Collaring… All Types

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Note from Papa Tony:  I am not necessarily endorsing this viewpoint, but it is another perspective to ponder.  My views on the topic are to be found here.

Also, here are some things to think about, BEFORE you are to be collared.

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submissive4dominant:


A collar is the most powerful symbol of ownership and commitment in the BDSM community. A collar should be earned, not given lightly.

The moment it is first placed around the neck a moment to remember for both Master and slave. The slave is owned forever unless the Master decides to release it. The Master/slave version of a wedding ring. Not to be taken lightly.

It may be that a symbolic ‘training’ collar is used at the outset whilst the slave is tested and trained. something that still marks it as under consideration, submissive, something it can wear to experience the joy of being under someone elses control. Something it doesn't take off, a 24/7 reminder of what it is, what it is doing, what it is becoming. 

But the moment it is swopped for something heavier, something that is locked on, the emotions can’t be compared. This is real now, you are a slave….permanently.

The chain and padlock is the most common form of permanent collar. The advantage being it can be worn 24/7, under clothes if necessary, when the slave is in the outside world. i have had Masters who remove it only for showering but others who leave it on even for that, no excuses, it never comes off. And yes you can get through airport security, when you explain you don’t have the key and allow it to be inspected!

the other most common collar must be the leather buckled collar.

Worn at home or at BDSM events or for a minority I’ve met also 24/7, padlocked on. 

the classic collar to attach a lead, rope, chain to drag the slave around. 

A combination is what i see most. The permanent padlock chain and the leather collar as a more potent symbol for much of the time. 

The other common one is the dog collar worn by puppies…

But also for occasional use for the Master who wants his slave to spend time as an animal, communicating only with barks and groans, taken outside to piss and shit but also potentially stroked and petted as a sign of affection. A comforting safe place for some slaves, a nightmare of dehumanisation and humiliation for others. 

Different collars can also be used as punishment. Tight, restricting, making breathing difficult.

Posture collars, forcing the chin up unnaturally. this example is fairly mild compared to some i’ve been put in but the metal makes it harsher. 

Once in there is no way your head is going down, no escape. 

The heavy iron or steel collar, often paired with manacles, leg irons, chains. Solid rings to fasten the slave to a hook in the dungeon or…

…pull and push it around. Once on it is hard to forget, it restricts movement, the neck breaking weight but also my experience is that after a while it will start to rub, chafe, become incredibly sore, even break skin and bleed or blister….something Master may well be aware of, enjoy and exploit. The longest i’ve spent in one was a three day weekend and by the end of the first night it was a persistent, nagging, agony. 

Dehumanising…a work animal. 

Maybe eventually the slave becomes used to it or its skin adapts. the lighter the weight the easier this will be.

i’ve heard of full time slaves kept in them permanently and it is certainly a common fantasy/intention of both Masters and slaves on tumblr to have a slave in one 24/7….

…the visual appeal is intoxicating for sure. 

Another punishment collar…the shock collar. Good for training and behaviour modification. Run faster! Don’t move from this spot! Or a wake up call. 

The prong collar is another harsh one used for training. Interestingly there are many who say these shouldn’t be used on real dogs as they are far crueler even than a shock collar. The sharp prongs digging into the neck, will cut, will bleed when pulled a lot, the idea being the dog/slave follows wherever it is led to ease the pain. For real dogs they come with rubber caps to protect the neck, for real slaves this may not be an option!

And i guess some sissy slaves would enjoy being put in one of these but for me i can’t help thinking the humiliation would only be felt as a punishment. But if it was what Master wanted…and it could always get worse…

Because the biggest fear of the true Owned slave is the collar being removed as punishment. it did happen to me once, and it was the most emotionally damaging punishment i remember. i felt naked without it, vulnerable, ashamed, lost, disoriented, it had become part of my identity. i had to earn the collar back and did so but…

That moment when it was put back on by Master was blissful, i belonged again, in my place. 

So yes, whatever they are or however they are worn the collar is so powerful and that power shouldn’t be taken lightly. A collar bonds, both personally and publicly. For me there is nothing like the pride felt when out with a Master, collar on display, being led, seen as His possession….chosen….owned. 

