Can a boy or slave expect care and affection from his Dom?

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Sir, can a boy or slave expect care and affection from his Dom? What if there is a death in the family, or a sibling needs help, or a sub becomes ill? Will the Dom be more of a partner when things go wrong in life? Thank You, Sir.

Alexander Martin:

You would have to ask an individual dominant this question. All of this is specific to individuals. There is not much that can accurately be said of dominants as a group.

I think you SHOULD be able to expect this. A dominant cares for his boy and is supposed to protect him and keep him safe in and out of the dungeon. I think that some guys fall into a trap of thinking where they’re concerned subs won’t respect and adore them if they drop the dominance for a single moment (even if they need to).

Also, there’s a buddy I have who is a submissive. He really likes to be abused (hit, insulted, and degraded) and he has a kinky husband. However, his husband really loves and cares for this boy, and finds it hard to let go and be the nasty dominant he was when they met because he loves him. So instead, they opened up their relationship and now his boy finds guys who can treat him as he likes, and still comes home to get played with by his husband in other ways. So there may also be dominants that love their partners and want to be close but try not to get too close for fear of losing their ability to be consensually abusive during sex.

There are dominants you can expect considerate treatment from, and dominants you can’t. You’ll have to know what you want, and find a dominant who agrees with you on how a submissive should be treated. No matter how lonely you are, it’s just going to be a bunch of heartache in the end if you go into anything significant with the wrong dominant.

How Should a sub Approach a Prospective Dom?

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I am an eager sub closely watching and trying to emulate your idea of servitude. Regards to you and RESPECTS to your MASTER. how should a sub approach a Dom in recon and sites, in leather bars. Also, please talk about posture training.
slavecuntboi:

Those are big questions so i will try to answer them the best i can:

Approaching a Dom online, on Recon or elsewhere takes some preparation.  i believe it is just like meeting face-to-face – the first impression counts.

Firstly, i think it’s important to make sure that your own profile really represents what you are, your experience and what you are looking for. Be clear you are a sub, not a slave, how passive e.g. 90/10, how many years experience, what BDSM activities you have done, what you are looking for,  new training you are keen to have, what kind of Dom you believe you can best submit to e.g. controlling or rough or sadistic etc,

Secondly, think about what your photos are saying about you. Are they good quality, are they recent, are they showing you as a submissive, are they emphasising the BDSM activities you are good at and will enjoy giving to a Dom?

Think about what the Dom will think when looking at your profile. Make sure your limits are clear and keep your profile real.  This is not fantasy, you want the Dom to be confident He is getting the real thing.

Once you have got your profile ready, then you can contact the Dom you are interested in.

Read the Dom’s profile. Then re-read it, carefully. Check all His pictures. Be sure that this is the Dom you want to submit to. Then send a polite message addressing Him correctly. Call Him Sir/SIR in the first message unless you can tell from the profile that He prefers to be addressed differently. Once you get a reply, always check how He wishes to be addressed e.g. Sir/Master/Boss/Alpha. Always use uppercase for Him and lowercase for you e.g. “i”.  This shows you are respectful and submissive.

In your first message, keep it simple and to the point. It is good to ask if He might be interested in using you sometime or training you in something you know He is experienced in. Express how keen you are on His profile and how much you want to submit or be used by Him.  Keep it short and sexually attractive. You can message more later once He shows interest.

After that, if He is interested, try to set up a meeting as soon as possible to get to know the Dom in a real session, rather than endless messages online.

This is just this humble slave’s opinion but i hope you find useful boy.

Approaching a Dom in a bar or club.  Is different from online as you there are only clues about what the Dom is into. The big plus is that you know you are physically attracted to this Man, no pics required!

Before you approach a Dom face-to-face make sure you look like a sub. So, don’t wear an armband on the left or a Muir cap for example, as these are symbols of Dominance.

Look at what He is wearing – is He using hanky code colours on an arm-band for example – Grey: Bondage, Black: SM, Blue: Fucking, Yellow: Watersports, etc. Is he carrying a flogger, paddle, cane, rope, etc.  This gives you some idea of His main interests, so make sure that they fit with yours before approaching Him.

