Housekeeping for Subs

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mrsmanwife:

With much focus on sex in the Dom/sub world - I thought I’d write some useful, old-fashioned “good housekeeping” material for subs who may be interested in how to best serve their Dom/master/husband/Sir better.

I’ll start with the Bathroom as it’s one of the most important places in the home.

Clean, clean and clean some more. Whether your man spends 10 minutes or 40 in the bathroom - you want it to be the best for him.

Don’t be afraid to pull out an old toothbrush (or yours if that’s your thing) and really get to work. Make that bathroom sparkle. Keep the mirrors clean and the shower glass spotless at all times. Polish the fixtures - watermarks and soap scum are not sexy.

Always be sure there is a well stocked supply of the necessities your man will need for his daily routines. Keep the toilet paper full. Check his razor, do the blades need changed? Do it. If it’s electric, make sure to empty it daily and have it charged. The same goes for clippers, hair removal devices, etc. Always be sure to keep extra batteries around if not rechargeable.

Make sure his favourite cleansers, soap, deodorant, etc are in stock. When they get low, change them. You don’t want your hard working man to have to worry about running out of shower gel.

Always keep clean towels in good supply. Line dried and then tumbled preferably. It never hurts to have a warm towel ready for him as he steps out of the shower or bath either. Also, make sure that bathmat is dry and ready for the next time he uses it. I highly recommend keeping cedar in the bathroom drawers or closet to give the room a pleasant, natural scent.

Once you initially get his bathroom up to the level of cleaniless he deserves, clean it daily. It is much, much easier to maintain with 15 minutes of work vs. Leaving it until you do your weekly chores.

I guarantee your man will notice your hard work as you notice and respect his.

How Could Slaves Consent When They Had Given Up All Rights?

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Hello Sir, I’m wondering how could slaves consent when they had given up all rights to participate in decision-making in the relationship?
Alexander Martin:

Hi Anon,

Hope you’re well. I think you’re taking BDSM a little too literally.

Question: How could slaves consent when they had given up all rights to participate in decision-making in the relationship?

Answer: Consent can be withdrawn at any time by the person consenting (explained further below). Subs always control whether or not they submit to a dominant and as a result they can make decisions or enter negotiations on a decision at any time.

Support: If consent were something that once obtained was permanent, then it would simply be a matter of tricking any submissive into consenting and then a dominant could do anything he wanted. But that’s not how BDSM works. Some submissives consent only for submission in the bedroom (and thus would want input into decisions outside of the bedroom).

Here’s how consent should be properly obtained and handled.

Consent should be sought for everything a dominant wants to do sexually. If in the moment the dominant wants to try something with a sub, it is his role to try to convince a submissive to do it. If he receives a no, he should cease further attempts to convince the submissive and take no for an answer. If he gets a maybe, he should proceed with caution and be watchful for signs a submissive may be thinking of withdrawing consent.

You are always better off asking about consent than making assumptions on your partners part. The fact of the matter is that consent is the only thing that prevents what a dominant does from being rape. Dominants always want to be on the right side of the law. Lastly, a dominant should be actively asking what limits the submissive wants put on his consent for a longer relationship so that there aren’t any hard feelings or confusion.

Remember, since a submissive can withdraw consent at anytime because power is EXCHANGED with the dominant on a temporary basis for mutual sexual satisfaction. Submissives ALWAYS have the power in BDSM. They simply choose when to give it up and when to hold onto it.

I hope this makes matters clearer. Anyone trying to convince you otherwise is attempting to get away with shit.

How fear drives a slave’s existence

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self-aware-faggot: Carlos is not a terribly expressive Master. Realistically, i do not really expect Him to thank me daily for changing the sheets on His bed, or ironing His underwear, or making His dinner. He doesn’t have to thank me because as a total Alpha male, He is entitled to this kind of service. He expects to be served in this way just as He expects that when He inhales, there will be oxygen for His lungs. Being served is just a natural part of His existence.

Nor do i expect to be thanked. i serve Him because He is what He is: a natural born Alpha entitled to be worshiped and served. And, of course, i serve Him because i am what i am: a natural born faggot, the whole reason for whose existence on the planet is to serve and worship Superior Alpha Males. i no more deserve to be thanked for cleaning His toilet or paying His rent that i deserve to be thanked for breathing. This is just natural.

Still, Carlos sometimes expresses His gratitude. He’ll give me that killer smile that just melts my heart. Or He’ll touch me on the shoulder that way He does that just sends chills to my spine. There are a million, mostly non-verbal ways, in which He lets me know that He is satisfied with my service and my adoration. Still, i have to take it on faith that my service is pleasing to Him. Because as soon as my service is no longer pleasing to Him, He undoubtedly will dispose of me and find Himself a different slave. That is His absolute right.

For a slave, the past is never prologue. i understand that i must earn anew, each day, the privilege of serving Him. i can (and should) take nothing for granted. It is this fear (am i pleasing Him as much as i could? are there other ways in which i could serve Him? am i being presumptuous is assuming that He wants me to do this or that?) that represents a constant tension in a slave’s life. That tension is what keeps a slave sharp (and also keeps it up at night).

Connected, Balanced and Growing. He is Master, I am slave.

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slave2766: Connection comes in many forms…

The feel of your hand, the mark of your belt, the taste of your sweat, your cock in my mouth, the sting of the cane, the message you sent, waiting on my knees by the door, the sound you make when you cum, thinking of you first when I wake up, relaxing at your feet, being your goofy pup and your eager boy, tears and pain, affection and warmth

There isn’t a “right” way to connect but boy oh boy are there ways to block the connection

When I act out of fear not respect, when I play at being your slave, when I’m too in my head to listen, when I choose not to be honest about the stuff that’s stressing me out, jealousy, guilt, shame and pride.

The power of a Master slave dynamic is the clarity it brings. I came to you because I sensed that your Dominant side would help me understand and own my submissive nature.

You took that as a gift and treated it as something of value. Each time we connect you weave strength and courage, lust and control, need and wants.

With you I get to be totally present. I don’t get to run away from my own shadows. You bring discipline to my sexual chaos, structure to my desire.

With you I can laugh and cry, be a sex object and a talking partner.

How could I not respect the man who has the strength of will to hold me accountable for my choices, the insight to see through my games and the heart to make everything feels safe?

How could I not worship at the feet of a man who has the patience to teach, the presence of mind to adjust when he sees things are off, and the common sense to rein me in when I need it?

Connections come in many forms for this slave three are really important… The heart, the head and the soul.

Any man could beat a slave into submission. Only a Master creates the connections that can focus and amplify a slaves nature and draws out his submission. How could I not obey you?

Connected, balanced and growing. He is Master, I am slave.

Life for a 24/7 Slave, In Detail

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Your post on being a 24/7 slave is awesome. Could you tell us more on your daily life? How is it? Are you really a slave to your owner 24 hours a day? How much is sex? When sex is over, are you still a slave? I am curious of the limitations of real life.
limitlesspig:

Yes, I am fully, totally, completely owned, 24/7/365. That doesn’t mean I’m locked in a cage when I’m not directly serving my Owner, although we do live together. It just means He has complete control, all day, every day, from big things to little things.

For example:

I’m always locked in one of the chastity devices. (We rotate through them every weekend when He takes one off so I can clean and shave around it under supervision.) I am not allowed to ejaculate, although I do sometimes ooze actual cum instead of just precum, and sometimes I have something like an orgasm when He fucks me that I can only describe by saying it feels good and is kind of like a shudder deep in my ass and groin but isn't the ball-clenching, cock-throbbing convulsion of the kind men call an orgasm.

The general rule is I don’t wear clothes when He is home and only underwear when He isn’t. (I do get an apron in the kitchen to avoid splatters.) And, no, He doesn’t keep the thermostat very high.
Every time He has to piss when He’s home, I drink it, sometimes from His cock, sometimes from a glass. (Glasses are mostly from when I’ve disappointed Him somehow and He doesn’t want me near His cock. I usually get it cold then, too.)

