Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!
Sharing some ideas that might work well for others.
These are articles that I consider to be of value, based upon the responses that I have received.
You can find the Master Index for every category here.
This page is only one of many categories. There are HUNDREDS of articles, and each list continues to grow longer and longer.
I hope that you find these articles to be of value in your life.
Real Life Is Not A Porn Video. Adjust Your Expectations Accordingly - Life is NOT like what you see on the screen
D/s is a Relationship Style. BDSM is a Sexual Style - Just because D/s and BDSM are more often seen together, doesn’t mean that they aren’t mutually exclusive.
Twenty Years of Kink - But I’ll tell you what: If the next twenty bring as much joy as the last twenty, I’m in for a helluva ride. And I want all of it - every bump and swoop and whirl. The twists and turns are what make you who you are.
Healthy Master-slave Relationships, Defined - If someone is forcing you to do something, he is not an alpha, and if he is not an alpha then what are you doing with him anyways. When you meet a true alpha, your instincts will guide you. Stay safe.
D/s is a Relationship Style. BDSM is a Sexual Style - Just because D/s and BDSM are more often seen together, doesn’t mean that they aren’t mutually exclusive.
Twenty Years of Kink - But I’ll tell you what: If the next twenty bring as much joy as the last twenty, I’m in for a helluva ride. And I want all of it - every bump and swoop and whirl. The twists and turns are what make you who you are.
Healthy Master-slave Relationships, Defined - If someone is forcing you to do something, he is not an alpha, and if he is not an alpha then what are you doing with him anyways. When you meet a true alpha, your instincts will guide you. Stay safe.
Rights for Dominants - The dom is in control. And yet – doms are just humans too. Having bad days, and needs, and problems. And sometimes this gets lost in the idea that Doms always have to be strong and always in control.
What Differentiates A Good Dominant From A GREAT Dominant? - A great Dominant will hurt as much as I’m hurting. They will feel as much as I’m feeling; their response is different than mine but they don’t shrink away from sharing in the pleasure and the pain.
Orgasm Control vs. Denial - Let’s break Control into short term, and long term as Denial. There are many reasons to use edge and denial (short term) control regimes with a sub/bottom –too many to delve into here.
Putting the Stereotypes to Rest - In no particular order of importance, here are the most pressing sources of dumbfuckery in this week’s “What the actual fuck did I just read on Tumblr?”
Wheat, Chaff and Reality - The internet has opened up what was a very structured and tight-knit community to the curious. The majority don’t respect or know about the traditions of the BDSM community…
The Bliss of Consensual Slavery - Slavery is about the transfer of sovereignty and authority. It is an agreement one first makes with himself. The focus of his life should be directed away from himself, and toward someone greater.
What It Means To Fall In Love With A Sadist - When I love you
I want to hurt you.
The more I care for you
The more I want you to suffer for me.
Why A Beating Can’t Be Beaten - Yes, it can simply be about the Dom's pleasure, the truly sadistic Dom will love to hear the screams, feel the power from the suffering He is inflicting… But there are many other reasons to beat the slave…
The Experiment, Gone Wrong - This taught me that BDSM is a game, in real life and online, but also not a game. You can get hurt. Physically and emotionally, as well as experience intensities of surrender and bliss that i hitherto had not felt.
The Profound Effect Of Total Isolation - i wrote that Master put me in isolation for several days over the new year and that the effects on me were profound. It has taken me a few days to be able to put down in writing my thoughts about this experience.
It’s not your fault. - Society sets up expectations of subs being treated poorly because as a sexual minority we are already used to this from other people, and that makes us very easy targets for people like this.
Pigeon Hole: "A Neat Category Which Usually Fails To Reflect Actual Complexities" - It’s fine and good if that fits the reality inside the head of the Master but it’s not so good if the Master happens to enjoy being the bottom?
BDSM: Isn’t That A Sex Thing?
it’s also a personal expression thing
it’s also a communication thing
it’s also an acceptable thing.
Why I Am A Fan Of Pain - I am a sadist. I am a person who enjoys inflicting pain on his submissives. I have however, also come to learn that I exclusively enjoy inflicting pain on men who enjoy having pain inflicted on them.