Had to add this one. This slave is obviously in its rightful place, so proud of its thick collar…owned. 

The Joys of Being a Pimp Daddy For A Slutty Sub

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Hello Papa! What’re your thoughts on a total power exchange where the slave could be given away to other Masters? I would willingly submit initially to this for sure but then it’d be up to my Master who i’m sold to.

Papa Tony:

This topic is one that is dear to my heart. Slutty subs have needs, too!

I LOVE a sub who wants to be “The Good Time That Is Had By All,” personally. I’ve had dozens of submissives that I have shared with other Sirs. Being as protective as I am, I have always made sure that everybody ends up creating very happy memories, with no conflicts, and no stepping over any lines that would upset the sub, or break a trust.

Obviously, if you are up for it, then the responsibility shifts to your Master in a big way. Hopefully, he has made some declarations about what the rules will be going forward, and that none of them are to your disadvantage. You have the right to call a halt at any time.

If the sub is wearing my collar, then his emotional, sexual and physical well-being is my responsibility. If somebody wants to bring him harm, then they would have to go through ME.

I lay no judgments on how this fantasy comes true, as long as everybody involved has fun, agrees with the plan, and stays away from lasting harm.

BIG WARNING!

If you DO follow-through with this plan, don’t tell other subs what you are doing. There are so very few high-quality, visible Sirs. If your submissive competition finds out that you are hogging-up all of the Sirs by yourself, they are going to hunt you down and kill you with a shovel, greedy boy! 😈

Points to Ponder, Pre-Collaring

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realpowerexchange: The negotiation process is a two way street and a strong power exchange relationship begins with a two-way dialog. Listed here are some points for a prospective slave to consider when negotiating with an inexperienced Master:

1. There is nothing wrong in communicating/expressing frustration or anger but always communicate/express the source of your frustration or anger.

2. Have you shared with Master the emotional tie you have with [example] boots in general, jungle boots in particular? Tell him it’s a fetish, it’s part of you and you’d like it to be part of your relationship.

3. Always remember that he has always dreamed of owning a slave, longs for the loyal devotion a slave provides but has never owned a slave before. It’s a learning experience for both of you and you must treat it as such. Make your turn-ons and fetishes known to him during this time.

4. You will always be safe in saying, “Permission to speak freely, Sir!” If he is worth his salt, he will grant you permission and you then have an obligation to say what’s on your mind, express yourself.

5. Remember that never having owned a slave, most likely the majority of Master’s “education” is likely drawn from porn pictures and porn stories. If you expect this to last long-term you owe it to both yourself and your Master what you respond to and what you don’t. Keep your expectations realistic.

6. Use these last few daily emails to give your Master a crystal clear picture of who you really are, deep down and totally exposed, what you like and dislike both inside and outside of a Master/slave relationship; in short, let him see what he’s buying into and I’ll guarantee it will be far more enticing that anything he’s imagined up to this point.

7. Remember that any Dom worth his salt always appreciates it when a sub reveals his inner feelings in a humble and earnest way; it gives him insight into his boy.

8. Always remember that submission is a precious gift and dominance is not a right. There is no greater gift than the gift of submission and obedience and dominance that is earned, not taken.

Just some thoughts…

Master Chuck

The Importance Of A Collar!

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See also:

Collaring… All Types

Points to Ponder, Pre-Collaring

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pupamp: Collars are very special things. Sacred. Important. Special. And NEVER something that should be given without a clear understanding of what it means, by all parties involved. This is all said with the pretense that myself and @mrkristoferweston are better than ever, this is not an issue with our relationship but a reflection of why our relationship works versus recent issues in the community that continue to pop up.

If you EVER give a collar to someone you better be completely clear on what it means and hold yourself responsible as the one who gave it to THEM. Yes the receiving end is equally responsible of being communicative of needs/want/expectations. But recently, I’ve had the horror of hearing of at least 4 individuals coming forward to speak on the emotional abuse they went through because they were mislead about being collared. From the same exact person.

