Fisting Do's and Don'ts

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Ritual Conditioning

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aphyr: I related to SIR this morning that I’d jerked off in an effort to get a little more sleep, and he asked me whether I’d come without permission. We hadn’t discussed any sort of control over my sexual habits until that point–and then, suddenly, several things clicked into place.

SIR’s choice of where to add constraints and ritual into my life aren’t just fetishes in themselves. He applies control to the things I enjoy most: lifting, fucking, eating–conditioning me to associate him, and his power over me, with my most pleasurable and valuable experiences.

I’m used to direct associative conditioning–my first SIR, for instance, turned my nipples from what-are-these-random-bits-of-hardware-buried-in-the-back-of-the-misc-drawer to reliable instigators of arousal, by squeezing and tugging on them to the point of pain while I jerked off. Now I love having them played with.

I’ve also experienced both reward and punishment-driven operant conditioning–it’s usually obvious when that’s going on. If I’m a good boy, he’ll reward me with head-scratches, affection, food, toys, etc. One tries to make the link between behavior and reward as immediate and obvious as possible, either by rewarding immediately after the desired behavior, or through directed recall.

If I disobey orders or let my Master down, he might remove privileges (negative punishment) or hit me (positive punishment). If he hits me, he’ll hit me hard. While reminding me exactly what I did, how it made him feel, and what I should do next time. It’s a short, intense, focused experience. I should note, for readers not accustomed to healthy S/M practice, that this kind of punishment is consensual and enjoyable at a metalevel, even though it hurts like hell. It’s also distinct from a pleasurable beating, where the goal is to enjoy the sensation, endorphin rush, and headspace. If anyone ever strikes you and you’re not enjoying it on some level, they need to stop.

Anyway, what I realized today was that SIR’s choice of where to apply control isn’t just linked to what he finds hot or rewarding personally. It’s also designed to bring a focus on him into my favorite activities, strengthening my positive association with his control. Yes, he loves watching me eat from a bowl on the floor–it’s degrading and hot for both of us–but it also reminds me that he’s in charge of food, and food is one of my favorite things in the world. Now SIR is a part of that.

And that power recirculates: as fulfilling SIR’s control becomes a stronger desire independent from untrained stimuli, we can use that desire to reach both of our goals. I’ve wanted to be huge and powerful ever since I was a kid, and SIR wants a submissive musclebound pup. The hunger to obey SIR, as an external locus of control, helps me focus on eating, on sleeping, on maintaining good form and training to exhaustion every time. SIR wants me to fist him and take his fist, which has never done much for me intrinsically–but as our training deepens, I find that experience more and more desirable. And the association of pleasure with obedience helps me transmute the pain of a whipping into deep satisfaction.

All of this relies on SIR’s judgement being sound; on him knowing, valuing, and balancing my desires and capabilities with his own. As in Aikido, our mutuality stems from my ability to extend trust, and his ability to extend compassion. It’s one of the things that makes S/M so deeply enjoyable for me.

Command! Don’t Ask!

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neswpnw:

Dominants: While learning to assert yourself with your sub, you will need to overcome years of socialization that teaches you to speak politely under all circumstances, and avoid being too transparently assertive. But in the special case of communication with a sub with whom you have already established trust, that will just confuse roles and expectations.

DON’T USE ambiguous language with question marks or pleas: “Will you clean up the kitchen?”; “Can you do the laundry?”
AVOID polite language: “Please wash the dishes”
USE SPARINGLY: “When you have time wash the dishes”
DO USE: “Clean up the kitchen”; “Do the laundry”; “Shop for groceries”; “Scrub the bathroom floor now”
You do not mean to imply that compliance is optional (as in 1). Nor do you want to imply that you are on an equal plane. “Please” is short for “If it please you,” which is most definitely not what you mean (as in 2).

Category 3 is more of a direct order, but allows flexibility where required.

Category 4 makes it clear you are in full command and expect nothing less than full obedience.

slovenealpha:

Some additional things to keep in mind. First, a Dom should never shout or show anger. It doesn’t make your statements any stronger and it shows you are not really in control or you are losing it. A struggle for power isn’t fitting for a Dominant.

Second, I would like to add two categories, that have a special charm on subs who are naturals at serving their superiors.

5. SOMETIMES USE: “I don’t like how messy the kitchen is.”
6. OR MAYBE: “The laundry needs to be done.”

Category 5 is a simple expression of opinion, but because you are the Man in the house it gets more attention. Subs who have already got to know and trust you will be able to pick up on this and make sure you are most pleased with them.

Category 6 is more passive and, of course, should be used on those you have more control over. But it’s clear who will do it between you two, so the subject can be left out of the sentence.

The categories I added aren’t as explicit, but a lot of times a simple suggestion has a much greater effect then a concrete command. Orders show who’s in charge, but suggestions subtly transform the authority into practice.

neswpnw:

Leave it to a young and very gifted budding Dominant to greatly enhance my draft above! I agree completely with everything @slovenealpha has added. It’s spot-on.

What Does A Typical Edging Session With You Look Like?

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temptingdominance:

Well I would hope that nothing is ever typical. I want each session to be filled with new experiences and evolving dynamics. But that being said, I will share how I would generally approach a “garden variety” edging session.

I would normally restrain a boy.

It is certainly possible to edge a boy when he lays flat on the couch or the floor. However, what is the fun in that? It helps to heighten a boy’s experience when you take away his mobility, when you put his body entirely in your care. I lean towards tying a boy to the bed, spread-eagle. That way, I have as much access as I would like. If he likes to squirm or may test the bonds, I may add the leather mitts to keep his hands to place.

Obviously get him naked before you restrain him. It is a pain in the ass to deal with clothes once you’ve locked him down.

He will be blindfolded and perhaps gagged.

Always blindfold a boy. It augments his other senses. It makes me keen on the sensations you are applying to his body. If he is overly chatty, loud, or you just want him to be quiet, a gag is a good addition. A ball gag will do or even just stuffing his mouth with his own underwear. However, if I want a boy to focus on the fact that his mouth is made for sucking cock, I will use the pecker gag.

Pro-Tip: Have your gear already set out next to the bed on the floor covered by a towel (so he doesn’t see). This will help you be ready to go once he is restrained. And you don’t waste time.

I start by just touching his body

Remember that edging is about teasing a boy. You want to stimulate him. You are in no rush. You want excite him. Running my fingers all over him. Getting his boy dick nice and hard.

Remember that verbal communication is just as important as touching.

You need to talk to a boy throughout the entire session. You want to get inside his head. You want him whimpering. Tell him what is about to happen to him. Tell him you are going to help him learn to be a good boy. Tell him that his is your fucking little play thing.

Slow Strokes and Listen to his Body

Don’t go quickly. Use lots of lube. And stroke his boy dick. All while talking to him. One of my favorite activities is to make a boy countdown the number of strokes, especially if he has to mumble through the gag.

Listening to his body is so important. The purpose of edging is to bring him closer and closer without letting him cum. One of my frustrations with edging porn is that the guys often just jerk and pause, jerk and pause. Then he just falls over the edge and cums. No. Go slowly. Listen to the body. Teach him to hold it and breathe.

You need to be the person that decides when he releases. (And he should ask for permission).

Play with his hole

Almost always during an edging session, I will play with a boy’s hole. I think it adds to his stimulation. At a minimum, I will finger him. I will usually set out some toys to use on him a well. Or keep him plugged while I stroke him.  Or an aneros which I will use in conjunctions with vibrating toys.

Toys on his boy dick

I love my magic wand. It is one of my favorite toys. It is so helpful in an edging session. And when I want to see him struggle, I will put the device right on the head of his boy dick. He will certainly tug on those restraints. You can also use a vibrator or any other stimulating toys.

Plan for a little more

I do like to incorporate other elements into the edging session. Just to keep a boy on his toes. It makes it more fun for the both of you. Add the nipple clamps. Use some clothes pins. Drag the riding crop across his body. Use ice cubes on him. A little icy-hot on his boy balls. Again remember the point of an edging session is to stimulate him.

