Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?

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I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you're a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy. That all else in your life will just fall into place, all because you've accepted a side of yourself that in reality, few people will ever see. But is that really the key to my happiness?? Career, family, friends, money, none will offer the happiness that being a faggot or slave will?? Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?? Or is it more a Tumblr fantasy??

Alexander Martin:

Thanks for the question Anon!

Statement: I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you’re a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy.

Commentary: Ehhhhhhh. It’s a path TO happiness. It’s true that some submissives really spend a lot of time making themselves miserable trying to avoid being themselves, but that’s the same thing as being gay and denying it. Sure, there are subs out there for whom embracing their submissive side IS absolutely transformative but that’s not true for everyone. I would think about embracing submission as the same sort of relief as an introvert who stops trying to keep up with their extroverted friends. Sure, you can make an effort and go against your nature/personality but it feels a lot better to go along with it.

Query: But is that really the key to my happiness?? Career, family, friends, money, none will offer the happiness that being a faggot or slave will??

Commentary: Ha, I couldn’t answer that. Everyone is motivated by different things. I think that you already have a sense of what motivates you, but… at the same time. Do consider that embracing submission (if it’s something you haven’t done, and it sounds like you haven’t) is an emotionally fulfilling experience for submissives. If you are a submissive, I would encourage you to embrace it in the same way that you embrace the many dimensions of yourself. You have a side that has professional needs for development and growth. You have a side of you that may long to deepen connections with family and friends. You probably have a side of you that deeply loves your hobbies.

Does being a submissive HAVE to be the core of who you are? Naw, but it can still be fulfilling as a dimension of you. Everyone’s experience is unique. And that’s a distinction from simply “different”. You might find you can’t live without it or that it simply is fun spice in the bedroom or anything in between. And that’s what’s so fascinating about it. Who will you blossom into when introduced to kink. So why is it so PRESSED by the Tumblr collective horny consciousness? TONS of reasons.

Here’s a few:

Doms enjoy the ego trip of being the first to convince a boy to explore submission with them.

Submissives who DID find submission to be a transformative experience and moved past fears or doubts to embrace themselves want to encourage others to share their experience. After all, if we feel good, we want others to feel good with us.

Society generally discourages men from expressing emotions or desires outside of aggression. There is a hump that needs to be overcome to convince would be boys TO submit.

Society generally demands conformity from us. It chooses to demonize submission. There’s no demon to be found in submission, it’s just another aspect of a personality. There is no shame in being who you are.

It’s scary to submit, to give up power to someone you see as deserving of your power. What if he rejects you, what if you don’t serve him well enough, or what if he hurts you? How do YOU as a person deal with your own submissive tendencies? Do you feel shame? Regret?

Speaking of feeling scared to submit, isn’t it a nice thought that if you can just bring yourself TO submit that some form of genuine happiness is on the other side? Doesn’t that carrot seem worth grasping for?

But to directly embrace your question: “Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person??” Of course, I don’t know. Find out. Not every person who embraces dominance, submission, or the path of a switch ends up living their role in hierarchies and leather families. But with some exceptions, there are quite a few people who never saw that need coming until they got into this. I’m one of them. I never knew how badly I was missing this part of me until I tried dominance and having one experience I ached for more and when I fed that ache it filled in such a part of me that had never been fed that I knew I could never go without power exchange again.

As for your final question: “Or is it more a Tumblr fantasy??”

There are tons of fantasy on here, all day, every day. I write a bunch of it. Depends on what you’re reading. Sometimes it’s erotic to push a true thought or experience to its extreme and imagine what that’s like. Other times it’s the most intense recounting of a true experience. But there really ARE people who are transformed by kink.

I ramble a lot, but I hope this was helpful.

My Submission is Earned

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sweetpussyboy: I am frustrated.

Recently, I have been coming across men who feel that they are entitled to my submission. The mere fact that I identify myself as such has given these men the idea that I exist simply to please them. In a certain context, I agree with the sentiment, but, and this is an important butt (I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself), this particular context excludes men I know nothing about.

I choose whom and when I want to serve.

It is not an arbitrary decision based solely on whether a person identifies themselves as a Dom, Daddy, Sir, Alpha or what have you. It is more nuanced than that. Simply identifying yourself as any of these things does not earn you my unconditional submission, or much of anything really. Outside of addressing you be your preferred title, I owe you nothing.

It is insulting to the Men I choose and wish to serve. These Men have worked hard – in so many different ways – to be the Men that they are. Men that impress me and have qualities that I admire. They are profound and make me dream of learning all that they know and think about; they are sweet and treat me with kindness but are bold and know exactly what they desire. They command my attention naturally, they do not demand it. Nor do they demand my submission, as it is given to them freely.

It is insulting to me if you think otherwise. Nowhere do I ever describe myself as a fag, a slave or an inferior. I do not state that I am a hole for any to use. That is not who or what I am, nor is what I desire to be. Do not treat me as such. I am sensitive, fragile and frighten easily, but I am also very curious. I do not need selfish, foolish men ruining my need to explore.

I am an individual with my own desires and aspirations. To me, it is a beautiful thing to meet a Man whose sexuality is complimentary to my own. I see it as my duty to serve Him, but that isn’t why I choose to do it. I do it because it fills me with joy, fulfills my very core and makes me happy. I believe it is more rewarding to meet someone that genuinely wants to do the things you want them to do.

When I meet these Men, it is my aim to fulfill their every desire and that pushes me to explore new things I may have otherwise not been interested in. They have earned this.

If you have not, then do not dictate to me what your ‘expectations’ are. You do not decide my physical appearance, whether I should or shouldn’t have body or facial hair, if I should be locked up in chastity, what clothing I should wear or how I should behave. I do not need or want to prep myself 50 different ways from Sunday to meet someone for the first time. I will present myself to you how I choose to.

If meeting a list of expectations is a stipulation for meeting you, we are not a match. We all have preferences and I don’t yet care enough to get to know yours. Make me curious to know them and want to fulfill them.

To those Men who know how to treat a boy, I thank you. To my fellow pussyboys, expect only the best because you’re worth it.

Yours in perversion,

-spb, xoxo

TL;DR: I am mine, not yours. If you want me to be yours, show me you’re worth it.

Am I Flawed, Or Am I Doing Just Fine?

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Sir. I’m happily & proudly submissive. I thrive on humiliation, degradation, some pain, high expectations & frankly, getting fucked often. This feeds me sexually, spiritually, intellectually & psychologically. I’ve been asked if I was abused as a child & if this might be a form of re-traumamatization. 
I was bullied relentlessly and emotionally neglected, but I find my submission therapeutic. I’m rewriting my story with an ending in which I thrive & am fulfilled. Am I just fooling myself? 

Papa Tony:

Frankly, you are speaking on behalf of a LOT of people. I have no certificates of professional attainment hanging on my wall. I am just an opinionated old guy who has met (and grown to know) many thousands of kinky folks.

For me, your last few sentences say it all. You sound entirely functional and self-aware.

