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By Sir Alex - (See other posts by Sir Alex):
Time for another brain-storming session. As with my past writings, I will write for exactly 5 minutes coming up with every term I can think of. When the timer is done, I’ll go back and add as many definitions as I know for each word.
As with any terminology that is not scientific there’s room for interpretation and I’m not claiming to be Merriam or Webster. But this should be a good jumping off point to introduce you to new kinks that you may not have heard of but may interest you.
- Bagging: Bagging is the use of a plastic bag during breath play to cause asphyxiation. The other most common tool is using gas masks because you can cease air intake or restore air intake VERY easily.
- Ball Weights: The purpose of ball weights is to cause a consistent pull on a man’s balls. For some men the pressure feels good and others like to stretch their balls so they’re low hanging as it is considered aesthetically pleasing. Ball weights come in a variety of forms. There is a “parachute” to which is attached weights of various sizes. There are also hinged or magnetic stretchers that are attached above the balls to put weight on them.
- Bondage: Bondage is the use of ropes or restraints to inhibit movement in the person being bound. For rope tops that practice bondage, skill is a major factor. Being able to tie ropes in a way that is both aesthetically pleasing and secure is a sign of someone with a lot of practice. A rope top able to do suspension is also a sign of skill. It is most common to hear bondage refer to rope and restraints refer to leather, neoprene, or metal gear that restrict movement. While not relevant to the definition of the word, if you experience loss of sensation in a restrained area while bottoming in bondage… tell your top immediately. Prolonged loss of feeling can result in nerve damage if left for a long time.
- Boot Blacking: Boot blackers care for leather gear. Obviously, they most often spend time caring for boots and making sure they are well maintained so they last well. Boot blackers are often submissives who relish the service and the chance to work on a wide variety of gear. Dominants may also have a great affinity for their own gear and take a great deal of care with it.
- Bottom: A bottom is another term for a submissive. Bottom as a term is also often paired with a variety of terms to indicate they are the recipient of an action. Examples: Pain bottom, Rope bottom, Sensation bottom. Bottom may also refer (in the gay community) to a recipient of anal sex and I believe the origin of the term in American slang originates from the bdsm community.
- Breath Play: Breath play involves the asphyxiation of the bottom. The asphyxiation of the bottom causes a euphoria brought on by low oxygen levels to the brain. That euphoria is said to also enhance sex or masturbation and is also said to be addictive. Breath play is unfortunately the source of a number of deaths as often someone engaging in breath play does so alone and then a slip during the low oxygen state may render the breath player unable to escape. Breath play is (obviously) extremely dangerous. I implore anyone reading with an interest to only engage in breath play with a partner you know and trust VERY well and to never breath play alone.
- Cane: A cane is usually made of a flexible, thin, plastic or wood. It is used in impact and pain play.
- CBT: An acronym for Cock and Ball Torture that covers a wide range of genital pain intensities. In fact depending on the person you’re talking to “torture” may be a misnomer. There are people who engage in CBT who merely like their cock or balls tugged on. There are also folks who like CBT who take it quite far. In the interest of not disturbing readers I will refrain from mentioning the more extreme examples of CBT I’ve seen. I would ask anyone into CBT to define their interest.
- Chastity Play: Chastity play involves the denial of orgasm. The method varies. Cages are most common whether they are plastic or metal. They often involve locks and the key(s) to which is often given to a key holder. Some men engage in chastity through sheer will power without the help of cages and locks. Chastity’s duration varies from a short time (a few days to a week) to “forever”. As the duration varies the intensity also varies, shorter durations are usually a sign that a chastity player enjoys the “pay off” of a long denied orgasm. Longer or “infinite” duration chastity folk often have a philosophy around their play: “I’m not worthy of passing on my inferior genetics.” or “My master’s dick is all that matters.”
- Crop: Crops are similar to canes in that they are long, flexible, and thin. Historically they are used to inflict pain upon horses as a signal from rider to horse to go faster. Crops tend to have a leather strip or two at the end of the cane.
- Degradation: Degradation is an erotic fixation on being treated with contempt or disrespect. Being degraded is the goal itself. There is no “end point” just a constant process of insult and disrespect.
- Dehumanization: Dehumanization is the process of using disrespect and control to cause a person to stop recognizing themselves as a person. Dehumanization is related to degradation. Both use disrespect and contempt to break down a person’s societal conditioning to the state of an “object”. Often the goal is to have a submissive behave exactly as told with no thought or care on an order except absolute obedience no matter what the order is.