It frustrates me to no end to see people taken advantage of: emotionally, physically, psychologically. I will be the first one to tell you, someone who collars you should show you the MOST respect, love, compassion, understanding and time; not dismiss you for needing a second of their attention or voicing a concern about your relationship.

If the person collaring you ever makes it about you and your assumptions or how you misunderstood what the collar meant, how you’re the problem, or how you’re being needy, THEY have failed as the top/sir/dom/master/handler/daddy.

Papa Tony:

I am offering a similar perspective, from somebody who has been collaring submissives for four decades:

In the absence of gay kinky elders to continue traditions that work well, a lot of misinformation has gone around. The hetero-kinksters, in particular, have some truly peculiar concepts that never fail to baffle me.

A couple of decades ago, somebody did a statistical study. I haven’t been able to find the reference, otherwise, I would post it here. He found that a submissive man who wished to be collared by a well-respected, high-quality Sir had less than a four-percent chance of having that happen.

I don’t believe that the numbers are that low nowadays. Remember, that study was done shortly after the AIDS Holocaust, and NOBODY was steady on their feet. Thanks to so very many high-quality Internet sites where folks can share their gifts of wisdom, the numbers are slowly climbing.

There is more work to do, though. That is why I teach Tops. I never take a day off, because I want more and more of our submissive brothers to get the ethical treatment that they deserve, in THIS lifetime.

So, This Is What Collaring A Submissive Means To Me

In the vast wilderness of kink, there are limited quantities of Doms for deserving subs. If I value somebody enough to tenderly collar them (preferably with rejoicing witnesses), it means that he is claimed as valuable above all others. He doesn’t need to doubt his innate value any more. He is now on the inside.

If somebody wants to bring him harm, they will have to go through ME.

After a particularly wonderful achievement on his part, I will whisper “You keep on earning that collar, over and over, and I am proud of you.” He’ll wag his tail, and continue striving to please his Sir, because he is getting what he wants.

Ending the Collared Relationship

If the Dom/sub relationship ends for any reason, then the collar stays with HIM, forever. He once earned it, it has enormous emotional value for him, and ripping it away from him is just plain cruel. Don’t be that guy.

Crowd Approval and Envy

For decades, one of my favorite collaring pleasures is to take the newly-collared sub to a crowded leather bar. I’ll order him to take his shirt off, and to arrive with me, just slightly behind and to the side.

That way, any idle observers can clearly see the shiny new collar, and that we are together. I’ll stop, socialize and do Top Talk with some of my buddies, after introducing the sub.

After a while of standing with my hand of the back of his neck in the Approving Sir position, I will give him orders, along with some cash: “Step away and circulate through all parts of the bar. Come back in 45 minutes after picking up some more drinks for me and my buddies, and then report on what happened while you were away.”

He’ll come back on time, gasping with excitement. Just a few days before, he had been SURE that a chain collar was a restriction - a way to shut his light and open heart down, by a repressive Sir. He had heard of the bad cases, and experienced some mental struggles when I had proposed collaring him.

NOW, everything opened up for him. He had heard phrases in the crowd such as “You KNOW that you just won the lottery, right?” and “How the hell do I get on that list?” The men in the crowd were green-eyed ENVIOUS of him. He was reassessing the whole thing in a new way, and he liked it.
What My Life Is Like Nowadays

I am serenely comfortable as a slave-owning Master. I gave up my fears and insecurities years ago, because I see that I am my OWN kind of Sir. I resisted calling myself a Master for decades, because I DIDN’T WANT TO BE AN ASSHOLE. The stereotypes frightened me. I didn’t want to become somebody else, just to fit into what I perceived as the typical Master. I have a big, generous heart, along with some serious sadism.

I gave up on all of that noise, and life is so much better. I am the Real Deal, because I SAY so. I made my declaration a decade ago, and it freed my soul to be the best slave-owning Master that I could be.

My slaves adore me, and will do anything for me, because they are getting their goodies, while I get mine. We have a free-flowing, intermixed relationship that continues to reward all of us.

They earn their collars every day, and life is GREAT.

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MasterDomonic:

I’ve briefly explored this subject before in a very simplistic way elsewhere, and will here provide a recap of that information before a deeper look into this very complicated symbol.

