Flogging With Intention - Horizontal Style

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Anonymous said: Dear Sir, I recently flogged a sub for the first time. (Your video on flogging helped tremendously) However, this sub can’t stand for long periods of time and asked to continue while he lay on the bed. We did, but it was difficult for me to find a good angle to hit him. How should I be flogging someone who’s horizontal?

Papa Tony:

Thanks for pointing this out. I hadn’t realized that I had never covered horizontal flogging before. I am glad to have a chance to cover the topic.

Click Here For The YouTube Video - Alternate Link

I HAVE covered horizontal techniques in my Tommy Tomcat instructions, and they would work just as well for a flogger or other long toy like a Dragon’s Tongue. However, for today’s lesson, I will go in an entirely different direction:

Years ago, I attended the Butchmanns Experience in Arizona. The presenter and I had a loud disagreement. He felt that HIS way of flogging was the only valid, worthwhile way to do it, and that my Advanced Seduction Style (which has made me legendary in a lot of cities) had zero value.

I was indignant, and feeling pretty self-righteous. It was fun to lock horns, but I had to let go, let the lesson flow, and LEARN what he brought.

As it turned out, I LOVED what style he actually favored. I have added it to my repertoire. He no longer teaches there, but he called his horizontal style “Flogging With Intention.”

As I remember his instructions, it is the polar opposite of the style that I teach. There is no actual touching or caressing. No verbal contact, either. Those are distractions that must be eliminated. The impact is all. A typical scene goes on and on for around thirty minutes, instead of my typical ten or fifteen.

No matter how the sub sends his usual nonverbal signals (shifting position, soft noises), keep going. Resist the urge to relate to the sub. Become a Flogging Machine. Follow your own intensity and patterns. Ignore theirs. It shifts the experience into a different dimension.

The idea is to take the sub and drop them HARD into Bottom Space. I’ve seen subs blacking-out from being flogged in this manner, but never from stress. Their muscles relax, and the breathing abruptly shifts from ragged and intense, to blissfully calm. They just CONK out. They may only be under for ten minutes or less, but they can never guess how long they were out… “A few hours?”

It truly is transcendent.

I’m NOT going to give up being a Fancy Dan Flogmeister most of the time, but I am proud to say that I can be flexible in my learning.
August 29th, 2018 11:10am

Approval-Based Doms

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Papa Tony:  I am “approval-based.” I am a very, very kinky Sir. And, I can’t imagine why I would need to use punishment, discipline or disapproval.

There is a huge market for stern disciplinarians. My wish is that they all get exactly what they are seeking. I’m just not that guy.

When I express a desire, my subs SNAP into position, and make it so. When I say “Excellent work, slave. I am satisfied”, I know that they would turn heaven and earth upside down for further praise and validation.

They wag their pretty tails. A LOT.

The key is authenticity. I would never, ever disrespect a sub by bullshitting him. I don’t blow smoke up his kilt. If something is valuable, praiseworthy and satisfying, I have a goal of never letting that moment pass unremarked.

If something that I need to say is

• True,

• Necessary, and

• Kind,

I say something about it, RIGHT NOW. I don’t let it pass unremarked.

A lot of that philosophy has roots in my own past traumas. I have been to too many AIDS funerals (two or three a week, for years) where I was feeling horrid because I had never TOLD that man how important he was in my life.

I made up my mind a long time ago to be as transparent as water… To share my own blessings, and to never hold back when it comes time to bless others. I am sure that some people were creeped-out by such unusual behavior. I accept that.

However, the vast majority of folks are starved for somebody who can give them permission to be just as positive and life-affirming. This work just as well in kinky relationships, with strangers on the street, and in every other kind of interpersonal dynamic.

Sure - there are folks who won’t buy what you’re selling. That’s fine. The goal is not to please EVERYONE. That way lies madness. Just be clear with who you are, and make a choice to be the best human being that you can be. 

 That way lies popularity.

Pain Play, and Gaining Marks, Explained

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Papa Tony:  I often rant about how the stereotypes about kinky pain and hardcore play is not ALL that there is. I’m well-known for that. I often advocate for sensitivity and mutually-pleasurable scenes. It’s how I roll.

AND, there is a lot of good to be said about mutually-enjoyed pain play. A very small percentage of men have the ability to instantly convert pain into pleasure.

Or, the sub doesn’t seek pain at all, and would be perfectly happy if it never happened again. But, NOTHING pleases him more than to make his Sir happy, even if it’s a struggle sometimes. Pain can be a very welcome part of his service.

I have played with many men over the decades who have had their backs covered in calluses from having experienced so many hardcore play scenes. That is their pleasure.

There have been times where we have had to scrub the walls after playing. I was always grateful that we forgot to invite the CSI crew over to join us. 😈 Perhaps we SHOULD have invited the Kinky Scene Investigators, and gotten a few useful tips!

It’s Not For Everybody, So Be Careful, Doms!

A true Pain Pig (also referred to as a Pain Slut) is a blessing to find, if that is what gets you going. However, I would be surprised if such subs take up more than one percent of the human population. It’s NEVER safe to assume that subs are looking for hardcore play, It can take years (and plenty of mutual growth) before that day shows up.

A Kinky Progression

Both of my slaves told me what their “Hard NO!” limits were, back when we were first negotiating our ongoing relationships. These included “No Pain, and No Marks.” I have never once tried to convince them to change their minds. I am an Ethical Sir.

