Strength In Submission

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

Anonymous asked: I’m a young male (early 20’s), in my personal and work life in very dominant, workout a lot, pretty well built, and masculine over all. But I love submitting and being fucked and used by men of all kinds, as long as their cocks are satisfied. I love and hate this about myself. But I find after serving tops and doms I’m extremely ashamed. I feel like I’m a weak man and that I’m worthless afterwards. Aftercare isn’t an issue but I don’t know what to do.
I feel that in every other aspect of life I’m an alpha male or at least feel and act like one, but once I’m in front of another man who wants me I’m completely submissive. I love it, I love being used by a man and pleasuring him, being his slut. But afterwards I’m extremely conflicted and ashamed, and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m not a real man.”

Alexander Martin:

I’m going to take some of the points in your message that stand out to me:
I feel that in every other aspect of life I’m an alpha male or at least feel and act like one
in my personal and work life in very dominant, workout a lot, pretty well built, and masculine over all. 

I love submitting and being fucked and used by men. I love and hate this about myself. 

I’m extremely conflicted and ashamed, and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m not a real man.

I’m extremely ashamed. I feel like I’m a weak man and that I’m worthless afterwards.

Let’s start with that first and second bullet points. You might be surprised to hear this, but what you mean when you say “alpha” and what anyone else says varies. Perhaps you mean that you present in a traditionally masculine fashion, with traditionally masculine interests, and your traditional masculinity is recognized, lauded and celebrated by those around you. Since you’re writing a kink blog for advice, you might even mean you feel dominant in that way outside of the bedroom.

If any of that is true… Well, let’s recognize that as a person with BDSM interests we’re already a departure of the norm. And doubly so for being gay. In day to day life, there are moments when I too have to be dominant and submissive in regular social interactions. I have to submit to my boss’ decisions, and I am dominant in a restaurant when ordering food. Even though I submit to social authority, that in no way dampens the dominance I feel in any other situation. So, what makes me a dominant then? It’s who I am if left to my own devices. I will decide any decision that needs making and my sex has always tended towards aggression and getting my way. In this same way, you are a submissive on the inside.

Looking at the third point. You even admit you love being fucked and used by men. The nature of the conflict is in who you think you’re supposed to be to be respected, and who you are on the inside. Perhaps you don’t see the strength in submission either for that matter. Do you know how lucky you are as a man (and yes you are very much a man my friend) to have found your bliss? I have known men (my father being one of them) who never truly found what they most enjoyed in the world and it is absolutely heartbreaking. Now that you’ve found it embrace it with all your heart. Be the very best submissive you can be! It will pay dividends when you stand beside a strong man who chose you as your own only when you chose him first. Someone who will make you weak in the knees and your cock gush like old faithful.

The fourth point. Your conflict likely stems from external validation you’ve received lifelong from being a masculine good-looking guy versus a new discovery about yourself. You’re afraid you’ll lose that external validation by being yourself. I gotta tell you though, as good as it feels to receive external validation, you need to have a balance. The strength within to feel assured in who you are by being in touch with that beautiful submissive soul on the inside, so that you can stand strong when you aren’t receiving the validation from the outside. I don’t know if your family or friends would approve of who you are but, in a way, it really doesn’t matter. We can’t change who we are. If we could I fear there would be a great many less submissives in the world and that would be a blow to the fabric of our community we dominants could not sustain. Find the courage to be boldly you.

Fifth point. As a submissive, you are a vital part of BDSM dominants cannot BE the amazing men they are without you to put their focus upon. How many people can say that they trust another so much as to allow themselves to be bound and believe in that dominant to care for you while using you for his pleasure? It takes a great deal of faith, trust, and inner strength to embrace the exhilaration of letting go.

In reading and answering these points I think you may feel a bit like an impostor. You present as a strong masculine man that anyone should want to be, but inside you are born to submit to men and you view those at odds. The truth is, both of those aspects are you to some extent or another. You couldn’t keep up the facade of being who you are for too terribly long. Either you would grow weary of the facade or you’d slip up. When you came out, it was to be yourself and not have to hide it any more. If… you can’t be yourself now… why did you come out at all? You can’t BE an impostor if all you’re trying to be is you. Don’t ever let anyone else define who you are. But if someone tells you about yourself and it feels like the truth… it is.

I sincerely hope that you were able to read through this beginning to end and find comfort in what I wrote. I hope that you’re able to come to peace with who you are and embrace the multifaceted and beautifully complex person that you are. It’s a shame to dull who you are for people that can’t appreciate you in your entirety. Best of luck. Let me know how life’s going.

I’m No Masochist. I’ve Never Been A Pain Slut.

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

memoryanddesire-stirring:

I’m no masochist. I’ve never been a pain slut. I cry when I stub my toe and go to great lengths to avoid anything with even the slightest possibility of pain. My take on paper cuts? A justifiable cause to avoid envelopes. Bang my head on a closet shelf? Cause for medical care and probably an MRI. Clover clamps? Should have been named nipple tourniquets from hell. I know how to take care of myself: avoid anything that hurts.

I know I’m supposed to like it—how does one belong in a BDSM lifestyle without liking pain? I’ll admit I love being bound, immobile, and used. I even like floggings and spankings and the like…to a point. But pain? Real pain? It does nothing for me. I don’t become instantly aroused with labia clips and nipple clamps. Or do I? Is it possible to be sure? 

Because I know, when I attempt those things, I wince, I curse, everything in my brain tells me to avoid it;, but there’s something else that I don’t quite understand: I keep doing it—and at the end of the day, I find myself smiling about it. Glad that I was able to withstand it…for Him. For only Him. 

At the end of the day, when He debases me, I learn my value; when He humiliates me, I learn humility; when He inflicts pain, I learn my strength. I learn that I am strongest when I show Him my weakness…The more I endure for Him, the more I want to give. I give Him this, because He has earned my utmost trust and devotion. 

He shows me patience and kindness, the need for discipline and allowance, and when each is appropriate. He teaches me the necessity for all those things, for myself as much as for others. He is the only person strong enough to help me learn those lessons, to free me from those fears that keep me bound in my own head.

I don’t want to hurt, to feel pain, to throb for hours on end waiting for relief, but I do. It isn’t the pain. Rather, it is because knowing that I withstand it for Him makes me proud, makes me feel stronger for having surrendered to it. 

Because making Him happy gives me a joy I’ve never felt before that goes far beyond any sexual pleasure. Because serving Him makes me better at…well…just being me. It grounds me and gives me focus. It reminds me who I am. Because hearing that He enjoys any task I’ve done solely for His pleasure gives me purpose.

It is not as simple as someone telling me to do something and doing it. It is sublimely different. It is giving in its purest form. It’s wanting to give over everything that I am to the Man who has earned it, whose will I long to follow, the Man for whom I am willing to face my deepest fears and accept intense moments of pain despite my own voices telling me to hide. 

Because that is the way to break down the barriers I’ve spent a lifetime building—to give Him that opening, that exposure, a blossoming of sorts, that no one has ever seen, that no one else has ever drawn from me. Only Him. Only He shows me who I need to be for myself. And in doing so, I feel safe. I feel protected. I feel loved.

I want Him to have it all: my fear, my tears, my anger, my passion…even my pain, and all my pleasure. I want Him to feel every thought, every need, every sense I have, because they belong to Him. To give Him all this, all that I am, all that I hope to be, I am willing to surrender to the fear, to the things I’ve avoided, to a will bigger than my own. 