Whenever I get asked something like this, I like to ask two rhetorical questions:

- Are you in jail?

- Are you dead from your activities?

Being rhetorical, these questions are meant to make my point:

You have reached this age, having made conscious adult decisions in order to cope with how your life has gone. I am assuming that your proclivities have not been used to harm others without their permission. You are clearly continuing to work out ways to do well in your life… You’re not just surviving, you are thriving.

Folks who will judge you from outside of your own experience are projecting their biases upon you. It’s what folks do. In cases like this, I like to give away one of my favorite mantras:

“The Dogs Bark, and the Caravan Moves On.”

This means that folks will always lay “shoulds” upon us. It doesn’t obligate us to take on their judgments. If somebody has not walked around inside our highly-polished kinky boots for a few miles, then they can have all of the opinions that they want.

They just can’t really affect us, unless we allow them to have that power over us.

Please, be YOU. If how you live your life stops being useful, valuable or practical, I trust you to pivot to another way of being that works better. For YOU.

The following sentence really jumped out at me:

“I’m rewriting my story with an ending in which I thrive & am fulfilled.”

That’s a very evolved viewpoint. I talked about something similar here.

In my own case, I was heavily traumatized as a child. As a result, I have made decisions that have worked well for ME for the last half a century. Those decisions went in an entirely different direction, compared to yours.

Big deal. Come sit by me, and let’s be friends. Let’s swap some sensational coping-mechanisms!

Why true SM enriches the slave in its life

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fearslave:

1.       It makes you special. There’s so many people keeping looking for the answer of who they are, and to define that you need your specialty. BDSM is such a special thing and the skills and experiences required is like those for an acrobat. It’s like hot spicy food that’s not for everybody, and it’s so extreme in most common eyes - isn’t it also a cool thing that not everyone can understand you? You’ll be unique in a world that does not quite get it.

2.       It brings extreme pleasure and happiness. BDSM is self-actualization that’s way beyond satisfaction of food, sex or achieving something in your life. Everything and every part of your body become a tool for pleasure. To get pleasure through pain, to get freedom through submission, to get happiness through abuse, are all the ultimate ways exist in this world and you don’t need to look further.

3.       It makes your life more meaningful. There are more responsibility and commitment in BDSM lifestyle so you have more to achieve besides common life things. As a slave, you’ll have a Master to submit to, to fulfill His needs, to make Him happy, to change to His likes, which all give you better purpose to live. Master becomes your flesh-and-blood god who can interact with you in human ways. A more meaningful life is a life of giving back. Your selfishness makes way for the opposite.

4.       It makes your life more exciting. BDSM is an adventure. People who finds it will get endless possibilities of excitement. Besides common life excitement, such as a bungee jump or a motorbike riding, you now get a whole new world to explore and never get bored. As for sex, it makes sex more creative and that’s much more than position changes. Be careful, it’s addictive although healthier than drugs.

5.       It makes you stronger. BDSM is a kind of extreme sports, save the fact that there’s play called “forced workout”. Each session is a great exercise to your body and soul. As a slave you’ll even still work out when fully tied up in a static position, and your will power gets stronger with each endurance of pain and abuse.

6.       It makes you healthier. If you life is full of pleasure and happiness, of course your health will be improved. Also, there’s scientific evidence to prove BDSM makes you more endorphin and other good stuff to help your health. A lot of life stress can also be released in BDSM sessions.

7.       It helps you avoid trivial things to waste your life. As a slave, you have your ultimate safety and security from Master, and there’s less to worry about. You can concentrate much more in BDSM and avoid wasting time on many trivial and meaningless things, such as what to wear or where to eat. Master decides a lot of, if not all, aspects of your life and you just leave them to Master’s hand with a peaceful mind. What’s left is only the focus to please Master and nothing more. As a slave i’m proud i’m living in it now.

8.       It gives you deeper affection than love and friendship. Affections in BDSM can be so strong that go beyond the love and friendship that common people experience. It’s something invaluable in life and cannot be found anywhere else, and a rare enrichment to life.

9.       It makes you explore and excel in multiple personalities and disciplines. You may become more successful in your career, as a respected professional or a boss with huge responsibility and power in society, because that’s the way to benefit Master more and make Him proud more, and you’ll also become so submissive and obedient in front of your Master as a well trained slave with all kinds of techniques to willingly please Him as if you were born like that. Even better, you become skillful to switch between multiple personalities and disciplines without any difficulty. To do something you like for a living is the best combination you can get. The endless imagination can be implemented in real life, and while enjoy all the happiness, you can also enjoy BDSM’s support to your life and benefit your Master, as a porn star, a toy maker, a book writer or anything else. No one would do better than someone who’s really passionate about his work.

10.   It makes your life truly “yours”. BDSM promotes honesty in a hard way, and requires you to be true to yourself and your deepest feeling. Maybe the session is called “play”, but for both parties involved, it’s real, no judgment from ordinary view, no hiding from anything. It makes you live your life in a frank and brave way, and what you do reflects your ultimate free will. As a slave, the appearing “no freedom” actually put its life back to its own decision, and it’s not anyone else to judge.

A boy's Purpose

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dirtydaddythings:

STORY TIME!!!

So tonight my Sir and I had decided we were going to have a scene. We had not been able to use our dungeon for the past month due to me being sick and organizing our garage. But today we cleaned everything up and set our dungeon back up. Now, my Sir and I have been together for almost a year and a half. We have had a decent amount of play time and scenes over this time. However, tonight was different. 

As I stood there with my bare back to my Sir, hands at my side and legs spread shoulder width apart, he started to flog me. We had been at this for at least 50 minutes already. I love being flogged so this was nothing new. But towards the end, I stood there, smiling and taking hit after hit. Then I felt this pressure in my chest. I felt different. But I was so relaxed that I just let whatever it was out. I was expecting a shout of pain but instead, I started to cry. I was confused at first, but then it hit me (literally haha), I was genuinely happy. 

I was so far into subspace that I even forgot my own name. I just wanted to make sure Sir was taken care of and was having a good time. He came over to check on me and instantly asked if I was ok. I just nodded and kept crying. He took me over to the chair and put me in his lap. He sat there, holding me, and telling me that he will always be there. My Sir has done so much for me over this past year and a half. I appreciate everything he has done for me. 

But tonight, I found my purpose in life. 

I am a boy. I am a pup. I am a boypup. I am part of the BDSM lifestyle and Leather/Fetish community. And most importantly, I love my Sir/Daddy @atlantean-perversions. He has been a part of the community and lifestyle for the past 10 years. I have only been around for 3 (soon 4). But thank you for believing in me and standing by me. I know together, we will go far. He will stand by me as I continue my journey and I will stand by him. 

So to everyone out there reading this, please know that there is someone out there who believes in you no matter what.

Daddy says: Thank you for sharing this moment with us. It’s a very important lesson that more people need to take to heart.

i'm a sub it turns out.

