There is No Shame in Using a Safeword

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Castrokinky:

I typically don’t need safe words with my boys as I’m very good at reading their contractions from things and adjusting. I check in a lot as well. But I usually have one established just in case.

My hard stop safe word was used for the third time in my life last week. I thought I’d use this as an opportunity to discuss how I reacted as an illustration for others.

In this situation, the boy was tied in a fairly stressful position. We’d been playing for a while and when I decided to fuck him, I went in too forcefully and it hurt him in a not-good way. He screamed and used our safe word.

I immediately pulled out carefully, telling him calmly it was ok and that I was right there with him. I continued talking to him as I untied him, starting with the most stressful ties first. Once he was untied, I pulled him to me and held him, reassuring him it was ok and that I was proud of him. I also thanked him for using the safe word when things didn’t work. It builds trust when I know a boy isn’t afraid to stop a scene if he needs to. After some time, he asked me to continue in a different position, which we did.

I often hear stories from boys who are abandoned or called names by a dom when they use their safe word. I hear from other boys they’re too afraid to use their safe word. My message: Don’t be. By all means, push yourself past what you thought you were capable of but if something really isn’t working, tell your dom or use that safe word. A good dom will thank you for it.

kinkythingsilike:

This is how it’s done. When a boy uses his safeword, he’s trusting you to take care of him. It’s the obligation a dom takes on when a boy gives himself for the dom’s pleasure and use. As I tell boys who are new to BDSM play, there has to be mutual trust for a safeword to work: They have to trust me to respect it, and I have to trust them to use it when they need to. I’d a million times rather cut a scene short than have it go too far.

Not to contradict @castrokinky, who is amazing at what he does, but I try to avoid telling the boy that “it’s okay.” Because for him, in that moment, it’s *not* okay. It’s very much not okay. It’s a small distinction, but I try to tell him it will be okay and that I’m right there for him. When playing with sensory deprivation, the blindfold/gag/earplugs/etc. are always the first things to come off, even before the bondage. I make sure he can feel my body and my presence until I can get them off, by placing a hand on him or by holding him to me while I remove them. I try to use quick release snaps (can be gotten from a tack shop) for any kind of weight-bearing bondage, so that it’s easy to get him out in a hurry.

I cannot fathom how any dom could be so callous as to “punish” a boy for using his safeword. Someone literally trusting you with their life in order for you to use them for your own pleasure is one of the most precious gifts that’s out there. Respect it.

Alexander Martin:

For anyone reading this who might not understand the value of safewords and feel shame in using them? This is exactly why i feel there is NO shame in safe wording.