- Dominant: A dominant is an individual who gets sexual arousal from exerting sexual dominance over his partner. The expressions of that dominance are too numerous to mention although many of the terms and interests mentioned here have dominant and submissive aspects to them.
- Edging: Edging is the practice of masturbating to the brink of orgasm but backing off before orgasm can be achieved. Edging is involved in a series of teasing (masturbation as if orgasm will be achieved) and then denial (backing off before orgasm is achieved) because over time the
- Electro Play: Electro play is play involving electricity delivered via either via a Tens Unit or a violet wand. The electricity makes for very intense experiences which can be painful. It also delivers a very intense and persistent stimulation. It is possible to shock a cock into ejaculation which is incredibly intense due to the electricity with little variance.
- Financial Dominance: Financial Dominance involves a Dominant who extracts money from a submissive for their mutual sexual gratification. The payments can be small or large. Financial dominance has taken off a lot with the internet and ways for people to pay remotely. As a result the dominants take a lot of photographs to show off the wealth being spent.
- Fisting: Fisting is the act of a dominant taking his fist and shoving it up his submissive’s ass. The dominant uses some sort of lubricant such as lubricants designed specifically for fisting or sometimes Crisco. Although fisting usually only involves one fist/arm it can involve two for very experienced fisting bottoms. Part of the appeal of fisting for the bottom is the ability to stretch his body’s limit. The appeal for the top is the control he has in being able to force the bottom to take such a large part of his body.
- Flogging: Flogging is the act of using a flogger or cat of nine tails to strike a submissive repeatedly. The pain is more spread out and can be more or less intense depending on how you’re hit. The tips can be a light impact or the entire weight of the material can slap against the skin.
- Human Furniture: This is the act of a submissive getting on the ground and serving as a piece of furniture. Examples include a footstool, a coffee table, and a pillow. It is often related to humiliation or degradation.
- Humiliation: Humiliation is sexual satisfaction derived from being humiliated by another. For a dominant the appeal can be the power in acting poorly to someone else but being so “hot and desirable” that the person being humiliated simply craves more. Submissives crave humiliation on a specific front such as “being less than” the dominant or “having a small dick” for example.
- Impact Play: Impact play is an umbrella term for pain play where the pain is derived from impact by an implement. See canes and crops.
- Key Holder: A key holder is the person who is holding a key to a lock on a chastity cage. There are services which will hold keys for a fee and for a set duration. Key holders can also be unsuspecting people. For example you might give an envelope for a month to a friend.
- Masochist: A masochist is someone who takes pleasure in receiving pain. While they still experience pain, it heightens the pleasure afterwards since the neurons are in a heightened state when in pain. See my article on “Why I am a fan of pain” for more info
- Mind Fucks: A mind fuck is an experience crafted by a dominant to frighten or fuck with his boy’s sense of safety for sexual gratification. For a dominant the enjoyment can be derived from being a crazy fucker and being able to laugh about it. For the submissive there can be excitement in never knowing what your dominant will do, but as surprising or scary as the situation is knowing that you’re completely safe every time.
- Mummification: Mummification is encasing a submissive inside of a material such that they cannot move at all. Often times the mummification leaves the submissive’s cock and balls available for stimulation or punishment. Mummification is often so complete that only the nose is exposed.
- Objectification: The process of reducing a human down to a mere object. Objectification is closely in line with dehumanization.
- Pain Play: The use of pain for the sexual gratification of the recipient and the inflictor of pain. Also see impact play.
- Pup Play: Pup play revolves around sexual gratification from behaving as a puppy as a means of behaving in a submissive head space. Pups can behave dominantly towards other pups as per the pack psychology you can find in biology books (i.e. alpha, beta, and omega).
- Rim Seat: A seat like a toilet seat that has a hole in the bottom so that someone can easily eat your ass out.
- Rimming: The act of using one’s tongue to stimulate another person’s ass.
- Sadist: A sadist derives sexual pleasure from inflicting pain. Not all dominants are sadists. Not all sadists are dominants.
- Safe Word: A safe word is a word that when uttered lets a dominant know his submissive needs to stop. Some dominants use two safe words. One for “I need a break” and the other for “I need out immediately”. After all, while a sub’s safety is paramount, it’s nice to not have to destroy a toy you love because you thought a situation is less serious than you thought it was.
- Sensation Play: Sensation play often involves blindfolds. The idea is to shut down other senses such as sight and hearing to heighten the sense of touch. Once that is accomplished, tickling, rubbing, light touches, feathers, and lips are dragged across the skin to create interesting sensations. It is a very intimate experience.