I surrender to Him knowing that for all His savagery, there is tenderness. For all I endure, all the devotion I offer Him in my suffering, I receive His admiration and care back tenfold. I surrender because in everything I do, I am His: His servant, His slave, His lover, His ward. And He is my Dominant, my Master, my beloved Sir.

So, no, I’m no masochist. I’m something far better: I am His.

Take The Time To Learn Yourself Before You Allow Others To Control You.

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

ultracollared:

To my fellow subs, pups, and slaves, gimps, furries, kinksters, and littles; to any identity you claim or feel or discover:

You may not need to hear these words, but there are far too many out there who run headlong into this world without any understanding. I may be reiterating things that have been said a thousand times in more coherent and eloquent ways. But too often I see or console or offer advice to those who have learned these lessons through experiences that I don’t want to imagine.

This isn’t exhaustive, and you may not agree with every one of them. These ideas do not come from a place of selfishness. They apply whether or not you identify as submissive, Dominant, or anywhere in between. It is not meant to inspire fear or cynicism. It is not meant to create self-doubt or generalize “Dominance” as heartless and uneducated. These ideas come from a place of self-love and self respect. If you have a problem with that, you have no place in my world.

If you can take one thing from it, whether validation of your own knowledge, or a deeper understanding of yourself, please know that you don’t have to face any of it alone.

In this, the “Dominant” is in general reference of any identity therein (whether Sir, Master, Handler, etc.)

---

Take the time to learn yourself before you allow others to control you.

Whether you’re just discovering your submissive identity, or you’re a pro, you can always benefit from introspection. Your relationship with a Dominant is only made stronger with a better understanding of yourself and your needs.

No one is ever entitled to your submission.

I’ll say that again: NO ONE IS EVER ENTITLED TO YOUR SUBMISSION. Anyone who approaches you with the idea that they deserve you without so much as a conversation should be avoided. It is in your best interest to protect yourself, regardless of how exciting and enticing it may be to have someone assert such control.

Seek your community.

Whether its a local one, or something you find online, seek out a community of like minded people. Not only will this give you an opportunity to meet and befriend others who understand you, it is also for your protection. Your community is your safe place. We take care of our own.

Make friends with other submissives.

We understand each other better than most. You know things I don’t. Seek advice and care from others without an ulterior motive. I may not be able to tell you what to do, but I can always try to help.Communication is everything.

Seek a method of feedback that your Dominant can respect, whether positive or constructive. Anyone who assumes they know everything or can do no wrong is too insecure to admit their own flaws. Safe words are great, but that will only get you so far. You know what enhances or pulls you out of your headspace. Tell them.

Consideration periods are not simply to determine “whether you’re good enough” or “whether you deserve” something.

They are an opportunity for you to examine your own compatibility and headspace prior to engaging in commitment. They are one of the best tools you have to truly put yourself into a healthy and engaging environment. If it doesn’t work, speak up.You always have the right to leave.
Pretty damn self explanatory.

Make sure you understand YOUR limits.

To push through them is one thing, but you need to understand that too far can be too far. Learn how to say no in a way that enhances your relationship and mutual understanding. And if that isn’t respected? You always have the right to leave.

You deserve respect, too.

It may be shown in different ways. You may like to be called horrible names and treated like dirt. But unless you’ve gotten to the point where you feel safe in that space, don’t let someone walk all over you, regardless of their assumed Dominance.

Take. Your. Time.

Especially for those newer to discovering their submissive headspace, every person who validates that headspace will seem good to you. Just because someone offers you a collar does not mean you take it. Be careful. Ownership is first and foremost about trust. I understand the need; its an innate desire to give up control to the first person who tries to take it from you. But submission is not taken, it is earned. Give yourself the time and make sure their investment in you is equal to your investment in them.

If you need a break, take one.

Sometimes you just need to give yourself an opportunity to refocus. Take a step back from all of it and breathe without fear of control or retribution. Have the self awareness to know when you need it.Explore what you feel.

Don’t let yourself be defined by an expectation or ideal. If you don’t feel completely submissive, or completely Dominant, that’s okay. Give yourself the opportunity to explore those feelings. It may change on any given day or hour or minute. Surround yourself with those who will allow you to grow.

Headspace isn’t about losing yourself.

It’s a place that’s meant to allow you to let go. Sometimes it’s hard to find, and that’s okay. Don’t force it. Your headspace should be as unique as you. Allow the pieces of you that you love to shine through it.Not all headspace is sexual.

Never feel like where you go in that place must be accompanied with BDSM. If your headspace needs to be a safe place for you, let it. Many use it as a coping mechanism for anxiety and depression and these triggers can not only be upsetting but dangerous. Never, ever assume anything without knowing someone. Care before control.

Look out for each other.

Know the signs of someone who needs help. They may not ask for it, but make sure those around you know that you’re looking out for them. There can be a very fine line between BDSM and abusive relationships. You may not be able to fix it, but the love you show someone may have a bigger impact than you think.

---

If you have more to contribute, please do. I don’t expect this to be exhaustive, I want to give people an opportunity to think and respond and create healthy dialogue around a part of “us” that is too often silenced by passivity.

Please, please share this with everyone you can.

What Is Slavery, And What Is It Not…

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

sirmastermark:

slavery is NOT about suffering . . 
. .

slavery is about service.


slavery is NOT about humiliation . . 
. .

slavery is about humility.


slavery is NOT about pain . . 
. .

slavery is about being present.


slavery is NOT about being used . . 
. .

slavery is about being of use. 


slavery is NOT about control . . 
. .

slavery is about letting go. 


slavery is NOT about what is done to you . . 
. .

slavery is about what you do for others. 


slavery is NOT about abuse . . 
. .

slavery is about acceptance. 


slavery is NOT about proving anything . . 
. .

slavery is about being real. 


slavery is NOT about contempt . . 
. .

slavery is about respect.


slavery is NOT about how you look . . 
. .

slavery is about how much you care. 


slavery is NOT about denying yourself . . 
. .

slavery is about being open.

slavery is NOT about bondage . . 
. .

slavery is about freeing your spirit. 


slavery is NOT about punishment . . 
. .

slavery is about discipline.


slavery is NOT about being unable to escape . . 
. .

slavery is about being committed. 


slavery is NOT about submission . . 
. .

slavery is about obedience.


slavery is NOT about fear . . 
. .

slavery is about trust. 


slavery is NOT about sex . . 
. .

slavery is about love.


slavery is NOT about pleasure . . 
. .

slavery is about happiness

☛ THESE ARE WORDS OF WISDOM. (listen to them)

And once you remove your internet porn inspired fantasies and expectations, you can embrace & live a meaningful and rewarding submissive LIFE. 👉🏿❤️🔐 


Best Way To Negotiate Limits?

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

What is the best way to negotiate limits before starting a scene with a new dom? My inexperience makes me nervous about getting in over my head…

fistfuckgaygr:

I think it can be very helpful for all inexperienced boys to take heed of such a question. I have noted time and time again how important communication is in a domination and submission interaction. Have you ever seen those statements on Recon or Grindr where they say plan to meet up in so many (e.g. 4) messages? That is just crap. If you see those, run away! You need to establish some sort of trust through the exchange of conversation. It gives you the opportunity to feel someone out and they can learn more about you.

I find it interesting how you use the phrase “negotiate limits.” Limits are typically non-negotiable. Meaning you tell the other party these are not going to happen during a session. For example, I, as a Dom, have limits. Things I will do not with boys, and I am not willing change my mind on them (e.g. unsafe sex).