Then simply wait for a moment when He is not busy and approach Him. Drop to your knees, hands behind your back, body and head straight-up. Greet Him respectfully, complement Him and introduce yourself. For example, “Hello Sir, permission to speak to You Sir?… i think You look hot in Your leather Sir…i am a bondage/pain/piss sub, i wondered if You would like to use me sometime, Sir?”  When you look up, use your eyes, but try to keep your head slightly bowed. Some Doms like direct eye contact, some don’t allow it unless they give permission. But you will normally find out once a session starts.

I hope that answers your basic question and helps you get started.

Good luck with your submission, boy, and thank you for asking an interesting question!

slave cuntboi

Be Brave

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dirtydaddythings:

A boy wrote me earlier, feeling sad and alone in a new big city and wanting me to give him some kind of tasks so he felt a little less without a Daddy. As I was writing to him I realized that I wanted to issue BOTH those challenges I gave him to all my readers (boys AND Daddies alike). Knowing me at least as well as you do you probably have an idea of the direction that I would go when issuing a challenge and I’ve come up with TWO.

The first Challenge: Do something Brave.

This one is related to the second but it’s a ‘single event’ task, where the other one is not. I want you to pick something you wouldn’t normally do (I suggested that he took the step and became more visible by placing a personal ad) and do it. Don’t go at it for success, do it to learn from it. Pick something DIFFICULT and especially if you suspect you’ll fail at it because we learn the most about ourselves when we fail IF we keep our estimation of our skills out of the process. I’ll give examples of what I mean in a minute but for now you’ve got the basic idea of this ‘one shot’ challenge. Do it. Be Brave. 

 


The Second Challenge: Wage War on Fear.

This is ongoing and should never end. Take the lesson from the first challenge and apply it as often as possible. Usually I tell someone to do it once a day to meet the criterion but hat eventually must tone down as you run out of fears. I don’t mean just arachnophobia like fears, I mean both rational and irrational ones. There will be some you cannot easily defeat but that’s the point: finding those things out about yourself.

Do the things that terrify you, but do them in small ways at first.

Expect to fail but make THAT your first challenge to fear. Accept that it may happen and embrace that teaching moment. I started this myself more than a decade ago now by challenging my social phobias. I had massive stage fright even though I grew up as an actor/performer. I messed up MANY of my first shows but eventually I overcame that because it ‘wasn’t me’ doing the acting. That never prepared me for having to give a speech before a crowd or do the education work I’ve done for decades now. Even those things never really broke me of my own fear of being judged by crowds. What did it was Karaoke.

I have a decent singing and speaking voice, but some levels of skill are WELL beyond me and I knew it. So my first time doing it I chose “The Show Must Go On” because I knew it was going to break me. I did my best, pushed as hard as I could but failed to do it justice (Duh, I’m not Freddie..) but the experience taught me a great deal about myself and what I was really afraid of. Not long after I became a welcomed fixture at the mic because I changed WHAT I was doing.

I stopped trying to be a superstar because of talent and instead performed songs that made people laugh. The audience knew if I took the mic that they should stop drinking to avoid wasting it from laughter. At one point I called a crowd up with me to sing “ever sperm is sacred’ only to find the whole house knew the song and joined in.

I chose this because it was major and I knew it wouldn’t die easily which is why I challenged it weekly on those nights. It took time but that’s gone now.

Fear of performing = Dead. I’ve taken it much further than that now which is why I am positive that fear is gone.

In issuing this challenge to you I don’t want ANY excuses as to why. I want you to pick something and go at it full force the first time. Once you know your limit PUSH those until they cease to exist for you. It’s not about how ‘big’ those things might seem to someone else, it’s about challenging them because they ARE big for you. That’s what matters.

Being afraid isn’t a bad thing, but we’ve come to fear it instead of learning to use it. I want you to get to know your fear, to see what it lets you do and what it is teaching you. Don’t expect this idiotic ‘no fear’ mentality to develop. I want you to be real about it and learn to gain strength from it. The goal of this ultimate challenge is to neutralize the impact fear has on your decisions not remotely to ‘erase’ it.