He hasn’t said my real name since the day He claimed me. (There’s no set replacement. If He has a favorite or a default, it’s “fuckpuppet.“ He mostly calls me whatever He feels like at the moment, or whatever suits what’s going on. It’s usually something like “bitch,” “cunt,” “pig,” or “cumdump” during sex. When He’s feeling proud or pleased or particularly affectionate, He calls me “boy,” and I when I hear that I know I’ve done a good job. I hear it a lot, but not as much as “fuckpuppet.” If He’s talking about me to someone else, I’m “the boy” or “my boy” if they’re not really in the BDSM lifestyle; if they’re in the lifestyle and I’ve been less than satisfactory, it’s usually “my pig” or “my bitch” or “my slave.”)

I call Him "Sir” without exception (He hates “Master” and think it sounds too much like Darth Vader talking to the Emperor) and I refer to Him as “my Owner" to everyone except our families and at work. (Yes, it is very embarrassing at times, but it would be a lot worse if He didn’t allow those exceptions. To be clear, I am not ashamed: He is awesome and I love Him and I am proud He considers me worthy of Him and I can usually say it the first time without turning red, but 90% of the time the person I’m talking to doesn’t understand or doesn’t believe what they heard if they’ve never heard it before, so they say, “What did you say?” and I have to repeat it.) Although, to be honest, I only have to say “He” or “Him” to the regular people in our lives and they know exactly Who I’m talking about, especially since most sentences go something like, “Sorry, He doesn’t want…” or “He said I could….”

He handles all the finances. He has a power of attorney. I signed my car title and gave it to Him. My paychecks are deposited into His accounts. If I want to buy something that He hasn’t specifically told me to buy, I ask Him first. I carry $20 cash for unexpected contingencies and a debit card, and I don’t know how much is in the account it goes to. I haven’t seen a bank statement, logged into an online account, written a check, or paid a bill since He claimed me. 

If something were to happen to Him, there’s an encrypted flash drive with information on it and one of our friends has the password. (I don’t recommend this for everyone. I knew Him for months before He claimed me. I know His job and His qualifications. We each lived comfortably on our own before He claimed me and I know He doesn’t need to take advantage of me. Most importantly, I trust him. But this arrangement does give Him control.)

Daily life varies, especially because my Owner travels a lot for work. Most often, it’s a few days each week, but sometimes it’s a stretch of a week or more at a time. Usually, I’m actually busier when He is gone because He leaves a long list of chores for me to do, but that is when I usually get a few minutes here and there to do things like come check Tumblr for messages–and when I do, I check a few pages of dashboard and save some posts to come back to later to tag, caption, and queue when I have a large block of time like this morning.

On a typical workday when He is home, I get up at 4:30 to go to the gym. (Tip for subs: I’m lucky because my Owner lets me sleep with Him in bed, especially since He sleeps a lot later. This became possible thanks to finding a vibrating alarm clock I can wear on my wrist like a watch at night.) When I get back home, I clean up, then make and pack our lunches. I wake Him at 6:45. (Sorry, porn fans, I don’t crawl under the covers and blow Him. I just kneel by the bed and nudge Him gently.) 

If I’m lucky, He uses me. Some days He does, some days He doesn’t. If He does, some days it’s oral, some days it’s anal. If He fucks me, I’ll wear a butt plug to help hold His cum in for the rest of the day. Then while He cleans up, I make the bed, get dressed (I wear pretty much the same thing every day at work), and make breakfast. Now that the mornings have started to be cold, I throw a towel in the dryer for a few minutes when He’s in the shower before I fold it and put it on the sink so it’s warm for Him when He gets out.

It’s pretty much routine, domestic life from when He starts getting ready for work, although sometimes He spanks or paddles my ass right before I leave for work. This isn’t for punishment; some days He just likes sending me off that way so I’ll have a reminder of Him every time I sit down. We eat breakfast and He tells me anything special I should do that evening, like if there’s anything I should buy at the grocery store or anything He wants for dinner, picking up dry cleaning, that kind of thing. I go to work first; He leaves about an hour later.

Work is just work. If people from the office want to go out to lunch or I need to work late, I text Him. Sometimes He lets me, sometimes He doesn’t. If what He wants and what work wants conflict, He wins. (I’ve looked for years for the perfect Owner: He is irreplaceable; my job is not, even in this market.)

I do any errands that need to be done on the way home. When I get there, I cook dinner, trying to time it to be ready about an hour after He usually gets home. Until He does, I do more routine, domestic stuff: take out trash, do laundry, put away groceries or dry cleaning, whatever needs to be done.

When He comes home, He’s usually tired and stressed. He reads or watches tv or plays PS3 to unwind while I serve Him. This always involves massaging and licking His feet; sometimes I massage the rest, too, especially His scalp, neck, shoulders, and back. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to spend quality time with my face in His crotch, too, especially if He lets me worship His cock and balls. It isn’t rushed or overtly sexual, though; it’s just time to help Him relax, but sometimes I do get to make Him cum.

This pretty much lasts until the buzzer goes off that dinner is ready. We eat and He goes back to the living room while I clean the kitchen and dining room. I go back to Him when I’m done and do whatever He tells me. Sometimes it’s sex, sometimes it’s chores, sometimes it’s just being quiet somewhere and leaving Him alone. If I’ve fucked something up that day, He punishes me. (He never punishes me right when He comes home from work.) 

If I’m really lucky, and I’m so caught up He can’t think of any chores that need to be done, and I really did a good job helping Him relax, and dinner was really well executed, and I’ve gotten Him off so He’s satisfied, He lets me sit on the sofa with Him for a while, either leaning up against Him while He watches tv or lying with my head in His lap while He reads. Sometimes He gets hardcore after dinner, but it’s rare on a work night.

He sends me to bed around 10. He comes up later. Sometimes He wakes me to fuck me or get sucked, sometimes He doesn’t.

That’s a typical weekday when He’s home. It probably sounds pretty boring to people who think the BDSM lifestyle is all fucking and sucking, whips and chains, cum and tears. But my Owner usually only gets hardcore on weekends, when He’s home. But there is no typically weekend; they are all quite different, depending on His moods. Of course, there are variations on weeknights, too, if we go out, or if someone comes over, but that’s the typical day.

So how is my life? It is awesome and I have never been happier or more fulfilled. Thanks for asking!

How I Serve

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beastpup:

I don’t know many things for sure about myself, but I do know this: I live to serve.

8 months ago, I was able to embrace my submissive side and say “this is who I am”. Since then I journey, I observe, I struggle and yet I go deeper into understanding. What follows are my meandering thoughts and opinions.

One thing I observe is that each sub / pup’s style of service, what they need, how they express it, is unique to them. Whatever master or owner they have, this doesn’t change. We have our core, our essence, guiding our actions and our hearts.

For some the style and essence is about the humiliation, the satisfaction of knowing there is no depth of abasement they cannot take to absolve their humanity. With self-respect stripped away, there are no barriers to what can be performed. I can only imagine this is incredibly liberating. I would call this type of slave the pig.

I’ve had some dominants try to approach and woo me like a pig. Verbal abuse the opening calling-card to test the nature of my submission. How very unsuccessful they are.

Other submissives throw themselves on the altar of adolescence; putting themselves before their “daddy” and showing tender vulnerability in how they need to be nurtured with their master to be better in their lives. I would dub these slaves the boy. Giving absolute loyalty and affection to those they serve, but taking the support, the guidance in a retrograde path back to adulthood and potential. And who doesn’t need some outside sustenance in their lives? What a wonderful way to crystallze it to a pure, accessible and loving form.

But even this I turn from. I know anyone can see my struggles and know that yes… I do need nurturing. But have more to give my master. Much more. I endure much, and through these trials I know that I am not a boy, I am not a pig.

I don’t have a master. One day I will be lucky enough to have that in my life. And to you, if you’re our there, reading this, my future owner. Let me tell you how I submit and what I offer.