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Anonymous asked : Hi Sir, i'm a member of the armed services and i have recently come to realize that that thing missing form my sex life was kink, i'm a sub it turns out. But my job needs me to be super macho and masculine. How do i reconcile these two opposing sides of me? i want to submit to a Dom but the other side of my life is conflicting with it. I hope i was able to express myself in a way that you can understand Sir im not the word smith you are.

Daddy Cade:

The only conflict I see is that caused by you, standing in the middle and seeing one choice to your left and the other to your right. You do not yet grasp that they are not separate things at all and that the only disparity is caused by a forced perspective on the idea of strength and submission as being opposed concepts. They are not, not at all.

Submission requires a level of trust that exceeds most peoples concepts of ‘strength’ and, if I were to take it to the most obvious of places, your job requires you to be subordinate (submissive) to the instruction of Superiors. What you mistakenly perceive of as weakness is the very qualities that can make you an exemplary soldier.


Consider this: What traits are considered noble in the armed services? If you were to list them off without thinking about it, what appears at the forefront of that list? Duty, Honor, Commitment, Dedication, Determination..I can keep going but I suspect at this point you’ve already begun to see my real point. Ask yourself what those most respected qualities are in a submissive and then you’ll see my point.

Recognizing your submissive nature is an exercise in those things. They are not something you put on and take off like a pair of handcuffs; they are part of your character as a person first and a submissive second. Everything I ask of a ‘student’, submissive or Dominant, is found in that list. Be you PFC Jones, Artillery or little billy blue, it doesn’t matter when examining the traits that underlay the capacity to fulfill those roles.


You would be terribly mistaken if you were to assume that being soft or gentle implies a lack of strength or that trust is weakness. Silk under duress does not break until long after every other weave had split. A “band of brothers” without trust is nothing. Duty? What is a soldiers Duty? To country? To his squad? To his commander? Come now… 

What you need, I think, is to realize that not only are you already acting in a submissive position, but have been exploring those same qualities with pride because they were in a different context that’s normally laden with ‘macho’ imagery. The image of the sub/boy in your mind is equally buried under layers of illusion and both ideas are in desperate need of a sit down, face to face, meeting because they are long separated twins.

I say this because I do not teach a ‘sub’ to be weak, nor accept weakness. I teach him to understand his inherent flaws then show him how to build strength from there. The ability to surrender the burden of the day is something everyone should find somewhere in their lives but that is where the idea of submission and Dominance in your mind has come from.

It’s not about being macho, you can very much be a macho sub (I can point you two a few if you’d like) its about being able to stop. Having someone there who tells you what to do, and you listen, is something you are used to now so it is not that large a step from one part of your life into this new arena.

I hope by this point you’ve come with me and begun to see the ‘opposite’ you’re identifying isn’t so at all. They are part of you and not even sides of the same coin. They ARE the same face of the same coin. The opposite of being this would be the Ordinant or Dominant role as it is the compliment that completes the whole of Dom/sub power dynamics.

I understand where you are coming from with this question, and even understand where the point of view originates and it’s OK to be wrong about this. You aren’t given the truth of it anywhere else but from within it because it seems contradictory, even in opposition, that a submissive position can be a strong one but I also know where that idea comes from.
Submission and passivity are not the same thing.

It’s a common misunderstanding in how roles and power dynamics function that a submissive is a passive participant in a scene having sublimated and surrendered themselves to the will of another. This, in practice, is actually not true at all. A ‘submissive’ does not surrender, they submit. The distinction is rather large between the two. Yes you can be willing to do anything to please your Sir but it is (incoming key point here ) always by choice.

To truly submit you must make the Knight’s Choice: To servea King. An empty hand has nothing to give and only demands to be filled or taken. This is not submission. A hand that lays the sword at the feet of his king in fealty, offering loyalty and dedication, is the hand that knows submission. To him will you be loyal, to him do you defer but never do you surrender your Identity, your Will, to be sublimated by his. They are in fact what make you invaluable as submissive because they are the gift you give him. Your trust, your loyalty, your strength; these are the offering, the submission.

It is student to Master, knight to King, that submission is made and from where it springs is the respect, trust, and determination of being worthy made by the ‘submissive’ about the Dominant. The part of you that seeks to be submissive is seeking trust that can be given to someone who has earned it and proven himself to be truly worthy of that gift.

The work you do now requires a great deal of you. The idea of being able to put everything aside (for a time perhaps having it taken from you until you learn to set it down yourself) and simply exploring the sense of peace and serenity in being able to trust someone absolutely presents a conflict with what you do now, but it is only an illusion.

Even those into the most extreme objectification are still only submissive because they have chosen this and still retain the power to say No. It takes nerves of steel to endure for pleasure what some do to torture another and there is little more unsettling than attempting to punish someone only to discover their a bit on the ‘kinky’ side and enjoy it.

Take this discovery about yourself, explore it, accept it and then incorporate it. Learn the Lesson of Silk, and let the last thing you surrender be your fear that being submissive will make you weak. It will not. That’s the lie you’ve been told. Knowing who and what you are makes you stronger once the things you learn are part of you. Embrace your submissive side. Listen to it for it may reveal things you weren’t aware of before about the world around you.

Just as revealing the ‘dominant aura’ can awaken a submissive in it’s presence, a realized submissive can awaken that dominant simply by being around them. It’s physics nothing more or less than the attraction between two things that create a whole when unified. You are being challenged with that same thing within yourself: To accept what you see as weakness is truly strength and to have the strength to accept that weakness as part of who you are.

The only weakness in you is created by a fear of being ‘weak’. Silence it by bringing your two ‘halves’ into harmony within your mind. Set aside these ideal illusions and accept the reality that you have always been submissive, and that it has never once made you weak.

A boy who finds his Sir is not weaker for it. He is stronger because in harmony they make one another exponentially more powerful. You know where home is, you know where safe is, and you know that you can return there but more than this: you know that the ONLY one worthy of your submission is your Sir. No other man may make you bend, no other man may demand anything of you that you do not first permitthem to.

I took a boy who would become withdrawn, silent and hide, in a group of four or more people and helped him find his true strength. Now he is a leader who understands the value of role, duty, and the true nature of authority. It makes him a bit of a pain in the ass to others but no one would ever accuse him of shirking his duty or balking at a task because it was difficult. He leads, earning respect and loyalty, because he learned to follow. He knows there is often more strength in the gentle hand than anywhere else. He has grown strong as my boy because in being a boy, he has found a strength the world of ‘men’ deny exists.


I hope, here at the end, that you’ve begun to see what I am saying. It’s not an easy thing reconciling or dismantling concepts that you’ve always held but with some dedication and perspective you will come to see what I am trying to show you. When that day comes, when the ‘a ha’ moment arrives, smile and wear that invisible badge with pride.

-Daddy Cade.

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babygirl-1972

I am a strong, independent woman. I am a school bus driver and that requires a lot of back bone and strength. I also run my own business. I am also a submissive. I am not passive. I am not a door mat . AND I am certainly NOT weak! Submissives are strong people who kneel for the one who has EARNED the gift of submission.