So here are some general steps.

Step One: Have a conversation with yourself. You need to think about what are things you are not willing to do, somewhat willing to do, and absolutely willing to do. When you are new, the number of things you are not willing to do is going to be a long list.

I would recommend that you also flip the limits list into an interest list. In other words, “these are things I want to try.”

Step Two: Build a rapport with the Dom. Before you even talk about limits, you need to build some sort of connection with the Dom. You are building up to the fun.

Step Three: Pre-session rule.If you interaction is based on online connections (Recon, Grindr, A4A, or even Tumblr), you must convey your limits through that online medium. Do not show up at someone’s place and intend to convey limits. You are likely to forget something. Or maybe the session just gets started quickly because you are both very attracted to each other.

Step Four: It can be hard to bring it up. I understand that. A good Dom should always ask what your limits are. If he does not, you can ask him what he intends to do during a session. Just so you know it is normal, I do not typically share with a boy exactly what will happen. I will lay out general things that will happen, but I will not say step by step. It takes the fun out of a session if you know exactly what is coming and when. After he gives you a basic idea you can respond that you are not really comfort with it x, y, or z.

You can also bluntly say, ‘I am new, but these are limits right now…” You can mention that you are interested in exploring new things, but you will need him to talk you through them and you reserve the right to veto that activity.

I would encourage you to be open to new things. You never know if you will like if you don’t try.

Step Five: If the Dom responds that he is in control and he will decide what your limits are. End your conversation with him. He is clearly ill-equipped to work a new sub. New subs require a lot of patience and time.

Step Six: Early in your activities if you are still quite nervous, I would recommend that you and the Dom employ the use of a safe word. I use Red and Yellow. Even though I generally hate safe words, because if I boy has to use one, it means I have failed him. Red means stop everything, the session is over. Yellow means I need a moment this is a little intense. You can also come up with some signal if you are gagged.

Step Seven: Remember to have fun. Submission is suppose to be fun after all. It is suppose to be something you enjoy.

Red and Yellow are, in my experience, universal safe/slow words. I tell boys to use “red” if they need things to end. That ends whatever activity we’re doing and any aftercare as appropriate happens next so I can check in with him and make sure he’s okay. I tell them to use “yellow” if they’re okay with what’s going on, it’s just too intense. It’s a cue to me to dial it back a bit so he can catch his breath and get back into the right headspace. For example, sometimes a whip stroke can land in the wrong place, snapping (no pun intended) him out of that wonderful blissed out happy place. “Yellow” in that instance serves as a reset button.

After you’ve had some experience with the same people, you learn how their body responds and can get a better read on where their head is, and “red” and “yellow” aren’t used as often, if at all. For me, getting to that place is the goal. When you’re finally able to get inside his head is when it gets really fun. :D

But to answer OP’s original question, the best way to establish limits is to talk beforehand. As a dom, I don’t play with anyone until we’ve clearly outlined the following:

1. Any hard limits: these are things that are not negotiable. Both my hard limits and his.

2. Any health issues: things I need to know about to potentially work around to make sure the boy isn’t injured (mentally or physically) inadvertently. Sports injuries, whether he might have asthma, any abuse issues, etc. An example: Face-slapping is a hard limit for a lot of people because of childhood abuse.

3. Whether sex is going to be part of the scene, and if so, how protection is going to be used. 

4. What things the boy is particularly eager to try or have done to him. This gives me an idea of where to start planning. Like temptingdominance, I don’t like planning out and discussing every little bit of the scene; surprise and suspense are major elements of sub headspace and are fun to play with. 

One thing I’ve found to work is an idea I came up with after seeing how a college professor of mine structured his exams (no, I’m not making this up.) We’d be given a list of 15 topics that could possibly be on the exam. He’d put a random 7 or 8 of them on the exam. We then had to pick 3 or 4 to write about.

So, with a new boy, I go over what I have at my disposal to use in a scene (restraints, floggers, dildos, tools for inflicting pain, etc.) and tell the boy to pick somewhere between 5 and 7 things for me to do. I pick 3 or 4 of them to integrate into the scene and do so at my discretion. 

I don’t tell him what’s going to be used or when. This way I’m working within the bounds of what I know he’s comfortable with (or at least willing to try), but I can “wing it” and let the scene unfold itself.

After you get some experience under your belt and find a regular play partner, you can start on things that might be “soft limits.” Things you’re potentially willing to try, but have reservations about. When I was subbing regularly, there were things I would normally consider a hard limit, but would consider doing under the right circumstances because it was an act of submission. 

What drew me to that particular activity wasn’t the activity itself, it was the good feeling I got from doing something uncomfortable or unpalatable specifically to please someone else. I found that things that are hard limits when you begin eventually become soft limits, and can even turn into things you enjoy. I never in a million years thought I’d enjoy footplay as a top, but leatherbondagelove introduced me to that and now it’s one of my favorite things.

But I wouldn’t suggest trying to push your limits when first starting out. In the beginning, start small. Work slowly into more challenging things to learn where any limits you might not know about are. Having a dom who is willing to help you explore these things safely and at your own pace is essential. Submission is a gift to be treasured, not an obligation or expectation. 

Like temptingdominance said, new subs require patience and time. As a dom, I tend to think it’s worth the patience and time to help a sub explore that side of himself. I’ve been a sub myself, I know how amazing that happy subby headspace can be when you’ve got the right guy to take you there. Being able to give that to someone else is a pretty awesome experience.

service2smmbybj:

communication is always the key, whether you are starting a True Power Exchange or have been in one for many years.

one of the dilemmas for new subs is getting around this issue of asshole “doms” spreading the message that the sub has no say in how things are done. that is outright bullying and should never be tolerated. 

 a sub/boy always has the Power to negotiate things. once those negotiations are finished, limits set, and trust is earned, it gives the sub the freedom to relinquish his Power to his MASTER and then the MASTER can do as HE desires within the confines of the limits that have been set. of course, your MASTER can, and most often will, push those limits only to help you grow as a sub and explore things you never thought you may enjoy. 

Limits can be re-negotiated at any time, but only you as a sub have the Power to change those limits as you become more comfortable with yourself and who you are as a sub.

one good way that many MASTERs have of negotiating limits, is they have potential subs/boys fill out an application in which all activities are listed and the boy can rank them as far as interest, experience, or set strict hard limits on. this allows the MASTER to know what currently makes the boy tick and gives HIM an idea of areas to explore without having to ask every time service occurs. it is also a good starting point to break the ice and open up verbal discussions, either at the beginning or throughout the hours, days, years of service.

What Do You Consider To Be Basic Submissive Duties?

fistfuckgaygr:

1. Support them. No,I don’t mean financially OR physically. I mean emotionally and spiritually. Encourage them, and praise them. Have their back. Make sure they know that you’re in their corner and you will be there for them.

2. Openly communicate. Often. Even when we haven’t just finished up a scene or are about to scene, LMS and I talk about our relationship. We are very honest, especially if there’s something bothering us. We try not to let things wait and fester because that’s devastating to a relationship. He trusts and counts on my honesty. And I on his.

3. Know yourself. You have limitations. Don’t ignore them. There is no prize for pushing yourself too far for the sake of a Dom (mes) pleasure. It makes you untrustworthy and dangerous. The last thing they want is to hurt us. So if you think about it, the most subby thing you can do is to let them be aware of those limits and trusting them to respect those limits.