- Skull Fucking: Skull fucking is brutal oral sex wherein the top simply jams his cock down the recipient’s throat. Typically the skull fucker grabs his partner’s skull and holds it still to control the sensations.
- Sounding: Sounding uses metal rods of varying lengths, thicknesses, and bends. The rod is lubricated and inserted into the urethra. Fans of sounding say that they enjoy the sensation of something sliding into their cock. Some enjoy the idea of their cock (a tool for fucking) being penetrated instead.
- Submissive: A person who enjoys being sexually dominated. The exact nature of the domination varies wildly from person to person as this list clearly shows.
- Suspension: The act of using rope bondage to create a scaffolding of sorts across a person’s body, that they may be suspended from the ceiling. The suspension also involves restricted movement on the part of the person being suspended. After all, if they could struggle out of it, they may suddenly find themselves in a position where they slip, cannot free themselves, and end up cutting off circulation to a body part which can result in nerve damage.
- Switch: A switch is capable of switching between dominant or submissive. I am told that switches often size up each person and decides whether or not they feel dominant or submissive to that person. The important thing is that a switch may not feel submissive to a dominant or dominant to a submissive.
- Tit Torture: Like CBT torture may be a misnomer. Tit torture is the act of aggressively stimulating someone’s nipples. There are guys out there who really do like their stimulation so aggressive that it does border on torture. So ask for more information rather than assuming.
- Top: A top is the person who does the kink or activity. Top is a descriptor attached to kink to show that the top is the active participant. For example: Rope top, cane top, whip top, or paddling top.
- Varsity Level Kink: A varsity level kink (like the sport) is a more advanced kink where knowledge is important to ensure the safety of the bottom involved. Breath play qualifies on the danger side of the equation. This term is also sometimes used to describe a kink that is uncommon enough that it one is socially allowed to simply beg out without trying it even once.
- Water Sports: Water sports is when one urinates in or on another person. I would recommend using the tub to prevent a mess to clean up later.
- Wax Play: Wax play is when a candle is lit and the hot wax is poured on the bottom. The sensation is sharp but fades very rapidly as the wax cools. It also leaves a small red circle around the site where the wax landed for an hour or two. Care should be taken to use wax on areas where skin is thicker like thighs rather than genitals or the ball sack. The thinner skin can transfer the heat to whatever lies underneath the surface and what would be a minor injury can hurt a lot more than expected.
As with any terminology that is not scientific there’s room for interpretation and I’m not claiming to be Merriam or Webster. But this should be a good jumping off point to introduce you to new kinks that you may not have heard of but may interest you.
- Bagging: Bagging is the use of a plastic bag during breath play to cause asphyxiation. The other most common tool is using gas masks because you can cease air intake or restore air intake VERY easily.
- Ball Weights: The purpose of ball weights is to cause a consistent pull on a man’s balls. For some men the pressure feels good and others like to stretch their balls so they’re low hanging as it is considered aesthetically pleasing. Ball weights come in a variety of forms. There is a “parachute” to which is attached weights of various sizes. There are also hinged or magnetic stretchers that are attached above the balls to put weight on them.
- Bondage: Bondage is the use of ropes or restraints to inhibit movement in the person being bound. For rope tops that practice bondage, skill is a major factor. Being able to tie ropes in a way that is both aesthetically pleasing and secure is a sign of someone with a lot of practice. A rope top able to do suspension is also a sign of skill. It is most common to hear bondage refer to rope and restraints refer to leather, neoprene, or metal gear that restrict movement. While not relevant to the definition of the word, if you experience loss of sensation in a restrained area while bottoming in bondage… tell your top immediately. Prolonged loss of feeling can result in nerve damage if left for a long time.
- Boot Blacking: Boot blackers care for leather gear. Obviously, they most often spend time caring for boots and making sure they are well maintained so they last well. Boot blackers are often submissives who relish the service and the chance to work on a wide variety of gear. Dominants may also have a great affinity for their own gear and take a great deal of care with it.
- Bottom: A bottom is another term for a submissive. Bottom as a term is also often paired with a variety of terms to indicate they are the recipient of an action. Examples: Pain bottom, Rope bottom, Sensation bottom. Bottom may also refer (in the gay community) to a recipient of anal sex and I believe the origin of the term in American slang originates from the bdsm community.
- Breath Play: Breath play involves the asphyxiation of the bottom. The asphyxiation of the bottom causes a euphoria brought on by low oxygen levels to the brain. That euphoria is said to also enhance sex or masturbation and is also said to be addictive. Breath play is unfortunately the source of a number of deaths as often someone engaging in breath play does so alone and then a slip during the low oxygen state may render the breath player unable to escape. Breath play is (obviously) extremely dangerous. I implore anyone reading with an interest to only engage in breath play with a partner you know and trust VERY well and to never breath play alone.
