What is “training”?

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Alexander Martin:

I get a lot of messages from guys asking me to train them. Based on their requests, I feel that there’s some confusion about what training is and what it does for a boy. So I’m going to briefly discuss what training is and is not.

If you are a dominant and you are being trained. It means that you are learning skills. Those might be, how to work the mind of a boy, how to tie knots, how to do suspension safely, how to safely do electro, etc. When a dominant is trained it is how to hurt or not hurt people safely.

If you are a submissive and you are being “trained” you are most likely serving a dominant and learning how to service him to his liking in whatever capacity you have agreed to serve. Submissives do not need to know the same kind of technical skills as a dominant does. So training is therefore more about the experience of serving a dominant and doing so to please him.

To walk up to a dominant and say “I want you to train me.” Is effectively to say, I want to submit to you. As a result, if you want a dominant to spend time, energy, and effort on the experience you will have with him it’s important to know how you can give back to that person in exchange for their efforts. This is not to say Dominance and submission (D/s) is transactional, but rather that D/s is a relationship and a bond. And the best relationships have some level of reciprocity (whatever you both agree to) that satisfies both parties.

Since “training” is more of a matter of having the experience of submitting to a man after which you expect to feel more comfortable in your role or come to realizations or refinements of your technique. It is wise to approach this submission with a sense both of what you want to get out of it and what you are willing to provide in exchange. A relationship in which one side gives and the other takes without giving back will end quickly.

Being trained is about being submissive to that particular man and getting to experience your submission through service to him. It is also about growing that bond with that dominant. This is not to say that the bond is necessarily romantic, for many men it is sexual or even based in friendship. But since the bond and relationship to the Man you serve is what the training is about, training is an ongoing process. You receive feedback, get praised for what you do well, repeat, and attempt to do better and do so more skillfully.

You should come away from training with a sense of accomplishment over time, a sense of how you’ve grown or are growing. You will not receive a certification that “training is complete”. It does not become a title that you may adopt and show to new dominants. It is a state of being where you are now different from the submissive you were because you have grown during this service.