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nyxidervish:

👏 Preach @babygirl-1972 Speaking cautiously as a female dominant, my observation is that submission doesn’t threaten masculinity or power. If anything, unlocking a hidden part of yourself and being free to be genuine may strengthen those things. The perception that submission has anything to do with gender or weakness is just misinformation. I know that my sub is a very “masculine” man and that he is recognized as a leader in every part of his life except ours. That doesn’t stop him from being the most succulent little subby within our relationship.

The Key To My Happiness?

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Anonymous asked :

I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you're a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy.That all else in your life will just fall into place, all because you've accepted a side of yourself that in reality, few people will ever see. But is that really the key to my happiness?? Career, family, friends, money, none will offer the happiness that being a faggot or slave will?? Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?? Or is it more a Tumblr fantasy??

Alexander Martin:

Thanks for the question Anon!

Statement: I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you’re a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy.

Commentary: Ehhhhhhh. It’s a path TO happiness. It’s true that some submissives really spend a lot of time making themselves miserable trying to avoid being themselves, but that’s the same thing as being gay and denying it. Sure, there are subs out there for whom embracing their submissive side IS absolutely transformative but that’s not true for everyone. I would think about embracing submission as the same sort of relief as an introvert who stops trying to keep up with their extroverted friends. Sure, you can make an effort and go against your nature/personality but it feels a lot better to go along with it.

Query: But is that really the key to my happiness?? Career, family, friends, money, none will offer the happiness that being a faggot or slave will??

Commentary: Ha, I couldn’t answer that. Everyone is motivated by different things. I think that you already have a sense of what motivates you, but… at the same time. Do consider that embracing submission (if it’s something you haven’t done, and it sounds like you haven’t) is an emotionally fulfilling experience for submissives. If you are a submissive, I would encourage you to embrace it in the same way that you embrace the many dimensions of yourself. You have a side that has professional needs for development and growth. You have a side of you that may long to deepen connections with family and friends. You probably have a side of you that deeply loves your hobbies.

Does being a submissive HAVE to be the core of who you are? Naw, but it can still be fulfilling as a dimension of you. Everyone’s experience is unique. And that’s a distinction from simply “different”. You might find you can’t live without it or that it simply is fun spice in the bedroom or anything in between. And that’s what’s so fascinating about it. Who will you blossom into when introduced to kink. So why is it so PRESSED by the Tumblr collective horny consciousness? TONS of reasons. Here’s a few:

Doms enjoy the ego trip of being the first to convince a boy to explore submission with them.

Submissives who DID find submission to be a transformative experience and moved past fears or doubts to embrace themselves want to encourage others to share their experience. After all, if we feel good, we want others to feel good with us.

Society generally discourages men from expressing emotions or desires outside of aggression. There is a hump that needs to be overcome to convince would be boys TO submit.

Society generally demands conformity from us. It chooses to demonize submission. There’s no demon to be found in submission, it’s just another aspect of a personality. There is no shame in being who you are.

It’s scary to submit, to give up power to someone you see as deserving of your power. What if he rejects you, what if you don’t serve him well enough, or what if he hurts you? How do YOU as a person deal with your own submissive tendencies? Do you feel shame? Regret?

Speaking of feeling scared to submit, isn’t it a nice thought that if you can just bring yourself TO submit that some form of genuine happiness is on the other side? Doesn’t that carrot seem worth grasping for?

But to directly embrace your question: “Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person??” Of course, I don’t know. Find out. Not every person who embraces dominance, submission, or the path of a switch ends up living their role in hierarchies and leather families. But with some exceptions, there are quite a few people who never saw that need coming until they got into this. I’m one of them. I never knew how badly I was missing this part of me until I tried dominance and having one experience I ached for more and when I fed that ache it filled in such a part of me that had never been fed that I knew I could never go without power exchange again.

As for your final question: “Or is it more a Tumblr fantasy??”

There’re tons of fantasy on here, all day, every day. I write a bunch of it. Depends on what you’re reading. Sometimes it’s erotic to push a true thought or experience to its extreme and imagine what that’s like. Other times it’s the most intense recounting of a true experience. But there really ARE people who are transformed by kink.

I ramble a lot, but I hope this was helpful.

Dying to know what it feels like to finally grind a submissive boy under your boot? Is your mouth dry at the thought of calling a Man, Sir? Ask me anything.

I’m just not that “sub” socially

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Anonymous asked :

I’m sorry if this question has already been asked. I’ve been really wanting to experiment with being submissive. But I’m just not that “sub” socially. Generally I’m confident, independent, and prefer making my own choices (and maybe a little stubborn lol). I think that’s where I’m running into issues. Is the submission part a sexual thing or do people who fill that role actually think of themselves as lesser than the dom? Or is it more of a role play? Thanks, Overthinking in Orlando

Alexander Martin:

Hey Overthinking in Orlando,

I quite like that you gave yourself a cute identity for the letter. I feel like a real kinky advice giver. Also, don’t worry about re-asking readers. Tumblr is by its nature transitory and fixated on the new. It’s difficult to create a body of work that’s searchable. Have a seat on my kinky chaise lounge and let’s chat.

Statement: I’m just not that “sub” socially. Generally, I’m confident, independent, and prefer making my own choices (and maybe a little stubborn lol). I think that’s where I’m running into issues.

Comment: I’ve met a lot of folks who are not particularly submissive outside of the bedroom who practically put the leash to the collar into your hands as soon as the door closes. There are lots of subs who are even in charge at work and can perform their job and duties but when they come home, they’re EXHAUSTED by giving orders and need to ease back into their submissive nature.

Question: Is the submission part a sexual thing or do people who fill that role actually think of themselves as lesser than the dom? Or is it more of a role play?

Answer: The aspect that you reference of “feeling less than” that’s a specific kink, and it even has two different sources: Humiliation and/or degradation. As a result, like any kink, not every sub feels that way. My boy for example in NO way feels less than me. As for whether those subs feel that way? Yeah, some of them do. Some of them need to. It’s just how they work and what they need. The degree to which any of them consider it just roleplay varies from person to person.

Support: The obvious question then is, “Do YOU need to feel that way?” No. You don’t. I’ve never been in subspace but it is an interesting space to observe and hear recounted back. You may find, should you pursue your sub side, that you feel in a bit of awe of the Dominant Man/Men that you serve. That’s a really common experience among subs and one that I think gets translated into the concept of a “Superior Man” because that’s what is part of the cultural erotic imagination.

You know, you said in your question above that you’re confident and independent in your day to day life. I just want to make sure that you understand that submissives are not weak. It takes a lot of strength to give up control to a Man that you’d want to play with. It’s really scary too. Subs don’t give up because they’re weak, they give up because they know themselves so well that they know this is needed. Now for some, giving up that control makes them FEEL weak and they derive erotic pleasure from it. But there’s a point where once a submissive gets himself to the point where he’s with a dominant, where he can truly let go, and he just kind of collapses into that Man’s arms.