Equal Time - One of the things that porn never shows us is the amount of work and communication that Masters and slaves need to put in to make their relationship work. Good communication is critical to successful power exchange…
Connection Comes In Many Forms - The feel of your hand, the mark of your belt, the taste of your sweat, your cock in my mouth, the sting of the cane, the message you sent, waiting on my knees by the door, the sound you make when you cum…
Flagging Lavender, and Old Guard - Hanky code: Lavender. Does anyone know what it really mean? Does it really exist within the Old Guard community?
Adapting To The Scene As An Amputee - When I had to interact with people that I had once considered my community I was uncomfortable and unsure of myself. That was a really uncomfortable feeling.
Collaring… All Types - Heavily updated, and packed with real-world wisdom: Collaring… All Types, and Points to Ponder, Pre-Collaring. A collar is the most powerful symbol of ownership and commitment in the BDSM community. A collar should be earned, not given lightly.
Cultivating Bravery - Dominant or submissive, it takes a lot of bravery to be who you are. As a submissive it takes a lot of bravery to leave your body in the care of another man. As a dominant, it takes a lot of bravery to embrace exactly who you are…
Nourishment For The Isolated Gay Men’s Kinky Souls - Listening in on Men's Discussion audio recordings. Hugely popular, worldwide.
The Element Of Trust - Is a true Dom one who can use his/her power of persuasion to convince the sub to actually beg for and accept conditions they might otherwise reject?
The Path Toward Wisdom - If I have a definition of power exchange, it would be two people – one a yin and the other a yang; one naturally dominant and the other naturally submissive. Both are strong in their own way…
Kinky Superpower - If you could choose any kinky super power what would it be? If can be a super power that exists in comics already but for a kinky purpose or it can be something you make up entirely.
Red Flags Need Context - I’ve spoken to a few people who call themselves Doms. Red flags everywhere, of course, but what does one do with a red flag?
Mind Control and Submission - “In X-men Professor X has the telepathic power to control people’s minds and make them do what he wants. If a submissive had that power, and made a man dominate him… is he really being dominated?”
A Good Necessary Structure for a Submissive to be Trained - Power Exchange centers on trust, a trust that comes from knowing that the dominant, empowered, partner will use his power wisely, and ultimately to mutual benefit.
Things are Changing for the Better. I Promise. - Little by little, power exchange relationships have come out of the closet in select parts of the country. Sirs and subs are revealing that they are in M/s relationships.
True Master, True slave - A slave should know his place, and know what he is worth…
Finding Permanent Pride In Who We Are - Getting past negative programming
The Element Of Trust - Is a true Dom one who can use his/her power of persuasion to convince the sub to actually beg for and accept conditions they might otherwise reject?
The Kinsey Conundrum - How can folks actually be bisexual?
The New Puritans - Getting past other people's judgments
Body-Shaming Yourself - It does nobody any good
This is Why You Shouldn't Kink-Shame - That Which You Resist, Persists.
Bottom-Shaming Hurts Everybody - It even harms the Sirs that might perpetuate it, without being conscious of the damaging 'internal-loathing' effect
Age And Youth - The blessings in an age difference.
Increasing The Odds For Our Submissive Brothers - Why I help Doms, in order to help subs!
Non-Verbal Communication, Via What We Wear - How to signal what you want
- Trying to see other people's perspectives
Just A Friendly Reminder… - I know there’s a lot of really heavy and intense things on Tumblr that reflect a fantasy world of BDSM. There’s a lot of people out there that will tell you that you have to obey without question…
My Best Life Lesson - Being openly affectionate and respectful does not make you look weak. In fact, it builds up an enormous amount of wind beneath your wings.
Just A Friendly Reminder… - I know there’s a lot of really heavy and intense things on Tumblr that reflect a fantasy world of BDSM. There’s a lot of people out there that will tell you that you have to obey without question…
My Best Life Lesson - Being openly affectionate and respectful does not make you look weak. In fact, it builds up an enormous amount of wind beneath your wings.
A Brutally Frank Message to My Fellow Older Gay Leathermen - In praise of handing everything away to our younger leaders
Younger Doms are Valid, Too - We are all on the same path
High Protocol Relationships - Not sure where fact or fiction ends, here
The Value of Switches - Life is not just two boxes, marked 'black" and 'white.'
