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Alexander Martin:
I truly deeply believe that BDSM is a gift in my life. BDSM is an opportunity to realize fantasies and generate incredible experiences, memories, and stories. It engages all my senses and sets my mind ablaze. When I am in that moment I want to record every last detail of the encounter and to do so I have to bring my mind to be fully present in the moment. I have to forget about the company I have to troubleshoot tomorrow at work. I have to clear my mind of my buddy’s dog going through surgery on Monday. I need to bring my mind fully into the moment and keep it from wandering. Doing so lets me fire on all cylinders, think ahead to what’s coming up, and make sure my submissive is behaving how I want him to behave. Maybe the benefits and experience of what being present in the moment are different for you. The only way to know is to practice and experience it yourself.
- Mute distractions: This is truly the first step to tuning into the moment. Turning off your phone, muting your pc, putting the dog in the backyard, going through the steps to close down distractions can become a little ritual. The ritual itself eventually becomes a way of bringing yourself into the moment. Your mind and body recognize the actions the process through which you can become aware in the moment. It is useful to also perform the actions in the same order and fashion to make it into a ritual of sorts. Don’t forget, we’re doing this to calm your mind! So make sure that part of the ritual is mental as well, letting go of the world and events around you for the time being.
- Meditation: It’s literally the oldest trick in the book. I am not a spiritual person and that’s not how I use meditation. I use it to help me calm myself and temporarily gain a longer attention span. There’s a million websites, blogs, videos that will be happy to help you learn to meditate. Try it. You might be pleasantly surprised. Being the proponent of self discipline that I am, I’ve found it useful as a way to steel my will and replenish my will power.
Most importantly of all, I use meditation to instill a sense of calm in myself. The calmness is a transitory state to my dominant headspace. Achieving calm gives my dominant headspace stability because no other thoughts can provide turmoil in my mind at the same time serving as distractions.
- Practice turning off your mind: Meditation is a way to accomplish this but try sitting for just five minutes and just clearing your mind. The most likely experience of this is a thought will pop into your head. That’s normal. Try to acknowledge it and gently dismiss it and let your mind go blank. You’re going to have a number of thoughts arise like this, simply practice dismissing them and letting them go. The normal state of our minds is to be active. So it’ll take some practice to learn to clear your mind. Just stick with it.
- Cool down and get in touch with yourself: I’ve also found it useful to meditate after a session. I had a guy come over once for pain play. He was much more experienced than many of the boys I usually play with and our session was really intense. I had a really nice dominant’s high afterwards. I wanted to enjoy the sensation so I just savored the power and good feelings. After they subsided I took a few moments for mediation and used a technique I use to get in touch with myself. I did so and I felt a flare of tension in my shoulder blade. I acknowledged the sensation, and let it clear, and let my mind empty. This time my biceps felt tense and sore. I opened my eyes and realized that for the first time I’d beat a boy so hard that not only had I developed a nice high, I had been so fucking into the scene that I hadn’t even noticed my muscles hurt.