I am a servant. I am a slave and I exist to make you happy and my highest satisfaction is making your life more comfortable. If you think of an archetype in fiction, I exist… I am Alfred in Batman, I am Carson in Downton Abby. I am the butler. (And a beast, a bull, a pup…) 

I want to serve you in quiet dignity. To perform each task with relish and pleasure, be it making your breakfast, your supper, your bed. But this style isn’t just a domestic calling; It’s about something you are proud to own. When we are around others, be it friends, family, strangers and they see me at your command, performing with love and loyalty whatever is asked, they can’t help but be impressed. I can always give and do more, and I will. Upgrading my skills. Upgrading myself. Bigger beast for his master. The ultimate servant.

I only seek this purpose in my life, because otherwise all the work I put in to make a success of my business, my bodybuilding, anything really… all seems so pointless. When I began this journey in meeting the man I thought I was destined so serve, there was such a relief and a feeling like I had a reason to go on. The loss of that relationship left me feeling purposeless again… but no, I still want purpose. I’m not going to raise children. I’m not going to be an activist or save endangered species.

But if I can change one man’s life, if I can raise him up higher than all others and make HIS life that of a god… then my time on this existence will have been well spent. And all the pain and all the struggles for a reason.

And that is how I serve. That is how I will serve you. I’m only holding on for the day I kneel at your feet, and I earn a collar at last.

- Beast.

Advice to a New Submissive

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Hi Sir. and Thanks for Your blog. It seems to me that you Sir, are both a reflective and intelligent Master. I have enjoyed reading a lot of your advices, and they seem to comfort my mind a lot. I am new to slave thinking, even though I am a born slave. What is your best advise regarding a 24/7 slave/master relationship, if I have concerns in regards of safety, how the society will look at it, and also struggle with my own mindset. (Slave, sub, bottom is all "negative" words in the society) KR

ukstudentalpha:

- You should think of yourself as an aspiring slave. Slave is an evolution of submissive, and it shouldn’t be your role on Day 1 unless you’re very experienced. For example, I’m considering claiming someone as a Slave, but they’ve been in that role before and know what they want. If I were you I’d call myself a submissive and say “I’m hoping to become a slave some day”.

- Communication. Standards. Mutual respect. You need to communicate a lot. You need a Master who meets certain standards (communicates, doesn’t punish you for being an individual, respects your limits, is wonderful from your perspective). You need a Master who respects you as a person, and explores Domination over you in a way which leaves you feeling enriched as a person. Watch out for Red Flags.

- Safety should be your biggest concern. Set strong limits and take safety precautions. For example, make sure a friend knows where you are and who you’re involved with, inform your Dom that you’re expected at a certain place by a certain time, get to know them before meeting them… and the biggest one is to be VERY CAUTIOUS about tying yourself up or putting yourself in a truly vulnerable situation. 

- Society will look down on your role as a submissive, so make public displays of submission and blackmail and publishing of pictures strong limits, things you will never be okay with. Find a Master who doesn’t want to Humiliate you, rather degrade you. Degradation is a Master making you lick his load off of the floor. Humiliation is him photographing it and posting it on tumblr.

My biggest piece of advice is to be yourself and find what works for you! So many people look for some standard or normal type of D/s to conform to, but we’re rebels against societal expectation already. You can find a Master who will cuddle you, hit you, both or neither. You can find a Master who is really scrawny, since it makes you feel like a big piece of meat for his pleasure, or you can find a bigger Master since it makes you feel vulnerable and safe in equal measures. You do You. And when you’ve found the right Master, the one who hits all your spots and makes you feel like the most owned slave in the world, make sure to treat him like a God.

A Submissive View: Loathsome Tasks

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furryguy2:

How do you deal with performing tasks you loath but your Sir requires you to perform?

There are very few tasks He requires me to do that I loath. Pleasuring Him is the best task in the world, I will do just about anything for Him. We do have some hard lines that neither of us will cross but otherwise everything is on the table. We are working now on a new task that I find very difficult, anal, (I know that most slaves would be expected to do this without question but I have health reasons why I am scared of it) but He has started to play with my anus and it’s obvious that He wants to explore more. I will, of course, let Him as I trust him implicitly not to hurt me.

We were in a local sauna once, playing with another Master and slave when the other Master wanted to fuck me. I really didn’t want another person, Master of not, fucking me, so I clung to my Sirs leg and used my safe word, the other Master didn’t hear it but my Sir acted on it and  didn’t let it happen. However, if He had wanted it to happen (and we had agreed it beforehand, its something that we hadn’t discussed) I would have done it to please Him.

As yet nothing that I loath has come up, I think it would have to be something like introducing a woman into our play or play with faeces to be considered ‘loathsome’ and they would come under hard lines.

newboi12345:

When you get wired for service, those situations will bring you pleasure. Not from that activity itself, but from the satisfaction of MAKING YOURSELF DO THEM simply because you want to please your Master. I often do things I am not interested in doing, derive no physical pleasure from, but get an absolute emotional thrill from going through with because it will please the man that requested it. When that happens, you truly submit.

At times, in the beginning of a Dom/sub relationship, the Dom may choose to stay on your “accepted list” and not push you too hard. It is only after time, in a real Power Exchange, that you will be pushed into that zone where it is work to complete the action. When you truly get there, you may find many activities on your “no” list will become another experience in your Master’s service whether a one-time occurrence or regularly demanded action. The delivery of them at your Master’s command will be instantaneous, without consideration, and done to bring you the pleasure of service.

Why true SM enriches the slave in its life

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fearslave:

1.       It makes you special. There’s so many people keeping looking for the answer of who they are, and to define that you need your specialty. BDSM is such a special thing and the skills and experiences required is like those for an acrobat. It’s like hot spicy food that’s not for everybody, and it’s so extreme in most common eyes - isn’t it also a cool thing that not everyone can understand you? You’ll be unique in a world that does not quite get it.

2.       It brings extreme pleasure and happiness. BDSM is self-actualization that’s way beyond satisfaction of food, sex or achieving something in your life. Everything and every part of your body become a tool for pleasure. To get pleasure through pain, to get freedom through submission, to get happiness through abuse, are all the ultimate ways exist in this world and you don’t need to look further.

3.       It makes your life more meaningful. There are more responsibility and commitment in BDSM lifestyle so you have more to achieve besides common life things. As a slave, you’ll have a Master to submit to, to fulfill His needs, to make Him happy, to change to His likes, which all give you better purpose to live. Master becomes your flesh-and-blood god who can interact with you in human ways. A more meaningful life is a life of giving back. Your selfishness makes way for the opposite.

4.       It makes your life more exciting. BDSM is an adventure. People who finds it will get endless possibilities of excitement. Besides common life excitement, such as a bungee jump or a motorbike riding, you now get a whole new world to explore and never get bored. As for sex, it makes sex more creative and that’s much more than position changes. Be careful, it’s addictive although healthier than drugs.

5.       It makes you stronger. BDSM is a kind of extreme sports, save the fact that there’s play called “forced workout”. Each session is a great exercise to your body and soul. As a slave you’ll even still work out when fully tied up in a static position, and your will power gets stronger with each endurance of pain and abuse.

6.       It makes you healthier. If you life is full of pleasure and happiness, of course your health will be improved. Also, there’s scientific evidence to prove BDSM makes you more endorphin and other good stuff to help your health. A lot of life stress can also be released in BDSM sessions.

7.       It helps you avoid trivial things to waste your life. As a slave, you have your ultimate safety and security from Master, and there’s less to worry about. You can concentrate much more in BDSM and avoid wasting time on many trivial and meaningless things, such as what to wear or where to eat. Master decides a lot of, if not all, aspects of your life and you just leave them to Master’s hand with a peaceful mind. What’s left is only the focus to please Master and nothing more. As a slave i’m proud i’m living in it now.

8.       It gives you deeper affection than love and friendship. Affections in BDSM can be so strong that go beyond the love and friendship that common people experience. It’s something invaluable in life and cannot be found anywhere else, and a rare enrichment to life.