- Cane: A cane is usually made of a flexible, thin, plastic or wood. It is used in impact and pain play.
- CBT: An acronym for Cock and Ball Torture that covers a wide range of genital pain intensities. In fact depending on the person you’re talking to “torture” may be a misnomer. There are people who engage in CBT who merely like their cock or balls tugged on. There are also folks who like CBT who take it quite far. In the interest of not disturbing readers I will refrain from mentioning the more extreme examples of CBT I’ve seen. I would ask anyone into CBT to define their interest.
- Chastity Play: Chastity play involves the denial of orgasm. The method varies. Cages are most common whether they are plastic or metal. They often involve locks and the key(s) to which is often given to a key holder. Some men engage in chastity through sheer will power without the help of cages and locks. Chastity’s duration varies from a short time (a few days to a week) to “forever”. As the duration varies the intensity also varies, shorter durations are usually a sign that a chastity player enjoys the “pay off” of a long denied orgasm. Longer or “infinite” duration chastity folk often have a philosophy around their play: “I’m not worthy of passing on my inferior genetics.” or “My master’s dick is all that matters.”
- Crop: Crops are similar to canes in that they are long, flexible, and thin. Historically they are used to inflict pain upon horses as a signal from rider to horse to go faster. Crops tend to have a leather strip or two at the end of the cane.
- Degradation: Degradation is an erotic fixation on being treated with contempt or disrespect. Being degraded is the goal itself. There is no “end point” just a constant process of insult and disrespect.
- Dehumanization: Dehumanization is the process of using disrespect and control to cause a person to stop recognizing themselves as a person. Dehumanization is related to degradation. Both use disrespect and contempt to break down a person’s societal conditioning to the state of an “object”. Often the goal is to have a submissive behave exactly as told with no thought or care on an order except absolute obedience no matter what the order is.
- Dominant: A dominant is an individual who gets sexual arousal from exerting sexual dominance over his partner. The expressions of that dominance are too numerous to mention although many of the terms and interests mentioned here have dominant and submissive aspects to them.
- Edging: Edging is the practice of masturbating to the brink of orgasm but backing off before orgasm can be achieved. Edging is involved in a series of teasing (masturbation as if orgasm will be achieved) and then denial (backing off before orgasm is achieved) because over time the
- Electro Play: Electro play is play involving electricity delivered via either via a Tens Unit or a violet wand. The electricity makes for very intense experiences which can be painful. It also delivers a very intense and persistent stimulation. It is possible to shock a cock into ejaculation which is incredibly intense due to the electricity with little variance.
- Financial Dominance: Financial Dominance involves a Dominant who extracts money from a submissive for their mutual sexual gratification. The payments can be small or large. Financial dominance has taken off a lot with the internet and ways for people to pay remotely. As a result the dominants take a lot of photographs to show off the wealth being spent.
- Fisting: Fisting is the act of a dominant taking his fist and shoving it up his submissive’s ass. The dominant uses some sort of lubricant such as lubricants designed specifically for fisting or sometimes Crisco. Although fisting usually only involves one fist/arm it can involve two for very experienced fisting bottoms. Part of the appeal of fisting for the bottom is the ability to stretch his body’s limit. The appeal for the top is the control he has in being able to force the bottom to take such a large part of his body.
- Flogging: Flogging is the act of using a flogger or cat of nine tails to strike a submissive repeatedly. The pain is more spread out and can be more or less intense depending on how you’re hit. The tips can be a light impact or the entire weight of the material can slap against the skin.
- Human Furniture: This is the act of a submissive getting on the ground and serving as a piece of furniture. Examples include a footstool, a coffee table, and a pillow. It is often related to humiliation or degradation.
- Humiliation: Humiliation is sexual satisfaction derived from being humiliated by another. For a dominant the appeal can be the power in acting poorly to someone else but being so “hot and desirable” that the person being humiliated simply craves more. Submissives crave humiliation on a specific front such as “being less than” the dominant or “having a small dick” for example.
- Impact Play: Impact play is an umbrella term for pain play where the pain is derived from impact by an implement. See canes and crops.
- Key Holder: A key holder is the person who is holding a key to a lock on a chastity cage. There are services which will hold keys for a fee and for a set duration. Key holders can also be unsuspecting people. For example you might give an envelope for a month to a friend.
