I Struggle With Self-Harm

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Anonymous said:

I really need some wise advice right now. My sir and I have been together for 3 years and I struggle with self-harm. I relapsed and cut last night and I'm terrified to tell him. I don't want to go impatient and I don't want him to be disappointed in me. Last time I relapsed he was heartbroken and tried to get me impatient. I know I need to tell my sir but I want to hide it. What do I do? 

Hey anon,

This is Alexander Martin. I know you didn't write into me, but Papa Tony needed to pass this along for some assistance.

You relapsed last night huh? That must be a really scary place to be in, after all you had managed to move away from cutting for a while, right? I'm a bit unsure if by "impatient" you mean "in-patient" as in with a medical facility. Unfortunately, from your message I can't quite tell what the problem with going impatient is...

Here's what I'd say, you're right you do have to be able to tell your Sir. There’re at least two things that come to mind. First up, maybe write him an email/letter. Being able to write a letter or email is really good for situations like this because the other person HAS to read the entire thing and can't interrupt you while you're speaking. That makes it possible to convey any fears you had around bringing this and why last time was so hard for you. It might be information that helps him deal with this situation better in the future.

Second, it might actually be a wise idea to come up with a plan of your own? Imagine if you were able to come to your Sir and tell him you'd been cutting. Then tell him: "I identified the particular stresser that lead to this behavior, I have these steps I'm going to be taking to mitigate it, and I came to you because I love you and need your support. It's really important to me that you trust and support me while I execute this plan to try and get cutting under control again before we try anything more drastic. Can you help me Sir?"

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. You know, my dad is an alcoholic. I had a therapist a decade later that explained something really important to me: "Your dad is always going to struggle with alcoholism. It's always going to be in the back of his mind and an urge when he gets stressed. There are going to be times in his life when he slips with drinking and hopefully followed by times, he gets back on board with not drinking. That's the struggle you have to understand that's going on in his head."

I don't know if your Sir might already be aware of such a concept or not. But if he isn't, be sure to tell him.

Just because you slipped this time, doesn't mean that you've undone all your effort. Nor that you're a bad boy. In the end... every partner sub, dom, switch, or vanilla has to be able to talk to their partner about ANYTHING life throws at us, or... it's just not going to work. I know he loves and cares for you because this matters to him. So... this time, help guide him in his reaction. If he pushed you towards something unpleasant last time it was because he cared. So, if you guide him in how to react, how to help, give him something to DO to help you... he'll feel less powerless. That's part of what scares him I bet. Feeling powerless to reach inside and help YOU recover.

Best of luck boy. I'll be rooting for you.