Now, since ‘challenges’ in this world aren’t as readily taken without needing to ‘report in’ I have an expectation that if you accept this that you will send me at least one submission detailing your story so that I can share it if I decide to. The strength in this challenge is the community response as well as the personal growth which is why this last step is essential to both challenges.

Tell me what you did, how you did it and what you learned from it.

“Let me tell you about scared. Your heart is beating so hard I can feel it through your hands. There’s so much blood and oxygen pumping through your brain it’s like rocket fuel. Right now you could run faster and you can fight harder. You can jump higher than ever in your life and you are so alert it’s like you can slow down time.What’s wrong with scared? Scared is a superpower! Your superpower!“ -Peter Capaldi 

Where do i find a good daddy that can really treat me like the boy I am?

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Anonymous asked:  Where do i find a good daddy that can really treat me like the boy I am?

Daddy Cade:

Please Note:

There won’t be a ‘too long, didn’t read’ here anymore. My time and my words are my gift to you. I craft them with the intention of helping you in one way or another and no answer is truly trivial. I made the choice to try with each of them and that means there’s something of value there. Hidden perhaps, tucked off to the side because discovering it is the real ‘help’ offered, but it’s there. If you want your answer you’re going to have to walk with me for a time and put in the work.

If you have read any of my essays you know my stance on trying and the value I place in you as a person. If you have not then open my archive and select text or ask and spend a day learning the lessons. There are years worth of lessons, secrets and most of all hope within the archive. Consume it while it exists. Each breath is borrowed from here forward, so make the best use of them.

The number one thing asked of Daddy blogs: Survey Says….

“Where do I find this??”

If that was an answerable question, I would be a remarkably wealthy man indeed. No, actually, I wouldn’t. I don’t believe happiness should be bartered for fiat currencies or leveraged against your self-esteem. I’d be doing exactly what I do, most likely, instead of emotional profiteering.

Sadly I have nothing more to offer you than what I already do: a way to reach your goal but to know where to put the X on your map. I can do precious little to help you beyond share you the history of people who have tried, fail and win, and what helped them along the way.

Amid my responses to questions is the same answer and the same offering. The key to finding the ‘him’ you seek is to be the best ‘you’ that you can be and to never surrender hope. What comes is seldom what you envision, your expectations poison the potential the universe will present to you just as much as your idea of what you offer does.

So many write asking for the tools to get what they want only to find my answer truly is: Then you must do the Work. There is no magical phrase to open the gates to this world. We are a rare, rare, breed amid a population of rare people so wondering why you cannot find them is a bit pointless. You can’t just walk to the store and buy happiness and finding this kind of relationship. Those centered on sex aren’t my focus here because you can pick up a phone and swipe your way to sating that need.

We, as men of one flavor or another, are not given true mentorship anymore. We are not granted the guidance of a lineage and history and, for the most part, seem to fumble our way in the dark on even things about our own bodies. Bearing in mind the absurd idea that being masculine means not having ‘feels’ that can be seen, we’re not even really taught about how the plumbing works or what to do when things go wrong.

In light of that, is it ANY wonder why there’s so much loneliness in our world?

Think of it by the numbers. Based on well inaccurate, but simple to visualize, statistics we break down like this:

A ‘gay’ person is approximately 1 in a group of ten. Ten in a hundred, a hundred in a thousand, so on. 10%. Take that image and center your mind on that group.

The same basic math seems to apply (in my experience) with the same variations only it’s more stark when you begin filtering by ‘fetish’. You can look at tumblr and porn for your percentages there because representation is also indication in this case. Instead of one in ten, you find us now at one in perhaps a hundred and that’s before you begin separating us into subgroups of which there are plenty.

Pretty bleak no? It begins to feel pointless, hopeless even, to try so..why do I seek to offer hope and direction when the numbers paint a picture like that? Believe me, I’ve asked myself the REAL question these ‘asks’ are looking for the answer to:

“Is it worth it to try?”