9.       It makes you explore and excel in multiple personalities and disciplines. You may become more successful in your career, as a respected professional or a boss with huge responsibility and power in society, because that’s the way to benefit Master more and make Him proud more, and you’ll also become so submissive and obedient in front of your Master as a well trained slave with all kinds of techniques to willingly please Him as if you were born like that. Even better, you become skillful to switch between multiple personalities and disciplines without any difficulty. To do something you like for a living is the best combination you can get. The endless imagination can be implemented in real life, and while enjoy all the happiness, you can also enjoy BDSM’s support to your life and benefit your Master, as a porn star, a toy maker, a book writer or anything else. No one would do better than someone who’s really passionate about his work.

10.   It makes your life truly “yours”. BDSM promotes honesty in a hard way, and requires you to be true to yourself and your deepest feeling. Maybe the session is called “play”, but for both parties involved, it’s real, no judgment from ordinary view, no hiding from anything. It makes you live your life in a frank and brave way, and what you do reflects your ultimate free will. As a slave, the appearing “no freedom” actually put its life back to its own decision, and it’s not anyone else to judge.

Submitting to a Master vs. Being “Treated Like Shit”

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mastershumanproperty:

Before slave was a slave, it imagined serving a Master to be very different than it ended up being.

it had always imagined being treated like shit. it had imagined horrible (but always consented to!) treatment. it expected abuse.

This is a bit of a tricky subject to discuss, because BDSM has a bit of a tendency to look like abuse as it is anyway. But in becoming Master’s slave, it cannot say it ever EVER feels like it is being treated like shit.

There are times when Master asks things that are hard for slave. There are times when Master asks slave to serve in ways that are unpleasant for it. There are times when Master asks for submission that is all about His pleasure or amusement, and slave’s opinion of the task isn’t really relevant. There are times where, if you watched slave serve, it’d look pretty close to all those rough, affectionless porn videos.

But slave’s expectations of slavery ended up not being met at all. it is never abused. it is never made to feel worthless. Even as it SAYS it feels worthless, or like a faggot…. that is all coming from headspace. That is all coming from the fact that, in reality, slave feels safe.

slave has been given safety and slave has been given freedom.

slave has fantasies of being humiliated and manhandled. Thrown around a bit. Master has given it a safe environment to explore in. slave can go deep and call itself worthless or imagine itself as various pieces of human furniture… because it is constantly being supported by a Master who is bolstering its sense of self-worth. it is being supported by a Master with a TON of respect for it, who holds a high opinion of it, and voices His belief in it, inside and outside of submissiveness, regularly.

Those moments where its service might look like abuse… where its service might look like slave being treated like shit… Those moments don’t have any chance of reaching slave or doing any damage to it. it is being so thoroughly protected by its Master. For every one act of extreme degradation, there are 5 of affirmation. Hell, even after being asked to go low, it is immediately picked right back up with thorough aftercare…

slave is in a bit of rough patch in life. it’s struggling, and currently has more worries than it has ever had before. But the thought that it is a worthless human being has never crossed its mind once. it is being protected from that feeling. slave’s not doing great in some aspects of its life. But it’s excelling in others. Some things might be bad, but its relationships are great. it has in slavery alone two VERY VERY powerful allies in Master and Sir. Their presence prevents it from even going too low in its day to day life.

This is probably one of the most difficult things to convey to an outsider. But even in the moments that might look the scariest… slave is much better than okay. slave is exploring things that could be unsafe to explore in a different environment… and it’s doing so alongside a man that has earned its trust in the deepest ways. it’s exploring the darker side of its desires with a Master that will prioritize its safety and seeing slave through in one piece above all else… even as His actions facilitate the scene.

So even though slave came into slavery misguided by images of hard use and abuse…. There is a lot that goes on behind the scenes in a long-term M/s relationship.

---

pdxmaster:
When you start thinking about submission, it can feel like a big dark thing. Think that it will leave you a different person on the other side. You may even think you need to be kidnapped, or forced, or blackmailed, made to do these things. Or you want to do it once really deep and “get it out of your system”.

The truth is, if you find the right guy to submit to it will be a joy to go down that path with them. You might find freedom in submission and giving up (some, or lots of) control. You might feel more like yourself than you ever thought you could be. And, your heart might feel like bursting from finally feeling like one whole person. Yes, you’re different on the other side. But it’s still just you and what you’re becoming with him.

Slave Poses and Protocols

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hadriantemple:

The idea of ‘slave poses’ is mostly drawn from John Norman’s Gor novels, which inspired Gorean BDSM. It’s mostly a heterosexual male superiority practice. If this sort of complex protocol is your thing, great!

But don’t assume that these poses are universal or that all slaves have to learn them. I don’t know any master who has bothered to train his boy like this, although the Wait pose is pretty common (due to the fact that many gay kinksters in the 50s and 60s had served in the military) and Collar Me turns up in the porn a lot. Complex protocol can be fun, but it’s also tiring and often more trouble then it’s worth (imao).

Assuming you’re practicing safety and consent, do the bdsm that makes sense for you and your partner. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to do it a specific way. Use the rules that feel sexy and practical for you and ignore the ones that don’t. There’s no One Right Way to do bdsm, just the Right Way for You.

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Papa Tony:

I agree, that's a lot of highly-specific training. I don't have the patience.

However….

I DO have certain protocols that I use with my slaves, and that work really well for us. We only use them in public (and entirely non-verbally), and always while I am doing Top Talk with other Doms in a group:

- I will poke the slave in the chest with three fingers, and then step away. This is a non-verbal communication meaning: "Stay here - I will come back and collect the slave."

- I will be entirely involved in chatting with another Sir, and I KNOW that the slave is bored and feeling ignored. So, I will make significant eye-contact with the slave, and slap my chest. This means "Feel free to climb me like a mountain while I am chatting. I want some body-contact and some worshipful attention. I will ignore you outwardly, but I will be amused as the other Doms watch me casually taking all of the back-of-the-neck smooches and groping as my natural right."

- Or, I will slap the side of my thigh. Meaning: "Kneel by My side and wrap your arms around My leg. I feel like showing off My property's immediate obedience and submission. This is meant to make the other Sirs jealous!"

- If I have been cleaning-out my kidneys all evening by drinking bubbly water with lime juice (my preference), I know that my piss is running clear. Otherwise, it can upset the slave's digestion. So, in full view of the other Sirs, I will cross the pointy-finger and the Fuck You finger on one hand, and then shake them slowly from side to side. This is American Sign Language for "R R" (meaning "Rest Room"). This means "Head into the Men's Room (or, alternatively, drop to your knees here in the center of the bar) and drink My piss." If it's a bar where such behavior is frowned upon, I will invite the other Sirs to gather in a tight circle around us, to block the general public's view.

- I will hold my hand in a shape that pretends to be holding a glass, catch the slave's eye, and pretend to toss back a drink. That means "It's time for the beverage of the evening that we discussed earlier, slave." Some evenings, I might want something alcoholic, but if I am demonstrating ANY kind of kinky play in the bar, I always remain utterly sober. Safe, sane and consensual, baby!

These NOT protocols, but they are worth sharing:

- I like having the slave douche and grease his ass before we head out to the bar. He's wearing his cock-cage and his assless chaps with some skimpy shorts. I'll gather some Sirs in a semi-circle on one back corner of the bar, and while I'm chatting with them, I will casually molest the slave… I'll stick a greased thumb (with a smooth, short nail) up his ass and play with his prostate. Pretty soon, he's dancing on tippy-toe, and in a frenzy of sexual need, while the other Sirs block the view of outsiders.

- If the slave is NOT caged, then I will have him wear flimsy Spandex shorts, and gently pinch the meaty part of the skin under the head of his cock. I'll talk dirty to the slave (he's been on chastity for three weeks, and his IQ has dropped eighty points by this time). Pretty soon, he cums with no further stimulation, in full view of the Sirs around us, and then he has to wear the mess on the front of the shorts that has leaked through.

And I smile...

I’m No Masochist. I’ve Never Been A Pain Slut.

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memoryanddesire-stirring:

I’m no masochist. I’ve never been a pain slut. I cry when I stub my toe and go to great lengths to avoid anything with even the slightest possibility of pain. My take on paper cuts? A justifiable cause to avoid envelopes. Bang my head on a closet shelf? Cause for medical care and probably an MRI. Clover clamps? Should have been named nipple tourniquets from hell. I know how to take care of myself: avoid anything that hurts.