Take a Break

Sometimes when a boy does get really close, I put a cool towel on his boy dick and leave the room for ten minutes. The come back and start all over again. This can be really good for driving a boy wild and making the session last. Note however, some boys once they go soft during an edging they may not get hard again. You just need to recognize this risk. Edging can cause a sensory overload.

Cumming with your permission

When you do get to the point that you want him to cum, make sure you have him ask and you grant it. Then stroke firmly until he explodes. Do NOT stop stroking when he starts cumming. As a Dom, you need to work out every drop. It will be sensitive. He might trash around, but you need to empty those boy balls.

Clean Up His Mess

Finally, you do not untie him until he has cleaned up his mess. Take out the gag and feed it to him. Make sure he swallows every drop.

Pro-Tip: His mouth may be dry from being gagged. It might be difficult for him to swallow. Have a glass of water near by for the boy.

There you have it. That is typically what would happen in a edging session with me. I hope it is helpful to you Doms.

To you boys reading this right now, I know you are drooling.

Intensity Rating

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fearslave:

A while ago, Master had me fill a sheet to rate the intensity/scare level of each torture method that we had tried since i submit. After several years of training, it just got updated. Not all of them get a lower rating now though, some methods i got conditioned by Master just to fear them more, so they can be used to punish me more effectively.

intensity/scare ratings (1-10, 10 the most extreme):

Whip/Caning/Paddling

Hard flogging on back, while tied or untied 4

Single tail on back, while tied or untied, while it counts, in hundreds 6

Whip on inner thigh 8

small whip on cock, balls and nipples 5

Caning on butt and thigh, in hundreds, while strapped down immobile 6

Caning on sole 9

paddle hand repeatedly 5


TT = Tit Torture    

pull with fingers or toys 3

alligator clamps, on and off multiple times 5

clamps with chain on nipples, chain in mouth 4

cloth pins on nipples 1

hot wax on nipples to form a shell 4

rubbed for a long time until hurting with pleasure 2


CBT = Cock and Ball Torture

tied up with ropes 1

wear steel ball weight for up to two days 3

hot wax to cover the whole cock and balls 4

pinwheel on cockhead back and forth 3

boot kicks from behind 5

boot step on cock on the floor when kneeling 2

balls locked up with a humbler from behind 2


Electro

violet wand on whole body and sensitive parts 5

cock and balls wired to estim to the level of scream with pain 5

microphone to transform scream to shocks 4

electro pads on soles to induce painful involuntary contractions 1

stun gun to shock butt and soles repeatedly 8

stun baton to shock cock and balls repeatedly until cum 7

stun baton to shock all over body while fully strapped down 7

zapper on feet back and forth 10

zapper on nipples for up to 10 seconds 7


Bondage

full bondage in leather bag with hood, gag and steel head case 6

stretched in spread eagle on bondage table 3

hang on wrists and legs forced apart 1


Others

100 cloth pins on all sensitive parts 3

shoot the butt with air gun to make bruises 6

repeatedly suffocate while sucking balls 6

force to cum twice in a row 2

vibrator on cock without allowing to cum 1

cuffed and locked in dark cold chamber 3

force to stay still in humble positions 6

needle pad to press on soles before bastinado 2

wear chastity device over night 1

suffocate with plastic bag 7


Mental

water sports 1

Master angry 10

dog training 5

Whips and Canes

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fearslave:

Over the weekend i did a stock-taking on Master’s collection of floggers, whips, canes and batons. I thought that it would be interesting to write about them.

Whips/Floggers from left to right:

A and B, Flogger: Master doesn’t use floggers on me often. They just look big and intimidating, but don’t hurt at all (well, at least compared to single tail). i do feel a deeper “impact” like big palm slapping/hitting me when Master flogs me, but it’s just too mild for Master’s standard. Master seldom does warm-up in a whipping so they are of even less use.

C, Flogger: it’s a flogger with much thinner leather lashes, so stings a little more.

D, Cat o’ Nine Tails: the weird name impressed me 15 years ago when i first heard of it in an online chat. Finally it was Master who first used such thing on me. It was a good one, delivering spicy stings but different from single tails.

E, Single Tail: it was my tribute to Master several years ago. A fine plait whip made of kangaroo leather, the best leather for whips. It’s shorter and a bit stiff, so it hurts badly, maybe the worst among the leather whips Master has.

F. Single Tail: it’s the first whip that Master used on me, so it’s special and still my favorite. It’s probably cowhide, with a darker and shinier look than kangaroo.

G Single Tail: it’s another kangaroo whip, with the same duller shine. What’s different is that it has a handle at the end, so it must be a bit different when holding and wielding it.

H. Single Tail: i think this one is rubber. It feels very different on my back compared to the three leather ones. It gives a harder “pull” on the skin when it hits, which hurts really bad not in a “right” way. Leather is still much better than rubber when it’s a whip.

I. Short Whip: its plait is not as fine, and it has a firm leather bead at the end. It’s very effective to whip all over my body, and the bead hurts really bad.

J. Short Whip: it’s a rubber one with a leather tail. Also, very effective and Master uses it to give me bastinado too.

Canes/Batons from right to left:

K. Rubber Baton: it can hit quite heavily and the pain can be both dull and sharp.

L. Wood Bat: a smaller version of baseball bat. Master likes to hit my balls with it.

M. Metal Stick: it’s an interesting cane, probably made of aluminum given its weight and the same shine as a MacBook. i always wonder if it can be used with electro too.

N. Stick: i guess it’s a wood stick with a leather cover.

O. Cane: a typical cane, very effective and makes the wind sound.

P. Dressage Whip: the worst (or best) among its peers. Thin and stiff, the pain is much worse than a cane.

Q. Riding Crop: a well made one from a high-end brand, which is supposed to be for real horses.

Punishing subs

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Alexander Martin:

One of the first quandaries I came across when exploring kink was how one punishes a submissive that enjoys pain or otherwise requires unconventional punishment. So I’m going to include some suggestions for punishments and some techniques to apply to them. This is not a comprehensive list of punishments just punishments that I have done myself and can therefore speak on from personal experience. It is important to talk to submissives about punishment and make sure that you won’t cross the line with any punishments you use. Talk to them in advance of needing them. Let them know the kinds of punishments you employ and make sure when you use one you clearly state what they did wrong, what they should do to correct the behavior, give them a chance to correct it, and make certain to reassure them that you still care for them.

- Scale of 1 to 10: This is not a punishment but it goes well with most punishments. One of the problems I’ve had with subs is that they do not often understand how serious I consider a wrong doing. For this, I say “on a scale of 1 to 10 how mad do you think I am?” Often, the number reported is a few points higher than it actually is and it helps submissives learn what is serious and what an infraction is. Subs inherently want to please you and it can be hard on some subs to be punished at all (bredbeta is a VERY good boy and does not seek punishment). Using this techniquein tandem with any of the punishments below to make it so

- Time out: Time out sounds like something that is useful for 5 year olds but it works very well for submissives of all ages. Before I go any further, some submissives HATE time out and it is important to ask about it before implementing it because they will take it VERY seriously and VERY personally if you do it. Time outs are pretty simple. Firmly grip the offending boy, explain what went wrong, explain that they’re getting a time out and for how long it will be, then instruct them to assume time out. Usually you’ll have them sit in a corner quietly for a few minutes. Sometimes subs will find it hard to settle down and will act out or otherwise test your patience. If this happens, walk over, calmly inform them they’re in time out and explain how you expect them to behave and what they should be doing. Explain you’re going to extend the time out for 1 more minute. If issues continue, I have often found adding a blanket over their head/body is useful to get them calmer.

- Ben gay: This punishment requires a bottle of ben gay. Merely smear it over the submissive’s balls and cock. This will result in an extremely unpleasant burning sensation. I STRONGLY recommend smearing a small amount of this cream in the space between the thigh and the balls. That area of skin is thin enough that you will get an sense of how bad the burn is. If you apply it and the submissive changes his mind and wants the ben gay removed you can find this elsewhere on the web, but here’s the short version of what to do. Get some tissues and remove as much of the cream from the surface of the skin as possible. Then saturate a cotton ball with olive oil and wipe against the skin until the burning sensation lessens. When you are ready to remove the olive oil use soapy cold water. DO NOT use warm water, doing so will open up pores in the skin and residual ben gay can penetrate there and then there’s nothing more you can do to stop the pain and it will have to be waited out.