That’s why lies beneath asking me ‘how do I find a partner (insert flavor here)’. You aren’t just asking me what app to use to swipe your way to ever after, you’re asking me if you should bother at all. You’re seeking an answer from a stranger, as an ‘unbiased’ opinion and unfortunately for you, you’ve stumbled upon me because I’m the kind of person who won’t just say ‘yeah, sure’… I’m the kind of person that will sit with you, talk with you, walk with you until I am sure you no longer look back to see if I’m still there, and then plant my boot squarely in your ass to get you moving.

How’s that for a ‘sudden turn’ in a conversation? The more important question is, did it do it’s job and shock for a moment and bring your somnambulant gaze to heel and focus on what’s happening right here and right now? I hope the answer there is yes, because now we get to work. The time for ‘forehead kisses’ is past because what comes next is truth and it’s never tailored to your tastes.

Is it worth it to try to be happy?

Are you really so convinced of the absence of your worth that this thought ever crossed your mind? Perhaps there is the difference between umbra and penumbra, of being sad and truly enduring depression. For most of the world, your eyes are still partially open and dimmed shadow is what fills your vision but for those who have traveled fully in the darkness of sunless worlds.. we know what value any light has.

“life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness”. Not the guarantee, just the damned chance to stand up and REACH for it.. that is not happiness, even in seeking such, what it truly is can only be the pursuit of HOPE. Ask me now, what value hope as we stand here in the wreckage of the world we’d called our own, buried to our chests in the remains of our community and I will point you to where we are at this very moment: Still Here.

What value is there in trying to hope, to find happiness, or to shine our light at all? Surely your ego is not so great as to fully blind you to what you are doing by writing, to whom you are asking, and to everything that is happening now. That’s like walking into a burning building and asking why the water isn’t running cold from the taps. We’re here, now, because of hope. You can ask your question because of my refusal to surrender and let them win. WE can do THIS because I judge it worth it to try to helpyou.

What you must do now is learn to embrace ‘trying’.

It drives me a little mad how ‘success focused’ things have become. Success is the poorest teacher and does little to refine capacity. I do, what I do, because I failed a lot along the way. Broken hearts, darker days still than can be spoken of without ‘trigger’ warnings, and losses beyond comprehension for anyone not standing where I stood.

These were my mentors, these the ‘masters’ whom I studied carefully and methodically, so that I could prevent (or at least diminish) their hold on the future. I have ‘wisdom’ to give because I embraced those lessons a firm dedication to the ideal that it is not success nor failure that defines the value of a journey: it is that you never stop trying.

Win, lose, it doesn’t matter. Every time you get back up, the next time is a little easier even if you are hit harder than ever before. You don’t see the progress you’ve made, the strength you gain, when you make trying your way. All this said:

Reality is not bound by ‘numbers’ or assertions of probability.

I live in a place far removed from the ‘world’ by my own choosing. I knew full well that the ‘odds’ were not in my favor of finding anything at all and yet here I am, 14 years later (next month) with my partner. Literally: if I can do it, if I can find love through all the struggles I have had and living where I live, there is equal hope for anyone anywhere even when it seems ‘impossible’.

This is why I say to never surrender hope. I am proof that the journey is worthwhile and that by holding course by the light of that little star on the horizon you may yet find somewhere worth being. It wont’ be where you imagined, but it may find a way to be better than you can conceive of right now. I never thought I would be here, doing this, with you either yet that’s exactly what happened because I refused to let go of hope.

Yes, there is reason to believe you may yet find what you seek. No there’s no shortcut to it. Any ‘easy path’ to this leads to further sadness and a belief that because of pattern all that remains is failure. This is false doctrine and should be set on fire and left in the past so that by the light of its immolation you can find your path again.

Do not give up on hope. Never stop trying. Never, ever, let your past or current situation blind you to the potential of the future. There is more to be seen than you’ve dreamed, so while I cannot give you the passphrase to open the door, I can show you where to begin that someday you may reach it. No promises can exist beyond this:

The only thing that matters, in the end, is the journey from where you begin to where your life becomes story someone else will tell in memorial to the efforts you made along the way. Not every story leads to ‘ever after’ because ever after is the lie fairy tales would have you believe. Every day after reaching where ever after should begin is another story to write. Choose, now, to make those tales about hope and you may reach the distant shores of a place I have come to call “Home”.