I know I’m supposed to like it—how does one belong in a BDSM lifestyle without liking pain? I’ll admit I love being bound, immobile, and used. I even like floggings and spankings and the like…to a point. But pain? Real pain? It does nothing for me. I don’t become instantly aroused with labia clips and nipple clamps. Or do I? Is it possible to be sure? 

Because I know, when I attempt those things, I wince, I curse, everything in my brain tells me to avoid it;, but there’s something else that I don’t quite understand: I keep doing it—and at the end of the day, I find myself smiling about it. Glad that I was able to withstand it…for Him. For only Him. 

At the end of the day, when He debases me, I learn my value; when He humiliates me, I learn humility; when He inflicts pain, I learn my strength. I learn that I am strongest when I show Him my weakness…The more I endure for Him, the more I want to give. I give Him this, because He has earned my utmost trust and devotion. 

He shows me patience and kindness, the need for discipline and allowance, and when each is appropriate. He teaches me the necessity for all those things, for myself as much as for others. He is the only person strong enough to help me learn those lessons, to free me from those fears that keep me bound in my own head.

I don’t want to hurt, to feel pain, to throb for hours on end waiting for relief, but I do. It isn’t the pain. Rather, it is because knowing that I withstand it for Him makes me proud, makes me feel stronger for having surrendered to it. 

Because making Him happy gives me a joy I’ve never felt before that goes far beyond any sexual pleasure. Because serving Him makes me better at…well…just being me. It grounds me and gives me focus. It reminds me who I am. Because hearing that He enjoys any task I’ve done solely for His pleasure gives me purpose.

It is not as simple as someone telling me to do something and doing it. It is sublimely different. It is giving in its purest form. It’s wanting to give over everything that I am to the Man who has earned it, whose will I long to follow, the Man for whom I am willing to face my deepest fears and accept intense moments of pain despite my own voices telling me to hide. 

Because that is the way to break down the barriers I’ve spent a lifetime building—to give Him that opening, that exposure, a blossoming of sorts, that no one has ever seen, that no one else has ever drawn from me. Only Him. Only He shows me who I need to be for myself. And in doing so, I feel safe. I feel protected. I feel loved.

I want Him to have it all: my fear, my tears, my anger, my passion…even my pain, and all my pleasure. I want Him to feel every thought, every need, every sense I have, because they belong to Him. To give Him all this, all that I am, all that I hope to be, I am willing to surrender to the fear, to the things I’ve avoided, to a will bigger than my own. 

I surrender to Him knowing that for all His savagery, there is tenderness. For all I endure, all the devotion I offer Him in my suffering, I receive His admiration and care back tenfold. I surrender because in everything I do, I am His: His servant, His slave, His lover, His ward. And He is my Dominant, my Master, my beloved Sir.

So, no, I’m no masochist. I’m something far better: I am His.

What Is Slavery, And What Is It Not…

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sirmastermark:

slavery is NOT about suffering . . 
. .

slavery is about service.


slavery is NOT about humiliation . . 
. .

slavery is about humility.


slavery is NOT about pain . . 
. .

slavery is about being present.


slavery is NOT about being used . . 
. .

slavery is about being of use. 


slavery is NOT about control . . 
. .

slavery is about letting go. 


slavery is NOT about what is done to you . . 
. .

slavery is about what you do for others. 


slavery is NOT about abuse . . 
. .

slavery is about acceptance. 


slavery is NOT about proving anything . . 
. .

slavery is about being real. 


slavery is NOT about contempt . . 
. .

slavery is about respect.


slavery is NOT about how you look . . 
. .

slavery is about how much you care. 


slavery is NOT about denying yourself . . 
. .

slavery is about being open.

slavery is NOT about bondage . . 
. .

slavery is about freeing your spirit. 


slavery is NOT about punishment . . 
. .

slavery is about discipline.


slavery is NOT about being unable to escape . . 
. .

slavery is about being committed. 


slavery is NOT about submission . . 
. .

slavery is about obedience.


slavery is NOT about fear . . 
. .

slavery is about trust. 


slavery is NOT about sex . . 
. .

slavery is about love.


slavery is NOT about pleasure . . 
. .

slavery is about happiness

☛ THESE ARE WORDS OF WISDOM. (listen to them)

And once you remove your internet porn inspired fantasies and expectations, you can embrace & live a meaningful and rewarding submissive LIFE. 👉🏿❤️🔐 


Sex and the Independent Slave

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imiklwhite:

We have talked about how slaves need to be independent even if they are in a committed relationship. Today we look at when they are out there in that snake pit called the dating pool!

It does not take long on any BDSM Master/slave chat site to find someone complaining about potential slaves. They are all begging for help. Many profiles and advertisements contain long lists of “needs” and “wants” and limitations of all kinds. It would appear they are only concerned with themselves.

By the same token, all the potential slaves are complaining that there is a shortage of Masters. Well yes, there are more bottoms than Tops and there are more slaves than Masters. This is not to imply that all Masters are Tops! That is NOT a requirement for Mastership. It just seems like whatever type you are looking for is going to be in a minority whenever you are looking. Neither does it take into account all of the various genders out there.

Please note, slave speaks of male Masters because my Master Indy is very male. Slave does have trouble keeping up with all of the various combinations available today. This limitation is on the part of slave. It does not imply or intend disrespect to any! So please, slave respectfully asks you to translate.

Here is yet another example of how important being independent is for the slave. Everyone has had troubles or problems in the past. You just don’t have to LEAD with them! The old saying that you can travel further with less baggage is so true. Leave the baggage at home.

Some misguided potential slaves think that if they appear vulnerable and needy, then Master’s will be attracted to them. Forget it. That kind of charity happens at the office not in a leather bar. Ever hear “There is no such thing as “mercy sex”?

Lets just think of it this way: which is more attractive to a Master? Someone who is weak and begging. Or some one who is self assured and in control of themselves? Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to a Master to have someone like that be willing, on his own, to agree to submit and be subservient? A strong man who bows his head and is willing to serve is more of an ego boast for a Master. A challenge that is won is more satisfying to achieve than a “freebee”.

Please: all potential slaves out there NOTE: the less you need something, the more likely you are to find it. This is NOT easy stuff here. Slave knows full well how empty a life was when I was not owned. How there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning when I had no one to serve. Slave understands that hollowness of having no Master.

However, no one told you the life was easy. No one guarantees that you will find happiness, or even fairness. Something as wonderful as having a Master to serve takes a bunch of hard work. Yes, a good Master will work you hard for you to become the best you possible. Still to get that wonderful thing, you have to work.

Never look like you need a job on an interview and never look like you will die if you don’t have a Master taking care of you.

Remember, you are there for His pleasure. Your please will come from pleasing Him. Deep inside you already know how much you want to nurture, to care for, to serve. Slave is only pointing out that you will feast as long as you don’t look hungry. 

To be a true slave, you must first Master yourself. Become that independent person. A head bows best if it is accustomed to being held up high! Present what you have to offer. Lead with how you are different from all of the twink sycophants out there. Show what you have, not what you have not!

Let slave admit to you, in writing this, I told Master that it is perhaps the

hardest of anything I have had to face and to write. The very thought of having to say a “Good bye” to My Master. Or to face not being owned by Him anymore, petrifies me.

At times, I’m in a gale force wind and Master tells me: “You will be OK, learn to bend with the wind.” Yet I am petrified of letting go. Master always has me face my greatest fears. Slave is strongest when he has trust. Real trust, not some phony word play trust. Life and death type trust.

Slave has that in His Master. I am always at my strongest with that trust.

If the wind lifts me off of my feet, I shall learn to fly.

However today you don’t have to learn to fly. You don’t have to face saying a “Good Bye” to the most important person in your life. No, you just have to want to be independent. Then as an independent slave, the sex will come.