4. Don’t be disrespectful. I’m not talking about the bratiness that some Dom (mes) enjoy. I’m talking about genuine disrespect. Bashing your partner to other people, bashing other people just for fun, being rude in general. Just don’t be a dick is what I’m getting at.

5. Understand that your Dom (me) is human. They will make mistakes. The world will not end, I promise. Understand and talk it out. They will need breaks from being in D-mode. Let them and don’t fault them for it.

6. Take care of them if they’ll let you. LMS is SO hard to take care of because he fights against it. I have to sit and explain that I’d like to take care of him and do x, y, and z. And then he’ll usually only let me if he’s sick or in pain.

7. Trust them. Pretty self-explanatory.

Being a Submissive Has Never Been About Being Powerless

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

bredbeta:

A great and powerful truth. D/s relationships are, at their most fundamental level, about the exchange of power; the passing of power from a submissive party to a Dominant party. This is key for the submissive to understand as it underscores the fact that the submissive is not without power.

If you entered the Hierarchy without power there would be no power to exchange; nothing to lay upon the altar of His majesty in tribute. Own your power and the fact that you willingly, consciously, and gladly cede it to Men that you acknowledge are Worthy and meant to wield it on your behalf to the benefit of Y/you both.

The Need To Submit

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

submissive4dominant:

i had a back and forth message conversation with a young sub over the weekend who was struggling to accept his desires. i recognised a lot of what i went through for a while. The questions: Why do i get off from serving, have extreme fantasies about being humiliated and tortured, why do i have this overwhelming need to be ‘owned, am i damaged in some way, will i ever find happiness?’.

In my own past, i did the reading, the psychological theories, i even had some therapy for a while. Every time they tried to jump on the idea of some form of abuse at an early age and that it all came from low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity or abandonment. Now, maybe that is true for some but it wasn’t for me and it didn’t seem to be for the sub i was talking to. i had an incredibly average childhood, supportive parents, not a lot of money so few luxuries but basically your average working class/blue collar family.

i’ve written before that the need to submit was there from an early age, before i was aware of sexuality even. And yes it’s a bit of a cliche but i was attracted to the rough older boys, was drawn to them like a moth to a flame, if they wanted to bully a kid, i was happy for them to do it to me. That was when i started jerking off, thinking about them and i went to them willingly. i was a popular kid, had loads of friends, was pretty good at my school work…again average.

i believe that being submissive is as much part of my wiring as being gay. it’s part of me. i’m no scientist but now we know about the gay gene, i wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a submissive gene, a dominant gene. But the main thing i wanted to say, and how i left it with the sub, was that at the end of the day, does it really matter where it comes from if you accept it and enjoy it?

Finding other subs and Doms to talk to was the key. Yes we are different, some subs want to be humiliated, some don’t, some Doms want complete control others are more flexible etc. What we get from spaces like tumblr is the knowledge that we are not alone…however twisted your fantasies. On here it seems you always find someone who’s fantasies are darker! But nothing beats one to one contact and i directed the sub to various leather/BDSM groups where he could meet others.

Once i was able to embrace my submissiveness, enjoy it, value it, whether it was the dark twisted non-consensual fantasies or the intimacy and dedication of real servitude/TPE, then i found peace and contentment. Don’t spend hours, days, weeks, years agonising about why am i like this, just get on with it and be proud of what you are able to offer. Trying to change who we are is the quickest route to lack of fulfillment and unhappiness.

i chose the pic above because the sub seems to have found that place of bliss and contentment in his servitude, happy to feel in his rightful place,

Sex and the Independent Slave

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

imiklwhite:

We have talked about how slaves need to be independent even if they are in a committed relationship. Today we look at when they are out there in that snake pit called the dating pool!

It does not take long on any BDSM Master/slave chat site to find someone complaining about potential slaves. They are all begging for help. Many profiles and advertisements contain long lists of “needs” and “wants” and limitations of all kinds. It would appear they are only concerned with themselves.

By the same token, all the potential slaves are complaining that there is a shortage of Masters. Well yes, there are more bottoms than Tops and there are more slaves than Masters. This is not to imply that all Masters are Tops! That is NOT a requirement for Mastership. It just seems like whatever type you are looking for is going to be in a minority whenever you are looking. Neither does it take into account all of the various genders out there.

Please note, slave speaks of male Masters because my Master Indy is very male. Slave does have trouble keeping up with all of the various combinations available today. This limitation is on the part of slave. It does not imply or intend disrespect to any! So please, slave respectfully asks you to translate.

Here is yet another example of how important being independent is for the slave. Everyone has had troubles or problems in the past. You just don’t have to LEAD with them! The old saying that you can travel further with less baggage is so true. Leave the baggage at home.

Some misguided potential slaves think that if they appear vulnerable and needy, then Master’s will be attracted to them. Forget it. That kind of charity happens at the office not in a leather bar. Ever hear “There is no such thing as “mercy sex”?

Lets just think of it this way: which is more attractive to a Master? Someone who is weak and begging. Or some one who is self assured and in control of themselves? Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to a Master to have someone like that be willing, on his own, to agree to submit and be subservient? A strong man who bows his head and is willing to serve is more of an ego boast for a Master. A challenge that is won is more satisfying to achieve than a “freebee”.

Please: all potential slaves out there NOTE: the less you need something, the more likely you are to find it. This is NOT easy stuff here. Slave knows full well how empty a life was when I was not owned. How there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning when I had no one to serve. Slave understands that hollowness of having no Master.

However, no one told you the life was easy. No one guarantees that you will find happiness, or even fairness. Something as wonderful as having a Master to serve takes a bunch of hard work. Yes, a good Master will work you hard for you to become the best you possible. Still to get that wonderful thing, you have to work.

Never look like you need a job on an interview and never look like you will die if you don’t have a Master taking care of you.

Remember, you are there for His pleasure. Your please will come from pleasing Him. Deep inside you already know how much you want to nurture, to care for, to serve. Slave is only pointing out that you will feast as long as you don’t look hungry. 

To be a true slave, you must first Master yourself. Become that independent person. A head bows best if it is accustomed to being held up high! Present what you have to offer. Lead with how you are different from all of the twink sycophants out there. Show what you have, not what you have not!

Let slave admit to you, in writing this, I told Master that it is perhaps the

hardest of anything I have had to face and to write. The very thought of having to say a “Good bye” to My Master. Or to face not being owned by Him anymore, petrifies me.

At times, I’m in a gale force wind and Master tells me: “You will be OK, learn to bend with the wind.” Yet I am petrified of letting go. Master always has me face my greatest fears. Slave is strongest when he has trust. Real trust, not some phony word play trust. Life and death type trust.

Slave has that in His Master. I am always at my strongest with that trust.

If the wind lifts me off of my feet, I shall learn to fly.

However today you don’t have to learn to fly. You don’t have to face saying a “Good Bye” to the most important person in your life. No, you just have to want to be independent. Then as an independent slave, the sex will come.

Finding a Sir… A Few Tips

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

From Sub One: Hi…just a new sub …shy and trying to learn. Any advice for me…I can c u are real-I will answer any question-I am very submissive-in LA. I am looking for a Master…I am bi - I like Total Power Exchange service….how should I start my search, or exploring, do you think? 

