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Anonymous asked :
I’m sorry if this question has already been asked. I’ve been really wanting to experiment with being submissive. But I’m just not that “sub” socially. Generally I’m confident, independent, and prefer making my own choices (and maybe a little stubborn lol). I think that’s where I’m running into issues. Is the submission part a sexual thing or do people who fill that role actually think of themselves as lesser than the dom? Or is it more of a role play? Thanks, Overthinking in Orlando
Alexander Martin:
Hey Overthinking in Orlando,
I quite like that you gave yourself a cute identity for the letter. I feel like a real kinky advice giver. Also, don’t worry about re-asking readers. Tumblr is by its nature transitory and fixated on the new. It’s difficult to create a body of work that’s searchable. Have a seat on my kinky chaise lounge and let’s chat.
Statement: I’m just not that “sub” socially. Generally, I’m confident, independent, and prefer making my own choices (and maybe a little stubborn lol). I think that’s where I’m running into issues.
Comment: I’ve met a lot of folks who are not particularly submissive outside of the bedroom who practically put the leash to the collar into your hands as soon as the door closes. There are lots of subs who are even in charge at work and can perform their job and duties but when they come home, they’re EXHAUSTED by giving orders and need to ease back into their submissive nature.
Question: Is the submission part a sexual thing or do people who fill that role actually think of themselves as lesser than the dom? Or is it more of a role play?
Answer: The aspect that you reference of “feeling less than” that’s a specific kink, and it even has two different sources: Humiliation and/or degradation. As a result, like any kink, not every sub feels that way. My boy for example in NO way feels less than me. As for whether those subs feel that way? Yeah, some of them do. Some of them need to. It’s just how they work and what they need. The degree to which any of them consider it just roleplay varies from person to person.
Support: The obvious question then is, “Do YOU need to feel that way?” No. You don’t. I’ve never been in subspace but it is an interesting space to observe and hear recounted back. You may find, should you pursue your sub side, that you feel in a bit of awe of the Dominant Man/Men that you serve. That’s a really common experience among subs and one that I think gets translated into the concept of a “Superior Man” because that’s what is part of the cultural erotic imagination.
You know, you said in your question above that you’re confident and independent in your day to day life. I just want to make sure that you understand that submissives are not weak. It takes a lot of strength to give up control to a Man that you’d want to play with. It’s really scary too. Subs don’t give up because they’re weak, they give up because they know themselves so well that they know this is needed. Now for some, giving up that control makes them FEEL weak and they derive erotic pleasure from it. But there’s a point where once a submissive gets himself to the point where he’s with a dominant, where he can truly let go, and he just kind of collapses into that Man’s arms.
I’d advise you to explore that submission with someone. I’d also advise you to set some high standards for that someone. There are actually a lot of kinksters in Florida. Not that it’s close, but there’s the Tampa Leatherman’s club and I know Orlando is also a major city so there may be other opportunities there. When you submit, have a safe word, if you don’t like what’s happening, remember no matter how you feel you can always walk away from a person or a scene. And during the scene? If he feels like the right guy?
Try on the persona of the sub who roleplays weak. Just to see how it feels. Either way you’ll get some important insight into yourself and your needs. Lastly, people who aren’t submissives don’t enjoy submitting. If you try this, if you find that you do or don’t enjoy it, both possibilities are useful information. It is ALWAYS better to know yourself a little bit better.
Hey Overthinking in Orlando,
I quite like that you gave yourself a cute identity for the letter. I feel like a real kinky advice giver. Also, don’t worry about re-asking readers. Tumblr is by its nature transitory and fixated on the new. It’s difficult to create a body of work that’s searchable. Have a seat on my kinky chaise lounge and let’s chat.
Statement: I’m just not that “sub” socially. Generally, I’m confident, independent, and prefer making my own choices (and maybe a little stubborn lol). I think that’s where I’m running into issues.
Comment: I’ve met a lot of folks who are not particularly submissive outside of the bedroom who practically put the leash to the collar into your hands as soon as the door closes. There are lots of subs who are even in charge at work and can perform their job and duties but when they come home, they’re EXHAUSTED by giving orders and need to ease back into their submissive nature.
Question: Is the submission part a sexual thing or do people who fill that role actually think of themselves as lesser than the dom? Or is it more of a role play?
Answer: The aspect that you reference of “feeling less than” that’s a specific kink, and it even has two different sources: Humiliation and/or degradation. As a result, like any kink, not every sub feels that way. My boy for example in NO way feels less than me. As for whether those subs feel that way? Yeah, some of them do. Some of them need to. It’s just how they work and what they need. The degree to which any of them consider it just roleplay varies from person to person.
Support: The obvious question then is, “Do YOU need to feel that way?” No. You don’t. I’ve never been in subspace but it is an interesting space to observe and hear recounted back. You may find, should you pursue your sub side, that you feel in a bit of awe of the Dominant Man/Men that you serve. That’s a really common experience among subs and one that I think gets translated into the concept of a “Superior Man” because that’s what is part of the cultural erotic imagination.
You know, you said in your question above that you’re confident and independent in your day to day life. I just want to make sure that you understand that submissives are not weak. It takes a lot of strength to give up control to a Man that you’d want to play with. It’s really scary too. Subs don’t give up because they’re weak, they give up because they know themselves so well that they know this is needed. Now for some, giving up that control makes them FEEL weak and they derive erotic pleasure from it. But there’s a point where once a submissive gets himself to the point where he’s with a dominant, where he can truly let go, and he just kind of collapses into that Man’s arms.
I’d advise you to explore that submission with someone. I’d also advise you to set some high standards for that someone. There are actually a lot of kinksters in Florida. Not that it’s close, but there’s the Tampa Leatherman’s club and I know Orlando is also a major city so there may be other opportunities there. When you submit, have a safe word, if you don’t like what’s happening, remember no matter how you feel you can always walk away from a person or a scene. And during the scene? If he feels like the right guy?
Try on the persona of the sub who roleplays weak. Just to see how it feels. Either way you’ll get some important insight into yourself and your needs. Lastly, people who aren’t submissives don’t enjoy submitting. If you try this, if you find that you do or don’t enjoy it, both possibilities are useful information. It is ALWAYS better to know yourself a little bit better.
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