Q) What is a collar?

A) A collar is a symbol of ownership and protection

My Own Explanation;

A collar is simply a band of metal or leather. It can be used for bondage, certainly, but that is not its true purpose

It’s true purpose is the same as a wedding band. It is a symbol to the world, I am not my own. I belong. I am protected. I am not alone

I’ve received many answers to this question from many submissives, but this is by far the best I’ve yet read (posted with permission);

“To me, a collar is a willingly accepted sign of a Dominant taking control of a submissive while providing guidance and protection. It is the sign of a submissive accepting a dominant’s authority and reciprocating with service, obedience and trust.”

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“Ok,” you say, “ I understand that, but what about subs, pups, boys, etc who buy themselves a collar? What does that mean?”

Certainly, many who are submissively inclined will purchase a collar.

For some, it just makes them feel submissive, for others, it gives a more “real” dimension to being a pup, and yet for others, it “feels hot” and they imagine a Dom grabbing it and putting them in their place.

In all cases, it’s more than a fashion statement, it is a tool they use to get into the head-space. But at the end of the day, it’s all just fantasy.

They all desire one thing;

They want the collar to mean something.

Whether a Master, Dom they visit, or their boyfriend telling them to wear it because he likes the look, it all “circles” back to ownership, control, and submission of/to another.

When a Master buys a collar for a submissive, that collar still belongs to the Master, just like the sub does.

The Master may refer to it as “your collar”, but this is simply to differentiate the collar that this sub is wearing, from the one another submissive may be wearing. Both collars belong to the Master, they are His property to give, and to keep on.. well.. His property!

At no point does the collar itself become the property of the submissive. If it did, it would lose it’s meaning of protection, and simply become another toy.

Alright, so I’ve been very wordy so far, reiterating the same point over and over about protection, collar belongs to Master, it means ownership, blah blah blah…

But why?

Respect

Respect the collar

Respect what it means and above all; Respect the Man who put it on you, just as He respects -you- enough to place it on your neck.

Remember this as I take a side-path for a moment, and don’t worry, I’ll reconnect.

All restraints that a Master has purchased belong to him. When in any restraint, you are under his control.

But I Myself (and a few Dom acquaintances I know) have a very strict set of rules about restraints.

(Note that this is by no means universal, but no less important for that)

When I cuff a boy’s hands, he may be in the cuffs for 10 minutes, or 3 hours.

No matter the length of time, when I remove those cuffs, his hands are to remain where they are, unrestrained, until I allow him to move them.

This goes for any restraint, including cages. I might open the cage door, but that doesn’t mean you may step out of the cage without my express permission.

I might unbuckle the gag you’ve been wearing for 2 hours. sure, your jaw hurts, but that doesn’t mean the gag comes off. It stays in until I remove it.

However, there are times that I will tell a boy to take off the cuffs, step out of the cage, remove his gag himself, sometimes I’ll tell him to restrain himself in the first place.

The only thing the boy does not ever put on or take off, is My collar.

It is a symbol of My protection, and therefore Mine to place on him.

A sub should never impose himself upon a Master to the point of putting on his Master’s collar on himself.

Claiming the un-offered protection of a Master is a flippant disregard of the connection of a Master and slave.

The opposite is of course also true.

For a sub to put a Master’s collar on himself is pushy, to take it off is disrespectful on a whole nother level.

He is voluntarily removing the Dom’s ownership, protection and care.

As a friend put it “ he made the choice to literally lift (the Dom’s) care, dominance, and protection from his skin. he chose to back off and cross a line”

And a crossing of a line it certainly is.

To remove a Master’s collar, especially in the presence of his Master, is an act of willful defiance, and apathy.

He is blatantly telling his (now former) Master exactly what he thinks of that protection and ownership in no uncertain terms.

There is nothing more hurtful to a Master than this.

There is nothing more final that a sub can ever do, once done, it cannot be undone.

A submissive who does this, has removed all chance of being collared again by a Master.

It all comes down to respect.

No matter the issues a sub faces (aside from abuse), he should respect his Master enough to allow Him to remove the collar.