From Sub Two: This is being a little frustrating to be honest with you.. I didn’t think it would be so hard to find someone that I felt attraction to who was into what I like.I have a profile on recon.com but everyone I talk to there say they like me and they are looking for a slave/boi but when I ask to meet or exchange numbers they say they are too busy or they stop answering or they say they already have one.. but yet they are still logged in there.

Papa Tony:

Requesting such a relationship from strangers (as you have now learned) simply doesn’t work. That is because it is a deeper-than-usual relationship that you are requesting. Back in the days when I made the mistake of creating an accurate, authentic Recon personal profile, I received A HUNDRED AND FIFTY-SEVEN requests like yours in the very first 24 hours of creating the profile. I received hundreds more (from every major continent) before I pulled the plug.

As a very high-status, ridiculously visible Sir/Daddy/Master/Dominant, I recognize that there are plenty of applicants for the position of submissive, boy or slave. Hundreds of requests (with nothing other than sheer neediness behind them) simply become background noise. It’s just how the human brain works.

You will ONLY achieve the most-effective results by becoming active in your local kinky community. Go forth and let yourself be known, not just as a submissive candidate for a relationship with a Sir, but as a great guy that your new friends can recommend.

It only works if you take the time and energy to build a solid reputation in a Tribe that wants to know what you are truly like. Otherwise, you’re just one of zillions, and nobody will notice you in the crowds.

One boy got in touch with his natural, honorable role as a Boot Submissive at last night’s Men’s Discussion. It rocked his world, and he was surrounded with approval. The Tops in the crowd noticed, too.

Your attractiveness rises:

- If you’re not a flake, and ALWAYS keep your word.

- If you’re willing to contribute to the success of various events (such as by volunteering)

- If you have Boy Scout tendencies - Trustworthy, Loyal, etc.

- If you ask for help, and listen to advice. That is what we are here for.

If you DO these things, then doors will open for you, that are invisible to most people. You’ll receive extra helpings of advice and coaching. You’ll gain better friends in your life by BEING a better friend to others.

I’m currently training dozens of dominant males to take ownership of their Mastery and Sir status. They will ALL need boys, slaves, submissives, eventually.

If you are the type of guy who wants to grow and learn, and support others in their growth, then you’re the kind of submissive male that GETS THE SIR.

The ball is now in your court. Let’s see if you can take the first steps that I recommend, and then you will find that more, really useful information gets unlocked for you…

To become active in your local kinky community, requires there to actually be a local kinky community.

Try going lateral - What if there is a THRIVING community nearby, but it is not visible to you?

Many isolated gay males are find community of a sort on Fetlife. They can attend local “munches” where male and female Doms and subs mingle. You may well be the only visible gay-male there, but you will still be welcome. They may have wise advice for you that will help you on your path. Some of the best wisdom I have ever received as been from heterosexuals, lesbians and transfolk.

They might be able to steer you into better directions that lead to you achieving your goals. It’s an option.

There are also issues when those active in your local community. When it is dominated by dangerous idiots who wantonly will not take advice, who will not practice safer sex and have no regard for the basics of sane safe and consensual interactions and have injured people. I am currently trying to persuade an acquaintance that they should go to the police. However the “Spanner judgement” is a major impediment - this judgement states “any injury, no matter how transient cannot be consented to.

I agree! There has never been a time where we didn’t have crap like this happening. In the absence of kind, wise and respectable leaders, then the Law of the Jungle prevails. When that happens, then bullies get to be at the top of the heap.

In my own case, I had to create my own, separate and safe social circle. When given a better choice, the brotherly men came running, and the bullies lost all power.

What Are The Top 6 Traits You Desire In Your Ultimate Ideal Sub?

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

Anonymous: What are the top 6 traits you desire in your ultimate ideal sub? 

Unknown Author:

1. An interesting human being. Lately I’ve come to a very defined point when it comes to my own interactions with someone I’m attracted to. There has to be something there. It cannot be all physical attraction. The gears must turn. There has to be passion for something Beyond sex. A drive to make the world better. An interest in a vocation. The desire to learn. The unequivocal Wanderlust.

2. Acceptance of what you want. I’m not saying you have to figure it out everything. There’s plenty to explore. But I want you to know that you want something. I don’t want to force you. I don’t want you to fake it. I don’t want you to pretend. I want you to love what I love.

3. An understanding of the line between fantasy and reality. This is perhaps the greatest problem of the internet age. Tumblr. Grindr. Recon. You have to know what is pretend and what is real. Know that someone cannot be submissive 24/7 nor can they be dominant for just as long. Know that there’s a time and a place for everything.

4. Embrace Humanity. A boy is not an object to me. He is a person. He’s a beautiful being. He deserves my respect. I will not dehumanize you. I will still do all the things you desire including humiliation play. But I cannot use you and toss you away. To this end, I say there’s just as much joy and fucking while you’re tied to the bed as there is going to Dairy Queen and getting a Cherry dipped cone.

5. Offer and accept affection. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me that I don’t look the part of a dominant man. I look too sweet. I look too innocent. I have a fire deep in my heart that comes out in the passionate form of restraints and control. But I do like to feel another person. I want to touch you. I want to be close to you. I want to kiss you. I want to embrace you.

6. Have personal Drive. I don’t want to be your sugar daddy. I don’t want you to be lazy. I don’t want you to live an unfulfilled life. I want you to pursue your dreams. I want you to follow a career that makes you happy. I want you to embrace the intellectual abilities that you have and partner them with my own so that we can both attain our joy in our professional lives. Money doesn’t have to be everything. You could want to change the world. And I’ll still hold your hand. I just want you to want something more.

*Prologue*

The most striking part of this list to me is that it still has not been obtained. Perhaps I’m too selective. Perhaps I ask too much. I’m a good man with a good heart and an extensive gear collection. I want to be happy. I hope I can find it.

---

dirtythingsthatturnmeonposts

Here are the things I look for:

1. Before all else, we must connect as people. He has to be the kind of person I want to have as a friend.

2. Humour. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have a sense of humour and the ability to not taking yourself too seriously.

3. Passion. Whether it is about his job, or his hobbies, or his family or all of the above I need to see his eyes lit up when he talks about it.

4. Natural flow. This may sound corny and all, but, to have a boy with whom I connect almost organically is beyond the best.

5. Pride. It’s so important to me to have a boy who embraces his submissive side and the kinks that come with being submissive. To have a boy who’s proud of the submissive he’s become.

6. Eager to learn. No matter how (in) experienced a boy is, no two dominants are the same. I need to have a boy who’s willing to forget what he’s learned with past partners and start from scratch with me. Let it be clear; Safe, Sane and Consensual lessons are right there, at the beginning of our journey.

7. Porn versus reality. In a time where porn is so accessible, and more than not showcases the more extreme part of everything, it is vital to have a boy who understands that what you see in porn and on Tumblr is not a accurate representation of what a D/s or FLR is. If I feel the boy isn’t able/willing to see the difference we have no future.

If We Wait For The Perfect Submissive, We Will Wait Forever

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

Anonymous:  hi daddy. i'm a boy with a few mental problems, mainly anxiety and depression. would it be best for me not to try and find any daddies or be involved in any sexual/romantic relationships until i fix myself? i get really really lonely, but at the same time i wouldn't want the other person to deal with some of the baggage i carry.

Unknown Author:

Why would that be for the best? Is there something broken or wrong with you? Those things may never change, may never go away fully, so what you’re saying to me is that you shouldn’t try to find a Daddy who will understand those things, care about you, and be the support you need to learn to cope with those parts of yourself? If there was anything wrong that was made apparent by your question it’s that you think there’s something wrong with you.