- Masochist: A masochist is someone who takes pleasure in receiving pain. While they still experience pain, it heightens the pleasure afterwards since the neurons are in a heightened state when in pain. See my article on “Why I am a fan of pain” for more info
- Mind Fucks: A mind fuck is an experience crafted by a dominant to frighten or fuck with his boy’s sense of safety for sexual gratification. For a dominant the enjoyment can be derived from being a crazy fucker and being able to laugh about it. For the submissive there can be excitement in never knowing what your dominant will do, but as surprising or scary as the situation is knowing that you’re completely safe every time.
- Mummification: Mummification is encasing a submissive inside of a material such that they cannot move at all. Often times the mummification leaves the submissive’s cock and balls available for stimulation or punishment. Mummification is often so complete that only the nose is exposed.
- Objectification: The process of reducing a human down to a mere object. Objectification is closely in line with dehumanization.
- Pain Play: The use of pain for the sexual gratification of the recipient and the inflictor of pain. Also see impact play.
- Pup Play: Pup play revolves around sexual gratification from behaving as a puppy as a means of behaving in a submissive head space. Pups can behave dominantly towards other pups as per the pack psychology you can find in biology books (i.e. alpha, beta, and omega).
- Rim Seat: A seat like a toilet seat that has a hole in the bottom so that someone can easily eat your ass out.
- Rimming: The act of using one’s tongue to stimulate another person’s ass.
- Sadist: A sadist derives sexual pleasure from inflicting pain. Not all dominants are sadists. Not all sadists are dominants.
- Safe Word: A safe word is a word that when uttered lets a dominant know his submissive needs to stop. Some dominants use two safe words. One for “I need a break” and the other for “I need out immediately”. After all, while a sub’s safety is paramount, it’s nice to not have to destroy a toy you love because you thought a situation is less serious than you thought it was.
- Sensation Play: Sensation play often involves blindfolds. The idea is to shut down other senses such as sight and hearing to heighten the sense of touch. Once that is accomplished, tickling, rubbing, light touches, feathers, and lips are dragged across the skin to create interesting sensations. It is a very intimate experience.
- Skull Fucking: Skull fucking is brutal oral sex wherein the top simply jams his cock down the recipient’s throat. Typically the skull fucker grabs his partner’s skull and holds it still to control the sensations.
- Sounding: Sounding uses metal rods of varying lengths, thicknesses, and bends. The rod is lubricated and inserted into the urethra. Fans of sounding say that they enjoy the sensation of something sliding into their cock. Some enjoy the idea of their cock (a tool for fucking) being penetrated instead.
- Submissive: A person who enjoys being sexually dominated. The exact nature of the domination varies wildly from person to person as this list clearly shows.
- Suspension: The act of using rope bondage to create a scaffolding of sorts across a person’s body, that they may be suspended from the ceiling. The suspension also involves restricted movement on the part of the person being suspended. After all, if they could struggle out of it, they may suddenly find themselves in a position where they slip, cannot free themselves, and end up cutting off circulation to a body part which can result in nerve damage.
- Switch: A switch is capable of switching between dominant or submissive. I am told that switches often size up each person and decides whether or not they feel dominant or submissive to that person. The important thing is that a switch may not feel submissive to a dominant or dominant to a submissive.
- Tit Torture: Like CBT torture may be a misnomer. Tit torture is the act of aggressively stimulating someone’s nipples. There are guys out there who really do like their stimulation so aggressive that it does border on torture. So ask for more information rather than assuming.
- Top: A top is the person who does the kink or activity. Top is a descriptor attached to kink to show that the top is the active participant. For example: Rope top, cane top, whip top, or paddling top.
- Varsity Level Kink: A varsity level kink (like the sport) is a more advanced kink where knowledge is important to ensure the safety of the bottom involved. Breath play qualifies on the danger side of the equation. This term is also sometimes used to describe a kink that is uncommon enough that it one is socially allowed to simply beg out without trying it even once.
- Water Sports: Water sports is when one urinates in or on another person. I would recommend using the tub to prevent a mess to clean up later.
- Wax Play: Wax play is when a candle is lit and the hot wax is poured on the bottom. The sensation is sharp but fades very rapidly as the wax cools. It also leaves a small red circle around the site where the wax landed for an hour or two. Care should be taken to use wax on areas where skin is thicker like thighs rather than genitals or the ball sack. The thinner skin can transfer the heat to whatever lies underneath the surface and what would be a minor injury can hurt a lot more than expected.
Have a question or need a friendly ear?
Ask me anything about BDSM at BDSMadviceAlex AT gmail DOT com!
And please, repost my answer if you liked it so others who need to hear this can find it.
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