- Spanking: Sure, a standard open hand can do wonders, so can a paddle, cane, or crop. You may also find a rough bristle brush to be very useful for creating a nasty stinging for a day or two. Once you start thinking about rough objects like the brush you could use, objects will begin to light up when looking around the room.

- Tickles: This may not sound that bad, but tying someone up and tickling them for 5 minutes straight can really be a torture. I will sometimes use this punishment for lighter infractions.

- Soaping: This is a really old school punishment but it is as effective now as it was then. You force your boy to take soap into his mouth and suck on it (but not swallow) for a time determined by you. Some guys really get off on this kind of punishment and will actually seek it out so be wary who it is actually a reward for.

Discipline, In Detail.

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A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While “discipline” can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment. “Punishment” differs from the general sense of discipline in that it has a specific goal to focus on that changes a submissive’s behaviour.

Many people engage in what can be called “funishment,”—punishment-type activities, like regular spankings or other forms of play, that are not meant to alter the behaviour of the submissive but rather to provide enjoyment to either/both/all parties. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between playful discipline and serious punishments. Punishments are consequences of negative actions, whether this is based on officially-written regulations or unspoken general behaviours like brattiness, defiance, or dangerous behaviours.

The idea of punishment is based largely on psychological research in the area of behaviourism. It consists of techniques that are supported by science to effectively alter the behaviour of an individual. (If you want to learn more about the research behind punishments, look up B. F. Skinner’s work in this area.)

Two types of punishments exist: positive punishments, which add undesired consequences to the behaviour, and negative punishments, which take away desired privileges.

Now, before I get into some specific ideas for punishments, there are some important key points I’d like to make. Please be sure to read all of these before deciding on a specific punishment.

Punishments do NOT negate the right to a safeword. Some people are mislead into dangerous situations by being told they cannot safeword during a punishment. This is completely untrue. All parties have a right to safeword at any time during any kind of play or punishment. Taking away the right to safeword equates to abuse, plain and simple. Don’t ever tell your partner they cannot safeword or ignore their safeword for the sake of punishment. This is not effective and is extremely harmful to your partner’s mental and/or physical well-being.

NEVER punish out of anger. Anger is never a healthy motivation for punishment. Punishments are meant for the submissive’s benefit, at the core. If the submissive’s behaviour has made the Dominant angry, they should have a cooling-off period where they can calm down, think about an appropriate punishment, and resolve the matter at a later time, after healthy discussion about what happened.

Limits are NOT to be used as punishments. Many people have activities they don’t particularly enjoy that aren’t on their limits list. Some people have specific ideas for punishments that suit them best. However, regardless of you or your partner’s experience with punishments, it needs to be understood that hard limits are not punishments. Hard limits are never to be used for punishment’s sake because “hard limit” means “I do not want to do this under any circumstance.” Using a hard limit as a punishment would be an abusive act, as hard limits come with an automatic safeword attached, since they are specifically stated as things the person does not feel comfortable with. Never, ever, threaten or use hard limits to punish a submissive.

Use healthy discretion. This one should seem obvious, but don’t follow through with punishments if rule-breaking was out of the submissive’s control. Say the submissive has a 11PM bedtime, but they recently suffered a trauma or loss and can’t sleep. Let them engage in healthy coping skills instead of punishing them for something they aren’t doing on purpose. Above all else, make safety and well-being a priority.

Make the punishment fit the crime. Punishments that are relative to the defiance are much more effective at changing the behaviour than random punishments. For example, if the submissive cums without permission, try a punishment from the “orgasm control” section. This will better reinforce the reasoning in the submissive and more effectively guide them to make better choices in the future. There are also punishments that work best for specific dynamics like for littles or pets, so be sure to read into those, below.

Aftercare is absolutely required. Like any kind of play, aftercare is required at the end of the scene. This is especially important during punishments because often times, the submissive is consumed with feelings of guilt and disappointment. After a punishment, Dominants need to give their submissives aftercare that includes a conversation about why they were punished, how proud the Dominant is for them taking the punishment so well, and that there are no negative feelings between them. The submissive should leave the punishment scene feeling forgiven for their mistakes and proud of themselves for making things right with their Dominant. Do not leave your submissive alone after a punishment without aftercare, ever! This is highly abusive and can seriously harm your partner.

Humiliation

A great way to get a submissive to stay in line is to humiliate them when they’ve done something wrong. There are several ways to go about this, depending on your dynamic and kinks, but it’s an effective and amusing way to get the message across.

Clothing Restriction

Clothing restriction can be done both domestically and in public. Restriction can be as much as not allowing any clothing (in legal or private settings), ordering a certain amount of skin be showing, or choosing a specific outfit or collar for the submissive. For shy submissives, clothing restriction can be intense. This is an especially good punishment for submissives who have said negative comments about their bodies.

Diapering

For ABDL or little submissives, this can either be a reward or a punishment. Depending on the comfort level with diapers, they can be used as a punishment that ties into humiliation. Making them relieve themselves in only the diaper for a set amount of time or wearing it around the house as their only clothing can be very humiliating for some people.

Sissification

Sissification is a kink that is most common in submissive men. It’s the act of dolling a man up like a girl and humiliating him based on his presentation as such. This can be very effective for some people but can be very problematic to others. Be careful not to use this kink as punishment with trans or gender non-conforming subs without their explicit consent, as it can very easily trigger dysphoria and cause severe emotional problems.

Public Humiliation

Public humiliation can be done in any subtle way that embarrasses a submissive without breaking any obvious laws. Some examples include making them wear an anal plug or remote-controlled vibrator to dinner, public leashing, or making them kneel at social gatherings. Work this idea into the submissive’s specific kinks and limits to be sure it’s just enough to embarrass them, without making them unbearably uncomfortable.

Orgasm Control

Orgasm control is simply that—controlling the submissive’s orgasms. Most of these types of punishments are used for submissives who break rules about orgasms, be it without permission or when they were told not to touch themselves. Controlling orgasms is an amusing way to teach the submissive who their orgasms belong to.

Edging

Edging is the act of getting your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release. This can be done multiple times, even in short amounts of time. It’s a little psychological torture, best for those who cum without permission.

Toy Restriction

For a submissive, like myself, who is accustomed to using toys during masturbation or play, toy restriction is a very effective punishment. This is especially good for submissives who have a difficult time reaching orgasm without toys, as it makes things very frustrating very quickly. An evil punishment may even combine toy restrictions with a quota of orgasms for the day that they must reach in order to get off restriction. Desperation will sink in very quickly and this lesson will be easily learned.

Forced Orgasms

Forced orgasm is another great punishment for submissives who cum without permission. It turns a great sensation into a torturous experience very quickly. This is especially great with toys like the Hitachi or a Sybian. Focus on a goal—either for number of orgasms, or a specific amount of time. An hour spent riding a Hitachi can really be the most agonizing thing for some people due to heightened sensitivity after each orgasm.

Denial

Denial is the complete opposite of forced orgasms. It’s like edging, but there is no orgasm at the end of the scene. This can be doing while using toys and not allowing the person to orgasm or it can be done by restriction orgasms or even touching oneself for a longer period of time.

Chastity

Chastity, much like denial, is the refusal of orgasms. However, with chastity, the submissive is completely unable to touch themselves, even if they wanted to. Devices for people with penises and vaginas are available to purchase online to assure your submissive is following orders properly.

Domestic Discipline

Domestic discipline includes things that can be done within the home. Some of these include behaviour modifications or restrictions. While some of these can be done outside the home, these are good examples of things for couples who live together can do for punishments.

Chores

Chores not only benefit the entire household, but they can also be an effective punishment for unruly subs. Added chores can be especially fun if you make her clean the bathroom with a toothbrush or make him do dishes with nipple clamps on. Combine with other punishments for your amusement!

Furniture Restriction

Especially fun for people into pet-play, furniture restriction involves limiting where the submissive can sit or lie down. Require that they sit on the ground instead of the couches or sleep on the floor next to the bed if they’ve been defiant.

Caging

Another good one for pets, especially. Caging can be used to make the submissive reflect on their reasons for being punished. Be sure to use a cage small enough to confine them, but still large enough so they aren’t going to hurt themselves by spending too much time in the cage.