To not do so, only tells his Master that he has no respect whatsoever for Him, and that he himself is no longer worthy of his Master’s respect.

If a Master cannot respect a submissive, and visa-versa, there can be no bond.

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Training and Protocols for a New Submissive

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Question: Do you all have any Protocols for starting play? Like, your subs bringing you their collar or having him sit and breathe before starting?

(Standard disclaimer: These steps and concepts are what works for me, personally.  If you ask eighty different Doms, Sirs and Masters for THEIR opinions, you will get eighty different answers. Also, the original version of this topic was a mess of pronouns of every kind.  I simplified it for consistency, and my own, gay-male viewpoint.)

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Papa Tony:

All of this following advice assumes that the sub wants to be of service, and has lasting value for you… not just a passing, one-night stand.

Collaring, Phase One

If he is a NEW sub, but I have taken quite a fancy to him, I may take some lariat (boot lace) leather and tie it around his neck.  I refer to this as his "training collar".

After the scene, I will have him wear the training-collar into the shower, so that it lays flatter under a t-shirt at work, let's say.

Since the leather collar is comfortably fitted, transparent on an airport x-ray, and not visible at work, it's no big deal.  It is an ongoing reminder of YOU, and your role in his life.  If you are a sentimental old fool like me, you will also tell him that he is to consider it to be a hug from you, as well.

I tell the eager new sub that when the two of us are together, and the collar goes on, then it takes away his ability to over-think things.  He ALWAYS has choices, but your purpose is to support him in letting GO of old fears, biases and wounds, and learning to trust completely.  At the end of the scene, remind him of that promise, and ask if you have earned more of that trust.  I do this, to rub that firm commitment into the sub's face, so that he always LEARNS from what happened.

This is a process of mutual growth and understanding.

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Collaring, Phase Two

I may tell him, after time has passed, and if he impresses me after multiple play-sessions, I will swap the training collar out for a REAL, long-term collar, sized just for him. He will be the custodian of the collar, and he brings it to me the MOMENT that he arrives for a play-session. The "CLICK!" noise when I close the lock is what starts the scene.

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The Purpose of the Collar

In service to an Elder of the Leather Tribe.

A collar, at its very best, is a very public declaration that this submissive is special.  He rises far beyond the vast number of un-collared submissives out there. He is a treasure of great value, and he is on an upward trajectory of training and satisfaction.

I have brought newly-collared submissives to large leathermen's events, as part of helping him to understand how his life has changed.  I will enter the event with him, tightly by my side, and slightly behind me… even at the end of a leash. That way, all eyes fall upon us as a bonded unit.

After a while, I will tell the sub to wander off and make a circuit of the space, and not to come back for at least half an hour.  When he comes back, I interview him about his newly-collared experience.  In every case, he is flushed with pride.  Folks will tell him "You KNOW that you won the lottery, right?" or "How did you get on the list, you lucky bastard??!?"

This process is to support him in understanding just how much his life has changed.  There is more to this, but that would not fit within the concept of "new submissive".  

All that I would add is that a collar is a one-way GIFT.  The very last thing that I would ever do, is to demand to take a collar back.  It is a HUGE, wrenching breakdown for a sub to have to relinquish his most-prized possession.  Don't be so cruel.

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About Protocols...

"Protocols" are consistent and repeatable actions, orders or expectations that the Sir has for the submissive.

The purpose of protocols at the arrival-point is to support the sub into reaching sub-space during the scene.  He can't do that if he is all logical and analytical, and over-thinking everything.

By telling him soberly and assuredly that you are placing the collar upon him as a token of extra respect for him (he stands out from the crowd of subs who seek a Sir), you are claiming him as your sub.

Tell him that your goal is to overwhelm him with pleasure and stimulation, to reward him for giving up control, and going with the flow.

Use the phrase "I am an ethical Sir" as a powerful declaration.  Don't use weasel words like "I will try" or "if I can".  Use powerful statements not only to reassure him, but to give yourself the courage to be a man of your word.