Then, months along, the sub raises his head after a light spanking and says “Is that all ya got?” And… off we go into a deeper and different relationship. The years flow past.

Now, both of them can take vastly harder treatment than when we first met, and I STILL have never manipulated them into something that they would object to. We just kept building Trust with capital T, and mutually shifted the parameters of our play, a little bit at a time.

The Payoff

I have written about “Trophy Photos.” Who would care about such things? Well, in my direct experience, a dedicated and motivated sub, who has a great zeal to be the best sub that he can be, likes to have mementos of his personal triumphs.

I have had subs strut around naked in gym locker rooms, or going shirtless on public streets, just to show off marks that can ONLY be obtained in one way. They are showing off their kinky pride, and living their truth.

They are true, high-quality kinksters, and the level of authenticity rises in the world as a direct result.

What would you say is a good way to leave a lasting mark during an impact play session? I have regular sessions with my Sir, but we’re both frustrated with how quickly my ass goes from cherry red back to normal
I’d like to have some lasting welts or bruises, but not sure what the best way to get them are, aside from just wailing on my ass with something
He is using his hands, a leather crop, a padded leather baton type thing, a rubber paddle, a wooden paddle with rubber boot treads on one side, a leather belt or a thick leather strap.

You’ve both watched my video, right? That’s a good start.

For MY needs, if I want to leave some marks, then it’s time to bring out the Tommy Tomcat and the singletail whip. Here is why: The need is for harder, more-narrowly-focused strikes.

Tell your Sir that he has found a treasure of great value.

Everything You Wanted To Know About The Prostate But Were Afraid To Ask!

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dirtydaddythings (yes that’s a reference to an old Woody Allen movie but no, it won’t be EVERYTHING just a few handy notes and some educational images).

#1 Unpretty.

Nothing about our bodies is pretty on the inside. It’s all complicated machinery that took a few million years to ‘get right’. Well.. as right as we are currently and there’s a lot of room for improvement. We are only at our most beautiful when whole (see what I did there, eh? EH? oh shut up. I’m trying here this stuffs nasty on this level). Also taking a few seconds: whole in my philosophy has no external markers. Period. Whole is a state of ‘self’. Bla bla bla. This isn’t about the ‘cosmos’ it’s about what’s that button do.

I show you this not as something to memorize but something to start the conversation. This is insanely complex but it’s NOT complicated! You aren’t headed for an MD, you’re after a PO (prostate orgasm) but the two really do walk together for a while before parting ways. The more you know about what goes on the more you can control it and that’s an important thing if you want to be something beyond a squishy pink sock someone shoves their frustration into.

Even then, I advocate education because you’ll wind up in the DIY zone more often than you should.

#2 Big Red Button.

Stimulating said button requires understanding a bit of the muscular tracts in the area. The difference between anus, rectum and anal canal for starters. Most of the ‘good stuff’ feeling wise happens in the ‘yellow area’. That’s where you have most muscle control and as such contains all the nerves you’ll need to stimulate and where you, as bottom, can really ‘shine’ with a bit of practice.

It is also where a good ‘top’ gets to show off. Not remotely sorry to say that a top who has no clue how the pipes work is a plumber without a wrench. He can just hammer around and hope he fixes the problem but most likely will only knock something loose and make a mess. 

#3 PFE. Pelvic. Floor. Exercises. 

Repeat this mantra. Learn them. Do them. They are so easy you have no excuse and I advise doing research on your own (also check my blogspot) for what the benefits are for men. Kinda important stuff. Like not needing chemical assistance (viagra etc) to enjoy a healthy sex life.

I advocate PFE as a sexual practice because it teaches you micro-muscle control which is the “gold star” skill that can blow someone’s mind.

As always: Don’t just accept my word, do the footwork and read. Here’s the Mayo Clinic on the subject. 

#4 Hitting the button and ringing the bell.

Note the image demonstrating DEPTH to target. The prostate isn’t at the door, you have to get in to really stroke it and I do say STROKE. Jabbing is not as effective as a slow stroke in a repeated motion (circular or back and forth) builds a ‘charge’ in the system. It’s a lot like that in my experience.

A poke may shock the system but if you slowly build up the charge pleasure is slower, yes, but as a Top it puts the whole system at your command. This is where you get to show off and your reward is a purring bottom. For a thousand reasons, a primed engine RUNS BETTER. learn this and use it. 

The next few images are meant to illustrate the ‘gravity’ of the situation. The position you choose to stimulate in has a strong effect on where the thing is. It is attached and always in the same general area but in certain positions it is much easier to stimulate.

Here we see “Cowboy style”





Also known as the squat, this position places the prostate in a mutually advantageous position BUT you have to know where your back/pelvis must be angled toward to keep it in line. It may be providing extra stimulation for the top but if the bottom’s bottom isn’t in the right angular position it drastically reduces their pleasure and yours. The difference between being in position and not is massive in terms of pleasure and how well you stimulate that little button.

Finally we come to the infamous four legged shuffle position:

Doggie Style. 

Gravity keeps the button lower so keeping your lower back positioned to not only maximize the ease of penetration but also keeping your prostate in line with the stroke is very important.

Sadly the images for on your back aren’t ‘safe enough’ but if you consider the things I’ve said here you understand what gravity would then do in context of doggie (arf) style. Keep your pelvis in a position that maximizes ease and pleasure. Simple enough yes?

