Hundreds more articles like this can be found
at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!
imperium2000:
Yes, I have one. Several years back, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid. Yes, it sucks. No sense putting lipstick on a pig. Luckily, it often doesn’t interfere with play, but it can and has.
The drugs I take daily have had several effects apart from the disease itself. Not the least of which has been to drive my sex drive into the floor, through the floor, and into the basement. I thank god for my beautiful husband who cares not about such things. Love and sex are, after all, completely different things.
But, as a dom, albeit a gentle one, it also creates peculiar challenges. And I’ve compiled this little list for subs and doms about how to deal with shit like this.
1). Fatigue - When a dom tires easily, ask what you can do for him to keep the scene going if you don’t want a break. Not all bondage is physical. It can be emotional and mental. Tasks, chores, submissive postures, for example. But don’t push him to do something he just can’t do at the moment. It’s frustrating and demoralizing.
2). While I love rope, it can be hard to work with sometimes. I’ve invested more in leather restraints and locks. Much faster and not too hard on the joints. Fort Troff, Mr. S, 651 all have what you need. Buckles are easier than knots.
3). I’m up front with the sub. I don’t hide any sexual or physical issues I might be having. BDSM is all about honesty. And many subs, I find, even like removing oral or anal sex as a play factor. And this also allows me as a dom to be more centered on his safety and his emotional needs. A sub gives. A dom can, too.
4). No pity. On a bad day, I hate being pitied. It is what it is. If the dom wants to talk to the sub about any problems, though, the sub should listen. A sub can be a support, make suggestions, articulate wants. The dom can still call the shots, and the sub is still submissive. The verbal dynamic can be as exciting as the physical.
5). Breaks. We all need breaks. BDSM done right is exhausting. Breaks agreed upon not only allow rest, but time to process and time to provide quality aftercare. Doms, subs need aftercare even if they say they don’t. The only questions are degree and intensity.
6). Ask. While some subs find it uncomfortable, I ask whether or not they are getting sufficient play and if their needs are being met. This opens the door to the sub, tells him it’s ok to speak honestly and forthrightly. Most subs are actually happy with pretty much anything, I find.
7). Medications. Now, the crap I have to take has no emotional or mental effects at all. But I tell the sub this, going back to honesty. But either way, if you have to take something like that, don’t play while under the influence. It’s dangerous. Plan play around your dosing schedule if this is an issue. And that goes for everybody. Safety in all things.
bdsmlibraryxo: - Further Resources
