Be Brave

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dirtydaddythings:

A boy wrote me earlier, feeling sad and alone in a new big city and wanting me to give him some kind of tasks so he felt a little less without a Daddy. As I was writing to him I realized that I wanted to issue BOTH those challenges I gave him to all my readers (boys AND Daddies alike). Knowing me at least as well as you do you probably have an idea of the direction that I would go when issuing a challenge and I’ve come up with TWO.

The first Challenge: Do something Brave.

This one is related to the second but it’s a ‘single event’ task, where the other one is not. I want you to pick something you wouldn’t normally do (I suggested that he took the step and became more visible by placing a personal ad) and do it. Don’t go at it for success, do it to learn from it. Pick something DIFFICULT and especially if you suspect you’ll fail at it because we learn the most about ourselves when we fail IF we keep our estimation of our skills out of the process. I’ll give examples of what I mean in a minute but for now you’ve got the basic idea of this ‘one shot’ challenge. Do it. Be Brave. 

 


The Second Challenge: Wage War on Fear.

This is ongoing and should never end. Take the lesson from the first challenge and apply it as often as possible. Usually I tell someone to do it once a day to meet the criterion but hat eventually must tone down as you run out of fears. I don’t mean just arachnophobia like fears, I mean both rational and irrational ones. There will be some you cannot easily defeat but that’s the point: finding those things out about yourself.

Do the things that terrify you, but do them in small ways at first.

Expect to fail but make THAT your first challenge to fear. Accept that it may happen and embrace that teaching moment. I started this myself more than a decade ago now by challenging my social phobias. I had massive stage fright even though I grew up as an actor/performer. I messed up MANY of my first shows but eventually I overcame that because it ‘wasn’t me’ doing the acting. That never prepared me for having to give a speech before a crowd or do the education work I’ve done for decades now. Even those things never really broke me of my own fear of being judged by crowds. What did it was Karaoke.

I have a decent singing and speaking voice, but some levels of skill are WELL beyond me and I knew it. So my first time doing it I chose “The Show Must Go On” because I knew it was going to break me. I did my best, pushed as hard as I could but failed to do it justice (Duh, I’m not Freddie..) but the experience taught me a great deal about myself and what I was really afraid of. Not long after I became a welcomed fixture at the mic because I changed WHAT I was doing.

I stopped trying to be a superstar because of talent and instead performed songs that made people laugh. The audience knew if I took the mic that they should stop drinking to avoid wasting it from laughter. At one point I called a crowd up with me to sing “ever sperm is sacred’ only to find the whole house knew the song and joined in.

I chose this because it was major and I knew it wouldn’t die easily which is why I challenged it weekly on those nights. It took time but that’s gone now.

Fear of performing = Dead. I’ve taken it much further than that now which is why I am positive that fear is gone.

In issuing this challenge to you I don’t want ANY excuses as to why. I want you to pick something and go at it full force the first time. Once you know your limit PUSH those until they cease to exist for you. It’s not about how ‘big’ those things might seem to someone else, it’s about challenging them because they ARE big for you. That’s what matters.

Being afraid isn’t a bad thing, but we’ve come to fear it instead of learning to use it. I want you to get to know your fear, to see what it lets you do and what it is teaching you. Don’t expect this idiotic ‘no fear’ mentality to develop. I want you to be real about it and learn to gain strength from it. The goal of this ultimate challenge is to neutralize the impact fear has on your decisions not remotely to ‘erase’ it.

Now, since ‘challenges’ in this world aren’t as readily taken without needing to ‘report in’ I have an expectation that if you accept this that you will send me at least one submission detailing your story so that I can share it if I decide to. The strength in this challenge is the community response as well as the personal growth which is why this last step is essential to both challenges.

Tell me what you did, how you did it and what you learned from it.

“Let me tell you about scared. Your heart is beating so hard I can feel it through your hands. There’s so much blood and oxygen pumping through your brain it’s like rocket fuel. Right now you could run faster and you can fight harder. You can jump higher than ever in your life and you are so alert it’s like you can slow down time.What’s wrong with scared? Scared is a superpower! Your superpower!“ -Peter Capaldi