Bedtime

A great one for littles! Bedtimes are good for college students who don’t do their homework, or easily distracted adults with work to do. Set up rules that require all obligations get done and enforce an early bedtime to be sure they are well-rested (and easily frustrated) when they don’t follow these rules.

Time-Out

Another punishment for reflection. Time-outs are good for brats and littles because it makes them analyze what they did wrong. Put them in a corner or a special “time-out chair” so they know they are being punished. Increase the time or add in other punishments if they break rules more than once.

Sensory Deprivation

Sensory deprivation is a lot like time-out, but can be used for added psychological torment. Plug the submissive’s ears or use headphones, blindfold them, bind them to a bed or chair, and completely ignore them for a set about of time. This desensitizes them and not only makes them reflect on their reasons for punishment, but makes it very uncomfortable, assuring they won’t want to end up in isolation again.

Objectification

Objectification is fun for Dominants who like their submissives in service to them during punishment. Make them kneel and become your footstool or coffee table while you watch TV or catch up on work. This is even better when you make them do it completely naked and/or in front of guests.

Dietary Restriction

If a submissive has done something against the rules, you can make them follow a strict diet. This is especially useful for those using behaviour modification to lose or gain weight. However, be careful to ensure the submissive is still getting enough nutrition. For littles, see how much they want to be a brat after you take away their dessert privilege. For pets, try making them eat out of a bowl on the floor for each meal.

Speech Restriction

For disrespectful submissives, punish them by taking away their right to a personal pronoun, making them refer to themselves as “this girl,” “Your slut,” “Master’s puppy boy,” or anything else you want to use. You can also make it a rule that they must refer to you by your Dominant title at all times, even in public. Having to remember their restrictions on speech will keep them thinking about their punishment all day.

Corporal Punishment

Corporal punishment is enforcement by physical contact. These types of punishments involve pain, which is a tricky subject for punishing. Typically, pain punishments don’t work as well to change behavior, especially if the submissive is also a masochist. Be sure to carefully choose what kind of pain if you’re going with one of these methods.

Impact

If your submissive likes thuddy pain, use stingy pain. If they like stingy pain, use thuddy. Push their limits carefully, but make it clear this is a punishment and not for fun. Have them apologize as you strike them. Tell them why they are being punished and make it clear that they are to be good and learn from their mistakes.

Rice Kneeling

Kneeling on uncooked rice is an age-old technique that leaves painful marks. Be careful with time, as this can scar if done for long periods of time or used constantly. Be present during this to be sure the submissive can take it and listen carefully for safewords. Use this as a time out or have them recite an apology to you as you do this.

Figging

Figging is done by carving a plug out of ginger and inserting into the anus. This causes a stinging pain that ranges in intensity depending on the person. Frozen ginger is a milder form of this punishment.

Writing Assignments

Writing assignments are usually meant to bore a submissive into obedience. Whether it’s writing lines or a random homework assignment, the punishment focuses on making it undesirable for the submissive to misbehave.

Lines

Writing lines is effective if you use it reflectively. For example, for a submissive who is disrespectful, you can have him write, “I will always be polite around my Sir,” a hundred times. For a submissive who cums without permission, you can order, “I will ask permission from Mistress before I cum,” until they fill up five pages. What’s even more fun is making them be stuffed with a toy or on their knees with nipple clamps on while they write.

Apology Letter

An apology letter is a simple task meant to make the submissive think about what they have done, analyze why it was wrong, and have them apologize formally by writing it down. Have them read their letter to you our loud or crumple it up and put in their their underwear for that added perk of remembering all day that they were punished.

Essay

An essay is a good assignment for submissives who don’t seem to understand their rules. Make them come up with reasons as to why these rules are in place and write a formal essay about the reasoning and purpose of these rules. Making them analyze the fact that this is for their benefit will remind them that rules are not just there to be mean, but to guide them to healthier behavior.

Homework

Especially fun for people with school girl or teacher fantasies, assign a random homework assignment. Ever wonder about a certain subject but never have time to actually research it? Assign a paper to your submissive about a subject of your choosing and have them report back to you—because knowledge is power! Grade their paper and reward/punish again as necessary for the quality of their work.

It’s important to remember that reinforcements are also important in addition to punishments. When your submissive follows directions, reward them. Give them a treat or praise them and thank them for being so good. If you mix positive reinforcement with punishments when necessary, they’re sure to be trained in no time!

Slave Poses and Protocols

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hadriantemple:

The idea of ‘slave poses’ is mostly drawn from John Norman’s Gor novels, which inspired Gorean BDSM. It’s mostly a heterosexual male superiority practice. If this sort of complex protocol is your thing, great!

But don’t assume that these poses are universal or that all slaves have to learn them. I don’t know any master who has bothered to train his boy like this, although the Wait pose is pretty common (due to the fact that many gay kinksters in the 50s and 60s had served in the military) and Collar Me turns up in the porn a lot. Complex protocol can be fun, but it’s also tiring and often more trouble then it’s worth (imao).

Assuming you’re practicing safety and consent, do the bdsm that makes sense for you and your partner. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to do it a specific way. Use the rules that feel sexy and practical for you and ignore the ones that don’t. There’s no One Right Way to do bdsm, just the Right Way for You.

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Papa Tony:

I agree, that's a lot of highly-specific training. I don't have the patience.

However….

I DO have certain protocols that I use with my slaves, and that work really well for us. We only use them in public (and entirely non-verbally), and always while I am doing Top Talk with other Doms in a group:

- I will poke the slave in the chest with three fingers, and then step away. This is a non-verbal communication meaning: "Stay here - I will come back and collect the slave."

- I will be entirely involved in chatting with another Sir, and I KNOW that the slave is bored and feeling ignored. So, I will make significant eye-contact with the slave, and slap my chest. This means "Feel free to climb me like a mountain while I am chatting. I want some body-contact and some worshipful attention. I will ignore you outwardly, but I will be amused as the other Doms watch me casually taking all of the back-of-the-neck smooches and groping as my natural right."

- Or, I will slap the side of my thigh. Meaning: "Kneel by My side and wrap your arms around My leg. I feel like showing off My property's immediate obedience and submission. This is meant to make the other Sirs jealous!"

- If I have been cleaning-out my kidneys all evening by drinking bubbly water with lime juice (my preference), I know that my piss is running clear. Otherwise, it can upset the slave's digestion. So, in full view of the other Sirs, I will cross the pointy-finger and the Fuck You finger on one hand, and then shake them slowly from side to side. This is American Sign Language for "R R" (meaning "Rest Room"). This means "Head into the Men's Room (or, alternatively, drop to your knees here in the center of the bar) and drink My piss." If it's a bar where such behavior is frowned upon, I will invite the other Sirs to gather in a tight circle around us, to block the general public's view.

- I will hold my hand in a shape that pretends to be holding a glass, catch the slave's eye, and pretend to toss back a drink. That means "It's time for the beverage of the evening that we discussed earlier, slave." Some evenings, I might want something alcoholic, but if I am demonstrating ANY kind of kinky play in the bar, I always remain utterly sober. Safe, sane and consensual, baby!

These NOT protocols, but they are worth sharing:

- I like having the slave douche and grease his ass before we head out to the bar. He's wearing his cock-cage and his assless chaps with some skimpy shorts. I'll gather some Sirs in a semi-circle on one back corner of the bar, and while I'm chatting with them, I will casually molest the slave… I'll stick a greased thumb (with a smooth, short nail) up his ass and play with his prostate. Pretty soon, he's dancing on tippy-toe, and in a frenzy of sexual need, while the other Sirs block the view of outsiders.

- If the slave is NOT caged, then I will have him wear flimsy Spandex shorts, and gently pinch the meaty part of the skin under the head of his cock. I'll talk dirty to the slave (he's been on chastity for three weeks, and his IQ has dropped eighty points by this time). Pretty soon, he cums with no further stimulation, in full view of the Sirs around us, and then he has to wear the mess on the front of the shorts that has leaked through.

And I smile...