Thus concludes your introductory ‘handshake’ lesson with the prostate.

-Daddy Cade

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papatonyinsandiego


This is delightful. I see some poor man gritting his teeth and suffering in a porn video while getting fucked, and I want to sit the Top down and give him THIS talk, and also THIS one:

https://tinyurl.com/ydcluuov

Knowledge can be powerful and can cut down on the suffering!

How To Speak With a Sub

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Anonymous said: Dear Sir, I’m a fairly new dom, the first and only sub I’ve had had been serving me for the last year and a half. Recently I’ve been exploring Dominating others. My problem is that I don’t know what to say during a scene. My current sub is very verbal and I didn’t realize how much I was taking my speaking cues from what he was saying. With these new subs, I just feel like a walking sound board, saying the same things in slightly different arrangements and it never feels natural. Any advice?

Papa Tony:

I can help you a lot on this topic. There are infinite Tumblr sites with advice like this:

Sounds really impressive, huh? Well, it’s certainly good stuff, but I am NOT going to tell you that. That comes later in your development. I am going to give you better advice, on a very basic level:

Be Honest.

You have been jacking-off, enjoying lovely fantasies online. You want to succeed, like any impeccable human being, so you try to emulate what you see on your computer screen. The struggle that you are having is because it isn’t working, and you are taking it personally as a failure on your part.

Well, it’s not your fault. You are missing a lot of information that never shows up in porn:

- Seduction

- Establishing Trust and Commonality

- Being In the Moment

So how does a good-hearted young Sir GET all of that stuff? Asking for help is a BIG part of the answer, but the main treasure is to be HONEST with your playmates. You have lusty Dom feelings. Those feelings are your truth.

If the new subs demand a Tom of Finland clone, with a square jaw, perfect muscles and a big dick, then nobody is ever going to reach perfection. Even men who are LIKE that are insecure messes inside, like all of us. Trust me. I know a lot of them.

You can’t win by trying to be a perfect Sir. So, be a proud, openly IMPERFECT Sir. Drop the shields. Give playmates your truth. This may dismay some submissives, who will reject you. That’s okay. The ones who will be charmed and disarmed are the subs worth keeping in your life.

Practice phrases like “I want to be a really, really good Sir for the rest of my life. After we are done, I will need your feedback over email before you sleep tonight. I really need that, in order to learn my craft. In return, I am going to be the best Sir that I know how to be. Let’s play!”
Being In The Moment

I want to talk about time-slicing. When I am in a scene, my mind isn’t wandering. Not a bit. I am not thinking about tomorrow’s plans. I am being present with my sub(s), from moment to moment, at all times. If a thought about what is happening occurs to me, then I share it, right now.

Subs LOVE that, because they know on every level how I am feeling. They never have any doubts. Every Sir loves feedback from the sub, but subs need feedback, too. It is a gift that we give them. A good submissive wants to bring satisfaction to his Sir. So, if you are pleased, SAY so.

Let’s say that a sub is blindfolded and gagged, but he can hear you making happy, lusty and TRUE noises. It keeps him motivated and focused. Dead silence on your part is creepy and scary to a new Sub. Pre-digested Porn Talk is just baffling.

If something isn’t working during a scene, point it out, and call for a new approach. No harm, no foul. It’s called “play,” not “work.”

This true honesty from moment to moment drives the subs into a frenzy of wanting to do more pleasing things for the charmingly honest Sir. They know what is pleasing, because you are always letting them KNOW.

A Good Example Of A Bad Example

I brought a new Sir-In-Training to join my slave and me in a play scene, years ago. It was disastrous. He couldn’t drop his shields. He was clearly nervous, and he was trying too hard to fit into a porn-actor form of behavior. So, he was only talking in porn-movie clichés. “Fuck Yeah - Suck That Big Dick.”

It was as if there was a sheet of plastic between him and us, and we MISSED him, while he was going through whatever was on his mind. We weren’t getting any clue, and we couldn’t get our engines revved-up.

So, I called a halt to the scene, and told everybody to cuddle naked on the bed. We talked. I asked him to tell me what was on his mind, while we tenderly snuggled. He chose to be vulnerable, and to share what was stopping him from connecting.

Once we cleared the air with our refreshing mutual honesty, then the scene resumed, and everybody had a hell of a lot of fun. The scene was a big success and a Teachable Moment for him. Years later, he is a HUGELY successful Sir.

Top-Plating

Trying to be what everybody else wants has a bad side-effect. We drop ourselves to the bottom of the list. I am a natural People Pleaser, so I have struggled with that, my whole life.

Part of that involves trying to say JUUUUST the right thing, rather than the TRUE and REAL thing. That’s a nasty trap. Trying to figure out tactics in human interaction is what ties our bootlaces together and makes us fall on our faces.

You’ve seen these devices at a cafeteria. A stainless-steel plate dispenser. Folks grab a plate off of the top, and move onward. But, then, there is that annoying person in line ahead of you, who grabs a plate, looks at it, makes a face and sets that plate aside. Over and over, no plate is good enough, and you want to smash them on the head with your lunch tray. You want to scream ”For god’s sake, PICK ONE!”

It’s how folks are when we are trying to be more “perfect,” rather than more true to ourselves and others. I assert that the first thought that comes into your head is the RIGHT one. Don’t just keep recycling whatever worked before. You have discovered that it is a trap. If you have a kind heart (as opposed to a nasty, critical nature), you will be fine. I promise.