There is an image associated with difficulties like those and it comes from one of the greater evils of our age: The diagnosis becomes the condition. The second someone says one of those buzz words: ADD ADHD BPD, Any of them, all of a sudden people will ‘re-frame’ their understanding of you based on those letters as if some how your oddity (and their confusion about you) makes sense because it’s all the fault of those letters.

Do you know what the prevalence of anxiety and depression is among LGBT people? Each on their own exist in varying degrees in more than half our numbers. Together? Nearly every one you meet will have, or be, enduring those things. Conditions like Generalized Anxiety Disorder is so common and consistent that people just feel uneasy in social groups and so become introverted. In fact you could say that GAD is an acronym diagnosis for just not bloody liking the idiots that surround you most of the time. If that’s the case, that’s a new set of letters to add to my bandolier.

I’m going to throw a few things out for you to consider, things that have been thrown at me personally:

I am Anti-social because I do not care for ‘norms’ or large groups of people. Truth be told, my lifestyle is completely counter to even gay social norms because it’s a ‘kink’ life and that I refuse to live in a vanilla box because someone tells me I should makes me anti social.

I have PTSD from being repeatedly beaten, harassed and threatened physically, mentally and emotionally by people who gave themselves the authority to judge and punish another human being. In reality, nearly everyone has that same condition for those reasons. If you’ve ever endured trauma and have survived it, you have post-traumatic symptoms whenever you feel threatened again. It never goes away.

I have Anxiety. I know they mean the constant feeling of being in danger, of needing to run, and almost anyone who has ever been nervous has suffered anxiety. When you get excited, you are anxious. When you are afraid and anticipating something, you are anxious.

I have Depression. The common person thinks depression is feeling blue. They are wrong. Depression is feeling gray. It has no trigger or warning, it just is. It’s like someone turned down the contrast on life until things become black and white, senses become dulled, pleasure vanishes and the world becomes a bleak hell while you sit feeling isolated in a flesh colored straight jacket. There is nothing blue about depression. You aren’t sad, that’s a whole other emotion packed into it.

I can keep going through the entire DSM if need be. Hell, according to the big book of boxes, I’m schizotypal because I actually think that I matter to other people. “ characterized by severe social anxiety, paranoia, and often unconventional beliefs. “ How awesome is that? Who the hell ISN’T Schizotypal that grew up gay and in a place where homophobia exists. Pretty sure everyone has traits that qualify under these umbrellas.

I want to be clear, I am not angry at you. I am frustrated with this particular demon because it haunts SO many people. 

My point is this: what makes them ISSUES is not the condition, it’s what you (and to a degree others) think they mean. So what if there are days when you need more affection and others when you need more space? So what if you happen to need that feeling of being safe that a Daddy can provide? Do you think perfection is something you can actually ‘be’ or is it the journey from where you are to where you wind up, the quest itself to become more, to be stronger but most importantly: to be happy.
The ONLY way it poses a risk is if you use the relationship as a crutch or therapy. A Daddy can’t realistically ‘fix’ you, only you can do that. What they can do is provide you safe space to process, understanding of your difficulty, caring and compassion while you do the hard work and appreciation for all the effort YOU put in to overcome what inhibits you now.

Yes feeling good can become a drug to ward off depression, but it can never fix it and so it will come crashing back down harder than before. What you need from a Daddy when you’re having a hard time isn’t sex, it’s companionship and support. He may give you a hand so you can lift yourself up, arms to fall into when you need to cry, and a smile to try to cheer you up a little. That’s not because he thinks you are sad, but because sometimes it is the VERY thing you need to see so that you can try to reach for happy even when you don’t think you can make it.

There is one last thing I want to add here. Don’t judge Daddy before you give him the chance to show you that your ‘baggage’ doesn’t stop him from caring about you. Nothing is easy, especially not finding love, so you can’t take that as a judgment against you.

Do I think you should be single until you’re ‘fixed’. No. I don’t think you should deny the opportunity to be happy.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. The only thing that makes it so is you. As I once wrote to a boy: “The problem, you see, isn’t that you’re in a wheelchair. The problem is the wheelchair in your MIND. It’s that you see yourself that way, as lesser, because of the difference you think that makes you so. You need to learn to put the wheelchair in your mind away”.

You my boy, need to put away the words others give you to describe who and what you are. Don’t think of yourself as anything other than who you are. If you feel you have work you need to do on yourself, more power to you, but don’t let that kind of thinking prevent you from being happy or even finding love. Struggling, as you do, is hard enough without feeling diminished because of the fact that you DO struggle. I often say that a boy who tries, who works toward his goals, is a boy I can respect and consider that a good sign of being ‘the right stuff’ to be a good boy.

Forgive my rant but, you see, I have had too many experiences with boys who feel broken because they struggle through difficult times. It saddens me to see a boy throw himself into the trash because he feels that’s where he belongs. You don’t. You belong somewhere that makes you happy and proud to be there. You aren’t broken.

Someday, perhaps, when I am feeling VERY talkative I will tell you all of my philosophy of being human, but for now I want this boy in particular to know something. Life will crack you, split you apart and leave you in pieces, but what makes YOU beautiful is that you survive. Your courage, your effort and your determination become a new bond between pieces, a filling of gold, that changes you and makes you even more beautiful than before. Your history, who you are right now, is an extraordinary thing. You simply need to put aside your thoughts about your value and allow someone else to show you that you are wrong.

I want you to understand that you are beautiful, just as you are, because you have endured and survived things most cannot comprehend. You are your own creation and that makes you a singular wonder in the world. you don’t have to be proud of your pain, but you should be proud of the phenomenal accomplishment of still being here. Take hope in that fact too because every day you are, every breath you continue to struggle to take, brings you one step closer to where you want to be.

Invisible Service

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

followyourslaveheart:

On my coffee break this morning, as I was making a drink for Alpha G, I got to thinking about invisible service. A lot of the time, most people think that serving someone is about the grand gestures of servitude; being on your knees, worshipping feet, being used sexually, making dinner, doing chores, being spanked etc. Of course, for most of the time, it does…and much, much more.

But over time, I’ve come to realise that it’s sometimes the more subtle expressions of servitude that bring most satisfaction. We all want to hear the words, ‘Good boy!’, from our Master/Alpha/Dom. We want to see Him smile and to notice how happy or relaxed he is on account of us providing service to Him. 

But perhaps the most rewarding thing is when He doesn’t even notice what we’ve done. There may be times where you’ve gone that extra mile just to get His favourite snack that wasn’t available in a nearby shop, without telling Him how difficult it was. Or, as was the case today for me, pick up some rubbish that he accidentally dropped on the floor, or wipe away that coffee mark on His desk He didn’t know was there, or fill up His stapler before He noticed He was nearly running out. 

There are so many ways to serve Men, sometimes it’s not the most visible examples of service that make the biggest difference. As long as we always ask ourselves, ‘What else can I do? What does examplary service look like? And how can I do better?, then we are well on the way to becoming what we were born to be.

are-you-ready-2-submit:

This is what thinking outside the box is, going that extra mile (or kilometre in most cases). Subs everywhere can take a page from @followyourslaveheart’s book, and learn how service to the Superior Man can take many shapes and forms. As always, a boy who is in touch with who he truly is and taking service to the next level.

dombearmaster:

Amen to all of this.

Is the 100% sub slave just online fantasy?

Question: Is the 100% sub slave just online fantasy?

