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imlostinvertigo:
I learned the first time that he has a fairly low pain threshold, but I wanted to probe the borders of that a bit more to get a better idea of where I could take us. So I started the session with a good spanking and a little paddling. Nothing too intense, but it didn’t take much to get him to the edge of what he could take. Still, he took it well, and I had fun giving it to him. After we were done, I moved us on to some things I knew he would enjoy more, like having him on the floor licking on my boots. At some point he was enjoying himself so much that he quickly and unexpectedly shot a load all over the floor.
Now, I had given him permission to touch himself, but not to cum. I was glad he had a good time, but I also knew I needed to establish firm boundaries and expectations if we’re going to keep exploring things together. So I calmly but fimly explained to him that he had crossed a line he knew he shouldn’t have, and told him to go get the paddle off of my bed.
I gave him 10 more good licks, making him count each one and thank me for it. I could tell he was struggling with them at the end, which I wanted; I wanted to make sure he understood the concept of discipline early on in his submissive journey. And I was fully expecting to then hold him and explain that his discipline was over, he was forgiven, and we were moving on. But when we got the end, things took a turn.
He started sobbing almost immediately after the last blow. He had turned inward, and the discipline scene had hit on something very deep and very raw. I was disappointed in him. His husband was disappointed in him. His coworkers were disappointed in him. Because he was bad, and he ruined everything….
I had clearly stepped on an emotional landmine. And now instead of it being the ultimately affirming scene I had planned on, he was lost in these powerful feelings of shame and inadequacy. I knew I had to step in and keep him from spiraling down further.
Luckily, I’m pretty good in situations like this. I immediately went over to hold him, touched him gently and told him that far from being disappointed in him, I was vey proud of him! That he had taken his discipline very well, and that meant that all was good again. That he had served me well and I was extremely pleased wth his service. That he was a good boy. That no one was disappointed in him, least of all me. He came back to me, slowly. He finally stopped crying and relaxed in my arms. I asked him what he needed the most right then; he wanted a hot shower. I prepared one for him, got a towel, and hung out talking with him in the bathroom while he recovered.
After that we laid in the bed and cuddled and talked about what had happened. I explained to him that when you start pushing your body in new ways, especially with pain, you can enter into a state of vulnerability that can allow some pretty powerful emotions to come to the surface. That I had been there myself. Many times. That he shouldn’t feel bad about it at all, and that hopefully he actually felt better for having worked some of it out of his system. He left feeling good about it I was just thankful I had been able to help him get through it and understand it a bit.
Having said that. Man. I realized in a new way the responsibility that comes with being a Dom. I care about this boy a great deal, and when I could see how much distress he was in at the end of the scene that I had planned and put him through, I felt awful about it. I’m not saying I thought it was my fault; I didn’t do anything wrong, and I had no way of knowing I was stumbling into a very sensitive area for him. But it was still my responsibility. He was my responsibility. That’s the deal, his service for my guidance and protection. And I could really feel the weight of that responsibility when he broke down. In those first few moments when I didn’t know how far down that hurt had gone, I was really worried and keeping a wave of panic at bay.
I thought a lot about my Master, afterward. I’m one of those people that feels things very intensely myself, and for me good BDSM is a very emotional experience. I have broken down far more severely than what the boy did at the end of more than one hard scene with Master. Christ, I’ve rolled around on the floor and howled like a wounded animal. And every single time, Master has been my rock. Unflappable. He’s always taken care of me, treated me affectionately, given me what I’ve needed, brought me back to myself. He’s always shouldered his responsibility for me in these times with a seeming ease and sense of limitless strength. I could not go to the places I go with Him were that not so.
We submissives/switches should never forget what our Doms do for us, what an awesome responsibility it is to hold the physical and mental well being of another person in your hands so completely. It is not easy, and not for the weak of spirit. In return, we should always give them the best of our service and our utmost devotion and obedience.
babygirl-1972
He is talking about responsibility but also talks about how important aftercare is. No matter if it is the first scene with a submissive or a 100th, you have no idea how the MIND will react and what a word, phrase or hit will bring out. As a Dominant you have a responsibility to care for your submissive, talk, and bring them back to themselves.
Having said that. Man. I realized in a new way the responsibility that comes with being a Dom. I care about this boy a great deal, and when I could see how much distress he was in at the end of the scene that I had planned and put him through, I felt awful about it. I’m not saying I thought it was my fault; I didn’t do anything wrong, and I had no way of knowing I was stumbling into a very sensitive area for him. But it was still my responsibility. He was my responsibility. That’s the deal, his service for my guidance and protection. And I could really feel the weight of that responsibility when he broke down. In those first few moments when I didn’t know how far down that hurt had gone, I was really worried and keeping a wave of panic at bay.
I thought a lot about my Master, afterward. I’m one of those people that feels things very intensely myself, and for me good BDSM is a very emotional experience. I have broken down far more severely than what the boy did at the end of more than one hard scene with Master. Christ, I’ve rolled around on the floor and howled like a wounded animal. And every single time, Master has been my rock. Unflappable. He’s always taken care of me, treated me affectionately, given me what I’ve needed, brought me back to myself. He’s always shouldered his responsibility for me in these times with a seeming ease and sense of limitless strength. I could not go to the places I go with Him were that not so.
We submissives/switches should never forget what our Doms do for us, what an awesome responsibility it is to hold the physical and mental well being of another person in your hands so completely. It is not easy, and not for the weak of spirit. In return, we should always give them the best of our service and our utmost devotion and obedience.
babygirl-1972
He is talking about responsibility but also talks about how important aftercare is. No matter if it is the first scene with a submissive or a 100th, you have no idea how the MIND will react and what a word, phrase or hit will bring out. As a Dominant you have a responsibility to care for your submissive, talk, and bring them back to themselves.