The Law of the Jungle, vs. Kindness, Wisdom and Courtesy

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Something that has occurred to me a few times now that might strike a chord with you. 
- In wanting to be a protective, nurturing top (even as a sadist, or perhaps especially as a sadist) and see to my boys’ well-being,
- In wanting to inspire the submission and service of others,
- In wanting to be a better man which is at the core of all this, to be worthy…. it seems a bit like aspiring to knighthood.

Papa Tony:

That makes perfect sense to me. The first leathermen’s group that I created (nineteen years ago) was called the San Diego League of Gentlemen. That group’s name was meant to evoke the knights of old, and chivalry. This baffled a lot of folks at the time.

It always confused the Olde Guarde types who didn’t like what I was doing. They only wanted to boast about what they knew, and always in a tone of being superior to others. It was like we were endlessly scoring points in the Competitive Kink Games.

I was the ONLY one talking to the new faces among us, and it was always about being a Mensch. Sure, we’d host classes that taught kinky techniques. But I made sure that we taught a lot more.

It’s Not Enough To TALK About Hard Skills

“Technique” is another way of describing “Hard Skills” in the kinky scene. The typical, logical construction of a kinky class doesn’t tell the entire story: 

Such a class (or millions of Youtube videos) is dry, it’s analytical, and it’s inadequate.

In my long experience, “soft skills” (interpersonal courtesies, life-wisdom and social dynamics) are not as highly regarded in most cities. I suspect that this is because there are so few folks who have a wealth of knowledge AND the drive to share what is known.

I am glad to see that the San Francisco Leathermen’s Discussion Group has finally added a few “soft skills” classes over the course of decades. Good for them!

 

I wish that they would record and POST the discussions online, as I did with some of the FetishMenSanDiego Men’s Discussions. Those are intensely popular worldwide. Folks consume them like popcorn.

Soft Skills Are Crucial

In the last few months, I have posted over 300 articles, videos and audio recordings. I have plenty of hard skills to impart. Yet, I always make sure that I explain the context, and WHY it’s a good idea to do something.

“Soft Skills” and wise advice have to do with being a valuable contributor to our culture, through social graces. My teachings are always about being a GOOD Dom Top, above all else… Admirable, lovable, respectable and honorable.

My Flogging For Beginners instructional video has been posted in multiple places on the Internet. According to Google Analytics, it has been viewed 337,022 times as of today. I still get fan-mail every day, years after I created it.

What folks tell me is that I make the topic seem fun, light, playful and worth doing. Watching the video makes them feel like THEY can take it on, and succeed. Based upon what I hear from those same folks later on, they DO succeed. That was always my goal, and it is a delightful legacy.

This is because only around fifteen percent of the video has to do with dry technique. The other 85% is everything. I take the mystery out of flogging, and share it with pleasure. I loved the men that I was teaching, and I wanted that same love to show up in the video for everyone else.

Like all of what I send out, that flogging video is my gift of love to the world.

I have a fire in my belly that drives me ever onward.

I do the work that I have been doing because the Law of the Jungle is NO way to build a kind, genteel culture. I have spent decades teaching the newest folks acceptable behavior through positive reinforcement. The payoff is loving brotherhood and sisterhood, and in large quantities.

I do this because I was there in the midst of the greatest times in the history of the world for kinky gay leathermen. We were a solid Tribe and we had everything that we wanted. The future was SO very bright, and we were on an upward trajectory.

Then, AIDS killed off so many of the best of us. I have been spending the remainder of my life, bringing that loving community back. I have never taken a day off.

And I’m so glad you’re sharing it. You speak very much to what I feel in my heart, the things I truly want, my ideals. In service and submission to my SIR, my heart is progressively more fully into it, knowing that he is a good and worthy man, not just a “hot top”.

And, I feel more comfortable in pursuing dominance with my own boys being *me* - a loving, affectionate man - rather than trying to be some cartoon porn caricature of a Top. It’s getting easier for me to “be” one or the other and feel I’m being my genuine self in both cases.

Observation - Playing with a Disability

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imperium2000:

Yes, I have one. Several years back, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid. Yes, it sucks. No sense putting lipstick on a pig. Luckily, it often doesn’t interfere with play, but it can and has.

The drugs I take daily have had several effects apart from the disease itself. Not the least of which has been to drive my sex drive into the floor, through the floor, and into the basement. I thank god for my beautiful husband who cares not about such things. Love and sex are, after all, completely different things.

But, as a dom, albeit a gentle one, it also creates peculiar challenges. And I’ve compiled this little list for subs and doms about how to deal with shit like this.

1). Fatigue - When a dom tires easily, ask what you can do for him to keep the scene going if you don’t want a break. Not all bondage is physical. It can be emotional and mental. Tasks, chores, submissive postures, for example. But don’t push him to do something he just can’t do at the moment. It’s frustrating and demoralizing.

2). While I love rope, it can be hard to work with sometimes. I’ve invested more in leather restraints and locks. Much faster and not too hard on the joints. Fort Troff, Mr. S, 651 all have what you need. Buckles are easier than knots.

3). I’m up front with the sub. I don’t hide any sexual or physical issues I might be having. BDSM is all about honesty. And many subs, I find, even like removing oral or anal sex as a play factor. And this also allows me as a dom to be more centered on his safety and his emotional needs. A sub gives. A dom can, too.

4). No pity. On a bad day, I hate being pitied. It is what it is. If the dom wants to talk to the sub about any problems, though, the sub should listen. A sub can be a support, make suggestions, articulate wants. The dom can still call the shots, and the sub is still submissive. The verbal dynamic can be as exciting as the physical.

5). Breaks. We all need breaks. BDSM done right is exhausting. Breaks agreed upon not only allow rest, but time to process and time to provide quality aftercare. Doms, subs need aftercare even if they say they don’t. The only questions are degree and intensity.

6). Ask. While some subs find it uncomfortable, I ask whether or not they are getting sufficient play and if their needs are being met. This opens the door to the sub, tells him it’s ok to speak honestly and forthrightly. Most subs are actually happy with pretty much anything, I find.

7). Medications. Now, the crap I have to take has no emotional or mental effects at all. But I tell the sub this, going back to honesty. But either way, if you have to take something like that, don’t play while under the influence. It’s dangerous. Plan play around your dosing schedule if this is an issue. And that goes for everybody. Safety in all things.

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bdsmlibraryxo: - Further Resources 

Broken Toys: Submissives with Mental Illness

Hell on Wheels: Disabled Dominants

Kneeling In Spirit: Disabled Submissives

Power Exchange Books: Playing with Disabilities

Mastering the Mind, Doms with Disabilities

Reid about Sex

Sexability

Chronically Kinky, 18+ Facebook for BDSM folks with disabilities

Full-Body Orgasms, In Less Than Sixty Seconds. Using Nothing But Your Voice

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An advanced, kinky technique called “Orgasm Control.”

Introduction: Setting The Goal.

I have two male slaves. They are both sixty years old. I have been training them for years, using positive reinforcement, keen observation and fierce, unswerving determination.

I have them both trained to go from completely flaccid, to full-body orgasms in less than sixty seconds, while using nothing but my voice. I have done this many, many times.

When an earlier submissive was 61 years old, I made him have seven orgasms within a two-hour play-period, until he begged me to stop… “It feels like my spine is coming out of my cock!”

I can also issue a command for them to cum during a play-scene, and they will, within seconds.

This has NOTHING to do with penis size, or any other physical characteristic. It’s sheerly seduction, and the power of the mind.

It Ain’t Bragging If It’s True

The purpose of this article is to teach other Doms the same techniques.

FIRST, you have to KNOW that such results are possible. None of these sexual trainings are ever featured in porn. You can search the Internet all day, and not find similar information, because it requires subtlety and perception. This is advanced-level stuff.
Controlling Orgasms

Each of the sexual results that I listed above, fall under the topic of Orgasm Control. It’s a definite and desired specialty. It’s a perversion that is all about domination. The current conversation about Cum Control is nearly all about cock-caging. I’m a big fan, but cages are sort of a sledgehammer technique. I will be teaching in a very different direction.
My History

Where did I get the necessary techniques? Well, I didn’t make them up on my own. Back in the 1970′s, I had gone from enduring a repressive childhood, to openly gay, and then eagerly diving DEEP into the gay-male Kink/Leather/Fetish crowd.