Sir Alex:

Answer: Almost certainly. It’s a great big world out there, maybe there’s a handful of submissives who can manage 100% non-stop submission. That sounds exhausting. That said? I’ve never met a submissive who is nothing but a submissive who needs orders like he does in the bedroom. All of them have needed some downtime to live their life.

Commentary: It is always very interesting to me that our sex life in the moment (when you’re horny) convinces you it would be hot to strike a single note for your life, but when you orgasm your logical mind takes back over and says “that was fun but naw tho.” As varied as our sex lives and fantasies are, sex is but a single aspect of our life. And as such, even when we want it to, it is not possible to hold that note forever (despite how much we’d want to).

Frankly? I think that’s a good thing. I have a really diverse and engaging life in terms of my activities beyond this blog. It would be a shame to miss out on all the other fun things I’m doing to, in exchange, make my life about sex. It’s like making a symphony a single note forever. I would think anyone would eventually get tired of it.

Now that I’ve dashed submissive and dominant hopes against the rocks… I’m going to be a married dominant (still an open marriage though) and I’ve lived 24/7 with my boy for the past 2 years. We live a D/s life and so I can provide some insights for making D/s part of your life on a daily basis.

For my boy and I, we find it most comfortable to have a low protocol day to day routine. For those unfamiliar, low protocol means that boy and I do not stand much on ceremony with each other and the rules I ask him to follow are not many and slip ups are not that serious. A high protocol relationship would involve a number of rules he has to follow on a day to day basis and that the submissive’s dominant would be on the lookout for infractions as punishment would be more serious.

There are absolutely D/s relationships where the couple (or more) has had high protocol on a day to day and it works well for them. I think that the difference between high protocol and low protocol relationships is simply due to personality. I don’t want anyone to think that high protocol MEANS 24/7 100% submission. When I have spent times in such homes no one was hard constantly while serving. Everyone was in fact very calm, but very focused. Because those subs always take their duty to their dominant seriously inside or outside the bedroom.

I think that the best one can aspire to is finding little ways to make your life reflect your love of power exchange. Whether that’s the submissive in your life making you breakfast on the weekends or eating his dinner off a plate on the floor. Whatever causes you both enthusiastic joy to participate in should be embraced.

Good Boy

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

realworldsubmissive:

They are two incredible words.

They make me feel safe when it hurts.

If I’m scared, the bonds too tight

They can comfort me, keep me safe at night.

Or when I think I’m at my limit,

I’ll hear those words and in a minute,

To push for you I’ll be inspired

To go further than first desired.

They reaffirm my gift to you,

That bond we have; I know it’s true.

Those special words, to hear I crave

As boy, submissive, bitch or slave.

They say I’m more than just a boy;

I am a good boy. Your good boy.

And what else should I want to be?

I have no idea who wrote this - I received it via text-message. I am posting it here because it absolutely speaks for my preferred way of expressing my sadistic nature, while enjoying long-term relationships with my submissives.

Boring, Bored, and Border Collies

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

Dear Papa, I strive to be a respectful, obedient, pleasing submissive but after long periods of time spent being tied up in intricate knots, bound spreadeagle faced down, or shackled in a cage….well… I get a little bored. I’ve even fallen asleep a few times. I am thrilled Sir is enjoying himself but there’s not much left for me to do. Am I just a boring, bad lay?

I have had three Border Collies in my life.  When THEY get bored, they start disassembling things.  Chain-link fences, backyard decking, entire sofas.

I went through FOUR actual dog-cages with one of them, in increasing levels of “security.”  The goal was to try and keep her from panicking during storms, and running away.  Each new, stronger cage would last for about four minutes before she figured out how to get out.

Well, somebody like you can easily be classified as a handful, and SOME Sirs (like me) gain pleasure from providing such a clever, easily-bored sub with some creative brain-teasers…

• Let’s see you get out of this intricate bondage before I get back.

• Having trouble staying focused?  Let’s see you organize the contents of My toy bag into a row, with the scariest stuff on one side, going lighter and easier on the other side.  I will tell you why, when you are done, and have explained your thought processes.   <EEE-VIL CHUCKLE>>>

There is no generic form of submission.  Even OUTSIDE of a scene, subs like you are a refreshing “spice” for any Leather Family.  Your restless mind and keen wit can cause the rest of us to see things in new (and often humorous) ways.

Border Collie Jokes

Our dog Daisy was rescued off of the streets of Tijuana.  That qualifies her to be an AKC-certified “South of the Border Collie.”

Our Daisy wasn’t shaped like most Border Collies, which are tall, with slender legs.  Instead, she was shaped more like a watermelon.  Perhaps she was a Melon Collie.

Daisy was our little blossom… our Collie Flower.

We were her fifth owners, because she was a willful little thing. She lived to an estimated fifteen years.  She was an Escape Artist.  She used to grind her way through obstacles like an Atomic Beaver.

I had to use metal armor-plating on this gate to stop her from running down the hill and running along the freeway until somebody stopped and picked her up.  We got to meet a LOT of neighbors that way!

She could be quite horrid sometimes (she had a yap that could cut glass), but we loved her dearly.

Living A Life Of Service Means Living A Life Of Observation

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

serviceorientedsub: When u strive to serve well, u must watch ur MAN. Learn what each expression means. Study HIM until u can read HIS reactions and needs in a twelfth of a second. It’s about anticipating needs and memorizing preferences.

How does HE take HIS coffee? Does HE relax faster if u start the massage at HIS feet or HIS shoulders. How does HE feel ur worship when HE doesn’t even see it sometimes? HE may get so used to coming home to HIS clothes put away that HE forgets there is even a process. This isn’t HIM taking u for granted. This is u being so skilled that having u make HIS life better is something HE comes to expect. It’s not a thankless job when u get to live be with a MAN who only thinks about ease of pleasure when HE is with u.

Take pride in HIM not even noticing ur work sometimes. Know what relaxes HIM and puts HIM into HIS happiest of places. HE may not even notice that u chose the music and the porn with HIM in mind, but HE will be more at-ease in the room. ur payback is HIS pleasure. ur payback is access to the MAN u admire, in HIS most natural state. That access is worth a lot.

u are a beta and u take quiet pride in things most people will never see or understand. Know that this makes u powerful. Learning about MEN is learning about all human behavior. Let HIM teach u about human nature and the joy of living in a hierarchy.

As it should be.

The Art of Submission

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

kp-tyson: I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it is to be a sub, a fag, a boy, a slave, in relation to a Dom, Alpha, Sir, Master. What is Dominance/submission? How is it defined? I recently started mentoring a young sub, and this is something I need to help him understand.

The Axioms of Dominance/submission

There are some essential truisms at the heart of Dominance/submission, lets call them Axioms of Dominance/submission:

1. The pleasure of the Dom is paramount
His overall happiness
His sexual pleasure
His well-being

2. The Dom is in control of his pleasure
Who will serve Him
When he gets served
Where he gets served
How he gets served
What equipment he uses to control the sub (i.e. bondage)

3. The subs purpose is the pleasure of the Dom
The subs focus is always on the Doms pleasure, never his own
The sub only feels pleasure through the pleasure of the Dom
The sub may endure physical and mental pain and discomfort giving pleasure to the Dom

The Equivelance Principle of Dominance/submission

Dominance/submission work as a single indivisible whole. Dominance can only exist with submission, and submission can only exist with Dominance.
The Dom is Superior, the sub inferior
The Dom is controlling, the sub is controlled
The Dom is penetrating, the sub is penetrated
The Dom gives, the sub receives
The Dom whips, the sub takes the pain
Etc

In hierarchical terms the Dom is above the sub, but there is a fundamental Equivalence Principle of Dominance/submission. One that states that Dominance and submission are regarded equally in the indivisible whole. Both Dominance and submission are equally valued, respected, and commended.

