Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!
Despite my intense sexual excitement leading up to and at the beginning of sex, I quickly go soft and stay only semi-hard if I am submitting. I would rather please than be pleasured but this often seems to insult or turn off the Dom/Sir. What is wrong with me & my dick?
Papa Tony:
Easy answer. There is NOTHING wrong with your dick. Any Dom that pressures a sub to stay hard (and takes it personally) is ignorant. Its just a fact - for some subs, their dick is not the center of their sexual universe during play. Its perfectly normal and natural.
One of my most-common phrases is, This Is Not a Porn Movie. I have to use that phrase a lot when training a new Sir or sub. Performance Anxiety is difficult to deal with, but it’s not something discussed on most porn-oriented Tumblr sites. It doesn’t fit into the fantasy frame, so it is ignored.
So, go look at some porn-video sites, and really take the time to notice the bottoms (usually during a gangbang) whose dicks stay entirely limp. In fact, you’ll see the bottom hiding his limp penis with his hand as he shifts around.
My suggestion? Reassure the Sir that what he is doing is of the finest quality, and highly pleasing. Practice saying things like “This is natural for me. I’m one of those subs whose primary sexual organ is my ASS” (or whatever else might be true for you.) State it right away, early in the scene, so that HE doesn’t wind himself up like a cheap watch and get distracted by his “failure” to get you hard.