I’d advise you to explore that submission with someone. I’d also advise you to set some high standards for that someone. There are actually a lot of kinksters in Florida. Not that it’s close, but there’s the Tampa Leatherman’s club and I know Orlando is also a major city so there may be other opportunities there. When you submit, have a safe word, if you don’t like what’s happening, remember no matter how you feel you can always walk away from a person or a scene. And during the scene? If he feels like the right guy?

Try on the persona of the sub who roleplays weak. Just to see how it feels. Either way you’ll get some important insight into yourself and your needs. Lastly, people who aren’t submissives don’t enjoy submitting. If you try this, if you find that you do or don’t enjoy it, both possibilities are useful information. It is ALWAYS better to know yourself a little bit better. 

Strength In Submission

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Anonymous asked: I’m a young male (early 20’s), in my personal and work life in very dominant, workout a lot, pretty well built, and masculine over all. But I love submitting and being fucked and used by men of all kinds, as long as their cocks are satisfied. I love and hate this about myself. But I find after serving tops and doms I’m extremely ashamed. I feel like I’m a weak man and that I’m worthless afterwards. Aftercare isn’t an issue but I don’t know what to do.
I feel that in every other aspect of life I’m an alpha male or at least feel and act like one, but once I’m in front of another man who wants me I’m completely submissive. I love it, I love being used by a man and pleasuring him, being his slut. But afterwards I’m extremely conflicted and ashamed, and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m not a real man.”

Alexander Martin:

I’m going to take some of the points in your message that stand out to me:
I feel that in every other aspect of life I’m an alpha male or at least feel and act like one
in my personal and work life in very dominant, workout a lot, pretty well built, and masculine over all. 

I love submitting and being fucked and used by men. I love and hate this about myself. 

I’m extremely conflicted and ashamed, and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m not a real man.

I’m extremely ashamed. I feel like I’m a weak man and that I’m worthless afterwards.

Let’s start with that first and second bullet points. You might be surprised to hear this, but what you mean when you say “alpha” and what anyone else says varies. Perhaps you mean that you present in a traditionally masculine fashion, with traditionally masculine interests, and your traditional masculinity is recognized, lauded and celebrated by those around you. Since you’re writing a kink blog for advice, you might even mean you feel dominant in that way outside of the bedroom.

If any of that is true… Well, let’s recognize that as a person with BDSM interests we’re already a departure of the norm. And doubly so for being gay. In day to day life, there are moments when I too have to be dominant and submissive in regular social interactions. I have to submit to my boss’ decisions, and I am dominant in a restaurant when ordering food. Even though I submit to social authority, that in no way dampens the dominance I feel in any other situation. So, what makes me a dominant then? It’s who I am if left to my own devices. I will decide any decision that needs making and my sex has always tended towards aggression and getting my way. In this same way, you are a submissive on the inside.

Looking at the third point. You even admit you love being fucked and used by men. The nature of the conflict is in who you think you’re supposed to be to be respected, and who you are on the inside. Perhaps you don’t see the strength in submission either for that matter. Do you know how lucky you are as a man (and yes you are very much a man my friend) to have found your bliss? I have known men (my father being one of them) who never truly found what they most enjoyed in the world and it is absolutely heartbreaking. Now that you’ve found it embrace it with all your heart. Be the very best submissive you can be! It will pay dividends when you stand beside a strong man who chose you as your own only when you chose him first. Someone who will make you weak in the knees and your cock gush like old faithful.

The fourth point. Your conflict likely stems from external validation you’ve received lifelong from being a masculine good-looking guy versus a new discovery about yourself. You’re afraid you’ll lose that external validation by being yourself. I gotta tell you though, as good as it feels to receive external validation, you need to have a balance. The strength within to feel assured in who you are by being in touch with that beautiful submissive soul on the inside, so that you can stand strong when you aren’t receiving the validation from the outside. I don’t know if your family or friends would approve of who you are but, in a way, it really doesn’t matter. We can’t change who we are. If we could I fear there would be a great many less submissives in the world and that would be a blow to the fabric of our community we dominants could not sustain. Find the courage to be boldly you.

Fifth point. As a submissive, you are a vital part of BDSM dominants cannot BE the amazing men they are without you to put their focus upon. How many people can say that they trust another so much as to allow themselves to be bound and believe in that dominant to care for you while using you for his pleasure? It takes a great deal of faith, trust, and inner strength to embrace the exhilaration of letting go.

In reading and answering these points I think you may feel a bit like an impostor. You present as a strong masculine man that anyone should want to be, but inside you are born to submit to men and you view those at odds. The truth is, both of those aspects are you to some extent or another. You couldn’t keep up the facade of being who you are for too terribly long. Either you would grow weary of the facade or you’d slip up. When you came out, it was to be yourself and not have to hide it any more. If… you can’t be yourself now… why did you come out at all? You can’t BE an impostor if all you’re trying to be is you. Don’t ever let anyone else define who you are. But if someone tells you about yourself and it feels like the truth… it is.

I sincerely hope that you were able to read through this beginning to end and find comfort in what I wrote. I hope that you’re able to come to peace with who you are and embrace the multifaceted and beautifully complex person that you are. It’s a shame to dull who you are for people that can’t appreciate you in your entirety. Best of luck. Let me know how life’s going.

What Is Slavery, And What Is It Not…

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sirmastermark:

slavery is NOT about suffering . . 
. .

slavery is about service.


slavery is NOT about humiliation . . 
. .

slavery is about humility.


slavery is NOT about pain . . 
. .

slavery is about being present.


slavery is NOT about being used . . 
. .

slavery is about being of use. 


slavery is NOT about control . . 
. .

slavery is about letting go. 


slavery is NOT about what is done to you . . 
. .

slavery is about what you do for others. 


slavery is NOT about abuse . . 
. .

slavery is about acceptance. 


slavery is NOT about proving anything . . 
. .

slavery is about being real. 


slavery is NOT about contempt . . 
. .

slavery is about respect.


slavery is NOT about how you look . . 
. .

slavery is about how much you care. 


slavery is NOT about denying yourself . . 
. .

slavery is about being open.

slavery is NOT about bondage . . 
. .

slavery is about freeing your spirit. 


slavery is NOT about punishment . . 
. .

slavery is about discipline.


slavery is NOT about being unable to escape . . 
. .

slavery is about being committed. 


slavery is NOT about submission . . 
. .

slavery is about obedience.


slavery is NOT about fear . . 
. .

slavery is about trust. 


slavery is NOT about sex . . 
. .

slavery is about love.


slavery is NOT about pleasure . . 
. .

slavery is about happiness

☛ THESE ARE WORDS OF WISDOM. (listen to them)

And once you remove your internet porn inspired fantasies and expectations, you can embrace & live a meaningful and rewarding submissive LIFE. 👉🏿❤️🔐 


The Need To Submit

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submissive4dominant:

i had a back and forth message conversation with a young sub over the weekend who was struggling to accept his desires. i recognised a lot of what i went through for a while. The questions: Why do i get off from serving, have extreme fantasies about being humiliated and tortured, why do i have this overwhelming need to be ‘owned, am i damaged in some way, will i ever find happiness?’.