Make a stand for your superiority, compared to the scary types who lurk online and prey upon the innocent.  You may be new at being a Sir, but your heart is pure, your intentions are honorable, and you will gladly do what it takes to be respected, honored, admired and LOVED.

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Setting Up the Play-Space

That's the protocol for the first few minutes.  After that, teach him what pleases you as far as setting things up. This is for folks, like me, who have no dedicated Dungeon Space.

Properly collared, he needs to strip naked and serve your needs, while you remain dressed, visibly goofing off nearby.  Setting up toys, or showering first.

In my own, rather more-advanced case, the slaves have to be taught how to douche, to set up the sling, cross or rim-chair.  He may have to bring the toy-bag upstairs. He might bring up the Big Box 'o Rope™, or the strap-on dildo with lube.  He ALWAYS has to spread large towels on the bed - the husband dislikes finding lube-stains and bodily-fluids on the sheets, when laundry-day rolls around.

Doing stuff like this helps the sub escape from the concerns and considerations of the world, and puts him into a mindful space of pleasing the Sir.

Once the scene has been set up to your liking, he comes to you and kneels, to announce that all is prepared.  He then formally undresses YOU, slowly and lovingly.

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Cuddling, AKA BeforeCare, DuringCare and After Care

I take the sub deeper, by cuddling first.  This ALWAYS shocks men that I train to be Sirs.  This part doesn't appear in ANY kinky porn.  Yet, it works great for me.

I say "put your head on my chest", and he can't wait to do so, immediately.  I caress, we murmur together about this and that.  Touch is VERY reassuring.  It's hard to bullshit people when you are close, naked, touching and fully authentic from moment to moment.  This GREATLY breaks down resistance and preconceptions.

After a short while, I will order the sub to lay flat on his tummy.  I begin caressing more sensuously.  I use every tool that my body has, to make it a deliriously pleasurable kinky massage.

I may then start TESTING the sub's reactions, but playfully smacking the side of his ass, and checking in... "Does that hurt?  Do you feel violated?  You never will..."

Test his reactions to tickling, nipping lightly, or spanking, by always starting out light, and then working one's way up.

The goal is to get the endorphins flowing, more and more.

I sometimes provide a break in a heavy scene, and it always involves cuddling.

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Responsibility For Both Sides

NOW is a VERY GOOD TIME to give him the lecture about Responsibility For Both Sides.  Tell him how responsible you are.  Lay it on thick, and truthfully.

However...

He also has a responsibility to tell the Sir what does and does not work, in real time.  If he tries to lay there stoically, in an attempt to impress the Sir with his stamina, discourage this by telling him that you want honest, constant feedback.

Tell him that his reactions excite you, and the more that he submits, the more that you will dominate.

If all goes well, then amp up the action, using toys.  If you have watched my Flogging for Beginners video, then you will know how to calibrate for success.

Tell him that you will never take him past level 8, out of ten.  That you would rather UNDER-do the first scene, leaving him wanting MORE, than to over-do it.

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Distracting the Little Voice in His Head

Why do I keep harping on using your words as powerful declarations?  Because we Sirs have the power to set the agenda, and guide the flow.

Take a moment to consider what we Sirs are up against.  Bias, misunderstanding and stereotypes, and we have to be active in our efforts to overcome those problems.  Kinky dominant folks are EASILY put into a box called "SCARY".  As an ethical Sir, you have to consciously break down the presuppositions.

Because there is a little voice in all of our heads, and it has a purpose:  It wants to keep our lives safe, and without risk.  It wants your life to be FLAT, with no dips or peaks.  The problem with that is, only DEAD people have existences that never change.

Yes, failure is scary, but taking chances and being rewarded is what makes us reach new, and glorious highs.  If done right, and in a conscious way, then the two of you will still have ups and downs in your life, but the trend will be UPWARD.

As Sirs, we have to reassure the sub's little voice in his head, which wants to scream "WHAT am I doing here?" "Does he think I'm too old/fat/skinny/young/hairy/smooth?" "Am I good enough?"  By talking with assurance, by clearly signaling what comes up next, and by REMINDING the sub what just happened, and why, we are locking-in deeper submission.