As I have said before, I have Topped an enormous number of men, at hundreds of huge fist/flog/fuck-parties, and in smaller groups. Afterward, I would always ask “How could I have done that better?” Many of the men back then were deeply experienced sexual athletes, and they would gladly answer my questions.

I was using sex to draw men of all ages closer to me, and then get my REAL payoff, which was earned wisdom. I was ferociously driven to improve my abilities. Unlike so many men who enjoyed those times to the fullest, I didn’t die. So, now I will reveal what I learned….
Investing For The Long Term

If you are still in the phase where you are “liberating your dick,” (interested primarily in QUANTITY of sex), then these instructions might be arriving too early for you. Bookmark this page, and go have a great time. That’s a natural and normal phase.

Once you have transitioned naturally to the search for QUALITY in interpersonal dynamics, come on back and try again. I say this seriously, because there has to be a deep desire to rock a long-term, collared submissive’s world… To metaphorically lift off the top of his skull, find the big, red button in his pleasure center, and then JAM your thumb down on it.

The way that you start is by being in a long-term, mutually-investing relationship. Wildly-successful Orgasm Control usually (USUALLY) isn’t possible with a casual, one-time fling, though I have accomplished it. I will explain how, later.
Interviewing The Sub

Let’s say that you are a Dom Top, with a freshly-collared submissive male, who wants very badly to please you. His whole life is focused upon your pleasure. It’s time to get some information.

Demand feedback at all times. Before, during and after a scene. Pay attention to what words or concepts get him the hottest. Notice the patterns of his desires, even if he doesn’t realize what he is revealing. Drill down to what really rocks his world.

Example: If you have issued orders for him to send you an email with five fantasy scenarios that excite him, even if they scare him, you might notice that nearly all of them bring up some form of basic, narrow desire: immobilization, or gangbangs, or breath control. That’s a good start. Keep that in mind for later.

No two subs are the same. Your goal is to learn everything that you can about THIS one.

I Am Not Describing A Chinese Menu

A lot of times, an eager Sir will veer toward becoming a Service Top, where the effort of pleasing the sub can be all about the sub, to the point of forgetting about our own needs. The trap that we can fall into is where we get the sub’s fantasies presented to us on a plate, and so we pick one from Column A, and two from Column B. This is called the Chinese Menu approach.

I urge my fellow Sirs to step away from that trap. The goal is to make note of what the sub wants, and then to add your OWN desires to the mix, so that we are gently training the sub to expand his basic desires into new, exciting and pleasurable areas. 

 
The Positive Feedback Loop

This is best accomplished by using ONLY pleasurable rewards. Inflicting unwanted stimulation provides negative response, so we don’t do that. If you are going to attain the result of playing your sub like a violin, then you have to be constantly dedicated to polishing your technique. Each scene needs to build toward the next one.

When I am training a new sub, I make sure that he consciously notices when something wonderful happens. I never miss any opportunity to reward desirable results.

As one example: If he can’t control himself and cums “early” during a scene, most men will apologize. After all, porn orgasms don’t happen that fast, and he is sure that he must have screwed up. Instead, I praise him, saying something like “I LOVE to see a man cum so easily. Men with a fast trigger are the ones who are the most trainable.”

Just like that, I am programming him in a particular direction. He wants to please his Sir, so he lets go of his inhibitions and his old, shame-based judgments about himself. I am creating a new, pleasurable reality for him. The deeper he goes into further submission, the more that he pleases me, and he knows it without question, because I keep rewarding him.

Everybody wins.

Wisteria Vines

I tend to use visual metaphors. So, here is one of my favorites:

When two tendrils of a Wisteria vine meet each other, they twine around each other, and start sharing their growth together. They will grow one way, and then another, but always together.

I use this metaphor as a description of how two dedicated kinksters can enjoy years and years of pleasurable interaction because they are exploring TOGETHER. Shit happens, life intrudes, things aren’t always optimal, and yet, we keep on growing. Together.

So, What Does This Have To Do With Orgasms?

Easy, cowboy… All of this is relevant.

In order for a man to shift away from easy, I’ll-just-jack-off-to-porn patterns of getting off, he needs darned good reasons to do so. When he has a Sir who focuses upon his pleasure, then entirely-new possibilities open up. His envelope of experience keeps expanding. That’s the ideal scenario.

Making Powerful Declarations

Our surrounding culture doesn’t put much positive emphasis on being responsible. It’s kind of a throwaway concept.

Not in my world.

When I get a new sub off, and it’s the best orgasm that he’s ever had, and he’s all astonished and pleased, I make a powerful declaration: "It only gets better.” This astonishes the sub, because he can’t imagine how that could be.

I am the one who really benefits from that declaration - It forces me to keep my word. It is a statement of what I stand for, and what my intentions are for the future. I am a man of integrity. I may not have any logical proof that I will deliver better and better orgasms, but I am wide-open to possibility.

When I happily strive to make it even BETTER for him, time after time, then he relaxes and trusts me even MORE. He drops whatever shields he may have had, because I am demonstrably the kind of man who follows through.

I am programming him to succeed.

Cumming On Command

If I am training a sub to orgasm when I tell him to do so, I plan for it over a period of months. Each time that I succeed in getting him off, I watch to see when he is getting close to cumming, Just before the point of no return, I ORDER him to cum. Well, he was going to, anyway, but now, it had the added bonus of making the Sir happy. That makes HIM happy.

This means that he is being programmed to please his Sir with orgasms. Each time that we do this, it gets easier for him to please me. His old concerns and considerations fade away. He is becoming more animalistic and uninhibited. He starts cumming more wildly, and more thoroughly. Orgasms last longer, and take over more of his body.
Cumming Multiple Times

In some cases (the sub that cums quickly as a natural reaction), I will have trained him to cum multiple times. I shove him right over the edge into complete pleasure, using what I know will excite him the most. We cuddle for fifteen or twenty minutes, Then, I do it AGAIN. He doesn’t have a choice. I am domming him into uncontrolled ecstasy. I am being sadistically pleasurable.

After a few months of relentlessly-dedicated training using positive reinforcement, then I have complete control over all parts of him, including his orgasms, which belong to me, now and forever.
Using My Voice

Hark back to what I said about gathering information about the sub’s deepest fantasies. He has triggers that always push him over the edge. It’s my pleasurable duty or seek these out, and to exploit them.

After rewarding a sub for cumming for my pleasure for a few years, then I can use only my voice while he jacks off. I talk dirty, but honestly. I verbally express my honest fantasies that involve the sub. This makes him go nuts with pleasure. Blam! Time to scrub the walls.

Doing The Same, But With A Newbie

This is ridiculously easy, as long as you understand one thing about subs: Their dirtiest fantasies almost ALWAYS involve gangbangs. If you were to walk into an Adult Store and peruse the porn shelves, a large amount of it involves one sub being fucked by many men. This is hardwired into human sexual natures, despite what we have been taught.

It’s neither wrong nor right. It just is. So, knowing that, we Sirs can exploit that fantasy. I recently wrote about the pleasures of being a Pimp Daddy. Not every sub is ready to do that, and his concerns are valid and important.

HOWEVER, if I declare that we are now entering entirely into the world of fantasy, and that my goal is to get him fucked properly by lots of juicy cocks of different sizes, then BLAM! - He’s so hot that he can’t hold back any longer. I gave him express permission to dive deep into what excites him.

I just used my Dom influence to make him more of a sexual beast.
In Summation

I am not saying that all of this will work for everyone, every time. However, I do say that a strong desire to own every orgasm is how we build success upon success. A deep, laser focus on sexually dominating a sub always pays off big in pure, eager submission. It’s the perfect win-win scenario, and we create it over time.

I also mention it here.

Flogging With Intention - Horizontal Style

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Anonymous said: Dear Sir, I recently flogged a sub for the first time. (Your video on flogging helped tremendously) However, this sub can’t stand for long periods of time and asked to continue while he lay on the bed. We did, but it was difficult for me to find a good angle to hit him. How should I be flogging someone who’s horizontal?

Papa Tony:

Thanks for pointing this out. I hadn’t realized that I had never covered horizontal flogging before. I am glad to have a chance to cover the topic.