So, be flexible, be light and be true. Come from approval and fun, not from judging harshly. Maybe that’s not what porn actors do, but I am speaking for tens of thousands of the very finest Sirs when I say…

That’s What WE Do…

Tips for Fancy Mummification

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Papa Tony:

I have taught Mummification many times. It’s a lot of fun, and creative too.  There are endless amounts of lessons online that teach the basics.  The following is merely meant to inspire some creative ideas:

What I would add, is that sometimes a simpler, lighter form of mummification (as shown here) can be meditative. It provides a way for the subject to thrash for a bit at the end of the end of the scene, doing a conscious “I’M BREAKING OUT!” escape process that can be cathartic.

The colored duct tape is found online, and is nice for decorating the submissive.  The picture is his reward.

Mummification can be decorative, and it can make for GREAT Performance Art, as well. This is the Before picture. I am wearing the Dragon Mask, and directing the team of around thirty people...

The two subjects were mummified and then suspended using bluish-green Saran Wrap that you can get at Home Depot. There are strings of LED lights on top of the suspended folks. We were the only sources of lighting in the main auditorium, during the performance.

This was at the Leather Fetish Ball in San Diego, a few years back.

@sir-erik:

This is brilliant. Next kink party I’m mummifying someone to the sling stand with bright colored saran wrap and putting a string of lights inside too. This just has to be done.

@papatonyinsandiego:

When you do the LED lights thing, take LOTS OF PICTURES! The sub will be in paradise. Cheapo, battery-powered Xmas lights are everywhere online. The saran wrap has a natural translucence, which enhances the effect. These are all Tops that I was teaching a few semesters ago. We teamed up to create exactly the scene that you are picturing:

The black object is the mummified slave’s hooded head. This shot was taken WITHOUT a flash.

The men in the bar were VERY impressed!

Toybag Tour, Thud vs. Sting: Floggers and Whips and Such

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Anonymous: What would you say is a good implement scale for impact play? Like, the farther up the scale the more intense it is.

Papa Tony:

Funny that you should ask. I periodically design toys for FlogMeBaby.com - I have NO financial connection with them. Not a single penny. I do this work because I want new Doms to build their own toy bag with solid-quality toys without having to go broke doing it.

 

I invented a two-sided scale for them that shows where a particular toy fits between STING and THUD. You can see it on the upper left, in pink.

That scale has proven to be a very practical way to make valid shopping decisions without being able to actually try out the toy first.

I admire craftspeople who hand-craft exquisite, expensive ($300-$500) floggers. I have owned a bunch over the years. However, I like to recommend toys that are high-quality, but inexpensive. It’s awkward for a newbie Flogging Top to learn proper practices by guess and by golly, with a huge, awkward flogger (or a wimpy one, shown below) sold at the local porn emporium.

That’s why I always steer folks toward my flogging instructional video, and recommend good starter toys that will last a long time, without eliminating the Grocery Fund for a month.

I can’t tell you how many new Sirs that I have met with outrageously rough, inappropriate Instruments of Torture that they thought that might be a good choice, and then no subs will let them go for more than a few strokes… The actual goal is perfect, thrilling power-flow that fluctuates smoothly as the circumstances allow.

This is my leather toy bag, which is a tiny subset of my larger toy collection. I carry the bag with me when I am attending parties. It is also what the slave brings upstairs when he arrives and sets up the scene to my specifications. This is because it contains my collection of favorite, most useful toys. Today, we are ignoring the paddles, crops and canes, and discussing the floggers and whips.

I have arranged a few of my toys to illustrate the range of sensations caused by various toys along the spectrum of “Thud” on the left, and progressively more intense with the “Sting” selection on the right.

Explaining The Tall Socks

When you have a bunch of floggers in a bag or a wheeled, carry-on piece of luggage, the skinny tails can make quite a mess of tangles. So, have the submissive clean up after the scene by pulling a tall sock over the forearm until there is a “sock puppet:”


Use the “mouth” to grab the ends of the flogger tails, and then use the other hand to pull the sock over the entire flogger. Long socks like this can be found at the Junior Miss section at your local Target or Walmart.

The Bunny: Very Thuddy

Starting at the far left of the “Thuddy” side of the scale, the Bunny is made of lengths of rope, covered in bunny fur. It’s at least three decades old. How did I keep it in such great shape? I kept it away from young dogs. They ALL want to shred it!

It’s a very exaggerated toy. I would never use it on a person with a slender frame. I wouldn’t want to break their ribs! The ideal bottom for this is somebody with a wide, well-padded back.

I throw it with a two-handed, “baseball bat” throw, from the side, striking against the UPPER back. Stay far away from the lower back. This one is for piggy bottoms who can’t stand Sting, but adore Thud… the heavier the better.

The Big, Heavy Flogger

Moving one notch away to the right. This category is VERY typical of high-end, more-expensive floggers that are everywhere on the market. The one shown in the picture above cost me $350.

My recommendation for such a toy is the Mister Thuddy. I helped design it years ago. I just checked: it costs 45 bucks. Not a good beginner flogger (I have trained many hundreds of Flogging Tops), but a very nice second flogger. This is what the result looks like, after using it.

My Favorite Flogger - Medium Weight

This is the Thumper, and it comes from FlogMeBaby. I didn’t design this one, but if I had, I would not change a single thing about it. I have raved about them, in detail. If I had ONE toy in my possession, this would be the one for me, hands down. I demonstrate many, many ways to use it, here. This photo shows a nice aftermath.