That little voice in his head will be distracted by what you are doing and saying, and he will dive deeper into a trusting place.

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Reaching the Ultimate Goal

If you see kink as Extreme Intimacy, as I do, then the goal is to get to Ultimate Ecstasy, using zero drugs, or other crutches.  This never happens without clear thinking and intention.  You don't have to understand all of this fancy talk from me in a logical sense.  Just dive deep with honorable intentions, and you will be FINE.

Once you have the sub nicely excited and relaxed, then sex is quite nice.  I recommend it.

Or, you can go more stimulative, with toys such as paddles and floggers.  Your call.  Trust your gut.  You are running the show.  If all goes well, then the two of you will keep growing and maturing and gaining wisdom, every single time that you connect.

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Aftercare, & Report Card

AFTER a scene, aftercare always involves cuddling.  Why?  Because, done right, the Sir is directing the mutual powerflow toward intensity and stimulation.  If I were to do outrageously new and exciting things, and then kick the sub out the door, then it breaks the connection in an upsetting way.

Proper aftercare consists of several components:

- Physical touch.  Lots of it.  Drifting along for a few minutes is always well-received.  I will order the sub to "go deep for a while.  I will watch the clock".

- This encourages the sub to go right into Sub Space… a mental state where deep ecstasy and relaxation take over. The face goes slack, dreamy bliss takes over, and the sub may even conk out for a few minutes.  Not from stress, but from the natural endorphin high.  It's a magical time.

- Praise for a job well done.  This MUST be authentic and from the heart.  This "Report Card" is crucial for both sides to know how they did, and what works great for the future.

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Closing Protocols

I like to take a shower after a scene.  This may include having the sub shave my head, wash me lovingly in the shower, dry me and dress me.  I head downstairs after this, while the sub stays behind.

It is NOT the Sir's job to clean up.  Everything that changed during the play-scene must be put back the way that it was.  Tidying, cleaning, putting things back where they belong.

Then, I am called back for inspection.  Once everything is up to my satisfaction, the sub can dress.  

The sub presents himself to me, for orders, and we negotiate plans for the next scene.  If he is wearing a chain collar, he hands me the key.  EVERY single time, he whines and complains about having to take it off.  However, since my slaves all have long-time vanilla husbands, it's not really an option.

As the sub is heading out the door, I will issue a final order for the scene:

"Before you sleep tonight, I want an email from you, telling me what happened, (as if I wasn't there), and tell me what you liked, and what didn't work as well".  Until we develop Psychic Sirs, then feedback of this quality is essential for us to learn our craft.

Have fun!

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UPDATE, from my buddy and fellow Mentor Todd:

The article is well written.  It describes your process very clearly.   I see a couple of things that are fairly universal.  The “ramp up” process of putting the sub in headspace is universal and can take a lot of forms.  All of that comes thru practice and experience.  Each Dom may achieve the same thing thru various means but what you’ve described is a good place to start.

Putting the subs head on your chest is what we call “home position” and is the place the sub can always escape to when things get rough.  “Home position” for me is always available whether in or out of a scene.

For me, collars are a REALLY big deal.  Wearing my collar means that the sub represents me and is an extension of me and my family in the community.   I do prescribe to the different “stages” of collars like you described.  Here is also a good video regarding collars that aligns well with me.

Honest, real negotiations going into the scene are CRITICAL!  No one wants to have someone tap out mid-scene. So be honest about your skill set and expect the sub to be honest about their interests.  Kink play RARELY happens spontaneously, but a good introduction makes for some amazing experiences.

Of all the things you described, after-care is the most essential.  It is the Dom's responsibility to reintroduce the sub back into the real world and out of headspace.  You have been pushing the sub mentally and physically for a period of time (sometimes to the point of breaking) and abruptly dumping the sub after the scene can lead to anxiety at best and trauma at worst. Aftercare doesn’t end after 15-20 min either.   You ramped the sub up for weeks; the come-down should be at least equivalent.

AFTERCARE - (after kink care)

Thank you for showing us a glimpse into the way you manage your scenes. Subs trust us with their whole being and we as Doms must honor that gift and treat it with the respect it deserves.