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By Sir Alex - (See other posts by Sir Alex):
I hear from a lot of frustrated submissives on tumblr. Boys who are having a hard time finding a Sir. That’s actually what prompted me to write this blog.
I had a time where I was having zero luck finding submissives and had no clue what if anything I was doing wrong. I concluded, that since I could not figure out what the problem could be, that I should instead focus on being the most appealing mate possible. If I spent time while depressed exercising, even if it didn’t make me feel better today, I would look better and feel better in the long run.
Once I’d wrapped my mind around that I realized it applied beyond exercise to other aspects of self improvement. I’m not saying that if you’re depressed that “all you have to do is exercise and go outdoors and everything will be magically better!” Depression is tougher than that. If it were a simple matter to fix it would not be such a widely discussed problem today. What I am saying is that taking whatever action you can manage now can hopefully mitigate problems later on. The work you do now could put you in a very good position later on. If you are experiencing depression seek professional help (if you can afford it) and do whatever you can to stay sane and with us.
I had a time where I was having zero luck finding submissives and had no clue what if anything I was doing wrong. I concluded, that since I could not figure out what the problem could be, that I should instead focus on being the most appealing mate possible. If I spent time while depressed exercising, even if it didn’t make me feel better today, I would look better and feel better in the long run.
Once I’d wrapped my mind around that I realized it applied beyond exercise to other aspects of self improvement. I’m not saying that if you’re depressed that “all you have to do is exercise and go outdoors and everything will be magically better!” Depression is tougher than that. If it were a simple matter to fix it would not be such a widely discussed problem today. What I am saying is that taking whatever action you can manage now can hopefully mitigate problems later on. The work you do now could put you in a very good position later on. If you are experiencing depression seek professional help (if you can afford it) and do whatever you can to stay sane and with us.
- Meditation: Meditation is my first recommendation for you because once practiced, meditation can be a good way of managing brooding. When I have a problem I tend to obsess over that problem. It is difficult to get it out of my mind. So here is the method I use to meditate. Sit down cross legged somewhere comfortable. Breathe in slowly on a 1-2-3-4-5 count up and out slowly on a 5-4-3-2-1 count down. Focus on the feeling of your breathe filling your lungs. We do this as a way of focusing on something rhythmic to keep your mind on other thoughts. After a 1-5 minutes you should feel rather calm (that’s the effect increased oxygen has on the brain). Now I want you to sit there and try hard to keep your mind clear. You may experience sensations like a brief pain in your extremities or back. That’s normal and OK. Just acknowledge the thoughts that come into your head and empty your mind again. If you experience any thoughts, do not get frustrated or emotional, acknowledge them calmly and push them out of your mind. Do your best to keep your mind as clear as you can for about 30 minutes.
As you get more practice doing it you can find that there is a sense of feeling recuperated. I would also advise you to practice maybe once or twice a week for 30 minutes. If you practice while you’re feeling ok, you’ll be better able to cope when stressed, sad, or depressed. Think of it like exercise for the mind.
- Cook: Learning to cook is useful because it gives you something to do with your hands that require a fair amount of concentration preventing you from mulling over your feelings. A higher quality of food is also quite satisfying as is a feeling of accomplishment you earn as your skills improve. Being able to cook a very nice meal for the Sir or boy you want to impress later on when you have someone in your life will make you very glad you spent the time early learning cooking.
- Exercise: I was pretty depressed about my weight a few years ago. Exercise supposedly produces a ton of endorphins that makes you feel better. That might be true for some people but I never managed to get addicted to physical activity. Exercise is worth it ultimately as the more fit you are in the younger years the better your body works as it ages. Not to mention that as gay men working on our bodies is very important for attracting other mates. Also, to all the bears out there, you can exercise and still maintain a bear body that you want. I’ve seen several articles on that very subject. You can be overweight and still be quite healthy.
- Read up on a subject that interests you: Outside of kinks I have a passion for astronomy. I was never very good at the math so I didn’t peruse it as a career path, but the bizarre worlds out there we’re discovering via exo planet research, to sugar floating in our galaxy, and diamond stars are all subjects that endlessly fascinate me. As far as kink goes I am able to write and talk about kink at length largely due to a lot of reading and a healthy body of experience and practice. Reading up on whatever subject gives you something to talk about. Passion is an oft cited point of attraction between partners.
- Cook: Learning to cook is useful because it gives you something to do with your hands that require a fair amount of concentration preventing you from mulling over your feelings. A higher quality of food is also quite satisfying as is a feeling of accomplishment you earn as your skills improve. Being able to cook a very nice meal for the Sir or boy you want to impress later on when you have someone in your life will make you very glad you spent the time early learning cooking.
- Exercise: I was pretty depressed about my weight a few years ago. Exercise supposedly produces a ton of endorphins that makes you feel better. That might be true for some people but I never managed to get addicted to physical activity. Exercise is worth it ultimately as the more fit you are in the younger years the better your body works as it ages. Not to mention that as gay men working on our bodies is very important for attracting other mates. Also, to all the bears out there, you can exercise and still maintain a bear body that you want. I’ve seen several articles on that very subject. You can be overweight and still be quite healthy.
- Read up on a subject that interests you: Outside of kinks I have a passion for astronomy. I was never very good at the math so I didn’t peruse it as a career path, but the bizarre worlds out there we’re discovering via exo planet research, to sugar floating in our galaxy, and diamond stars are all subjects that endlessly fascinate me. As far as kink goes I am able to write and talk about kink at length largely due to a lot of reading and a healthy body of experience and practice. Reading up on whatever subject gives you something to talk about. Passion is an oft cited point of attraction between partners.
Have a question or need a friendly ear?
Ask me anything about BDSM at BDSMadviceAlex AT gmail DOT com!
And please, repost my answer if you liked it so others who need to hear this can find it.
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