There must be balance between the Dominance and submission. The level of Dominance must be balanced by the level of submission otherwise the D/s relationship will not work. And the sub should never feel shame in submission, even when humiliated and degraded by the Dom. The Dom respects, values, and commends the sub for what he is, as much as the sub respects, values, and commends the Dom.

Limits of Submission

Although the Dom is limitless in his pursuit of pleasure and his control of how he gets it (subject to the law and his personal situation). The sub often has limits to how he serves his Dom. These limits can be social and/or service based.

The sub is only human, he must prioritise his submission to the Dom alongside earning money, relationships outside D/s, spousal relationships, hobbies/sports, parents, etc. These are social limits. Many of these will take priority over service to the Dom at some time or another. The sub must work to be creative in freeing up time for serving his Dom.

The sub also has service limits. Things the sub will not do in the service of his Dom. A subs limits are based on fear, disgust, or self-preservation. The Dom has a right to push those limits in the pursuit of his pleasure, and the sub must accept that to be good. A good Dom will respect these limits, and gently and carefully push them, but never disregard them. And always seek feedback from his sub.

The Doms demands for pleasure must be balanced with the subs ability to service them. It is a balance that both Dom and sub me work to achieve.

Trust

Trust between the Dom and sub is possibly the most important component of Dominance/submission. The trust flows both ways and must always be balanced.

Both Dom and sub must be open and honest with each other in order to grow and improve, thus maximising the pleasure and satisfaction achieved. The Dom must give honest feedback to the sub regarding the subs service. The sub must be honest about how he is feeling with respect to his service of the Dom.

The sub must trust the Dom to respect his limits, and to push those limits appropriately, in order to help the sub develop in his submission.

The Dom must trust the sub to work for his pleasure, well-being, and happiness, and never harm the Dom in any way.

Both Dom and sub should agree to NEVER lie to tell half-truths to the other! The loss of trust inevitably will end a D/s relationship.

The Art of Submission: Tenets and Virtues

Submission is an art. One that a sub works throughout his life to master. The Dom helps train the sub by controlling the sub to gain maximum pleasure from himself. It is the duty of the sub to learn from the Dom, his sub mentors, and life in general in order to master the art of submission. As much as it is the duty of the Dom to master the art of Dominance. The sub must work to improve his skills and abilities, experiment and improve his techniques, allow his limits to be slowly pushed, learn to serve in new and creative ways, and become the eye candy that maximizes the Doms desire. The sub must judge the responses of the Dom and correct himself accordingly to constantly improve.

The art of submission has 3 tenets, each with virtues. These are the dimensions that the sub strives to perfect.

1. Submitting to Dominance
Submitting to Service - Obedience to the Dom, sexual service, domestic service, and all service in its various forms
Submitting to Pain - Submitting to the pain of the Dom in all its various forms.
Submitting to Humiliation - Submitting to humiliation and degradation inflicted by the Dom in all its various forms.
Submitting to Bondage - Submitting to physical restraint and controls, bondage in all its various forms.

2. Conditioning for Submission
Fitness - Keeping the body fit, keeping the body supple, and maintaining good mental health enables the sub to better serve the Dom, and look good doing it.
Grooming - Personal grooming, sexually attractive attire, and general style help the sub look his best for the Dom, maximizing the Doms pleasure.
Cleanliness - Personal hygiene and high cleanliness standards, both for play and in general, enable the sub to please the Dom without distraction or mishap.

3. Growth of Submission
Skill Development - Improving the skills, techniques, and abilities the sub needs to better serve the Dom (e.g. cock sucking, nipple play, etc).
Limit Extension - Extend and push limits of submission ever further to enable a more diverse service for the Dom.
Sub Spirit - By learning and understanding the philosophy of submission the sub grows his sub spirit such that he may better serve his Dom.

Each sub has my natural strengths and weaknesses in each of these 3 tenets and 10 virtues. A Dom has his own preferences and requirements for his sub. To achieve perfection The sub must master each virtue and hence master the art of submission.

The Joys of Being a Pimp Daddy For A Slutty Sub

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

Hello Papa! What’re your thoughts on a total power exchange where the slave could be given away to other Masters? I would willingly submit initially to this for sure but then it’d be up to my Master who i’m sold to.

Papa Tony:

This topic is one that is dear to my heart. Slutty subs have needs, too!

I LOVE a sub who wants to be “The Good Time That Is Had By All,” personally. I’ve had dozens of submissives that I have shared with other Sirs. Being as protective as I am, I have always made sure that everybody ends up creating very happy memories, with no conflicts, and no stepping over any lines that would upset the sub, or break a trust.

Obviously, if you are up for it, then the responsibility shifts to your Master in a big way. Hopefully, he has made some declarations about what the rules will be going forward, and that none of them are to your disadvantage. You have the right to call a halt at any time.

If the sub is wearing my collar, then his emotional, sexual and physical well-being is my responsibility. If somebody wants to bring him harm, then they would have to go through ME.

I lay no judgments on how this fantasy comes true, as long as everybody involved has fun, agrees with the plan, and stays away from lasting harm.

BIG WARNING!

If you DO follow-through with this plan, don’t tell other subs what you are doing. There are so very few high-quality, visible Sirs. If your submissive competition finds out that you are hogging-up all of the Sirs by yourself, they are going to hunt you down and kill you with a shovel, greedy boy! 😈

Points to Ponder, Pre-Collaring

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

---

realpowerexchange: The negotiation process is a two way street and a strong power exchange relationship begins with a two-way dialog. Listed here are some points for a prospective slave to consider when negotiating with an inexperienced Master:

1. There is nothing wrong in communicating/expressing frustration or anger but always communicate/express the source of your frustration or anger.

2. Have you shared with Master the emotional tie you have with [example] boots in general, jungle boots in particular? Tell him it’s a fetish, it’s part of you and you’d like it to be part of your relationship.

3. Always remember that he has always dreamed of owning a slave, longs for the loyal devotion a slave provides but has never owned a slave before. It’s a learning experience for both of you and you must treat it as such. Make your turn-ons and fetishes known to him during this time.

4. You will always be safe in saying, “Permission to speak freely, Sir!” If he is worth his salt, he will grant you permission and you then have an obligation to say what’s on your mind, express yourself.

5. Remember that never having owned a slave, most likely the majority of Master’s “education” is likely drawn from porn pictures and porn stories. If you expect this to last long-term you owe it to both yourself and your Master what you respond to and what you don’t. Keep your expectations realistic.

6. Use these last few daily emails to give your Master a crystal clear picture of who you really are, deep down and totally exposed, what you like and dislike both inside and outside of a Master/slave relationship; in short, let him see what he’s buying into and I’ll guarantee it will be far more enticing that anything he’s imagined up to this point.

7. Remember that any Dom worth his salt always appreciates it when a sub reveals his inner feelings in a humble and earnest way; it gives him insight into his boy.

8. Always remember that submission is a precious gift and dominance is not a right. There is no greater gift than the gift of submission and obedience and dominance that is earned, not taken.

Just some thoughts…

Master Chuck