Being a Slave-Owning Master Who Is Sadistic, and Sweet

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nachtsoul said: Definitions of terms in BDSM appear to vary widely. I am curious as to where you define ‘slave’ and what inner change in you made you go from non-owning to owning… and just what owning means to you. I have two boys of my own and a prospective third. In thinking on our relationships and their evolution, it leads me to curiosity about what it would mean to evolve Sir/boy to Master/slave, not that I think any of them is of a mind to go there. But I wonder anyway.

Papa Tony:

I am in no mood to make apocalyptic, all-encompassing and definitive declarations about what is right and proper. I make no pretense of being anything but what I am.

By being metaphorically naked before everyone (you see that I don’t hide very much), my goal is to be a role-model for others in similar circumstances.

Like you, good brother.

I Was Trained By My First Slave

You heard that right - slaves teach Masters. His needs made him request more from me, rather than just being my boy. I was wary of taking him on in that way. I was ignorant, but he asked so sweetly.

I found that I LIKED what the slave proposed. We started a process of making new agreements that continues to this day.

I will refer only to my first slave in the remainder of this article. I will brag about the OTHER slave in future writings.

The Slave Wanted Chastity

He already owned three cock-cages. I had had no experience with this.

Or, so I thought.

As it happily turned out, I have been into orgasm-control for my entire adult life. In my youth forty years ago, I used to delight in attending huge, blue-ribbon Championship-Round fuck-parties. I was famous for going from sling to sling, and FORCING ecstatic, full-body orgasms on anybody who wanted one. I used techniques that I have shared here and here.

I liked taking the choice of timing away from them. They liked to think that they knew what they were only possibly capable of? I would show them several steps beyond what they could imagine. It’s my ferociously-kinky desire to blow the top of their head off with pleasure.

I have had dozens of men chastise me over the years, saying “After you, I haven’t found anybody nearly as good, damn it!” That’s why I happily reveal what I know. I want everybody else to succeed.

Yes, I am bragging, but then…. It’s not bragging if it’s true.

In any case, I took to chastity-play with natural enthusiasm. It really rocks my boat! We are “cumming-up” on our ninth anniversary together. He hasn’t had an unauthorized orgasm in most of those years, and he doesn’t want another one, for the rest of his life. He now cums hands-free, nearly every time.

Nowadays, I like to make it harder and harder for him to cum. Countdown timers are nice - If he doesn’t cum by the time the timer goes off, then he’s back on chastity for another week.

Then, when he succeeds, I make the time SHORTER, next time. Very sadistic. I never promised the slave that his training would be easy.
The Slave Wants To Be Fully-Owned

We do not live together. He has a long-time, vanilla husband, as do I. So, the lovely 24/7 live-in submissive slave thing is a great fantasy, hut not practical for us.

So, we see each other a minimum of once a week, but usually several times a week. This is a good description of what usually ensues. Show it to your subs - It may appeal to them on some levels.

He has told me hundreds of times that I own every part of his body, his soul, and his orgasms. They all belong to me. I take that responsibility very seriously and pleasurably.

What I DON’T mention enough in that article is the service aspect. I have taken many joyous, gloating photos of the slave cleaning my home, while naked, collared, butt-plugged and cock-caged.

 

He also opens doors for me, bathes me (and washes carefully between my toes, (to head off athlete’s foot). He takes care of my leathers. He gives sensational foot-rubs.

The slave shaves my head and face, and makes all travel itinerary plans. He handles details that I might otherwise miss. He happily covers every aspect of serving my rather unique needs.

I am a Master who lives in a nearly-constant state of exalted deep thought (I call it “Big Brain Mode”). It can be exhausting. I need the focused services of submissives in order to function well.

Yeah, the slave is taking care of ME, but after he has completed his tasks, I rock his WORLD. Every orgasm that I allow him is a 10 out of 10. No exceptions.

He Rejoices In My Kinky Pleasures

He is not even remotely a Pain Pig. In fact, he would be perfectly happy if he never had any pain for the rest of his life.

If he didn’t know me.

Instead, he grooves on the happy, happy noises I make when I have him strapped down and vulnerable. I throw my most extreme toys and techniques at him, and he is gratified, every time. After all of these years, I can still surprise and stimulate him. He gives me constant feedback with his words, his fantasies and his behavior, which helps me to up my game.

His pleasure comes from knowing that service to me includes satisfying my sadistic nature. I can allow the Beast within me to walk the streets, and still know that I am a good man, because he is so grateful afterward.

If I go for a long period of time without going all Neanderthal on him, he will start dropping heavy hints in order to fire-up the boilers. I do get stuck in my head sometimes.
He Like To Be An Object

Being hooded makes the slave VERY happy. He likes to hand all of his power away to his trusted Sir. This started out as my idea, and he just went bonkers with pleasure.

I loan him out to other Sirs for kinky play, in my presence. They eagerly ask for my permission to play with him, because he is maximally exciting and pleasurable. I’ve never met a sub who could do what he does, in terms of pure, stimulating feedback.

Any Sir who plays with him turns into a flame-snorting lustmonster, and who makes a beeline for us at every play-event, afterward. I have been doing this for years, and have never had reason to regret it. The Sirs who know us also know that I am vigilantly protective of my fully-owned property.

I do not loan him out for sex. That is reserved for the two of us, by mutual agreement.
Here Is A Good Story, To Illustrate


I like to take the slave to international kinky events, like IML, Folsom Street Fair and the like.

I will hood and shackle him, and walk him through the crowd, guiding him with a hand on the back of the neck, and a few words: “Stop. Step up on the curb.” I like to eventually “park” him in a public place. I jam three fingertips into his chest, which is our mutually-understood protocol meaning “Stay Here.”

Then, I walk away.

I am well-known, so while I am standing thirty feet away in the crowd, dozens of folks will come up for a hug and a blessing. I will visit with them, and then say “Do me a favor - the slave is over there - Use him as if he belonged to you.”

I can do this because I KNOW what will happen. The folks that I send over would never, ever disrespect me by abusing my property. They make a few mild gestures at teasing and torturing him, along with some dirty talk, and that’s it. This pleases and excites me, and the slave glories in his submission.

I Honor The Slave’s Deep Devotion

I am courteous with the slave. His desires DEFINE him, so I would never dismiss or ignore them. He is 100% present with me in his slavery, so I return the slave’s respect and devotion with my own, entirely-honest feedback. I use these phrases, and many others, but only if they are my truth.

The more that the slave submits, the more that I dominate. He gives me feedback, so that we grow together. His hunger to serve, please and sustain my needs are vitamins for my soul, so I never miss a chance to SAY so.

I assert that my natural kindness, courtesy and sweetness only add to my value as a Sir, a Dom, and a ferocious, slave-Owning Master.
Why Listen To Only One Viewpoint?

Let’s let the slave explain, in his own words. These recordings were made after a couple of intense play-scenes, while cuddling in bed during aftercare:

Audio Clip 1

Audio Clip 2

Dad/son and Daddy/boy relationships

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Anonymous said: I heard someone mention Dad/son and Daddy/boy relationships. Is there a difference? Or is there a difference between a Dad and a Daddy and a son and a boy?

If there are ANY differences or distinctions, it is entirely based upon the agreements and fantasies of the individuals involved.  In my own case, I have had nineteen collared boys in my life.  The relationships have been different in important ways with every one of them.

There is no formula or technical shop-manual.  We are all driven by individual desire and need.

My Years As A Daddy

Being a man with a very strong sense of self and dominance, I was a Daddy for most of my adult life.  In fact, the very first time a man called me “Daddy!” was when I was 21, and it felt right.

Really, really right.

I didn’t want to be called “Daddy Tony,” because my own father was such a terrible role-model.  I chose “Papa” as my personal scene-name and honorific, because I saw that word as  a kind, generous and affectionate term to describe myself.

 I would happily have had that name GIVEN to me in a ceremony by a crew of honored, wise elders, but by that time, they were all dead in the AIDS Holocaust.  I had to keep moving forward (as they would have wanted me to), and work toward taking their place.

What Makes Me A Daddy

Through these Daddy/boy relationships, I could practice my goal of being the good and decent man that I had never witnessed in my own family.  My boys could finally complete the incomplete relationships that they had with their own fathers, through me.