In my own past, i did the reading, the psychological theories, i even had some therapy for a while. Every time they tried to jump on the idea of some form of abuse at an early age and that it all came from low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity or abandonment. Now, maybe that is true for some but it wasn’t for me and it didn’t seem to be for the sub i was talking to. i had an incredibly average childhood, supportive parents, not a lot of money so few luxuries but basically your average working class/blue collar family.

i’ve written before that the need to submit was there from an early age, before i was aware of sexuality even. And yes it’s a bit of a cliche but i was attracted to the rough older boys, was drawn to them like a moth to a flame, if they wanted to bully a kid, i was happy for them to do it to me. That was when i started jerking off, thinking about them and i went to them willingly. i was a popular kid, had loads of friends, was pretty good at my school work…again average.

i believe that being submissive is as much part of my wiring as being gay. it’s part of me. i’m no scientist but now we know about the gay gene, i wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a submissive gene, a dominant gene. But the main thing i wanted to say, and how i left it with the sub, was that at the end of the day, does it really matter where it comes from if you accept it and enjoy it?

Finding other subs and Doms to talk to was the key. Yes we are different, some subs want to be humiliated, some don’t, some Doms want complete control others are more flexible etc. What we get from spaces like tumblr is the knowledge that we are not alone…however twisted your fantasies. On here it seems you always find someone who’s fantasies are darker! But nothing beats one to one contact and i directed the sub to various leather/BDSM groups where he could meet others.

Once i was able to embrace my submissiveness, enjoy it, value it, whether it was the dark twisted non-consensual fantasies or the intimacy and dedication of real servitude/TPE, then i found peace and contentment. Don’t spend hours, days, weeks, years agonising about why am i like this, just get on with it and be proud of what you are able to offer. Trying to change who we are is the quickest route to lack of fulfillment and unhappiness.

i chose the pic above because the sub seems to have found that place of bliss and contentment in his servitude, happy to feel in his rightful place,

Sex and the Independent Slave

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imiklwhite:

We have talked about how slaves need to be independent even if they are in a committed relationship. Today we look at when they are out there in that snake pit called the dating pool!

It does not take long on any BDSM Master/slave chat site to find someone complaining about potential slaves. They are all begging for help. Many profiles and advertisements contain long lists of “needs” and “wants” and limitations of all kinds. It would appear they are only concerned with themselves.

By the same token, all the potential slaves are complaining that there is a shortage of Masters. Well yes, there are more bottoms than Tops and there are more slaves than Masters. This is not to imply that all Masters are Tops! That is NOT a requirement for Mastership. It just seems like whatever type you are looking for is going to be in a minority whenever you are looking. Neither does it take into account all of the various genders out there.

Please note, slave speaks of male Masters because my Master Indy is very male. Slave does have trouble keeping up with all of the various combinations available today. This limitation is on the part of slave. It does not imply or intend disrespect to any! So please, slave respectfully asks you to translate.

Here is yet another example of how important being independent is for the slave. Everyone has had troubles or problems in the past. You just don’t have to LEAD with them! The old saying that you can travel further with less baggage is so true. Leave the baggage at home.

Some misguided potential slaves think that if they appear vulnerable and needy, then Master’s will be attracted to them. Forget it. That kind of charity happens at the office not in a leather bar. Ever hear “There is no such thing as “mercy sex”?

Lets just think of it this way: which is more attractive to a Master? Someone who is weak and begging. Or some one who is self assured and in control of themselves? Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to a Master to have someone like that be willing, on his own, to agree to submit and be subservient? A strong man who bows his head and is willing to serve is more of an ego boast for a Master. A challenge that is won is more satisfying to achieve than a “freebee”.

Please: all potential slaves out there NOTE: the less you need something, the more likely you are to find it. This is NOT easy stuff here. Slave knows full well how empty a life was when I was not owned. How there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning when I had no one to serve. Slave understands that hollowness of having no Master.

However, no one told you the life was easy. No one guarantees that you will find happiness, or even fairness. Something as wonderful as having a Master to serve takes a bunch of hard work. Yes, a good Master will work you hard for you to become the best you possible. Still to get that wonderful thing, you have to work.

Never look like you need a job on an interview and never look like you will die if you don’t have a Master taking care of you.

Remember, you are there for His pleasure. Your please will come from pleasing Him. Deep inside you already know how much you want to nurture, to care for, to serve. Slave is only pointing out that you will feast as long as you don’t look hungry. 

To be a true slave, you must first Master yourself. Become that independent person. A head bows best if it is accustomed to being held up high! Present what you have to offer. Lead with how you are different from all of the twink sycophants out there. Show what you have, not what you have not!

Let slave admit to you, in writing this, I told Master that it is perhaps the

hardest of anything I have had to face and to write. The very thought of having to say a “Good bye” to My Master. Or to face not being owned by Him anymore, petrifies me.

At times, I’m in a gale force wind and Master tells me: “You will be OK, learn to bend with the wind.” Yet I am petrified of letting go. Master always has me face my greatest fears. Slave is strongest when he has trust. Real trust, not some phony word play trust. Life and death type trust.

Slave has that in His Master. I am always at my strongest with that trust.

If the wind lifts me off of my feet, I shall learn to fly.

However today you don’t have to learn to fly. You don’t have to face saying a “Good Bye” to the most important person in your life. No, you just have to want to be independent. Then as an independent slave, the sex will come.

If We Wait For The Perfect Submissive, We Will Wait Forever

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Anonymous:  hi daddy. i'm a boy with a few mental problems, mainly anxiety and depression. would it be best for me not to try and find any daddies or be involved in any sexual/romantic relationships until i fix myself? i get really really lonely, but at the same time i wouldn't want the other person to deal with some of the baggage i carry.

Unknown Author:

Why would that be for the best? Is there something broken or wrong with you? Those things may never change, may never go away fully, so what you’re saying to me is that you shouldn’t try to find a Daddy who will understand those things, care about you, and be the support you need to learn to cope with those parts of yourself? If there was anything wrong that was made apparent by your question it’s that you think there’s something wrong with you.

There is an image associated with difficulties like those and it comes from one of the greater evils of our age: The diagnosis becomes the condition. The second someone says one of those buzz words: ADD ADHD BPD, Any of them, all of a sudden people will ‘re-frame’ their understanding of you based on those letters as if some how your oddity (and their confusion about you) makes sense because it’s all the fault of those letters.

Do you know what the prevalence of anxiety and depression is among LGBT people? Each on their own exist in varying degrees in more than half our numbers. Together? Nearly every one you meet will have, or be, enduring those things. Conditions like Generalized Anxiety Disorder is so common and consistent that people just feel uneasy in social groups and so become introverted. In fact you could say that GAD is an acronym diagnosis for just not bloody liking the idiots that surround you most of the time. If that’s the case, that’s a new set of letters to add to my bandolier.