Click Here For The YouTube Video - Alternate Link

I HAVE covered horizontal techniques in my Tommy Tomcat instructions, and they would work just as well for a flogger or other long toy like a Dragon’s Tongue. However, for today’s lesson, I will go in an entirely different direction:

Years ago, I attended the Butchmanns Experience in Arizona. The presenter and I had a loud disagreement. He felt that HIS way of flogging was the only valid, worthwhile way to do it, and that my Advanced Seduction Style (which has made me legendary in a lot of cities) had zero value.

I was indignant, and feeling pretty self-righteous. It was fun to lock horns, but I had to let go, let the lesson flow, and LEARN what he brought.

As it turned out, I LOVED what style he actually favored. I have added it to my repertoire. He no longer teaches there, but he called his horizontal style “Flogging With Intention.”

As I remember his instructions, it is the polar opposite of the style that I teach. There is no actual touching or caressing. No verbal contact, either. Those are distractions that must be eliminated. The impact is all. A typical scene goes on and on for around thirty minutes, instead of my typical ten or fifteen.

No matter how the sub sends his usual nonverbal signals (shifting position, soft noises), keep going. Resist the urge to relate to the sub. Become a Flogging Machine. Follow your own intensity and patterns. Ignore theirs. It shifts the experience into a different dimension.

The idea is to take the sub and drop them HARD into Bottom Space. I’ve seen subs blacking-out from being flogged in this manner, but never from stress. Their muscles relax, and the breathing abruptly shifts from ragged and intense, to blissfully calm. They just CONK out. They may only be under for ten minutes or less, but they can never guess how long they were out… “A few hours?”

It truly is transcendent.

I’m NOT going to give up being a Fancy Dan Flogmeister most of the time, but I am proud to say that I can be flexible in my learning.
August 29th, 2018 11:10am

Everything You Wanted To Know About The Prostate But Were Afraid To Ask!

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dirtydaddythings (yes that’s a reference to an old Woody Allen movie but no, it won’t be EVERYTHING just a few handy notes and some educational images).

#1 Unpretty.

Nothing about our bodies is pretty on the inside. It’s all complicated machinery that took a few million years to ‘get right’. Well.. as right as we are currently and there’s a lot of room for improvement. We are only at our most beautiful when whole (see what I did there, eh? EH? oh shut up. I’m trying here this stuffs nasty on this level). Also taking a few seconds: whole in my philosophy has no external markers. Period. Whole is a state of ‘self’. Bla bla bla. This isn’t about the ‘cosmos’ it’s about what’s that button do.

I show you this not as something to memorize but something to start the conversation. This is insanely complex but it’s NOT complicated! You aren’t headed for an MD, you’re after a PO (prostate orgasm) but the two really do walk together for a while before parting ways. The more you know about what goes on the more you can control it and that’s an important thing if you want to be something beyond a squishy pink sock someone shoves their frustration into.

Even then, I advocate education because you’ll wind up in the DIY zone more often than you should.

#2 Big Red Button.

Stimulating said button requires understanding a bit of the muscular tracts in the area. The difference between anus, rectum and anal canal for starters. Most of the ‘good stuff’ feeling wise happens in the ‘yellow area’. That’s where you have most muscle control and as such contains all the nerves you’ll need to stimulate and where you, as bottom, can really ‘shine’ with a bit of practice.

It is also where a good ‘top’ gets to show off. Not remotely sorry to say that a top who has no clue how the pipes work is a plumber without a wrench. He can just hammer around and hope he fixes the problem but most likely will only knock something loose and make a mess. 

#3 PFE. Pelvic. Floor. Exercises. 

Repeat this mantra. Learn them. Do them. They are so easy you have no excuse and I advise doing research on your own (also check my blogspot) for what the benefits are for men. Kinda important stuff. Like not needing chemical assistance (viagra etc) to enjoy a healthy sex life.

I advocate PFE as a sexual practice because it teaches you micro-muscle control which is the “gold star” skill that can blow someone’s mind.

As always: Don’t just accept my word, do the footwork and read. Here’s the Mayo Clinic on the subject. 

#4 Hitting the button and ringing the bell.

Note the image demonstrating DEPTH to target. The prostate isn’t at the door, you have to get in to really stroke it and I do say STROKE. Jabbing is not as effective as a slow stroke in a repeated motion (circular or back and forth) builds a ‘charge’ in the system. It’s a lot like that in my experience.

A poke may shock the system but if you slowly build up the charge pleasure is slower, yes, but as a Top it puts the whole system at your command. This is where you get to show off and your reward is a purring bottom. For a thousand reasons, a primed engine RUNS BETTER. learn this and use it. 

The next few images are meant to illustrate the ‘gravity’ of the situation. The position you choose to stimulate in has a strong effect on where the thing is. It is attached and always in the same general area but in certain positions it is much easier to stimulate.

Here we see “Cowboy style”





Also known as the squat, this position places the prostate in a mutually advantageous position BUT you have to know where your back/pelvis must be angled toward to keep it in line. It may be providing extra stimulation for the top but if the bottom’s bottom isn’t in the right angular position it drastically reduces their pleasure and yours. The difference between being in position and not is massive in terms of pleasure and how well you stimulate that little button.

Finally we come to the infamous four legged shuffle position:

Doggie Style. 

Gravity keeps the button lower so keeping your lower back positioned to not only maximize the ease of penetration but also keeping your prostate in line with the stroke is very important.

Sadly the images for on your back aren’t ‘safe enough’ but if you consider the things I’ve said here you understand what gravity would then do in context of doggie (arf) style. Keep your pelvis in a position that maximizes ease and pleasure. Simple enough yes?

Thus concludes your introductory ‘handshake’ lesson with the prostate.

-Daddy Cade

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papatonyinsandiego


This is delightful. I see some poor man gritting his teeth and suffering in a porn video while getting fucked, and I want to sit the Top down and give him THIS talk, and also THIS one:

https://tinyurl.com/ydcluuov

Knowledge can be powerful and can cut down on the suffering!

Flogging For Beginners (On Both Ends Of The Flogger): Video Instruction

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

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Papa Tony: This is a tutorial that I recorded in 2014, and then posted on my personal site. It went wildly viral, all over the world. Since then, it has been watched over a QUARTER MILLION times, after I posted it in four places on the Internet.

Watch the one-hour video:  YouTube Version - Alternate Version

It has been described as the first flogging video that teaches everything that you need to know, in a warm, affectionate style. I have put 38 years of experience into this one-hour video. It’s what I have been teaching, one-on-one, continuously for decades.

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Here is the information on the flogger that I currently recommend.  It will be wonderful for 90% of your flogging needs, and it's ONLY THIRTY BUCKS!  I have owned many of them, and present them to my favorite pupils.

For folks who prefer a larger, heavier flogger, here is the link for the “Mr. Thuddy” flogger, for beginners on a budget, and here is the review that I wrote.

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The technical, how-to “Hard Skills” take up a small part of the video, and are covered fully. The rest of it is “Soft Skills”, meaning hard-earned wisdom from deep experience. In short, this is everything that you need to be POPULAR as a Flogging Top:

- How to “calibrate,” so that every new playmate gets exactly what they want, whether they know it or not.

- How to “read” body-language from behind.

- How to be a wildly-creative player, even if you only have one toy.

- Style and performance skills, for those times when the crowd is watching.

- And much, much more.

Everyone that I have taught has gone onward to great acclaim and endless fun.

This tutorial is my affectionate gift to anyone who wants to learn from a mentor, but can’t find one.

Too many gay men of my generation died of AIDS. Two new generations have risen up, without experiencing kind, wise uncles to teach, bless and initiate them. This video is a way of stepping into the gap.

If you are grateful, then please pass it along - We need to re-kindle the culture of mentoring that we lost when so many of us died!

What a wonderful legacy. My name on Fet is PapaTonyinSD, and my email is papatony @mac.com - I love to receive feedback!

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Reviews of This Video

Review from Justin:

When I started learning to throw floggers a year ago… I saw your video ‘Flogging For Beginners’ and it was a game-changer for me… not just for the mechanics and techniques of flogging, but really mostly for BDSM overall, what it’s all about for me, the connection, the interaction, the intimacy.