If you are going to learn how to use it, start by practicing the Loose Grip, shown in the video that I just linked to. I’ve been using it for forty years, and it is the reason why my wrist and forearm don’t hurt after a long night of playing with a dozen eager subs in a bar.

This next section is the kind of flogger that I avoid:

Wimpy, Flimsy Floggers

I snagged this image off of the Internet, because I would never own floggers like these. If I win some in a raffle basket, I donate them back. You see tons of these in the local “Lingerie and Dildo” stores.

Using a lightweight toy like this in an Impact Play scene would be like using a cardboard tube from a roll of paper towels to beat somebody. There’s no release of kinetic energy, followed by increased endorphins.

On the other hand, if your goal is to get in a fight with a toddler that leaves you both giggling, these floggers are pretty nice.

The Tommy Tomcat

Going further to the right side of the scale. I designed the Tommy Tomcat for FlogMeBaby, based upon a very expensive toy that somehow disappeared from a play-party, a few decades past. I imagine that there are many hundreds of Tomcats in the world, as a result.

Imagine that you are at a kinky play-party. There is one piggy bottom that is being flogged by every Top in the building, and is still going strong when the Doms are all worn out. That is a very strong signal that it’s time to switch over to Sting as a tactic. Every time that I have tested that theory, I have been rewarded with a VERY happy bottom.

If you follow the breaking-in instructions on my page, then you will have the most accurate toy in your entire collection. I never strike any further away than a quarter-inch or so from my desired target when I am using it. It’s amazingly precise. This photo shows the aftermath of a heavy scene.

This video always gives me a thrill. Frankly, I get turned on, watching how well I use that Tomcat. I don’t usually get to see myself from such a different angle.

The Dragon’s Tongue

My two Dragon’s Tongues were hand-made by a buddy. I would love to find a more durable replacement. I will be investigating the purple and red ones that FlogMeBaby sells for twenty bucks each. Mine have been through hell, as you might imagine. I use them a lot.

They are deceptively mild as you warm up the sub, but a sharp “flick” will raise some serious welts. Definitely not to be used on beginners.

Singletail Whip

We have now arrived at ONE of the ultimately “sting-y” toys (not counting fiber-optic floggers - Those will be featured in a future article). The one in the picture above cost me three or four hundred bucks. It’s an Axel whip. Other Tops will stop me when I walk by, and they will say “Oooh! That’s an Axel, isn’t it?” It IS exquisitely made, and it throws like a dream.

HOWEVER. Again, the average beginner can’t seriously buy something like this, and trust that it’s right for them. Singletail whips are DIFFICULT to learn by yourself, to the point where other people trust you to throw whips around without damage to yourself and others.

Luckily, I have posted a Singletail 101 instructional video, for just such a purpose. Once you know how to achieve a perfect spread of singletail strikes on a pillow, you are a good bet to able to do a really good job on a human being.

For those on a budget, I have designed am inexpensive singletail that I can happily recommend. It is called the PTSM - The Papa Tony Signature Model. I just checked. It’s eighty bucks.

Again, I get no special considerations of any kind from FlogMeBaby. I just want to see more safe, fun kinky play happening in the world. It’s the Approving, Kinky Grandpa in me.

A Punishment

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slovenealpha: I started seeing a new submissive a couple of weeks ago. He is a bit new to the scene, so we had some training to do. We slowly got to the point where he wanted me to take full control of his cock, so my first command was naturally him not being allowed to cum. I told him he can only edge for an hour every day if he so chooses.

One day I get a message from him, saying that he jizzed and that he is sorry. Very brief and very easy. Of course, he broke a serious rule, so he won’t be getting away that easy. I explained to him that I am very disappointed and that an apology is not enough, not even closely. He sent me a couple of pics kneeling and even retried with a longer apology, so I had to break it to him that he needs to be properly punished.

Before meeting me next time he got fairly anxious and kept asking what he should expect. He knew well, that I won’t tell. This was something I haven’t done in a long time either, since no subs of mine have broken the rules in over half a year. And he broke a rule I deemed important, which meant that I would really need to assert my dominance. The problem was, that he was still relatively new to this and I didn’t want to scare him off.

When we met, he got ready and I told him to undress in front of me and get in the doggy position on the bed. He did as ordered and made sure he did it as fast as possible too. It was clearly visible that he is afraid of what’s to come. I blindfolded him and told him not to make a sound. I got a leather belt out of my pants and folded it over in a calm silent manner and grabbed his ass and appreciated his slim well-kept body for a moment.

Then I surprised him with a whip from my belt, strong enough to scare him and hurt just enough to tell him what’s to come. I continued to belt his ass with strong whips, increasing the intensity of every hit. I made sure they were spaced enough, so he could savour the pain of each one. I stopped at 10 hits and his ass got nicely red. He let out only a quiet whimper.

I grabbed his nuts, pulled on them, leaned into his ear and said “This belongs to me now. This was a very light punishment and was merciful. Now I hope you understand that if you break the rules, there will be consequences.” (in slovene, of course) “Yes, Sir, I understood and it won’t happen again.” he replied and I let go of his nuts. “Good boy.” I said gently while starting to play with his hole. After that I got my hard cock, tied his hands behind his back, planted his face onto the mattress and fucked him hard and deep. I made him cum hands free and shot deep in his hole.