I’m going to throw a few things out for you to consider, things that have been thrown at me personally:

I am Anti-social because I do not care for ‘norms’ or large groups of people. Truth be told, my lifestyle is completely counter to even gay social norms because it’s a ‘kink’ life and that I refuse to live in a vanilla box because someone tells me I should makes me anti social.

I have PTSD from being repeatedly beaten, harassed and threatened physically, mentally and emotionally by people who gave themselves the authority to judge and punish another human being. In reality, nearly everyone has that same condition for those reasons. If you’ve ever endured trauma and have survived it, you have post-traumatic symptoms whenever you feel threatened again. It never goes away.

I have Anxiety. I know they mean the constant feeling of being in danger, of needing to run, and almost anyone who has ever been nervous has suffered anxiety. When you get excited, you are anxious. When you are afraid and anticipating something, you are anxious.

I have Depression. The common person thinks depression is feeling blue. They are wrong. Depression is feeling gray. It has no trigger or warning, it just is. It’s like someone turned down the contrast on life until things become black and white, senses become dulled, pleasure vanishes and the world becomes a bleak hell while you sit feeling isolated in a flesh colored straight jacket. There is nothing blue about depression. You aren’t sad, that’s a whole other emotion packed into it.

I can keep going through the entire DSM if need be. Hell, according to the big book of boxes, I’m schizotypal because I actually think that I matter to other people. “ characterized by severe social anxiety, paranoia, and often unconventional beliefs. “ How awesome is that? Who the hell ISN’T Schizotypal that grew up gay and in a place where homophobia exists. Pretty sure everyone has traits that qualify under these umbrellas.

I want to be clear, I am not angry at you. I am frustrated with this particular demon because it haunts SO many people. 

My point is this: what makes them ISSUES is not the condition, it’s what you (and to a degree others) think they mean. So what if there are days when you need more affection and others when you need more space? So what if you happen to need that feeling of being safe that a Daddy can provide? Do you think perfection is something you can actually ‘be’ or is it the journey from where you are to where you wind up, the quest itself to become more, to be stronger but most importantly: to be happy.
The ONLY way it poses a risk is if you use the relationship as a crutch or therapy. A Daddy can’t realistically ‘fix’ you, only you can do that. What they can do is provide you safe space to process, understanding of your difficulty, caring and compassion while you do the hard work and appreciation for all the effort YOU put in to overcome what inhibits you now.

Yes feeling good can become a drug to ward off depression, but it can never fix it and so it will come crashing back down harder than before. What you need from a Daddy when you’re having a hard time isn’t sex, it’s companionship and support. He may give you a hand so you can lift yourself up, arms to fall into when you need to cry, and a smile to try to cheer you up a little. That’s not because he thinks you are sad, but because sometimes it is the VERY thing you need to see so that you can try to reach for happy even when you don’t think you can make it.

There is one last thing I want to add here. Don’t judge Daddy before you give him the chance to show you that your ‘baggage’ doesn’t stop him from caring about you. Nothing is easy, especially not finding love, so you can’t take that as a judgment against you.

Do I think you should be single until you’re ‘fixed’. No. I don’t think you should deny the opportunity to be happy.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. The only thing that makes it so is you. As I once wrote to a boy: “The problem, you see, isn’t that you’re in a wheelchair. The problem is the wheelchair in your MIND. It’s that you see yourself that way, as lesser, because of the difference you think that makes you so. You need to learn to put the wheelchair in your mind away”.

You my boy, need to put away the words others give you to describe who and what you are. Don’t think of yourself as anything other than who you are. If you feel you have work you need to do on yourself, more power to you, but don’t let that kind of thinking prevent you from being happy or even finding love. Struggling, as you do, is hard enough without feeling diminished because of the fact that you DO struggle. I often say that a boy who tries, who works toward his goals, is a boy I can respect and consider that a good sign of being ‘the right stuff’ to be a good boy.

Forgive my rant but, you see, I have had too many experiences with boys who feel broken because they struggle through difficult times. It saddens me to see a boy throw himself into the trash because he feels that’s where he belongs. You don’t. You belong somewhere that makes you happy and proud to be there. You aren’t broken.

Someday, perhaps, when I am feeling VERY talkative I will tell you all of my philosophy of being human, but for now I want this boy in particular to know something. Life will crack you, split you apart and leave you in pieces, but what makes YOU beautiful is that you survive. Your courage, your effort and your determination become a new bond between pieces, a filling of gold, that changes you and makes you even more beautiful than before. Your history, who you are right now, is an extraordinary thing. You simply need to put aside your thoughts about your value and allow someone else to show you that you are wrong.

I want you to understand that you are beautiful, just as you are, because you have endured and survived things most cannot comprehend. You are your own creation and that makes you a singular wonder in the world. you don’t have to be proud of your pain, but you should be proud of the phenomenal accomplishment of still being here. Take hope in that fact too because every day you are, every breath you continue to struggle to take, brings you one step closer to where you want to be.

Living A Life Of Service Means Living A Life Of Observation

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serviceorientedsub: When u strive to serve well, u must watch ur MAN. Learn what each expression means. Study HIM until u can read HIS reactions and needs in a twelfth of a second. It’s about anticipating needs and memorizing preferences.

How does HE take HIS coffee? Does HE relax faster if u start the massage at HIS feet or HIS shoulders. How does HE feel ur worship when HE doesn’t even see it sometimes? HE may get so used to coming home to HIS clothes put away that HE forgets there is even a process. This isn’t HIM taking u for granted. This is u being so skilled that having u make HIS life better is something HE comes to expect. It’s not a thankless job when u get to live be with a MAN who only thinks about ease of pleasure when HE is with u.

Take pride in HIM not even noticing ur work sometimes. Know what relaxes HIM and puts HIM into HIS happiest of places. HE may not even notice that u chose the music and the porn with HIM in mind, but HE will be more at-ease in the room. ur payback is HIS pleasure. ur payback is access to the MAN u admire, in HIS most natural state. That access is worth a lot.

u are a beta and u take quiet pride in things most people will never see or understand. Know that this makes u powerful. Learning about MEN is learning about all human behavior. Let HIM teach u about human nature and the joy of living in a hierarchy.

As it should be.

Sub or Bottom Discovery

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realpowerexchange:

from Recon News

By Team Recon member OhBilly

The night I discovered I could get into a sub head space, I said to the guy who would be the Dom, ‘I’m a proud bottom, but I’m not a sub’. Just a few hours later I’d be reviewing this earlier statement. Turns out, I’d never really experienced being one*, or considered the different ways in which you can be subordinate.

On my profile it says I’m 90% Passive, but how do you apply this? I often get messages from guys expecting me to be a sub, but I’ve never really thought of myself in that way. For me, that number represents me being a (figurative and literal) massive bottom, but for others it’s the Dom/sub spectrum. Some would think these things go hand in hand, but as most of us know, that’s not always the case.