They could get the attention, praise, teaching and role-modeling that helped them get to where their hearts called them.  When they learned and grew, it caused my Daddy glands to secrete like CRAZY! 😀

Becoming A Slave-Owning Master

Why did I switch to being a slave-owning Master, so very late in life?  I certainly had no lack of slave-applicants over the decades.  I always pushed them away:

I DIDN’T WANT TO SUDDENLY SWITCH TO BEING AN ASSHOLE.

Yes, I struggled with the same stereotypes that everybody else has internalized from porn.  “Masters” always abused, degraded, scorned and treated submissives like something that they should scrape off of their shoe, right?

I’m not that guy, by choice.  I would be too GOOD at it, and for decades, I feared that part of myself.  I grew up with that sort of vile treatment, and oh, honey - I could easily be the best psychopath around.  I learned from the best.

With my wit, my perception and my keen observation skills, it wouldn’t take me more than a few minutes to discern somebody’s weak points, and to take advantage of them.  I could CRUSH anybody’s soul in a very short time.

I Chose To Go In A Different Direction

Those same observational skills work equally as well in perceiving greatness, inner beauty and innate worth.  I see the value in others, and hold the mirror up to them and say “Do you see what I see?  Do you see the gold?  You shine like a lighthouse, and I admire you.  Let me tell you what I see.  In detail.”

So, years back, I had my epiphany, and I made a public declaration at a Butchmanns Experience weekend, with everyone there acting as my dedicated witnesses:

I am a real, bona-fide Master.  I am not like others, and I am perfect this way.  No one can ever deny my validity, ever again. I am the real thing.

At that point, I shifted in my life’s journey.  In my private life, I am a slave-owning Master.  A sweet one.  In my public life, I am now a Granddaddy to tens of thousands of people worldwide.  I was a sensational Daddy.

Now, I am a Tribal Elder.  It feels right.

Really, really right.

Invisible Service

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followyourslaveheart:

On my coffee break this morning, as I was making a drink for Alpha G, I got to thinking about invisible service. A lot of the time, most people think that serving someone is about the grand gestures of servitude; being on your knees, worshipping feet, being used sexually, making dinner, doing chores, being spanked etc. Of course, for most of the time, it does…and much, much more.

But over time, I’ve come to realise that it’s sometimes the more subtle expressions of servitude that bring most satisfaction. We all want to hear the words, ‘Good boy!’, from our Master/Alpha/Dom. We want to see Him smile and to notice how happy or relaxed he is on account of us providing service to Him. 

But perhaps the most rewarding thing is when He doesn’t even notice what we’ve done. There may be times where you’ve gone that extra mile just to get His favourite snack that wasn’t available in a nearby shop, without telling Him how difficult it was. Or, as was the case today for me, pick up some rubbish that he accidentally dropped on the floor, or wipe away that coffee mark on His desk He didn’t know was there, or fill up His stapler before He noticed He was nearly running out. 

There are so many ways to serve Men, sometimes it’s not the most visible examples of service that make the biggest difference. As long as we always ask ourselves, ‘What else can I do? What does examplary service look like? And how can I do better?, then we are well on the way to becoming what we were born to be.

are-you-ready-2-submit:

This is what thinking outside the box is, going that extra mile (or kilometre in most cases). Subs everywhere can take a page from @followyourslaveheart’s book, and learn how service to the Superior Man can take many shapes and forms. As always, a boy who is in touch with who he truly is and taking service to the next level.

dombearmaster:

Amen to all of this.

Slave Safety

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masterworxx: As a psychotherapist working in the gay community, I thought this was so well said and so germane, I’d like to share it.  This well organized thought came from another web site.  Dr. Ed ( dred)

SLAVE SAFETY

Advice from one slave to its brothers

1. Until you agree to submit, you are in control of what you do. Every Man you come across who says He is a Master deserves appropriate respect and deference. But simply because He says He is a Master does not mean you owe Him submission. Your submission is a gift. You choose Who to give it to. And until you choose to give it to a Man, you remain in control and should exercise that control — but always with respect and deference.

2. Never meet a Master for a session of service or s/m play before first meeting to talk. Remember what they say about bars? That the closer to closing time it gets, the better everyone looks? Keep this in mind also when you’re online. Everyone can look good online. Everyone can say the right things, type the proper words. Enjoy cyber — but know it is only cyber until you meet.

If you have spent extensive time with Him online or on the phone and feel okay with Him, you might consider that to be the meeting. But it still remains best to meet first in person — preferably in a neutral place, like a restaurant. Show Him respect and deference, but until you choose to submit, you remain in control of yourself even if you are at His place. Until you choose to give Him this control, His requests for you to undress, sit on the floor, or whatever, no matter the tone in His voice, are merely requests, not orders, until you accept them as such.

3. It is best not to plan or expect a session at this first meeting. Let it be just a meeting to find out if the two of you click and want to continue. This is a good test of the sincerity of the Master. Almost all will tell you They want an ongoing thing. If this is true, and if They really want you, then there is no hurry. You can meet first … and plan to have the session the next day, if you want.

4. Be totally and completely honest with potential Masters about what you seek, what your experience level is, what you fear, what you crave, and what your limits are. Your ego and your desire to not disappoint a potential Master may make you want to exaggerate. But it does no one any good if you tell a Master you can take a bullwhip when you have never even been flogged hard.

A good Master is not as concerned with how intensely you can play as with whether you genuinely want to play. Good Masters are looking for reactions and potential for growth. If They get a good reaction out of a slow, light flogging, They are as satisfied as when They get a good reaction out of a full-force bullwhipping. Well, maybe not as satisfied, but satisfied enough!

And never say you can take anything. You may find your forehead branded before the night is out.

5. Be totally honest with yourself about what you seek. There is an undercurrent in the leather community that a hierarchy exists among submissives. According to this “common wisdom,” it is better to be 24/7 than part time, it is better to be a slave than a boy, and so on. Don’t fall into this trap.

What is best for you is whatever meets your specific desires and needs. To be a man who submits only in sessions because this is all he needs is as valid and as good as being a man who submits to the complete control of a Master on a 24/7 basis because that is what he needs. Don’t let anyone, fellow submissive or Master, try to make you into something you do not need or want to be.

6. Follow your gut feeling about the Master. Even if your head cannot come up with specific reasons not to trust the Man, if your gut is sending up any sort of red flags, listen to it. If you find you are talking yourself into submission to a specific Master, then He is not the One for you. At the same time, learn to recognize the difference between fear of giving up control, which is good and exciting, and uncertainty about a particular Man’s trustworthiness. Most of the Men you meet will be trustworthy and not a problem. But a few will not be.

7. When you meet with the Master, do as much interviewing as He does — but do it respectfully, of course. What are you trying to find out about Him? Several things. Does He respect you as a man? Does He respect you as a slave? Will He respect your limits? Does He understand your level of experience, and will He work with it? Does He have experience or skills in the type of activity He wants to do, or is He just off on some fantasy trip? Do you like this Man as a person?

And, not unimportant, do you find this Man attractive either physically, personally, or because He has something to teach You? (Not every Master has to be a physical fantasy trip. Some may not be but are still well worth submitting to because you will learn a lot and They can give you exactly what you need.)

8. One major thing to look for is whether the Master is concerned about your needs and desires, about what you want to get out of this. If there is little discussion about your needs — if all the talk is about His needs — He is probably not the Man you want for a long-term situation, though He may be great for a quick session focused totally and completely on His desires. If you pick a Man like this to submit to, realize that you will probably need to take care of your own emotional and physical satisfaction. He is not going to give it to you.

9. Never go to a first meeting or session (or even a second or third) thinking that this Master may be good for a long-term relationship or for total control outside of when You are together. You are very likely to find yourself hurt and disappointed if you do. Full or 24/7 control develops over a long period of time — it is not created out of thin air.

