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Redefining the Tribe

Back to Nostalgia Can Be a Trap, or back to the Main Menu...

In 1980, I was given the Rodney King Treatment by six cops. I had my nose and several ribs broken, many bruises and lacerations, and my eyes were blackened for several weeks. The cops came into the bar punching faggots just because they felt like it, and as soon as they chose me as the target for the evening, they attacked with boots and nightsticks.

I was thrown into jail and convicted for "resisting arrest" and "assaulting an officer", and the jury convicted me despite the fact that the arresting officer had 26 citizen's complaints against him for excessive force. Nowadays, we don't have to worry about sudden raids, brutality and open harassment by the police. This is the way things were, up until right around that point in history.

Times have changed... Have we?

25 years ago, it was common for my tribe of gay leathermen to reject anybody who wasn't like us. Our leather bars were like tree-houses with the ladder drawn up, and only white, gay leathermen were allowed inside. Women were "fish", black men were off somewhere else because they certainly weren't encouraged to show up at our bars, and "breeders" were not to be trusted. The end result was to provide a safe, comforting environment where we could finally relax.

25 years later, gay people are in the media, leatherfolks are everywhere on the Internet, there are cops marching in the Pride parades, and there is high-quality information available, now that the fundamentalists don't censor the media. Younger folks don't relate to our reasons for excluding others and protecting ourselves, and many of them hang out with a more diverse crowd.

Every Saturday night in San Diego, there is a dance-party called Sabbat - As far as I'm concerned, it's the long-term future of the leather scene. It's the direct opposite of the spirit of exclusion, with a mix of straight, gay, bi, transsexual (and who knows what else), adorned with leather, vinyl, latex, drag, tattoos, piercings, face-painting, glitter, Gothic and more.

I feel like a proud grandpa when I go to Sabbat, and I claim the whole crowd as my descendants. I can say this because I have been to Sabbat at least a dozen times. The folks there react differently to me, now that they know me. Having a big, Old-Guard leatherman appear among them in full gear is not something they are accustomed to seeing, because we tend to stay off in our own leather-bars.

What I've found, after establishing trust and friendships there, is that this younger generation STRONGLY craves the guidance and mentoring of the pioneering gay leathermen of my generation. They're hungry for Daddies, but don't even know enough to say it that way. I get approached by many younger folks there (of all kinds) who shyly ask me questions about flogging techniques, safe-words, and how to deal with stagnation in relationships. They may not share my sexual preferences, but they still want to learn from an experienced grownup who isn't just out to get something from them.

I'm familiar with all of the other leather/fetish organizations in town, and I visit each of their events as often as I can. I have an enormous number of friends and acquaintances who are very different from me, and my life is greatly enriched by them.

This makes me rather unusual in the community of gay leathermen - There are very few of us who make the effort to reach outside of our clearly-defined boundaries. I suspect that this is because we tend to define ourselves by our sexuality. If somebody is not an object of sexual desire, then why waste our time?

I liberated my dick twenty years ago, and I'm over it. Quality means more to me than quantity, friendships are more precious to me than faceless fucks, and I crave more than just the company of people who match me in every way. My tribe includes people that I can learn from, and people that want to learn from me, even if we never connect sexually. I'm committed to results, and to making a difference in the community. I am getting a lot of goodies as a result. I invite you to join me in opening up the definition of "Tribe" to include more diversity.

There are many, many diverse groups in town that are open to the leather/kink/fetish/BDSM community. To get a full listing, visit the PT website - It's a real eye-opener.

Onward to Arriving At Joy...

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