While cuddling he told me that he really appreciates what I did and it made me very happy. I achieved in practice, what I was learning. The punishment was only the belting part, but the real focus was on the pleasurable hot steamy fuck. I very rarely do punishments and I believe they don’t really have an overall positive effect in the long-term, so what I did was to focus on positive reinforcement.

Papa Tony:

This is a very evolved way to build trust and deepen a relationship. Arbitrary, needless punishment is a perpetration. Instead, the young Alpha is building a positive reinforcement cycle between the two of them. Sounds like a really FUN scene, too!

August 10th, 2018 7:43pm

Getting Into New Kink Practices

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I contacted you some time back. I’m wanting to embrace my DOM side. I am experienced at fistfucking, and have a boy that lives in another state that wants me to get into bondage and more (he’s already into taking a fist and is quite proficient at Boot worship..) so I want to expand my repertoire…

Papa Tony:

Bondage

Well, I am the last guy to lecture knowledgeably on Bondage (remembering complex stuff is no longer easy for my elderly brain), but I have had good results recommending the very heterosexual Two Knotty Boys as an excellent resource.

Also:  The Ropey Beginner's FAQ.

My additional suggestions:

- Download ONLY a few videos that appeal to you. and load them onto your phone. That way, you can tell where you screwed up, by scrubbing back and forth. “Oh, it’s supposed to go UNDER at that point, not over!”

- Pick one tutorial. Practice, practice and then practice some more. Then, that bondage technique becomes part of Muscle Memory. From then on, you can confidently strut into a leather bar with some rope stored on your hip. Find a handsome boy and then tie him upon a decorative way. Walk him around the bar, while doing Top Talk with your buddies. That boy will be in heaven, and he will be the envy of every other submissive in the building.

Impact Play

For Impact Play lessons, I am your guy, and I am arrogant enough to say, nobody teaches it better.

I have the reviews to back me up!

What are other helpful suggestions, everybody?

As Dominant Gay Males, We Are Supposed To Know What We Are Doing

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Papa Tony:

As dominant gay males, we are supposed to KNOW what we are doing, as if it was built into our Y chromosome, and it’s NOT.  If we are clumsy, unsure or afraid of going too far, then we get ridiculed or scorned.

It takes a damn village to raise up a Sir to confidence, wisdom and success.  Many men don’t have anything like that kind of resource in the real world.  So, let’s go where men congregate in vast numbers (It used to be Tumblr).  Let’s find each other amidst all of the bullshit fantasy stroke-off porn, and talk about what is actually REAL.

Be as vulnerable as you want, and ask for HELP in understanding, and getting useful tips.
Be as anonymous as you want, but get answers from a group of wise, kind and long-time players that you won’t find in any other way.

Welcome, brothers.  Let’s talk, and grow as peers, together.

Make or Break

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dirtydaddythings: I use the terms Making a boy or Breaking a boy often and reblog things that have that topic in them because I believe both are integral parts of being a Daddy.

When I speak of ‘making a boy’ I am referring to the process of helping a younger man awaken to, and accept, the part of him that wants to be submissive or at least to learn from an older mentor/father figure/Daddy. It means we talk honestly, openly and with respect for both roles and he learns as much about them as we can cover. The rest he has to ask himself in private.

Making him isn’t about coercion, conversion or manipulation. That’s not a Daddy’s way. He must already BE a ‘boy’ before he can learn what it means to become one fully and become what makes him happy.

A major part of making a boy is his acceptance of his desires and the removal of any shame he feels for needing a “Daddy”. This is one of the big hurdles for a boy-to-be, along side doubt in their value as a boy, their attractiveness and other malignant thoughts about themselves that are deeper instilled than everyday stresses. These are lasting parts of him and are truly the source of the need for a Daddy to ‘discipline’ him and make him believe something else about himself. A key to this is the knowledge that his opinion of himself has no place in my presence because Daddy does not waste time on people without value to him.

He is there because I judge him worthy and that must become proof of his validity and potential. He’ll learn that my commands and reinforcement are there to guide him out of that shell, to make him comfortable in his own skin and to happily embrace his ‘boy- nature’. 

My example as a confident, Dominant, Daddy; that I am shameless when it comes to my role and refusal to accept outside pressure to be anyone but who i am, serves as a role he can model his own self value on. Making a boy is about ‘making him’ become his true self without shame, guilt or reservation. 

 


Breaking the boy is different from making him in many ways.It’s how I describe the removal of obstacles to him becoming himself and stepping into the role of ‘boy’ with confidence. There is so much heaped on us in the outside world that in order to experience the depth of release, pleasure and satisfaction I want to share with a boy that I have no choice but to break him of their influence. 

It can be a real challenge to move him from ‘adult’ to ‘boy’ by bringing him into that submissive headspace especially when those pressures are extreme and taxing on him. Sometimes those pressures are internal: depression, anxiety, self-esteem or body image problems or similar things.Those too remain inhibitions to his happiness and pleasure so it falls into my hands to break them even if only for a little while.

My Dominance, all the trappings and nuances of ‘the game’, is by design and intended to take him out of their world and bring him into mine. Breaking him is how I create that ‘safe space’ that he craves: a place where he is protected, nurtured, cared for, guided and loved. It’s a fantasy created by roles, but it’s not a lie. 

