I Am A Sir With No Need for Force, Discipline, or Abuse

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Update: I clarify my terms in the "Abuse vs. Discipline" follow-up article after this one...

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Anonymous said: Hello SIR, I’m a bit confused by Your latest post?? You teach Doms almost daily how to use disciplinary tools safely and correctly, but You don’t discipline Your subs with the same tools?? Forgive me if I sound ignorant SIR, but I thought using things like whips, which can cause a lot of pain, were for disciplining subs, as well as flogging and heavy spanking? That’s why I’ve always been afraid of them.

Papa Tony: 

Thank you for your excellent question, Anything that I can do to dispel the mysteries of kinky play is a step forward out of the darkness.

I do not use discipline. I do not use kinky toys to punish, stress, humiliate, threaten or harm. The last time that I spanked somebody in anger was over four decades ago. I talk about it here. If you watch my videos and listen to what I am saying, you will understand more about the ways of the non-abusive Doms:

My History Defines Me

When I was growing up, I was beaten up by my father, hundreds of times… Broken bones, bruises that kept me out of school for weeks at a time, and random, savage cruelty (mental, physical and emotional abuse) that finally stopped when my mom kicked him out of the house. I was thirteen at the time.

During my entire life until he died, he never hugged me, expressed affection or approval, or used my actual name - I was “the asshole.” My nine siblings have confessed to me that they were deeply relieved that I was the focus of our father’s abuse, and that they weren’t. I was playing the unwilling role of the family’s “Designated Sick Person.”

I am not revealing this as a cry for sympathy. I don’t need it. I have done the therapeutic work that I needed to do, in order to come to acceptance of my past. My early life forged my character as a man. I chose to be the opposite of what I had experienced. I made conscious, adult decisions to become the kind of man that I had yearned to know in my life.

After leaving home, I found many, many fine role-models. I patterned upon THEM, and I am glad that I have turned out this way. I still suffer dark periods in my life, over half a century later. With the loving support of my Leather family, I bounce back.

My Protective Nature

As I have said before, I do not use abuse in any form. This is because I know the cost, from the other side of the belt, the hateful, scornful words, or the back of the hand. In all of these years, I have recoiled from ever doing anything abusive. I am allergic to it.

I don’t abide abuse in others, either. I made a conscious, irrevocable choice to be a champion for others who need help. 

 
A CHAMPION!!! Is Not Always A Safe Thing To Be

Six human beings are walking the earth alive today, because I threw myself into mortal danger and saved their lives in three separate instances. I couldn’t NOT do it, and I would do it again. This is not a prudent or sensible thing to do.

And, it is how I live my life. I am the first one to call a halt to any form of impending harm. I call myself “Clark Kent,” because the moment that I see abuse, the shirt rips open and I go into Superhero Mode.

I Can’t Speak For Anybody Else

I would love to hear from other Sirs who don’t feel the need to use abusive techniques on their subs. There are a lot of us, but we are being painted with the same bad image portrayed in kinky porn. I don’t expect others to have shared my own path. We all come to this Ethical Dom experience in our own way. 

My Recent Posting Went Viral

I previously wrote a post that is the other half of this topic, called “Approval-Based Doms.” Folks liked it well enough, but all of a sudden, it has received a sudden spike of likes and re-blogs. I hope that its positive message never stops rippling outward in the world.