Fast-forward a year to now: I’ve had some experience on both sides of the flogger (found out I’m a switch, to my surprise), branched out to singletails, and have had tremendous experiences of intimacy with both my SIR, my boy, and some of my friends.

Tonight, I was going through my Youtube playlists (trying to learn Florentine now) and came across 'Flogging for Beginners’ and started watching it again. It’s still GOLD. I’m happy to see it, review it, and reinforce what I’d learned before. Thank you (again) for making this video and getting your point of view and experience out there. It’s made all the difference to me. What you teach dovetails so well with what my teacher here in Seattle presents, and between the two of you, you have had a huge influence on my kink life.

There aren’t enough thanks for your influence, but 'thank you’ anyway.

Respectfully and with gratitude.

Anonymous:  I'd like to thank you for sort of launching me into the bdsm scene. I found your video review of a flogger on Flog Me Baby and it was the first ever toy I purchased. It led me to watch and read more of your videos/blogs which eventually led me to create an account on FetLife and meet the couple I am currently in my first polyamorous relationship with. I am in bliss and exploring more and more every month. It's made me confident in my body & I''ve learned a lot about myself and others! Thanks!

Review from DrFrankenbeans:

So I’ve been hunting for a flogger that has good weight to it and isn’t going to break my meager piggy bank. I’m pretty particular about what I like in my impact toys and tools. I’m really tall (6'8" in my favorite boots), so mass produced lightweight crap just looks and feels pathetic in my hand.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you! I accidentally stumbled across your videos while digging around looking for the perfect flogger. Your videos have really helped me. I’ve done a lot of sensation play in the past, but not much with floggers. Because I’m used to crops and horsewhips I always thought the floggers were too imprecise, but your clear detailed guidance has completely changed my view on them. And the way you treat your subs is absolutely wonderful. Thank you for expressing the importance of not only aftercare, but during-care as well.

Thanks again! :)

Review from Master Chuck:

In the power exchange community, there is a huge shortage of wisdom. There is a vast ocean of Tumblr blogs that feature reblogged pictures with snarky, arrogant and ignorant captions promoting the notion that submissives are “fags” who are “worthless” and “deserve” to get bullied and beat up because some self-appointed “Alpha” stupidly equates being submissive with being weak.

Trying to serve as a counterbalance to the bullshit passed off as fact by the JO artists are a handful of grounded, intelligent men and women who write more from the brain than the heart about subjects pertaining to the safe practice of BDSM and power exchange. Their efforts are appreciated by a core group of followers whose positive feedback makes the investment in time worth it.

And from the background enters a man with so much wisdom to share; not just ideas and theory but skills and technique on how to perform in the BDSM arena and do it safely. The link to a one-hour video on Flogging for Beginners offers so much more information beyond the proper technique used to flog without causing injury; it should be required viewing for every man. and woman who calls themselves a Sir, Dom, Alpha, Master, whatever. And the unique thing is Papa Tony has been teaching Tops how to do it correctly and safely from his “best place on earth” city of San Diego for years.

Here’s the link to the video and I urge everyone who is serious about power exchange to invest the one hour it takes to view this wisdom packed video:

Review from Rob:

Papa Tony’s Flogging 101 video is the best one I’ve seen short of a live session. So far the only live instructional flogging session I’ve been to was on Florentine style before Christmas. Being new to flogging, I just kept nodding my head.

Watching his 101 video and practicing a lot let me actually be a good top and left my girlfriend amazed at how well I did. She’d been flogged before but apparently never that well let alone by a first timer.

Review from Papa Tony’s other slave:

Master,
That was really excellent. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was jotting down comments while watching it, so here they are in a rather incoherent order.

1) You are a fucking fantastic speaker and teacher. You have such a natural gift for articulation and clarity. I don’t think You paused and said, “uh”, once during the whole video. The lesson poured forth from You with amazing organization and clarity, a whole hour! I would have had to practice for a week to give such a demonstration. You really have quite a gift. I remember that first night we met, I asked you if You were a teacher, because Your speaking style is just so good.

2) Your voice is a wonderful bass, and is so sexy. I was hard at about minute 10, squeezing myself. But, then I stopped that so that I could really listen. Still, Your voice could make me cum.

3) I remember once You were flogging me and I said on a scale of 1 to 10 that one part of it was a 5 and one part was a 7. You said, “interesting”, but didn’t elaborate. From the video, You said that You don’t want to go above a 7. In retrospect, I know that I had no point of reference for my 5 and 7. I thought that a 10 would be me crying out in pain and saying stop. So, I think I exaggerated those numbers, and they were actually lower.

4) The flogging didn’t look particularly violent, yet Bob was have quite a reaction. Looks can be deceiving.

5) I liked the part where You placed a strong hand on Bob’s face with the flogger and let him smell it. Let’s try that again. You did that once with me, and I liked it, and it was hot watching You do it with Bob.

6) I’d like to do more flogging sessions with You. You’ve already shown me that You know You have to take it easy with this novice, so I trust You. The video also shows that one of Your cardinal rules is not to damage the bottom, but show him respect and love.

7) The part about the bottom being overjoyed with a flogging session and receiving acknowledgment from the crowd and friends resonated with me. I do a lot of adventure sports on vacation, and that is very much part of the thrill. For instance, doing a bungee jump that only half the guys have the balls to do. Doing a rough rafting trip. Doing river surfing (really a fucking blast). Canyoning, Repelling, Alpine hiking, etc. There is such a thrill in being able to say, “I did it!”. Haven’t jumped out of a plane yet. Need a big guy like You to throw me out.

8) The hand motions with the floggers look easy when You do it, but the novices were very awkward at it, so it is a hard skill. Looked like one guy was in danger of hitting himself in the eye. I said the word “pillow” before you even brought it out, thinking, this guy ought to practice on a pillow.

9) Please do not ever use that razor tipped one on me. I would freak me the fuck out.

10) The discussion of landmines was very interesting. I imagine the intense emotional release that occurs during a flogging scene could really heighten a bottom’s sensitivity, break down some of his armor, and make setting off a landmine very easy.

11) I want to hold Bob while You flog him, so that I can caress him. Don’t know if this would be welcome by him. His limbic responses set off a protective instinct in me that drives a desire to comfort him.

12) The ice water scene was mysterious. I guess I have to experience this, as it didn’t seem obvious why that would be exhilarating. It must be that the skin is so sensitive after flogging.

13) There was LOTS of humor in the video. I was laughing out loud at several points.

14) Again, huge difference between the Master’s style and the guys You were teaching. It’s not easy, and they were lucky to have such patient and caring instruction from You.

Video Review of the "Thumper" Flogger; with Demos

Hundreds more articles like this can be found

at the Kink Mentoring Archives… Spread the word!

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Papa Tony:

See the YouTube Video Demo and Review Here

 (alternative link)

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To learn how to be a high-quality, popular flogging Top, go here.

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I review kinky toys periodically.  Mostly, those that pertain to Impact Play, because that is my specialty.  I have recently gotten my hands on a new one, and it excites and pleases me greatly.

The Thumper II flogger, for thirty bucks from FlogMeBaby.com

It's a classic "mop" flogger, meaning that there are twice the number of tails as usual, but each one is half as wide. This makes for an excellent, all-around "thuddy" flogger.  As I declare in the video, If I were to head off to a sophisticated, advanced-level play-party, and only bring ONE toy, then this is what I would bring.

After over forty years of ever-increasing experience, my heart still belongs to good, high-quality BEGINNER toys, with a maximum of all-around use, which I demonstrate in the video.

This is because I am a mentor for Doms, every day.  Younger folks tend to be underemployed in the current economy, and they shouldn't have to choose between a month of groceries, and a toy.  So, I'm always on the lookout for the best bang for the buck.

A tiny part of my collection.  These are the toys waiting to be broken-in.

My $350 flogger, shown here for comparison, to...  

The $30 Thumper flogger.  I do NOT see $320 worth of difference, in terms of design, durability, balance or usability.

I could go on and on, but watch the video at the top of this article.  I see nothing negative, and a LOT of positive in this toy.  I suspect that I will be awarding a lot of these to fine young rising stars in our Tribe, for years to come.