Hundreds more articles like this can be found
Anonymous asked: Where do i find a good daddy that can really treat me like the boy I am?
Daddy Cade:
Please Note:
There won’t be a ‘too long, didn’t read’ here anymore. My time and my words are my gift to you. I craft them with the intention of helping you in one way or another and no answer is truly trivial. I made the choice to try with each of them and that means there’s something of value there. Hidden perhaps, tucked off to the side because discovering it is the real ‘help’ offered, but it’s there. If you want your answer you’re going to have to walk with me for a time and put in the work.
If you have read any of my essays you know my stance on trying and the value I place in you as a person. If you have not then open my archive and select text or ask and spend a day learning the lessons. There are years worth of lessons, secrets and most of all hope within the archive. Consume it while it exists. Each breath is borrowed from here forward, so make the best use of them.
The number one thing asked of Daddy blogs: Survey Says….
“Where do I find this??”
If that was an answerable question, I would be a remarkably wealthy man indeed. No, actually, I wouldn’t. I don’t believe happiness should be bartered for fiat currencies or leveraged against your self-esteem. I’d be doing exactly what I do, most likely, instead of emotional profiteering.
Sadly I have nothing more to offer you than what I already do: a way to reach your goal but to know where to put the X on your map. I can do precious little to help you beyond share you the history of people who have tried, fail and win, and what helped them along the way.
Amid my responses to questions is the same answer and the same offering. The key to finding the ‘him’ you seek is to be the best ‘you’ that you can be and to never surrender hope. What comes is seldom what you envision, your expectations poison the potential the universe will present to you just as much as your idea of what you offer does.
So many write asking for the tools to get what they want only to find my answer truly is: Then you must do the Work. There is no magical phrase to open the gates to this world. We are a rare, rare, breed amid a population of rare people so wondering why you cannot find them is a bit pointless. You can’t just walk to the store and buy happiness and finding this kind of relationship. Those centered on sex aren’t my focus here because you can pick up a phone and swipe your way to sating that need.
We, as men of one flavor or another, are not given true mentorship anymore. We are not granted the guidance of a lineage and history and, for the most part, seem to fumble our way in the dark on even things about our own bodies. Bearing in mind the absurd idea that being masculine means not having ‘feels’ that can be seen, we’re not even really taught about how the plumbing works or what to do when things go wrong.
In light of that, is it ANY wonder why there’s so much loneliness in our world?
Think of it by the numbers. Based on well inaccurate, but simple to visualize, statistics we break down like this:
A ‘gay’ person is approximately 1 in a group of ten. Ten in a hundred, a hundred in a thousand, so on. 10%. Take that image and center your mind on that group.
The same basic math seems to apply (in my experience) with the same variations only it’s more stark when you begin filtering by ‘fetish’. You can look at tumblr and porn for your percentages there because representation is also indication in this case. Instead of one in ten, you find us now at one in perhaps a hundred and that’s before you begin separating us into subgroups of which there are plenty.
Pretty bleak no? It begins to feel pointless, hopeless even, to try so..why do I seek to offer hope and direction when the numbers paint a picture like that? Believe me, I’ve asked myself the REAL question these ‘asks’ are looking for the answer to:
“Is it worth it to try?”
That’s why lies beneath asking me ‘how do I find a partner (insert flavor here)’. You aren’t just asking me what app to use to swipe your way to ever after, you’re asking me if you should bother at all. You’re seeking an answer from a stranger, as an ‘unbiased’ opinion and unfortunately for you, you’ve stumbled upon me because I’m the kind of person who won’t just say ‘yeah, sure’… I’m the kind of person that will sit with you, talk with you, walk with you until I am sure you no longer look back to see if I’m still there, and then plant my boot squarely in your ass to get you moving.
How’s that for a ‘sudden turn’ in a conversation? The more important question is, did it do it’s job and shock for a moment and bring your somnambulant gaze to heel and focus on what’s happening right here and right now? I hope the answer there is yes, because now we get to work. The time for ‘forehead kisses’ is past because what comes next is truth and it’s never tailored to your tastes.
Is it worth it to try to be happy?
Are you really so convinced of the absence of your worth that this thought ever crossed your mind? Perhaps there is the difference between umbra and penumbra, of being sad and truly enduring depression. For most of the world, your eyes are still partially open and dimmed shadow is what fills your vision but for those who have traveled fully in the darkness of sunless worlds.. we know what value any light has.
“life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness”. Not the guarantee, just the damned chance to stand up and REACH for it.. that is not happiness, even in seeking such, what it truly is can only be the pursuit of HOPE. Ask me now, what value hope as we stand here in the wreckage of the world we’d called our own, buried to our chests in the remains of our community and I will point you to where we are at this very moment: Still Here.
What value is there in trying to hope, to find happiness, or to shine our light at all? Surely your ego is not so great as to fully blind you to what you are doing by writing, to whom you are asking, and to everything that is happening now. That’s like walking into a burning building and asking why the water isn’t running cold from the taps. We’re here, now, because of hope. You can ask your question because of my refusal to surrender and let them win. WE can do THIS because I judge it worth it to try to helpyou.
What you must do now is learn to embrace ‘trying’.
It drives me a little mad how ‘success focused’ things have become. Success is the poorest teacher and does little to refine capacity. I do, what I do, because I failed a lot along the way. Broken hearts, darker days still than can be spoken of without ‘trigger’ warnings, and losses beyond comprehension for anyone not standing where I stood.
These were my mentors, these the ‘masters’ whom I studied carefully and methodically, so that I could prevent (or at least diminish) their hold on the future. I have ‘wisdom’ to give because I embraced those lessons a firm dedication to the ideal that it is not success nor failure that defines the value of a journey: it is that you never stop trying.
Win, lose, it doesn’t matter. Every time you get back up, the next time is a little easier even if you are hit harder than ever before. You don’t see the progress you’ve made, the strength you gain, when you make trying your way. All this said:
Reality is not bound by ‘numbers’ or assertions of probability.
I live in a place far removed from the ‘world’ by my own choosing. I knew full well that the ‘odds’ were not in my favor of finding anything at all and yet here I am, 14 years later (next month) with my partner. Literally: if I can do it, if I can find love through all the struggles I have had and living where I live, there is equal hope for anyone anywhere even when it seems ‘impossible’.
This is why I say to never surrender hope. I am proof that the journey is worthwhile and that by holding course by the light of that little star on the horizon you may yet find somewhere worth being. It wont’ be where you imagined, but it may find a way to be better than you can conceive of right now. I never thought I would be here, doing this, with you either yet that’s exactly what happened because I refused to let go of hope.
Yes, there is reason to believe you may yet find what you seek. No there’s no shortcut to it. Any ‘easy path’ to this leads to further sadness and a belief that because of pattern all that remains is failure. This is false doctrine and should be set on fire and left in the past so that by the light of its immolation you can find your path again.
Do not give up on hope. Never stop trying. Never, ever, let your past or current situation blind you to the potential of the future. There is more to be seen than you’ve dreamed, so while I cannot give you the passphrase to open the door, I can show you where to begin that someday you may reach it. No promises can exist beyond this:
The only thing that matters, in the end, is the journey from where you begin to where your life becomes story someone else will tell in memorial to the efforts you made along the way. Not every story leads to ‘ever after’ because ever after is the lie fairy tales would have you believe. Every day after reaching where ever after should begin is another story to write. Choose, now, to make those tales about hope and you may reach the distant shores of a place I have come to call “Home”.
My best, as always, go with you on your way forward.
-Daddy Cade.
