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Back to The Need For Daddies, or back to the Main Menu... What were the best parts of the 1970s? Some folks feel they miss the big, condom-free fuck-parties, so they brought those back. That's another topic entirely. Yes, the sex was hot, and I got more than my share. But there's no lack of sex in the 1990's. Orgasms are cheap, and very easily found these days. For me, what I miss the most is the sense of tribe - I felt like I was a valuable part of a community that dearly wanted me. We had leaders that were on the news every day, facing down our enemies. I had daddies that taught me about sex, relationships, and how to be a gay male in an unfriendly world. In the 70's, I also had the exciting feeling that we were all on an unstoppable, upward trend of political power and glory. Of course, everything changed, and we all know why - We started dying. Many men who would be leaders right now are dead, and the rest of us are shellshocked. The protease inhibitors brought many men back from the dead, but not all of the way. As I said before, I have lost over 100 men in my life - My daddies, my lovers, my best friends, and my "girlfriends". My tribe of gay leathermen was the first to go in the early 1980's. I gave myself the name of Papa Tony because my daddies aren't here to tell me that I've earned it. My heart tells me that it's time for me to believe that I deserve it. I shut down my life for twelve years, ending a year ago. I had stopped investing in friendships, because it felt like each time I did, they would die like the rest, or move away and be lost to me. I've been a man without a tribe, and it's horrid. The gay male community has a long, proud tradition of teaching less-experienced men how to get along well in the world, and then having them train the next generation in their turn. We have provided advice and financial (and sexual) insider's tips. When the epidemic scattered and destroyed so many of us, the cycle broke, and now we are facing a youth-oriented gay subculture that glorifies external perfection that can be attained by very few, sex without responsibility, money and drugs. There are many of us that know better. It's not possible to make everybody listen to the wiser heads among us, but we can establish trust with the younger men in our community, be their daddies in whatever degree, and convince them that we care whether they live or die - that can make all of the difference. We can't change the whole world. but we can change our part of it. It's WAY too easy to dismiss "the younger generation", saying that they simply don't care about anything that older men have to say. I don't agree with this - I get phone calls and e-mail every day from younger men who value having somebody around who simply cares about their well-being. I'm not just some sort of chicken-hawk, interested in having my way with them, and then throwing them away like a used condom. There just doesn't seem to be enough daddies to go around these days, are there? Actually, there are plenty, but they haven't been "annointed" by other Daddies. That's something we can easily do. First, we can get in touch with our inner Daddy. I'm proud to have gray hairs in my beard, high forehead a bit of a tummy, and all of the rest. What you see is what you get. I'm not anybody's 19-year-old, and I don't want to any more. I'm 43, damned good at being an openly gay leatherman, and I have good tips of all kinds for anybody who wants to learn. I'm a Daddy. As a Daddy, I warmly invite you to join me. I believe that you can help make a difference in our tribe, but never really thought of yourself this way. Our brothers need us. If you have been waiting for another lifetime to begin thinking of yourself this way, then here is your permission to be the best that you can be, for the sake of the community. Please don't wait for "somebody else"to make an effort - They won't. Change starts with you and me. I gave a Manhood Ceremony for my nephew for his sixteenth birthday, because I feel very strongly that the gesture of acceptance and love needs to be conscious, formalized and overt. There should be no doubt that someone belongs in a tribe. It provides stability in the newer generations, and assures continuity in future generations. I haven't heard of such rites in the leather community - Please help me find out more! Onward to Nostalgia Can Be a Trap...

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