10. When considering a Master for long-term or total control outside of sessions, look at the total Man. You are going to spend a lot of time with this Man outside of sessions. Do you like Him that much? Can you deal with all His idiosyncrasies, bad habits, insecurities, and personal baggage on a continuing basis? And if you think He doesn’t have any of that stuff, then you have just not seen it. And if you have not seen it, then you do not know Him well enough for such a commitment.

11. Limits. Have two sets: temporary ones, which you decide when to lift, and permanent ones, which always remain in place. You need to decide what belongs in each set. To help you understand the difference, here are the limits i used to use — and still do if my Master wants me to hunt for outside experiences:

Permanent — Safe sex. No scat. No blood. No drugs. Nothing illegal. No permanent damage physically, professionally, personally, or emotionally.

Temporary — Meet first. No total bondage; either legs or arms must be free at all times. (Yes, I want to be able to kick Him in the balls if I need to — or fight back some other way.) No blindfolds. No gags. Safeword. (We’ll talk about safewords below.)

You are the one who drops these temporary limits — one at a time or all together — as you get comfortable and feel you can trust the Man. You may even decide to drop them in the first session. But use your head, and listen to your gut, in deciding when to drop them, not your cock. If you are still not comfortable enough by the third session with a Master to drop any of your temporary limits, you probably don’t trust Him enough and shouldn’t see Him again.

(Having said all this, i must add that all limits, even permanent ones, go away if you are owned — and owned for a long time! Once the trust is total, there is no need for any limits. But you still choose when the permanent ones go away, not your Master.)

12. Try to get references on a particular Master before you commit to any sort of a session. Leather clubs and organizations are good for this, as are friends and people you talk to online. A good reference from another bottom is better than any sort of assurance from the Master Himself.

What to do if you get a bad reference? Don’t automatically reject the Master. Find out why the reference is bad. It could easily be that the two men simply did not click, or that the Master’s interests did not correspond with the slave’s. This can happen between any two men and is not a sign that either one is untrustworthy or bad in some way. A disregard for safewords, however, or otherwise ignoring limits are good reasons to call it off.

13. When you have your first session with a Master, no matter how well you think you have gotten to know Him, you need to protect yourself in case you have made a bad judgment call. There are many ways to do this. One of the most common is to tell a friend where you are going, the Master’s name, and the address and phone number of where you will be, assuming you have these. Give your friend a time when you will call him to verify that you are okay. Tell him that if he does not hear from you by that time, he should take action to find you.

Make sure, though, that you give enough leeway in the timing so that the Master does not have cops knocking down His door because you thought the session would end at midnight and He was just getting going at that point! Also, make sure you do call the friend if you are all right, even if it is from the Master’s home. Let the Master know you have made this arrangement and when your friend is expecting to hear from you. A good Master will not be offended and will make sure you can place the call.

14. Safewords. Everyone talks about them. Almost every Master says He will respect them. But do not assume that because a Man says He will respect them that He will do so in the heat of a session. Respecting safewords is an easy promise to make — and an even easier one to break. Accepting a Master’s assurance that He will respect a safeword is like assuming the white line in the street will automatically stop every car the moment you walk into the crosswalk. Most Masters do respect safewords, but some do not. Build some trust in a Master first before accepting His assurances at face value.

Here’s a test you can use in the first couple of sessions. When you’re in a difficult position or undergoing some heavy action, make noises indicating it is getting very hard to take and that you need something changed. See what He does. An immediate response from Him is not necessary — He may want to see how far you can go. But a timely response to your distress should be forthcoming. If it is not, don’t assume He will listen to a safe word.

15. When you are talking with a Master online or meeting Him in a bar or elsewhere for the first time, know that you are both doing a seduction dance with each other. And if you both play your roles correctly, you will both get turned on.

Being seduced and turned on is a good thing, but recognize it for what it is. You are both looking for the buttons that the other reacts to, and once you find them, you are both pushing them to get the reactions you want — He in taking control and you in submitting. But seduction is not real life, just a part of it. Wait until you get to know the Man in real life before deciding He is the One you really want to submit to.

16. Play the field. You’ll need to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your Prince. One mistake many slaves — especially those who are just “coming out” — make is to jump into serving a single Master exclusively and totally before they have figured out what it is they want and need. Resist this temptation, no matter how hard your dick gets or how fast your heart beats when you first hear a Master speak the words you have only heard in your fantasies before.

Any Master worth His salt is going to be able to get you excited and eager to serve. That doesn’t necessarily mean He is the one to latch onto full time. It just means that while You were together, you clicked. Get lots of experience. Compare the styles and characters of many Masters. Learn from each of them. Learn about Masters and, more important, about yourself and what it is you really seek from your submission. Once you have learned enough, especially about your own needs, then you can consider Someone as a full-time Master.

17. Recognize that a Master without a boy is often as desperate as a boy without a Master. They, too, are human, and They like to have someone They can depend on to play with and be with anytime They want. Plus, Masters generally have good-size egos and like to be able to impress other Masters by saying, “I own a boy” — or more than one.

Because of this, you may get a lot of pressure to make a full-time commitment or to go into full-time training at an early stage of your acquaintance with a Master. Resist this. Do not do it until you are sure that He is the Man you want in this role. Indeed, one sign of a really good Master is that He may offer you a position with Him without pressuring you in any way to make a quick decision. Such a Man understands how tentative and unsure of themselves many unowned slaves are and has enough confidence in Himself not to need a trophy.

18. Do not assume that in the early stages of getting to know a Master that He will feel the same toward you as you feel toward Him. It is very hard for a male to open himself up and become vulnerable to someone else, but this is exactly what we slaves do when we submit to a Master. Doing so provides an amazing sense of relief and satisfaction, and we feel a strong bond with the Man Who has seen us become so open and vulnerable. We feel close to Him and want to be with Him.

But, at least in an early session, the Master does not do the same: He does not lay Himself bare to you just because He plays with you. While He may like you, may have enjoyed the session, and may want to see you again, don’t assume He is feeling the same strong bond with you that you feel with Him. Over time, if you and He develop an ongoing relationship, He will feel this way. But not at first.

19. Do not mistake this bond you are feeling for love. This is why so many slaves decide, after only a couple of weeks, that they have found the Master they have sought for so long. Then they are hurt and disappointed when, a few weeks later, it doesn’t work out. Don’t make this mistake.

Since it is seldom that any of us experience real love in life, we may not know what love really feels like even though we seek it so desperately. As noted above, once you have laid yourself bare in a session, given that much control and submission to another Man, you are going to feel very close to Him. But this is not love. It is simply openness and a bond beginning to form. Enjoy the bond. But remember that real love means you know the Man well — not just the Master but the whole Man — and that you accept Him for what He is, warts and all.

20. Finally, remember that this is all supposed to be fun and satisfying. If it is not, if you find that the Master is causing you to be upset, worried, guilty, whatever — if you are not having fun or being satisfied — then don’t play with Him. Find someone else. Too many boys take this all much too seriously and never really enjoy the hunt, never really enjoy the sex, never really enjoy the submission, never really enjoy being conquered by a Master, never really enjoy any of it. They work too hard and are too desperate.

Go out, enjoy, and have fun. It’s the only reason to do this.

Papa Tony:

Excellent information, essential knowledge for a long term, safe “life” in BDSM.

I remember stopping by a leather bar in Los Angeles, decades ago.  I was waiting for my buddy the bartender to arrive.  While I was drinking a beer, a very small man came up and caressed the singletail whip hanging from my belt.  He was clearly fuckstruck with me (I out-massed him by at least 120 pounds).

The VERY FIRST WORDS out of his mouth were “I’m a no-limits bottom.  I’d let you do anything that you want with me!”  I stopped what I was doing, and gave him a stern, patient lecture, instead of his desired play-date.

I said “Have you ever been whipped?”  “Umm, no.”  Have you ever met me before, or know anything about me?  If I turned out to be a bad man, would you be able to fight me off?  If I decided to tie you up and castrate you, does that sound like a good time?”  “NO!!”

“Here’s a word of advice:  take things slower.  Ask the people around you about men that you don’t know. Get some good references, have coffee together first to check out your feelings and compatibility, and DON’T say things like that to strangers, or you could end up dead in a ditch somewhere.”