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hadriantemple
(This is adapted from posts originally by @dirtydaddythings and @londondaddydom by way of @neswpnw)
Tumblr – like other Internet sites and dating and chat apps – is filled with make-believe “Doms,” “Masters,” and “Alphas” that don’t deserve to ever be called Sir or Master by anyone, because they are just losers, fraudsters, con men, or scam artists. I call them “Wizard of Oz Doms,” because, like the Wizard of Oz, they hide behind the curtain of the Internet, pretending to be what they are not.
For those of you who are new to this, it can initially be difficult to spot frauds. Do not be too down on yourself for getting deceived. Learn from your mistakes.
Here are some tips to spot a fraud early on:
He asks for nudes and insists you do whatever he says within hours (and usually less) of first chatting with you.
He quickly tries to monetize the interaction, as by “findom” (short for financial domination) without establishing any relationship first. Telling you to pay him “tribute” to his PayPal account, for instance.
His compliments exclusively focus on your appearance, so he says things like “you look great” but you never get a compliment on your personality or character.
He shows little concern about your needs, interests, or limits except as they coincide with his own.
He is suspiciously quick to punish you. You’re always being told you’ve “been a bad boy”, you always feel like you’re not doing enough to make him happy.
He’s only ever really engaged in the conversation when he needs something. At other times he’s distant and barely tolerates you, if he bothers to reply at all.
His dating site pic shows a dick, or a shoe, or a crotch, etc. If his profile pic shows a man with a “six pack” abdomen who looks like a porn star, you can be pretty sure the photo actually is of a porn star. Invite him to a two-way video chat. The chances of him agreeing to that are almost nil. Even if he says yes, the chances are that he will not activate his cam, claiming there’s a technical glitch, or does not have a cam. A sure sign of a scam.
The relationship feels empty and hollow. You still feel alone.
He doesn’t seem interested about learning more about BDSM. You won’t find him re-blogging long text posts such as this on his blog (instead it’ll be 100% sexual content).
He can turn mean and hurtful, perhaps even threaten you with exposure, if you don’t do as he says.
Recognize the warning signs and trust yourself. Don’t be so desperate for affection that you ignore these signs. Don’t fool yourself into believing him when he says no one will love you like him. He’s right but that’s because his love isn’t love at all and virtually any other love would be better. You are far too precious and rare to allow charlatans to court your attention for too long.
I wonder if you know just how rare you are. There’s no one else quite like you. No one else with your combination of gifts, charms, wiles, or heart. No matter how similar you may feel to someone else, they aren’t and cannot be you.
That doesn’t mean there exists an “only chance” at happiness. There are indeed many who would welcome your gift, treasure it, and nurture it.
When someone comes along who makes you feel diminished, broken, or worthless: walk away. It’s not easy but it’s just that simple. Get out. Heed the warning in your heart, trust your intuition, and remember the content of this post. You’re worth more than you can know to the right person.
Dangerous Doms - Bad Doms make the rest of us look bad. They perpetuate the stereotypes. I’m talking about sociopaths, frankly. Somebody who enjoys others’ suffering or harm, and who has no ability to relate to any part of it.
A Sub Is Not For Respecting And Loving - I beg to disagree.
Confident vs. Arrogant - Feedback for Doms - Ask almost any submissive and they will tell you the world is WOEFULLY lacking knowledgeable dominants.
Good Daddies Versus Bad Daddies - Warning signs and VERY good signs
Alphas Are Not Assholes - I’ve been talking to a boy that was very surprised that “I’m so nice to strangers on the internet even though I’m an Alpha”. I just showed him basic decency and talked to him.
It’s not your fault. - Society sets up expectations of subs being treated poorly because as a sexual minority we are already used to this from other people, and that makes us very easy targets for people like this.
Tumblr Doms Terrify Me - A retort to the usual Tumblr Fantasy crapola.
Demanding Self-Proclaimers - Know your worth boys, don’t go for guys like this. And other Sirs? I’m watching. You can and should do better than this. Our power as Sirs comes in enticing a submissive to submit. Anything else is illegal.
Seven Deadly Sins of a Dominant - 2. Apathy - if a dominant does not care much about his or her sub or their relationship, they are not going to invest the large amounts of time and energy that power-exchange dynamics need to thrive…
Dominant vs. Domineering - pleasurewhore: I was scrolling back through my archives and I came across an ask from another blog where someone was inquiring about signs that a man was not a Dominant, but simply domineering…
Red Flags Need Context - I’ve spoken to a few people who call themselves Doms. Red flags everywhere, of course, but what does one do with a red flag?
You Are Not A Dom. You Are A Jackass With A Whip. - U need to stop calling urself a dom. All this lovey crap makes real doms sick. A sub is not for respecting and loving. A sub is for using and thats what they like.
How to Have Your Very Own BDSM World… and NEVER, Ever, Grow as a True Master! - Believe that you’re perfect and above everyone; You don’t have to change yourself. You’re superior to any bottom piece of shit.
The following links are from the BDSM Links And Resources, created by desires-of-a-dominant-man on Tumblr. I rescued it from Tumblr's burning wreckage, so that this valuable information doesn't get lost.
He says:
I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.
- A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
- Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
- Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
- Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust Your Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
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