Those things are absolutely real when we are together in that way and over time they cease to be only when we play the game and become part of everyday life at home. They are the ‘lie’ we believe until it begins to become real and starts to change us outside those play times together. 

My goal, when I must break a boy, is to free him permanently from those things by giving him confidence, security and affection until (and long after) he’s put those things aside himself. I can’t ‘make him’ do that, he has to want to, and his desire to be my boy is a powerful motivator for change. 

 


The result of making and breaking a boy is that instead of someone standing in front of me who is afraid of what he needs and ashamed of his desires there is someone instead who is proud to be a boy, happy to be with his Daddy and takes joy AND solace in Daddy’s arms. 

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Papa Tony:

Really beautifully said.

Our lives, thoughts and upbringing have been constantly bombarded by toxic memes. It’s distressing. It reduces our pleasure in life. The process described by our brother @dirtydaddythings is a form of “reprogramming” the submissive with healthy, life-affirming memes, after reducing the effect of the bad ones. Soon, the good ones (with positive reinforcement) take over, and life gets so much better.

All that it takes is a friend, a social circle, a Dominant (or a sub) that cares enough to share what they have found in their quest for wisdom.

That’s what I have been doing on a constant basis. Not just with my subs, but with my community:

A much bigger version of this image can be found here. That pic shows one-seventh of the 695 men who attended one of our Movie Nights.

We all have egos, triggers and wounds from our pasts. I have a single-spaced list of grievances from my childhood as long as my arm, that could easily convince me to give up, be bitter and cynical, and give up on humanity. If I relied upon what I learned as a queer Catholic boy, I would have been dead decades ago.

Instead, I choose every day to be happy, to get over myself, and to be childlike, open and kind. Yes, there are bad people out there, and I will continue to warn newbies. The good news? The bad ones take up less than one percent. The vast majority of kinky gay men are starved for reasons to be the best men that they can be. They want it badly.

Given permission to be their best, most men stand taller, puff their chests out, and wag their tails like crazy to be one of many admirable, honorable, lovable and respectable men in a Tribe.

Submissive's Safety

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rbbrbkrbn: My default role is sub but because I was subjected to non-consensual activity, rape is the legal definition, although at that time male rape was not recognised as a crime. I was badly hurt mentally and less so physically by a top I thought of as a friend and mentor. Someone I trusted fully, I found it, and still do find it very hard to trust people to top me.

As a consequence I learned to top and and was taught by people who were safety conscious, and who thought of little details most would not even think about.

Use rope rather than chain because it is easier to cut than chain and you can put a quick release “slip” in the knot so when you pull the end the knot comes undone.

If you have someone standing release the feet first and get them to march on the spot. This returns pooled blood from the legs back into the general circulation. We have all seen guardsmen or soldiers on parade fainting because of this.

I always meet first time in public. When playing even if I have played with that person before I arrange with a friend that I will call them them when I leave safely. If I don’t call by the designated time they will call my phone and if answered ask to speak to me. I have a code phrase something like “everything is great” which means get me out of here. If no reply is received then then the police are called.

As a corollary i never pick up and take someone home from a club or bar. Friends were killed by Colin Ireland.

Another matter I find worrying is the number of subs wanting to be knocked out in breath play games. And worse “tops” who will do it. Once a person becomes unconscious things can go horribly wrong terribly fast as anyone with a modicum of medical knowledge will know…

The use of ethyl chloride, often marketed as maximum impact, and used instead of, or with poppers is extremely dangerous. It was banned in hospitals as an anaesthetic because on the unacceptably high death rate. Patients were dying and could not be resuscitated even with the resources of a hospital operating theatre. One breath can kill an otherwise healthy individual.

One of the things I specialise in when I top is breath control play. I was a senior diving instructor in BSAC and I was also an HSE first aid for divers instructor. I know how to resuscitate someone. I have done it for real three times. It is bloody hard work on your own. Now imagine you have someone in layers in a sleepsack - when every second counts.

Incidentally I would never leave someone on their back alone in a sleepsack. I had a scare. I was sleeping beside the guy and when he stopped breathing I had him out - yes he got tipped out of the sleepsack which was on the bed onto the floor and I had him breathing again in under a minute. He had sleep apnoea and didn’t know. To ensure he was OK I insisted on taking him to the accident and emergency department at the local hospital.

When I top I take my duty of care to a sub very seriously and will always seek expert medical help if I believe there is a problem EVEN IF THE SUB SAYS HE IS OK.

Bondage For Lazy Doms

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hadriantemple: Shibari is gorgeous to look at, but I find that it’s just too time-consuming for me. I like my bondage quick and dirty, so I have time to get to the fun stuff before the sub cramps up and I need to let him out.

Papa Tony:



I agree - Complex rope work is GREAT when you are doing a demo in a bar (so very decorative and impressive!). For myself, I am a lazy bastard. I want to get right TO it.

In the photo above this, you will see leather wrist-cuffs, joined by rope looped back and forth between them. I twist the rope to adjust the length, depending on the size of the sub.

The leg-spreader was rather expensive. I would have been just as happy with a cheaper knock-off like this one, found on Amazon. As a tradition, once I have locked the ankles into position, I throw the keys onto the floor a good fifteen feet away.

Total set-up time? Maybe two minutes. Onward to the FUN!

Real Life Is Not A Porn Video. Adjust Your Expectations Accordingly.