Why the Kink Community Hates 'Fifty Shades of Gray' - I'm pretty new to the BDSM stuff, and was curious why everyone says 50 Shades was so bad. I hope that's not a stupid question…
There's Nothing Wrong With Admitting That You Were Once Toxic - A lesson in humility. “I’m a good person. I do good things”, “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone”, “It’ll be okay if I only do it this once”…
Why I Am A Fan Of Pain - A great primer on the fun of pain play
How To Apologize - A grownup man lets go of his ego and admits guilt. Yes, even kinky folks need to know this. Play-scenes don't always turn out right.
'Flexibility' Versus 'Rigidity' - Two extreme interpretations of what kink really is
Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Poor Dominants? - Being burdened with the expectations of others. As a submissive type (or s-type) in the nomenclature of this subculture, and as a (wannabe) slave, I’ve talked to a lot of Dominants, often for months, and have met with a few in real life.
Differences between a Sir/boy relationship and a Master/slave relationship - To me, it's all about service
The Glass Orb - Everyone has a certain amount of control in/over their own lives. Imagine your control as a Glass Orb. A ball of thin glass, a smooth sphere, crystalline, shining with reflected light.
What It Means When I Swat Your Ass - You’re mine. Behave. I love you. Look, everyone, this belongs to me. Later, I’m going to do this much harder.
Subs Are Not Some Objects An Alpha (Ab)uses And Tosses Away. - Subs are human beings with whom you reach happiness together. They are (your) subs, because they wanted to submit to you, they desire your domination.
Self Respect And The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Damn - Too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, too scrawny, too muscular, too femme, too masculine, too enthusiastic, too emotional…..
Demanding Self-Proclaimers - Know your worth boys, don’t go for guys like this. And other Sirs? I’m watching. You can and should do better than this. Our power as Sirs comes in enticing a submissive to submit. Anything else is illegal.
Fantasy vs. Reality - I love your blog but I especially advocate treating your subs right. A lot of D/s blogs on tumblr are too heavy on the fantasy and its sad to see people think that's how it should be.
The Leash Is Symbolic - But the real power is in the boy’s authentic submission, not by force, but given freely.
There is No Shame in Using a Safeword - I typically don’t need safe words with my boys as I’m very good at reading their contractions from things and adjusting. I check in a lot as well. But I usually have one established just in case.
Distance and Closeness - Closeness is also very important and is represented by presence of the Master and occasional benefits, such as touch, pats and easy to hug. A loving togetherness is not a contradiction to a master-slave relationship.
Understanding the Controlling Power of Master/slave intimacy - Over time, a committed Master/slave relationship, develops an intimacy whereby each partner can intuit the other’s needs, thoughts, desires and moods at any given moment.
The Glass Orb - Everyone has a certain amount of control in/over their own lives. Imagine your control as a Glass Orb. A ball of thin glass, a smooth sphere, crystalline, shining with reflected light.
What It Means When I Swat Your Ass - You’re mine. Behave. I love you. Look, everyone, this belongs to me. Later, I’m going to do this much harder.
Subs Are Not Some Objects An Alpha (Ab)uses And Tosses Away. - Subs are human beings with whom you reach happiness together. They are (your) subs, because they wanted to submit to you, they desire your domination.
Self Respect And The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Damn - Too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, too scrawny, too muscular, too femme, too masculine, too enthusiastic, too emotional…..
Demanding Self-Proclaimers - Know your worth boys, don’t go for guys like this. And other Sirs? I’m watching. You can and should do better than this. Our power as Sirs comes in enticing a submissive to submit. Anything else is illegal.
Fantasy vs. Reality - I love your blog but I especially advocate treating your subs right. A lot of D/s blogs on tumblr are too heavy on the fantasy and its sad to see people think that's how it should be.
The Leash Is Symbolic - But the real power is in the boy’s authentic submission, not by force, but given freely.
There is No Shame in Using a Safeword - I typically don’t need safe words with my boys as I’m very good at reading their contractions from things and adjusting. I check in a lot as well. But I usually have one established just in case.
Distance and Closeness - Closeness is also very important and is represented by presence of the Master and occasional benefits, such as touch, pats and easy to hug. A loving togetherness is not a contradiction to a master-slave relationship.
Understanding the Controlling Power of Master/slave intimacy - Over time, a committed Master/slave relationship, develops an intimacy whereby each partner can intuit the other’s needs, thoughts, desires and moods at any given moment.