My best, as always, go with you on your way forward.

-Daddy Cade.

How to find a Sir

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Alexander Martin:

This is the one question I get asked non-stop online. So, let’s preface the FUCK out of this post.

What this post is for:

- Boys who have literally just decided to delve into BDSM.

- A general pointer in some directions

- A complimentary post to the etiquette post.

What this post is not:

- I’m not dismissing anyone’s challenges inherent in dating.

- I’m not guaranteeing this WILL land you a man.

- This isn’t accounting for your personal approach to men or service.

If you live in a city:

YOU ARE ALMOST CERTAINLY IN LUCK!

I would start by Google searching your local leather bar. On the East Coast in the US almost all “Eagle” bars are leather bars. Try searching on Eagle [insert your city].

The next place to search for is dungeons in your city. Even if the dungeons are primarily straight clientele (they probably will be) they’re worth checking out because straight folks love to hook up gay men like they’re tying up loose ends or something. If you find a dungeon, I suggest volunteering to help out. It will ingratiate you to other folks, get you in for free, and give you an opportunity to socialize.

Hop onto Recon and Fetlife and create a profile. I’ll talk about what you should have in your profile under the etiquette post.

Attend munches! Munches are purely social meals usually held when a Sunday brunch would be. They are intended as a casual place to get to know someone before engaging in play. In fact, no one should be playing at a munch. That is a big social fopah. Munches are also useful because kinksters talk about each other. If someone is spoken of poorly, do make sure you get a few opinions. Sometimes, bad blood exists between two kinksters and if you ask someone about their ex don’t be surprised if they have a negative opinion.

If you live in a suburban area:

That’s tricker. Like you kinksters probably do live in your area, but it is rare for established kink gay bars to be located too far out from public transit of a city. You’ll probably end up going into the city and making some kinkster friends and then luring them back to your place for parties. Just follow through on most of the advice above.

If you live in a rural area:

This is a really bad place to live if you’re in for kink. The best advice I can give is set up recon and fetlife and try to see if you can find someone locally. You may not be able to, but do maintain the profile. If someone else in your area tries the same thing, you don’t want them to see a blank search result like you did… you want them to find you.

Travel will be your best friend. Vacation in major cities, get out to the dungeons and bars in those cities and maximize your time. If possible move. If kink is a really important part to your sex life this is probably the best thing for you. If it’s something that would be fun and you could live without, then you can stop reading here.

Know what you’re looking for:

This may sound obvious but this one seems to elude a lot of people. Know the kind of dominant that turns you on. What’s his personality like? What’s his build like? What MUST he be into? What are some optional interests you’d like him to have? How old is he?

Keep in mind, you may not find a PERFECT man, but it’s important to have a clearer sense what you’re looking for. As Dan savage is fond of saying, most of us have to “round up to the ‘one’.” Once you have that in mind, summarize it down to the key points and put it in your online profile. Yeah, many men don’t read them, but some do and those who do can self select if they know your tastes.

Self improvement:

So you know what your optimal guy looks like. Do YOU look like that? A lot of gay men look like the kind of men they want to fuck. You do NOT have to change your entire appearance if doing so would make you intensely unhappy, but just be aware that opposites do attract, but do so more rarely in the gay community. Work on your shape and see if you can match the body type of your dreams more closely.

What skills do you have? Are you a good cook? Are you a diligent cleaner? Do you know how to boot black? Are you a masseuse? Emphasize those. And if you don’t have a skill, learn one, hone it, and take some pride in it. You want something to make yourself stand out a little. There are a LOT of subs out there and a skill you can emphasize on top of looking the part and having the right kinks will make you seem like the full package, like someone no smart dominant could pass up having in their life.

Be self confident. I cannot stress this one too much. How you get there is up to you but when you get there be sure you believe that dominants want you.

Manners:

I’m going to address this more fully in another post as I found it too much to put here. Don’t scoff! @bredbeta serves me because he looked the part, and was exceedingly polite. It was such a breath of fresh air I made him mine.

And that’s largely it. That should be a good way for everyone to at least get started and get some kinksters in your friend circle. Next up, read up on etiquette! Good luck.