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Papa Tony: A man that I am mentoring says:

I had a lot of slave boys on Skype and used to make cam sessions but mostly humiliation and degradation of the slaves, not this other kind that i am discovering from u… That to be a Master u have to be compassionate, which i felt out of the place for feeling empathy with the slaves. 
In real life as i told have met only 5 sub guys of all ages and only with the last one who was older then me we met several times until he decided to ignore me without explanation. But ur blog and wisdom which comes from real experience has opened my eyes.
Initially the first days on Tumblr too, pages which suggested that subs are less than real men, just to be used and abused and thrown away etc etc.
Made me feel real bad. It’s true that i love humiliating, degrading make one feel less than me but just in role play not in real life. I am a tender person who cares deeply for the others and would never do something to make uncomfortable someone out of the play role.
Apparently the lack of experience made me so confused.  Those few man i met were in this kind of thing where u just had to use them and never look back at them. Hooked up with them online sites like cam4 etc
That’s why i think the last sub i had maybe is not attracted to me anymore because the last 2 times i asked him to stay over, and needed someone to take care too just a human being not a worthless piece of shit like he liked to be treated.
But apparently that was his choice of life which i don’t want. I like to be a jerk only in role play but not in real life. I try to do things even that I don’t like just because i know the sub would like it. I don’t like scat but some slaves like it and allowed them to clean my ass after taking a dump etc etc.I am really confused Tony, in this period. 
I have been in relationships only with woman and being kinky with these men i thought it was impossible to have a relationship with a man. Its been almost 3 years now without a relationship just sex and a year in gay sex. But lately feeling the need to share things with someone like in a real relationship

None of what you say surprises me.  You speak for many men.  Be assured that I can help you with thousands of questions. I probably need to write a book on JUST the topic of finding balance as a Sir, a lover and a good man.  I want to be an even stronger advocate in the world for being an Ethical Sadist, who can also be a sweetheart.

First, a book recommendation link:  King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, by Robert Moore.  Every time that I read it, I learn more about how to be a healthy, mature masculine man. I am a better Sir as a result.

Our kinky gay-male subculture is starving for leaders, role-models and mentors.  Do an experiment:  Do an Internet search for the phrase “tumblr kinky gay mentoring”  - The results are nearly all extreme fantasy crap that does not feed the soul of the sensitive, perceptive and ethical Sir.

The ONE exception that shows up?  Me.  My writings.  I’m it.  That’s an upsetting thing.  Some men who didn’t show up, but who SHOULD, are my good buddies @realpowerexchange and @Alexander Martin.  They are good men and fine Sirs who are just as committed to helping others have happier lives.

I’ve been saying for years that this is all because of AIDS.  The men who knew the most, were the first ones to die, and were not replaced.  So, two entire generations have risen up since those days without loving, kindly and wise mentors.  Dozens of such men used to be a BIG part of my own personal growth… and then they all died.

Tumblr is a SHITTY role-model.  When there is no other source of useful knowledge, no wonder there are so few long-term couples and Leather Families at Folsom Street Fair.  Just large amounts of men in great need of being claimed.

I am going to make a dangerous, risky declaration:

Kink, Leather and Fetish, done right, is just Extreme Intimacy.

Why would this be risky? Because the vast majority of the discussion online says that a Dom should be like a light switch:  always ready to turn on.  There is almost nothing out there on the Internet supporting the sensitive, perceptive Dom, who needs to be the full expression of a man:

On one end, vulnerable, and emotionally accessible.  On the other, hardcore Sadist - and, everywhere in between, as needed.

Any submissive who doesn’t know this needs to learn it, right now:  If you put your prospective Sir into a box of preconceptions and then nail down the cover, you are robbing yourself of a deep, long-term relationship.  If you want a perfect play-partner who never, ever fails you, I suggest getting one of these:

Okay.  I’m done complaining.  I just hear from so many lonely subs and Sirs.  I wish that I could take 100% of what I have learned and give it away, so that others can be just as satisfied and fulfilled.

There are TWO things, and two things ONLY, that cause long-term relationships to stay together forever.  Kindness and Generosity.  Science has proven this beyond all doubt.  Yes, you can have that, AND wildly kinky fun.  One does not preclude the other.  I can’t imagine what treating a sub like shit has to do with any of that.

I have a long-term husband (together 28 years) and two slaves (7.5 and 3.5 years).  We are in perfect harmony.  No bitchiness, no jealousy.  How do we manage this?  We have ALL read the Official Shop Manual for lifelong gay-male relationships:  The Male Couple - How Relationships Develop, by Drew Mattison and David MacWhirter.  It’s out of print, but widely available in used condition, online.  It helped all of us to get past insecurity/jealousy issues that our culture promotes.

I have had nineteen collared boys and six owned slaves since 1977.  I have never felt the desire to treat any of them like something that I would scrape off of my shoe, and THAT’S OKAY.  I grew up in a violently abusive childhood, and I know the cost of mental, physical, sexual and emotional cruelty.  So, I don’t do those things, and THAT’S OKAY, TOO.  Not being part of those stereotypes does not make me a bad, flawed, insufficient or fake Sir.

My mentoring articles reflect this same philosophy, and they go back many years.  My hope is to keep contributing to them for many MORE years.

I’m a really, REALLY good, satisfying and powerful Dom.  I am sensitive, perceptive, and a hell of a lot of creative fun.  If any of this sounds like you, then stick around, brother.  Send me questions.  I am a champion for men like us.