physiological effect:
-Even a Dom who generally enjoys sadistic play, may experience feelings of guilt after a session where he has caused consensual pain to his sub. This may be worsened if his sub utilized their safeword - indicating that the level of play went beyond their comfort level. No decent Dom aims to cause their sub to use their safeword. Instead, they use their close connection with their sub to bring her as close to her threshold as possible, while monitoring her body’s response. So, if a sub has reached the point of safeword, a compassionate Dom may feel additional emotional anguish - which the dynamic may not allow him to express properly.
-Sexual dominance can be rife with cognitive dissonance - particularly for new dominants. The norms of most BDSM dynamics contradict many cultural norms and can create feelings of unexplained guilt in a Dom after a session. For example, men are taught “never EVER hit a woman,” “be respectful of women you love,” and “don’t ever call a woman a slut/whore/etc” but in BDSM, they find themselves pleasuring their subs with treatment to the contrary! Add in the DD/LG dynamic where your Little/Baby sub is calling you “Daddy” and pair that against society’s judgements…it gets tricky! Even if they mutually enjoy it in the moment, the post-session reflection may affect the Dom on a sub-conscious level. Now, compound that with a hormone dip, and a sub who may be experiencing her own drop, and you’ve got a wicked combo.
-While a sub may enter a hazy, fuck-drunk “sub-space” during a session, as the lead the Dom must remain highly alert throughout play, which can delve into otherwise dangerous scenarios. Once a Dom cums, a significant shift in his body’s hormones begins. So, while it may not be as prolonged as a sub’s hormonal flood - the sudden shift can cause a notable dip at the end of play too.
So, what can you do to manage the drop? Luckily, plenty…aftercare is mutually beneficial!
🎀Stay with your sub as long as you can after a session. Knowing that she’s ok will help alleviate any fears/guilt you may have about how she may be feeling. And skin-to-skin contact is a natural hormone regulator…stay close and naked!
🎀Hydrate and replenish with snacks to make sure your blood sugar rebounds.
🎀Talk to your sub about the session - praise her for the things she did well and ask how she felt about anything new. This will help you understand if you need to modify anything for the next session and does not make you a weak Dom. And if you’re a Daddy, it actually makes you perfect.
🎀If your sub is a Little, just revert to the non-sexual Daddy behaviors during aftercare to foster your bond (snuggling, being silly, playing) even if she is starting to withdraw as sub-drop sets in- this will alleviate some of your cognitive dissonance by showing that things are ok. It’s useful for both of you!
Every Dom/sub pair is different and will find that their response to play varies. Some Doms will be more deeply affected by the hormonal fluctuations of a session, while others experience a drop only occasionally. It’s important to acknowledge that a Dom drop is a reality in BDSM, even if it’s not widely discussed.
Knowledge is power, friends 💋
Happy playing!
~G
Papa Tony:
I love to find wise advice in its many forms, here on Tumblr, of all places. Folks arrive for the porn, and if they are lucky, they stick around for the WISDOM!
I have struggled with Top Drop (as we called it in the 1970′s). I am always careful to warn a new sub what to expect, so that they won’t think that they screwed up somehow.
