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Anonymous asked : Hi Sir, i'm a member of the armed services and i have recently come to realize that that thing missing form my sex life was kink, i'm a sub it turns out. But my job needs me to be super macho and masculine. How do i reconcile these two opposing sides of me? i want to submit to a Dom but the other side of my life is conflicting with it. I hope i was able to express myself in a way that you can understand Sir im not the word smith you are.Daddy Cade:
The only conflict I see is that caused by you, standing in the middle and seeing one choice to your left and the other to your right. You do not yet grasp that they are not separate things at all and that the only disparity is caused by a forced perspective on the idea of strength and submission as being opposed concepts. They are not, not at all.
Submission requires a level of trust that exceeds most peoples concepts of ‘strength’ and, if I were to take it to the most obvious of places, your job requires you to be subordinate (submissive) to the instruction of Superiors. What you mistakenly perceive of as weakness is the very qualities that can make you an exemplary soldier.
Consider this: What traits are considered noble in the armed services? If you were to list them off without thinking about it, what appears at the forefront of that list? Duty, Honor, Commitment, Dedication, Determination..I can keep going but I suspect at this point you’ve already begun to see my real point. Ask yourself what those most respected qualities are in a submissive and then you’ll see my point.
Recognizing your submissive nature is an exercise in those things. They are not something you put on and take off like a pair of handcuffs; they are part of your character as a person first and a submissive second. Everything I ask of a ‘student’, submissive or Dominant, is found in that list. Be you PFC Jones, Artillery or little billy blue, it doesn’t matter when examining the traits that underlay the capacity to fulfill those roles.
You would be terribly mistaken if you were to assume that being soft or gentle implies a lack of strength or that trust is weakness. Silk under duress does not break until long after every other weave had split. A “band of brothers” without trust is nothing. Duty? What is a soldiers Duty? To country? To his squad? To his commander? Come now…
What you need, I think, is to realize that not only are you already acting in a submissive position, but have been exploring those same qualities with pride because they were in a different context that’s normally laden with ‘macho’ imagery. The image of the sub/boy in your mind is equally buried under layers of illusion and both ideas are in desperate need of a sit down, face to face, meeting because they are long separated twins.
I say this because I do not teach a ‘sub’ to be weak, nor accept weakness. I teach him to understand his inherent flaws then show him how to build strength from there. The ability to surrender the burden of the day is something everyone should find somewhere in their lives but that is where the idea of submission and Dominance in your mind has come from.
It’s not about being macho, you can very much be a macho sub (I can point you two a few if you’d like) its about being able to stop. Having someone there who tells you what to do, and you listen, is something you are used to now so it is not that large a step from one part of your life into this new arena.
I hope by this point you’ve come with me and begun to see the ‘opposite’ you’re identifying isn’t so at all. They are part of you and not even sides of the same coin. They ARE the same face of the same coin. The opposite of being this would be the Ordinant or Dominant role as it is the compliment that completes the whole of Dom/sub power dynamics.
I understand where you are coming from with this question, and even understand where the point of view originates and it’s OK to be wrong about this. You aren’t given the truth of it anywhere else but from within it because it seems contradictory, even in opposition, that a submissive position can be a strong one but I also know where that idea comes from.
Submission and passivity are not the same thing.
It’s a common misunderstanding in how roles and power dynamics function that a submissive is a passive participant in a scene having sublimated and surrendered themselves to the will of another. This, in practice, is actually not true at all. A ‘submissive’ does not surrender, they submit. The distinction is rather large between the two. Yes you can be willing to do anything to please your Sir but it is (incoming key point here ) always by choice.
To truly submit you must make the Knight’s Choice: To servea King. An empty hand has nothing to give and only demands to be filled or taken. This is not submission. A hand that lays the sword at the feet of his king in fealty, offering loyalty and dedication, is the hand that knows submission. To him will you be loyal, to him do you defer but never do you surrender your Identity, your Will, to be sublimated by his. They are in fact what make you invaluable as submissive because they are the gift you give him. Your trust, your loyalty, your strength; these are the offering, the submission.
It is student to Master, knight to King, that submission is made and from where it springs is the respect, trust, and determination of being worthy made by the ‘submissive’ about the Dominant. The part of you that seeks to be submissive is seeking trust that can be given to someone who has earned it and proven himself to be truly worthy of that gift.
The work you do now requires a great deal of you. The idea of being able to put everything aside (for a time perhaps having it taken from you until you learn to set it down yourself) and simply exploring the sense of peace and serenity in being able to trust someone absolutely presents a conflict with what you do now, but it is only an illusion.
Even those into the most extreme objectification are still only submissive because they have chosen this and still retain the power to say No. It takes nerves of steel to endure for pleasure what some do to torture another and there is little more unsettling than attempting to punish someone only to discover their a bit on the ‘kinky’ side and enjoy it.
Take this discovery about yourself, explore it, accept it and then incorporate it. Learn the Lesson of Silk, and let the last thing you surrender be your fear that being submissive will make you weak. It will not. That’s the lie you’ve been told. Knowing who and what you are makes you stronger once the things you learn are part of you. Embrace your submissive side. Listen to it for it may reveal things you weren’t aware of before about the world around you.
Just as revealing the ‘dominant aura’ can awaken a submissive in it’s presence, a realized submissive can awaken that dominant simply by being around them. It’s physics nothing more or less than the attraction between two things that create a whole when unified. You are being challenged with that same thing within yourself: To accept what you see as weakness is truly strength and to have the strength to accept that weakness as part of who you are.
The only weakness in you is created by a fear of being ‘weak’. Silence it by bringing your two ‘halves’ into harmony within your mind. Set aside these ideal illusions and accept the reality that you have always been submissive, and that it has never once made you weak.
A boy who finds his Sir is not weaker for it. He is stronger because in harmony they make one another exponentially more powerful. You know where home is, you know where safe is, and you know that you can return there but more than this: you know that the ONLY one worthy of your submission is your Sir. No other man may make you bend, no other man may demand anything of you that you do not first permitthem to.
I took a boy who would become withdrawn, silent and hide, in a group of four or more people and helped him find his true strength. Now he is a leader who understands the value of role, duty, and the true nature of authority. It makes him a bit of a pain in the ass to others but no one would ever accuse him of shirking his duty or balking at a task because it was difficult. He leads, earning respect and loyalty, because he learned to follow. He knows there is often more strength in the gentle hand than anywhere else. He has grown strong as my boy because in being a boy, he has found a strength the world of ‘men’ deny exists.
I hope, here at the end, that you’ve begun to see what I am saying. It’s not an easy thing reconciling or dismantling concepts that you’ve always held but with some dedication and perspective you will come to see what I am trying to show you. When that day comes, when the ‘a ha’ moment arrives, smile and wear that invisible badge with pride.
-Daddy Cade.
babygirl-1972:
I am a strong, independent woman. I am a school bus driver and that requires a lot of back bone and strength. I also run my own business. I am also a submissive. I am not passive. I am not a door mat . AND I am certainly NOT weak! Submissives are strong people who kneel for the one who has EARNED the gift of submission.
nyxidervish:
👏 Preach @babygirl-1972 Speaking cautiously as a female dominant, my observation is that submission doesn’t threaten masculinity or power. If anything, unlocking a hidden part of yourself and being free to be genuine may strengthen those things. The perception that submission has anything to do with gender or weakness is just misinformation. I know that my sub is a very “masculine” man and that he is recognized as a leader in every part of his life except ours. That doesn’t stop him from being the most succulent little subby within our relationship.
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