I’d probably only ever used the term ‘power bottom’ when referring to myself in jest, but the first time I experienced being a sub I had an epiphany that maybe this had been my modus operandi all along. But let’s go back a bit first…

The day of Recon UnSensored, a guy who I’d chatted to the previous year got back in touch. Conveniently, he lived in Vauxhall, not far from where the party was. After many almost happenings, this seemed like a do or die situation, so I said I’d aim to head over to his after I was finished at the party. I could come over for a drink and an in-person conversation, but that was all as I had a train up north the next morning. He was fine with this, so I said I’d be in touch.

The party happened. The party was great. I did my work. I had some drinks. I had some fun. I checked he was still up. He was. I walked over.

[Side note: I hadn’t changed out of my foam-soaked cycle gear and jock, so my one-drink-and-gone intentions were…questionable at best].

I arrived at his, and after over a year of buildup, it was a pleasant surprise that he was even hotter in the flesh than in pictures (another blow to my early exit plans). We sat down, drank some wine and started to chat, and I mean REALLY chat. We got into it. For hours. He asked me so many questions and I was an open book. We talked about life and experiences and viewpoints and intentions - including how we both approached fetish and kink. None of this was as a preamble before play; I’d made my peace with it being more of a nice hang out. It was getting late/early and we were both probably too tired anyway. And then I mentioned I’d never truly tried much BDSM.

'Stand up. Get undressed’ he said, whilst opening a draw and reaching for a blindfold. 'Put this on’. I did I was told. I motioned to speak, and he silenced me; then I knew my place. And that was pretty much it for conversation for next few hours.

I was stood in my jock in the middle of his living room. Blindfolded and feeling strangely comfortable. I don’t always have the best body confidence but getting to know each other through our long conversation had the effect of making me feel at ease. Being blindfolded also felt oddly comforting. I stood there expectantly not fully knowing what was going on. I waited. And I stood. And a growing sense of anticipation started to build in me until I was squirming on the spot. Then he told me to be still and he started to touch.

He started gently running his fingers over my body, pausing irregularly and always moving to a different part so I couldn’t anticipate where would be next. The sensation was pleasant, if not a little ticklish. I was grinning nervously and trying to stay in the moment. As he continued, though, my nervousness subsided, and I started to become very much aware of sensation. The pauses started to feel like lifetimes and when he did eventually touch me again a charge ran through me. My body juddered and tingled as he used his hands and other objects to caress my skin.

When he started on my nipples I had a moment of worry, as they’ve always been relatively insensitive, and I feared he’d be disappointed by my response. But this guy knew what he was doing. He lavished them with attention, working them so hard and for so long that I was shocked by how good it felt.

As the play continued I started to take note more and more of my physical and mental responses. As I stood there, it took everything I had not to reach out and touch him back. I clenched my fists to keep them in place and bit my lip to stop me from kissing him when he was near. It was around then that I had my epiphany: I was used to taking charge; I was used to dictating the play. Not always, but often I was the one who led. Whether being the one to drop to my knees, the one to decide a location, the one to say where and when or the one to present, in many little ways I was often in control – a power bottom, if you will. So, having almost zero control over a situation was insanely exciting and in a weird way liberating. What was gonna happen was gonna happen, and I just had to let everything go and go along with it – it felt intense in the best possible way.

The session continued for a long time more, with him eventually leading me to his bed, all the while blindfolded. I was pretty much putty and gladly received everything he gave me (including having my ass eaten more than it’s ever been eaten before by a true master of the artform). Needless to say, I missed that morning train…

In my head, being a sub was something very different to what I experienced that night. My assumption was that it was always about humiliation and degradation, and that wasn’t something that truly appealed. What I learned was that it seems to be more about control, power and trust. It doesn’t need to be about aggression, but instead can be something intensely gentle. Through this one session I had my eyes opened to some truths I’d never realised about myself, and experienced play in a way that I never had before. I understand to some this experience would read as very minor, but for me it was a big step on my fetish/kink journey. I still don’t know if I’d ever fully identify as a sub, but it’s nice to know I have subby tendencies in me, and that I can step outside my box and enjoy other types of play.

*Well, actually, as documented in a Fetish Problems (they’re written anonymously, but if you go off writing style you can pretty much tell who’s who), I’d previously tried my hand at being a phone sub.

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Papa Tony:

What a delightful story of growth and progression. Clearly, that Dom was respectfully helping the sub to get to a whole new understanding of erotic reality, as opposed to the stereotypes out there.

Up to that point, the sub was quite naturally reacting to the narrow version of kinky play shown in porn. He can’t be blamed for that.

Porn conveys a constant “CLANG-CLANG-CLANG” of limited, one-sided information that MUST be true, since it is everywhere that you look.

The Dom was doing Holy Duty, in my opinion. He generously invested his time in educating the sub. Obviously, there was a payoff for the Dom. He got some delightful Honeymoon-level play with an eager and willing new sub.

The rest of us got to benefit, as well. One MORE happy kinkster is now among us, and he will be in no mood to settle for less. Word is spreading:

Kinky erotic play is the very best sexual and experiential kind of pleasure available, and you don’t need a single drug to “enhance” the erotic ecstasy. It’s the very peak of pleasure, when guided by a wise and experienced Dom.

Like this one. He’s so very qualified. His ability to connect with the sub on multiple levels is masterful.



Every year during San Diego Pride, the Leather Realm at the Pride Festival employs around a hundred volunteers in various shifts. Many of them are “Ambassadors.”

They answer newbie questions with a warm and welcoming perspective. They do gentle, Kinky Kindergarten-level demos. They are demythologizing how deep and trust-based intimacy works, when it works very well.

The Ambassadors are breaking down internal walls and obsolete decisions, with people who are ready to take some chances. It is noble work.

boys Bill of Rights

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

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boysterous-blog: 1. Every boy has the right to have his body, intellect, and emotions protected by his Dom.

2. Every boy has the right to choose the man whom he serves and to discontinue that service and take his leave without being subjected to physical, mental, or emotional abuse.

3. Every boy has the right to be cared for, disciplined appropriately, and allowed to feel pride in his submission.

4. Every boy has the right to protected sex if he so wishes.

5. Every boy has the right to privacy if he so wishes. No boy can be blackmailed, publicly humiliated, or physically coerced into service without his expressed desire to be so.

6. Every boy has the right to defend himself from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

7. Every boy has the right to consent or not to consent to sexual activities.

8. Every boy has the right to seek refuge, counsel, and advice from other subs and DOMS without the expectation of sex, money, or any other service in return.

9. Every boy has the right to a physically and emotionally available circle of friends.

10. Every boy has the right to protect his own possessions and finances against intercession, theft, and non-consensual acquisition.

I know that I keep harping on the topic of ethics in kink, but wisdom like this is always relevant, needed and worth passing along!